S
SB
Junior member
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2009
- Messages
- 1
- Location
- north eastern MA, USA
I am writing this as a mid-twenties autistic person who is only somewhat-aware half of the time, but this is a moment I am recognizing I need help, and would like to kno how I could find it.
First, I haven't been to any dentist in years, but I might have to force myself soon, since due to a combination of bad genetics and mental deficiencies, my mouth has seemingly become unbearably infected or otherwise terminal. But one of the main issues that kept me from seeking dental help before, is that I cannot breathe with my mouth "wide open" (either thru my nose or that mouth, and even moreso I cannot keep my mouth "wide open" without me freaking out, and my tongue is very hyperactive in general as well) and I am also extremely *sensitive* to pain- I would need to be completely knocked out (unconscious, not awake, as close to brain-dead as possible) before anyone even touches my mouth, since novacaine or anything similar seems to only amplify pain & numbness, and the mere thought of dentist-y gloves (or anyone else's fingers in general) touching me and or my mouth, makes me convulse uncontrollably (while awake).
So my main question is.. Is there anyone who could provide me the set-up I need to get treatment? (ie, being completely knocked out before even being touched)
And second, I am completely alone offline. Amidst my various problems, I do manage to get by enough to be moderately "fulfilled" in what I "want out of life" (staying at my desk 24/7, just reading. I have no need for anything more than that- it is only here that I am fully at peace), buuut I am pretty much *crap* at taking care of myself physically and health-wise. I'm not "aware" of time passing, and I generally don't like to sleep (except I can do that perfectly fine- all I have to do is lay my head down / back anywhere and I'd be asleep within minutes, heh, for six to eight hours), and I don't like to eat, either.
Well, I never feel a need to, at least not from where you're supposed to (your stomach? etc); for me the only time I've ever "felt hungry" is when my mouth is craving something (my tongue is somewhat hyperactive- to keep it satiated at night when it's really restless, I will usually sleep with a stick or two of Trident). I can go a day or two (sometimes more) without food and feel no different. So I basically eat about once a day, on average (usually it's items like, grilled / baked chicken from a package and sometimes BagelBites, sometimes steamed broccoli / etc, sometimes PastaRoni, anything with mozzarella cheese, and my main snack vices are Junior Mints and anything Hershey, and that's it; for drinks, it's always waterwaterwater (I refill a 24oz bottle 5-8x/day), milk, and sometimes gingerale)..
But I am also very overweight, since I do not ever exercise and haven't for quite a while. I stopped at some point since it was too painful (altho I was accused of "just being lazy", that was far from the truth) but now of course, the pain is really only worse. Altho I've tried to make myself stick to a schedule to start up again, despite conflicting general advice (work thru the pain, pain means you should stop), but as always, time passes by without me ever noticing, and before I kno it, weeks, months, etc have passed and I've gotten nowhere, again.
And I am nowhere near as "smart" or "aware" as I sound from my typing, at least not on my own. This is also why I not only cannot do the things to keep myself healthy (eating / brushing / exercising regularly, etc), but I cannot even do the things I like to do (keeping up with reading, watching things, I cannot create things I want to create, even tho I get ideas, I lack the ability to *create* them, which is also a result of having no imagination either). So it's not just "laziness" but a culmination of various problems. I really wish someone would understand the difference without casting judgement.. there's nothing more unnerving to my emotional instability as someone looking down on me for things I cannot control (when I obviously would if I could, control them).
Lastly, no, I have do not have any family. Nor do I have any local friends. I get by from death benefits from my father (heart attack when I was little), which is barely enough to pay the rent & ultilies every month (altho I am in low-income housing, you kno how things are / can be) and food stamps (like I said, I mostly buy milk and chicken stuff, I don't really cook tho). I am completely on my own. While yes, I am somewhat of a hermit / ppl-phobe.. I am still a generally friendly person when around nice ppl.
But no matter how outgoing I try to be (putting myself in offline social situations, etc), I can never find someone who understands me. I always end up disconnected becuz ppl can't get past my physical faults.
So there you have it. How is a person who is this much cut off from the outside world, ever able to find help? Or am I just doomed?
Thank you for your time. - SB
First, I haven't been to any dentist in years, but I might have to force myself soon, since due to a combination of bad genetics and mental deficiencies, my mouth has seemingly become unbearably infected or otherwise terminal. But one of the main issues that kept me from seeking dental help before, is that I cannot breathe with my mouth "wide open" (either thru my nose or that mouth, and even moreso I cannot keep my mouth "wide open" without me freaking out, and my tongue is very hyperactive in general as well) and I am also extremely *sensitive* to pain- I would need to be completely knocked out (unconscious, not awake, as close to brain-dead as possible) before anyone even touches my mouth, since novacaine or anything similar seems to only amplify pain & numbness, and the mere thought of dentist-y gloves (or anyone else's fingers in general) touching me and or my mouth, makes me convulse uncontrollably (while awake).
So my main question is.. Is there anyone who could provide me the set-up I need to get treatment? (ie, being completely knocked out before even being touched)
And second, I am completely alone offline. Amidst my various problems, I do manage to get by enough to be moderately "fulfilled" in what I "want out of life" (staying at my desk 24/7, just reading. I have no need for anything more than that- it is only here that I am fully at peace), buuut I am pretty much *crap* at taking care of myself physically and health-wise. I'm not "aware" of time passing, and I generally don't like to sleep (except I can do that perfectly fine- all I have to do is lay my head down / back anywhere and I'd be asleep within minutes, heh, for six to eight hours), and I don't like to eat, either.
Well, I never feel a need to, at least not from where you're supposed to (your stomach? etc); for me the only time I've ever "felt hungry" is when my mouth is craving something (my tongue is somewhat hyperactive- to keep it satiated at night when it's really restless, I will usually sleep with a stick or two of Trident). I can go a day or two (sometimes more) without food and feel no different. So I basically eat about once a day, on average (usually it's items like, grilled / baked chicken from a package and sometimes BagelBites, sometimes steamed broccoli / etc, sometimes PastaRoni, anything with mozzarella cheese, and my main snack vices are Junior Mints and anything Hershey, and that's it; for drinks, it's always waterwaterwater (I refill a 24oz bottle 5-8x/day), milk, and sometimes gingerale)..
But I am also very overweight, since I do not ever exercise and haven't for quite a while. I stopped at some point since it was too painful (altho I was accused of "just being lazy", that was far from the truth) but now of course, the pain is really only worse. Altho I've tried to make myself stick to a schedule to start up again, despite conflicting general advice (work thru the pain, pain means you should stop), but as always, time passes by without me ever noticing, and before I kno it, weeks, months, etc have passed and I've gotten nowhere, again.
And I am nowhere near as "smart" or "aware" as I sound from my typing, at least not on my own. This is also why I not only cannot do the things to keep myself healthy (eating / brushing / exercising regularly, etc), but I cannot even do the things I like to do (keeping up with reading, watching things, I cannot create things I want to create, even tho I get ideas, I lack the ability to *create* them, which is also a result of having no imagination either). So it's not just "laziness" but a culmination of various problems. I really wish someone would understand the difference without casting judgement.. there's nothing more unnerving to my emotional instability as someone looking down on me for things I cannot control (when I obviously would if I could, control them).
Lastly, no, I have do not have any family. Nor do I have any local friends. I get by from death benefits from my father (heart attack when I was little), which is barely enough to pay the rent & ultilies every month (altho I am in low-income housing, you kno how things are / can be) and food stamps (like I said, I mostly buy milk and chicken stuff, I don't really cook tho). I am completely on my own. While yes, I am somewhat of a hermit / ppl-phobe.. I am still a generally friendly person when around nice ppl.
But no matter how outgoing I try to be (putting myself in offline social situations, etc), I can never find someone who understands me. I always end up disconnected becuz ppl can't get past my physical faults. So there you have it. How is a person who is this much cut off from the outside world, ever able to find help? Or am I just doomed?
Thank you for your time. - SB
