Ooops - it didnt go very well at all

Hi, I'm new here. The reason I have just registered because I have just returned from a first visit to the dentist in years. There were two reasons that I managed to find myself with an appointment in the first place:-
1. I found an NHS dentist for my husband. After his treatment, he registered my name too.
2. I gave up smoking a year ago and felt I deserved to have my teeth clean and polished.
The appointment was a disaster. Walking to the consulting room felt like a journey along a tunnel. I could barely speak, I couldnt stop staring at the chair and when it reclined I remained bolt upright. I allowed the dentist to look in my mouth with his little mirror and blow some air onto my teeth but all the while the panic was building which exploded in my bursting into tears when he fished out his pointed metal probe, I remember pushing his hands away (as though he were about to murder me) - Well, that was it - I couldnt get out quickly enough. I did manage to agree to see the hygienest and need help to overcome my fear enough to see her. This entire situation is so stupid, however I am surprised that I found that I had absolutely no control over the way I was reacting to the situation despite feeling fairly calm in the waiting room. Oh dear what a mess.

Hey, don't worry, that's how I always act when I see my dentist too. I cry, I push her hands away - she keeps saying I act like a little baby when I do that... But it's normal for us. Fear just takes control over us, little phobics, and there's nothing we can do about it XD.

I have one rule - never be ashamed about something you can't control at all, even if you tried.

Sorry that things didn't go so well, but maybe the hygienist won't be quite as scary. It is eventually possible to learn to control your fear, I know it's hard as I used to behave in the way you're describing, and a dentist refused to treat me any more because of it, which led to losing the tooth in the end. I never, ever look at what is being done, especially the needles. I close my eyes firmly from start to finish and try to concentrate on relaxing my stomach so that I can breath properly and not panic. Hopefully the hygienist will be able to help you learn to relax a bit and have a clean and polish. Cleaning and polishing shouldn't hurt if you've got OK teeth as it doesn't feel hugely different from cleaning your teeth at home, it's only when you've got a less healthy mouth like mine is nowadays that you get discomfort, I think, from my own experience over the years.

I'm also sorry to hear that your appointment didn't go well. The problem with a phobia is that it's so irrational and it's such a basic feeling to just want to run away from whatever sets off a panic. I am sure the dentist has had many other people react just how you did as it's a perfect example of the 'fight or flight' response that you get from that surge of adrenaline.

It's definately true that the hygienist appointment should be much better as she will just be cleaning your teeth and it shouldn't take very long. I would suggest taking some 'props' with you to distract yourself. I always fill my bag with my newspaper, a book, my iPod, a bracelet to fiddle with when I start to feel myself get anxious.

You could also ask for some medication to take before you go that will relax you. Most GP's or even the dentist themselves, will prescribe you a few benzos to get you through an appointment.

Thanks for your replies.
I did wonder if the hygienist appointment would help me gain some confidence and I didnt know that I may be able to get something to help me relax a bit. I remember years ago, I was given a fairly strong sedative which meant that I had to be escorted home afterwards but I didnt think that it was available anymore.
I have to say that I was surprised by the strength of my reaction and that I could do nothing to prevent it - it was a very instinctive reaction and the worst one I have ever experienced despite avoiding the dentist for years now, I thought I would have been a bit more in control and sensible at my age.

I hate that metal probe said:

Thanks for your replies.
I did wonder if the hygienist appointment would help me gain some confidence and I didnt know that I may be able to get something to help me relax a bit. I remember years ago, I was given a fairly strong sedative which meant that I had to be escorted home afterwards but I didnt think that it was available anymore.
I have to say that I was surprised by the strength of my reaction and that I could do nothing to prevent it - it was a very instinctive reaction and the worst one I have ever experienced despite avoiding the dentist for years now, I thought I would have been a bit more in control and sensible at my age.

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Hi,

Like you, I find the older I get, the worse the phobia gets. I used to make it to the dentist office and be OK with nitrous, now I need sedated to get me there. My husband said in 30 years it's the worst he's ever seen me. So over time the fear builds, your dental situation gets worse and it becomes a vicious cycle.

But it does get a little easier once you take that first step. I went through my journal and realized I was in utter terror just a few months ago. I still need a lot of help to get over my phobia, which I'm getting, but at least I'm not crying and in a total panic everyday, thinking of the work ahead now I want to get it over with and get on with my life. I'm still scared, I still have crying jags, I'd still rather not, but losing all my teeth is a far worse fate.

Good luck, keep trying.....take it slow

rp

This might be one for the dentists on this site to comment on.
When I had my panic in the dentists chair, thinking back now, the dentist was quite dissmissive. All he said was that he wouldnt do anything that I didnt consent to and could see I was very nervous.
If he had indicated that I wasnt his only wierd patient and that I might be able to get some help to relax - then maybe I wouldnt now be feeling quite so silly. I asked to see the hygienist and his only comment was did I think I would cope - I said I didnt know and that was the end of that, I left the surgery.

Any suggestions on how to tackle the hygienist appointment? Should I tell her I'm afraid?

I hate that metal probe said:

Any suggestions on how to tackle the hygienist appointment? Should I tell her I'm afraid?

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That's not the worst approach we've heard about by a long chalk (at least your fear was commented on) but you are right it didn't really help you at all did it..when an extra 5 minutes at the beginning of the appt when he noticed how nervy you were..just to chat and build some rapport could have made such a difference.

Yes of course you need to tell the hygienist and ask her to 'handle me with care'...give her some suggestions as well in case she has little prior experience of nervous patients. (practise relaxing and lowering chair with you sitting up and then choosing to lie down, play some relaxing background music, agree a stop signal etc etc, running commentary, prior explanation)

If you are paying a separate private fee for this hygiene appointment (as often happens as NHS clean is very basic) I would even suggest you arrange two appts and that the first one is just a chat where you can build some rapport and practise relaxing with her.....why should anyone...even a non-phobic feel relaxed and confortable about letting a complete stranger they have only just met, get into such close range in a sensitive area?
Best of all is over a cup of coffee away from the surgery but this is probably pushing it a bit.
Usually when you go to see a new private dentist, they don't just dive into your mouth lol, they chat first often in waiting area so that you sort of consent to take it a step further after the chat by simply agreeing to follow them into the treatment room...the more nervous a patient is the more essential this TLC and babysteps is to get them to relax.

It won't always work but sometimes it does. Your fight flight response stays so elevated because they do nothing to lower it, they just merely try to carry on...this situation won't improve unless you feel you trust them on some level. Why should you trust them if they don't even have a word of appropriate reassurance for you?

The quick fix option is to just go to your GP and request some anti-anxiety meds to get you through but finding a more sympathetic dentist would be rather more effective in the long run.
Good luck.