I've allowed this Phobia to rule me for too long

[k1ndz0n3]

This is sounding like a success story in progress, and you seem to be progressing well ! This journal has been my bedtime story of hope, and inspiration for tomorrow's appointment, for myself. Thank you for sharing your story, you have motivated me to do the same. I will be starting my journal thread, after I make it through tomorrow's exam. I know, it seems like nothing, compared to what you have already made it through, but it seems huge to me right now. With your story, and a couple of others I read today bouncing around in my head, I will have more happy thoughts, to drive the bad ones back into their 'box'. This last being advice found in these forums, during my readings. You, and so many others here have already been such beacons of hope, in my darkness of anxiety, that I will be only too glad to share my experiences, so yet more folks can find hope here, like I did.
Thank You !
<KZ>

[robotguy]

Thanks for the replies, they do help, I didn't think anyone would be interested in my story.

I'm really quite surprised how I'm coping with all these visits to the dentist, after all I've done my best to avoid them for so long. Those sessions I paid for with the anexiety therapist have literally changed my life, I cannot get over the change in my thought process. Sometimes I think about things that I might like to have done, for instance a couple of teeth are pushed out of line and I wonder how easy it would be to have them straightend up again. Yes, thats me thinking about a cosmetic change, I don't get how these thoughts don't freak me out anymore. As a teenager I was terrified that I was going to be made to have a brace, now the thought of having one doesn't scare me, just the cost does that now!

After the de-scale last week, I had quite a bit of discomfort from the top tooth with a big temporary filling in it, it took 4 days to calm down but its fine now. I kept looking at my teeth in a mirror when I got home, hardly believing that they were mine, no unsightly scale building up anymore, its been such a boost. I didn't want to drink a cup of coffee when I got home, until after I had cleaned my teeth, putting some protective flouride on the bare tooth surfaces first. I do have a slight problem though, having the new feeling of individual teeth against my tounge makes my mind think I have food in my mouth, causing it to keep producing saliva. Dribbling is so not a good look.

The lower teeth that I had hurt by clenching two nights running have also finally calmed down. I'm sure that I had caused a bruse under one of them, making it lift the tooth up slightly, really putting my bite out. This caused me pain every time I came close to shutting my mouth as that tooth got pressed first. Its all settled down though and my normal rubbish bite is back, teeth touch evenly around my mouth now with no pain.

This afternoon (4:30) I'm going in for the first bit of repair work - yay! I'm going to have a LA and a small hole filled properly in one of my front upper teeth. Part of me wants to have more done once I have the LA, but then part of me knows that it is sensible to carry on going slowly, after all I haven't had a filling in about 30 years and never with a fast drill, so I'm not totally sure what to expect. I do have faith in my dentist though, I know that she will not rush me and she has already said that I can forget the past experiences as she wants it to be better for me, I believe her. Obviously I'm nervous about what will happen, I have a fluttery stomach and I'm a little bit light-headded, but overall I'm quite calm about it.

[alleyp]

You sound like you've really got your 'dental head' on right now which is fantastic! If you feel like you could do more, ask if there's any other work the dentist can do in that area before hand, then ask her to check with you once that first hole is sorted if you want to carry on? That way you're in control, but you have the option there to get more done.

Trust me that the high speed drill is fantastic, you barely notice it going. It's the low speed I hate, the rattling unnerves me. But high-speed plus water and suction is the best of a bad lot when it comes to dentistry!

It really seems you've found a fab dentist who can look after you completely while you're in there, and that's just the best thing you can ask for! I hope your appt goes really well for you you will fly through this just like everything else you've got through! xx

[Rebmob]

Hope all goes well this afternoon x

[robotguy]

I did it!

I'm sitting here with a numb top lip and a filled tooth.

As usual we started off with a quick chat over last weeks treatment, how I found it and how the weeks been before discussing todays treatment. I spoke of my thoughts of getting more done in the area while it was numb but the dentist didn't want to push me too much and set me back. She wants me to go at a gentle pace so that we can do everything I need to have done.

She went through what we were going to do and found that I was expecting completly the wrong tooth to be worked on, I wasn't even the right side of the mouth. I thought it was the right side because that had a black line next to the gum but she told me that was just staining.

So once relaxed in the chair she put some numbing gel on my gum using a cotton wool roll, in fact she left it there while she took a color-match to my teeth. I said I didn't want to see the injection, so she told me when she was about to do it to allow me to close my eyes. Guess what, I didn't feel a thing when I was injected, I was stunned.

While she waited for the numbing to take effect she asked if I wanted her to have a go at polishing the stain off, well I han't got anything else to do so I said yes. She used a couple of polishing tools which just rubbed the teeth, no pain at all and hardly any pushing. She said it was looking better.

She asked if I was numb, I didn't think I was so she told me to have a feel with my finger, OK I was wrong, I was numb. Then she said that she would start to prepare the area for the filling and that there was going to be water and suction just like the cleaning last week. She also assured me she would stop if I raised my hand and told me to do it if I felt anything at all. I felt nothing, she was so gentle. A couple of times I felt I had a lot of water in my mouth, but that was the worst part of it.

She soon said that the preperations were done, really? that quick? Next came some gel to help the filling stick, after the excess was washed off she started filling the tooth. A bit of filler was added after which she used a light to set hard, (I'm guessing ultra-violet light). She filled it with a few layers of stuff, each followed by the blue light to harden. My jaw was stareting to ache after a while but I stuck it out. Then she just polished the filling to shape.

That was it - done!

I asked about the back tooth that gave me pain last week, she assured me that there was nothing going on back there, no sign of infection.

She told me to look in the mirror on the wall. Oh wow, the dark lines at the gumline on loads of my upper teeth have gone, plus I had to look really hard to see the filling that I had just had. I can't believe how much this is making me happier with my smile, for years I have said I don't care about a good smile and here I am feeling like the cat that got the cream, now that I am without all the staining and scale.

For next time I had a choice of more front fillings, like todays, on my lower front teeth or one at the back. I opted for the back one next as that is an open hole at the moment, the front ones have temporary coverings on them so aren't as urgent.

I'm off on holiday next week and it does make a difference that my teeth are looking cleaner and healthier than they have in years, I don't feel I have to hide my mouth so much as before.

Today was a big milestone, so far I've been examined, I've had the raw teeth temporarly covered up to protect them a bit, I've had the ugly scale removed and today I've started the repair process. One step at a a time, I will get there.

[robotguy]

I've just read back what I've written and reaziled that the dentist at no time said the words 'drill' or 'injection' or even 'hole', she only said that she was going to use a tool to prepare the tooth. She really is working with me to keep me calm throughout all this by avoiding language that could trigger me off.

Good, sensitive dentists are out there.

[Rebmob]

Def another session to be proud of, well done you!!

[alleyp]

Way to go! So proud of you getting that done, you've now got another good experience to add to your fear-fighting weaponry xx

[RP]

That was huge robot, wtg!

[robotguy]

Thanks for the support guys, it does help me to feel good about getting through each session.

Anyway, I'm back from a great holiday, the weather was a bit on the cool side some days, but got to see some of the locations where Star Wars was filmed so that pleased the geek in me, lol. One thing that was nice though was not worring about pain in my teeth every time I ate or feeling embassased over the staining of my teeth when talking to strangers, the recient work at the dentists has improved my life more than I could have imagined. A few months ago I couldn't imagine getting my teeth fixed, but I'm so glad I have started the process of beating this phobia, the diference to my outlook on life is huge.

I'm back from another trip to the dentist this morning, I've had another LA to fill the top, right wisdom tooth. She said that she wasn't sure how much work the tooth needed, if the decay wasn't too far gone then it would just be filled, but if it was too bad then she would put a temp filling in there until we can work out how to deal with it. Remember I would only allow a visual exam at the start so I expect this, once I'm numb she is free to poke around the tooth properly. I accept this isn't the ideal way to do things but I really can't cope with the metal pick thing.

Once again the dentist used the numbing gel first on the gum then gave me the LA. It seemed to take a while to do but I didn't feel a thing. I told her that I found it really good last time to feel with a finger the numb area before she started work, just to reasure me that I wasn't able to feel. So after a few minutes she asked me to check how I was doing, well I tried but it still felt my finger, she said I was feeling the wrong place and touched the right area with her finger, once again she was right, I couldn't feel her touching me, I am believing her more and more. To double check I was OK she just touched the drill to my tooth for a breif second at the start of the work, then stopped to see if I felt it, of course I didn't feel it at all.

She asked me to hold my mouth and head at a slight angle to help her as the tooth was right at the back and access was tight. This was done before she started work, it helped to know how she wanted me to be, rather than just push my mouth around like I've had in the past. This is teamwork in my mind, I'm helping her to help me.

There was a lot more noise in my head this time but I guess thats because she was working a lot closer to my ear. I did feel a twinge at one point but it felt warm not a pain, certainly not enough to ask her to stop. She did stop three times though to let me relax my mouth during the process and didn't restart until I was ready again. I took these breaks to calm my breathing down which helped me.

When she had finished preparing the tooth she asked if I wanted to feel it with my tounge, I laughed and told her that I know what a hole in a tooth felt like, so she was OK to just fill it up again.

Filling was done OK, no blue light this time but I was told it would take about 30 minutes to fully harden, so not to eat or have hot drinks during that time. She didn't say it was a temporary filling so I believe its a done job, she certainly didn't say there was any more work to do on that tooth, but I will check next week.

That was it, another one done!

As I don't have any more open holes its time to start fixing up the temporary covered up teeth properly. I'm back next week to have two fillings on the lower right front teeth.

I left there today with very little of my mouth numb, my cheek ached a bit where she held it back to get access, but other than that no pain. I was expecting a lot of my mouth and face to feel numb today, but its been fine.

As I came out of the treatment room I bumped into my therapist, Bobby. I had time to thank her properly for getting me to a stage where I'm getting treatment, it was all a bit rushed at the end of therapy and although I sent her a thank-you card, it didn't seem enough for the change in my life that she enabled me to make.

I did have one slight downer today, while the dentist was filling in my chart on her PC I saw a list of treatments. Now I don't know if they are a general list or a list of work that she has planned for me, but I saw extraction on the list and that scares me, in fact I'm shaking writing this. I really don't want sedation during my treatment, I want to feel in control and be aware but I don't know how I'm going to cope with an extraction. In my heart I know that was a list of my personal treatments needed, but I so want to believe its not. I am growing in confidence with this dentist, she is working with me, a few times since my last appointment I've wondered just how hard it would be to get the retained root out, perhaps I will be able to cope after the rest of the work is done, I do trust her, so far she has told me what to expect and has been spot-on correct every time, she also has been correct about the LA working and even manages to administer that without any pain. I'm going to try and not worry about it though until I know for sure, I still have a lot of things to be put right first, baby steps will get me there though.