Defective all my life - anyone else feel like this?

Hi everyone,

I've been lurking on this site for a couple months now. I was really happy to find a space where people could talk about these issues and feel safe.

Like most people here, I'm terrified of going to the dentist. I make myself go every 6 months though, because paradoxically, I'm also terrified of NOT going too!

My story is a long one, so please bear with me and I'll try to be brief: When I was very young (so young I'm not sure when it started) I developed a growth in the front of my mouth. Coincidentally, I also had three impacted teeth in that same area (front, canine, and the tooth between). I started treatment (involving orthodontics and several surgeries) for bringing those three teeth into place when I was twelve, but early on in treatment an oral surgeon discovered the growth had done substantial damage to my bone, and removed a lot of it. I continued my treatment which took 5 years to complete. During that time my mouth went through various stages of freakishness and it was always noticeable when I was talking or smiling. When my treatment was complete, I needed a bridge because one tooth could not be saved and there wasn't enough bone for an implant, and several dentists and periodontists have said I wouldn't be a good candidate for a bone graft. There was always very little bone around one of the teeth in my bridge, and I found out I'm losing more bone around that tooth slowly over time. Gum disease isn't causing it, I get regular cleanings and keep the area clean. One dentist thought that the trauma of all the surgeries and treatment might be doing it.

I guess the how or why doesn't matter at this point - when that tooth goes I will be missing two front teeth, and I'll need another fixed bridge or a partial denture. My other teeth are fine, so I could do either option, but I'm only 26 and don't feel very good about filing down perfectly good teeth and possibly endangering them later when I still have to get a lot of years out of them.

I'm giving you all this background because I've always felt like a defective person because of this problem. And having to revisit this now is bringing these feelings to the surface. I've always felt disfigured in some way -- like I am missing something the majority of other people have - like I'm not quite whole. It probably sounds stupid; I know lots of people have problems with their teeth - some people have lost teeth due to gum disease, infections, or even accidents, and I never look a those people and think of them the way I think of myself. I tell myself over and over again, "It's only teeth! At least they can do SOMETHING even if it's not ideal. At least I can look semi-presentable." But I think about it all the time. And every time I go to the dentist, I am terrified this will be the time when they say they need to take out my old bridge, or this will be the time something awful happens. But I also work myself up a good two months before I know it's time to go, and I go because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't.

I don't know, maybe it is because I spent so much time "being fixed" that I am always feeling like I need to be "fixed." I have a lot of anxiety over this issue though, and I'm embarrassed about the fact that my teeth are like this, but I'm also embarrassed about how much it bothers me. I wish I could just laugh about it, and just sort of own it, but I can't. And I have never told anyone about this.

So if anyone has had similar experiences they want to share or can offer suggestions for coping, I would be very grateful.

-Emily

Oh Emily,
What you don't realize is that many of us feel inadequate in some way or another. My friend is the most confident person I know. She can deal with anything and is quite fearless. After knowing her for a while, I came to realize that she is not that way at all.

We are all human, we are all flawed. When my kids were young, I told them that sometimes its our imperfections and failings that make us attractive to other people. Sometimes people who are "perfect", or seem to be, are not the kind of people I want to spend time with.

Honestly, you sound lovely. And remember, seeking perfection in an unattainable goal. Love me, love my faults.

God bless you as you struggle with this.

One more thing -
I have to get a lot of teeth pulled and a lot of dental work done. The people who love me are proud of me, still love me, and are there for me. It has not changed the person I am, or the reasons they loved me in the first place.

Problems with your mouth and/or teeth is just like any other disease. Nobody I know thinks any less of me because I have dental problems.....they feel bad that I have to spend so much time at the dental office.
Like beejee said, we are human, every last one of us has some sort of flaws!!
I am always going to the doctor or the dentist (on top of my dental problems, I also have some medical conditions that need monitoring).... I just think of it as going in for my "tune up", go to these appointments and get on with the rest of my life.
One way to get over feeling bad about yourself....well, at least it works for me...is to think about how many people have problems much worse than yourself. I'm always reminded of that every time I see my doctor....someone in a wheelchair, someone has to carry around an oxygen tank......these people REALLY have problems.....I'm just here for my "tune up".
Wishing you all the best,
,
Jen

Thank you, BeeJee and ChickenJen!

I really appreciate your support, and it does help to know that we are all flawed and perfection isn't attainable for anyone - regardless of their problems. And perfection really doesn't exist because it means so many different things to different people.

I'm glad I finally opened up about this.

Glad we made you feel a bit better!!
You know the saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? I think you could substitute the word perfection in place of the word beauty and that works, too!!
BTW, to our group!!!
,
Jen