My story of why im so frightened.

Petrified

Hi all, im new to this site and really could use some help. Im absolubtly petrified of dentists, and been avoiding going, but no i cant put it off for much longer. When i say petrified, im meaning to the extent that i get myself worked up at even having to walk through the door, never mind anything else. I feel stupid being so frightened, specially as im only 28, but have had this fear since the age of 10, and no matter how much i try to focus myself to build the courage up to even register with a dentist, i just cant do it. Even writing talking about this now, im neally in tears, stupid or what. Please any help ect would be greatly appreciated.

Re: Petrified

Hi Julie

You are among friends here.
What happened to you at age 10 that caused your fear to develop?
I'm sure with some help from an understanding competent dentist we can 'get you through this'.
Best wishes
Brit

Re: Petrified

Hi Brit, ty for getting intouch.

I think it were age 10, as you can see i talking years ago here, might of been 8 or 9. Well ive allways been nervous going to a dentist, but my fear developed into so much more since i had to have my first filling. I were either 8-10 when i had to have first filling, the dentist i had wasnt explaining to me in a way that would make me not frightened. Ever since then my fear of dentists has got a whole lot worse. My hearts racing now, and alls i doing is writing on here, i feel so stupid. As ive got a deficency where teeth crumble, i had to go quite a lot as kid, but its left me mentally scarred. I have allready got 4 false teeth due to this deficency, and the thought of having to try and register with a dentist, and get more work done is taking a toll on me. Ive never been so frightened of something like i am this, in all me life. I really dont know how i can overcome this fear, am totally petrified.

Re: Petrified

Hi Julie
Am I right in thinking you are in the UK? If so I would recommend you ask to be seen by the Community Dental Service in your area rather than just rocking up at any NHS dentist.


Your medical doctor can refer you usually although they don't always realise this or don't always wish to get involved.

If you can afford to see a dentist privately then it is a case of choosing someone reputable with comfy techniques and time to go at your pace (with or without sedation options).

You may want to read through Common Fears to try to pinpoint more exactly what you fear and therefore what you would need a dentist to do differently in order for you to accept care. Often all that is needed is good caring communication, painfree care and giving the patient a feeling of control. You are in charge, you can stop things at any point and leave if you wish to do so.



NB Any dentist or GP can also prescribe you anti-anxiety medication to help you get through appointments which may not have been made available to you when you were a child and treated originally. 1980s dentistry was usually reasonably painfree in the right hands but even in that time there have been amazing improvements in techniques. When was the last time you attended?

Re: Petrified


I totally understand where you are coming from. I am petrified of Dentists and had to have a filling this week that I have been putting off for months. My fear is being numbed I hate it. I'm glad to say I got through it I didn't panic or feel faint or even cry like I usually do. I even feel ill at the thought of having to ring and make an appointment and getting through the door is an achievement for me.

This forum has been a great support to me and it makes me feel better to know I am not the only one with this phobia.

Have you tried explaining to your dentist how scared you are? I did to my new Dentist and she has been really understanding.

Re: Petrified

I havnt been to a dentist now hun for years, not even registered with one. I working meself up into a state just being on here talking over it, never mind having to walk through a door. I have underline health probs aswell, so really dont even know where to even start to think of finding one. One thing i do know though, whoever i manage to pluck up the courage to go with, aint gonna find me an easy patient to deal with. Wish there was an optionm where they wasnt gonna put nothing in me mouth, to poke and prod around with, and could just knock me flat out, so id be completly oblivious to any of it.

Re: Petrified

Julie28 said:

I havnt been to a dentist now hun for years, not even registered with one. I working meself up into a state just being on here talking over it, never mind having to walk through a door. I have underline health probs aswell, so really dont even know where to even start to think of finding one. One thing i do know though, whoever i manage to pluck up the courage to go with, aint gonna find me an easy patient to deal with. Wish there was an optionm where they wasnt gonna put nothing in me mouth, to poke and prod around with, and could just knock me flat out, so id be completly oblivious to any of it.

Click to expand...

You sound exactly like I am. I end up feeling ill for days before an appointment and get myself so worked up. I haven't had any dental work done for a few years since my filling this week and I was petrified. I ma pleased to say after reading through this forum and getting some support from people who understand, I actually went through with it and all wasn't too bad.

Re: Petrified

Thanks for the replys. I been sat in a nervous wreck earlier, heart racing and getting myself in right state. Listened to that breathing excersise i was given and it did work to help calm me down. I know people may think what am i getting so worked up for when i only talking about it on here, but i cant help it, have a real bad phobia. I think ive took a big step to even come on here to talk about it and try and get my courage up to see a dentist. Fingers crossed i can overcome this fear. Thankyou everyone for listening to me, and im so sorry for being a nuisance. Hope you all are having a good day.

Re: Petrified

Hi P

West mids not a million miles away from me, same as you petrified ashamed of my teeth and finaly last week got a NHS dentist, just had my secound appointment and extraction. I emailed the dentist before i went then after what seemed like ages phoned them.

Im in Cambs and i have stuck gold with my dentist, she is wonderful and very understanding, even Liz on reception is nice, always cheerful and understanding. Go for it, email them and tell them your fears

Re: Petrified

I havnt even got a dentist hun, dont even know which ones would even take someone like me on. I have underline health probs, so worried about the reactions ect ect aswell. Going to have a look and see who will try and take me on over the weekend, then thats one more step closer right

Re: Petrified

Have a look at the dentist on here hon, i feel what your saying and anytime you need to chat just get in touch. if you can travel to St Neots my NHS dentist is the best.

Re: Petrified

Nice to meet you hornet.


Dave.

First of all id like to appologise if this isnt in right place, wasnt too sure where to put it, so please forgive me if ive posted in wrong place. Still trying to work myself round the forum.

Ok my journey began like this....

I was only between 8-10 at max and i had to undergo my first dreaded filling. I was terrified as this was all new to me, like what if it hurt, what was they going to do ect ect. Well at the time this dentist wasnt very nice, genually i got upset as i was scared, and lets say needed reasurance. Well my dentist at the time didnt explain anything, just turned round and said because im so hysterical, theres no way he was going to treat me. Well i was then refered to the city dental hospital for kids. Well the woman i seen there was nice and let me go in for a chat and she showed me the drill ect and even allowed me to hold it and press the buttons ect, you know all the things kids liked doing. I then plucked up the courage to let her look around at teeth. Well because my dentist origionally dragged hes feet and wouldnt see me, and down to fact id got a deficiency, i was told my worst nightmare that any kid wanted to here. I had to have this front tooth out, and as it wasnt milktooth, had to have a denture with this tooth on. So this lady let me choose myself from out of the dates to which appointment i wanted to have to undergo this. As you can imagine this was traumatic for me, and like any kid would of done, i chose the very latest date available. Well that date came, i was petrified. They came and seen me first and gave me the things inwhich i had to wear. Then they called my name, at this point i was scared stiff. Was bawling before i even got to the room. Well we got to the room, and there was a lot of people in there. Then they wanted to put needle in me. I was petrified of needles, and started screaming quite hysterical. This needle that they used was like a staple inwhich they pushed into your hand. Now you can see why i was so hysterical for, i was that frightened ended up having accident (so i was told when i woke) I woke feeling relief it was done, but then came the news. I was only going to have to go through allof this again in another couple of weeks, as the deficiency was affecting the other 3 teeth by it. So that day came and exactly the same thing happened again. Ever since ive gone through all this, its made me petrified on dentists, and to this day now, i cant walk through the doors of one, as fear all builds up inside of me, my heart races, am shaking ect ect. I was even like that when i went with a friend, when she had to go. Now i know this wasnt for me, but my system started to freak out on me. I just really dont know how im ever gonna pluck the corage up to even overcome this fear.

Hello again Julie
It is absolutely fine to put your story here - or you can just put it in your own thread in Support. Some posters ask that other people don't comment in their Journal threads but at the moment everyone seems to be happy to receive comments. Say if you don't want them but I'm assuming you do. I can move the thread for you later if you change your mind and want it all in the Support thread.

Can I just double check - are you saying you had several GA appointments at the dental hospital or was just the first one a GA. it sounds like a GA since you mention getting changed and all the people in the room etc etc .

And you have had no treatment since? How old did you say you are? Just checked other thread you are 28. (Trying to work out how long ago this was re technique changes etc)

If these were GA appointments, then although this should be an atraumatic (not scary) procedure, the fact that you were so young and you had no choice, did not fully understand the perceived benefits, and let's face it had no control whatsoever (except appt date choice - good technique maybe?) during the process....because you were unconscious and woke up feeling worse (Probably) than before you went in...this has left you feeling unable to face any kind of dentistry again....am I on the right track here?
If so then I think that far from receiving treatment in a similar 'out of control' way (sedation/GA) probably what you should seriously consider is simply 'making friends' with a kind dentist who will talk you through painfree treatment with TLC and you having control (alongside anti-anxiety medication if you need it) and who will go at your pace....if you need to get NHS care then the best place for this might be the Community Dental Service - since you will need them to spend more than an average amount of time reassuring you etc etc

Your medical GP could refer you for this. The other thing making this difficult for you is that your only experience of a mainstream dentist was a particularly unsympathetic individual who just referred you out (this may have been the right thing to do anyway given your problem) but if he had shown more compassion, your reluctance would probably be a lot less.
When you went a long with a friend was that to try out how you felt? Good idea - even better would have been for your friend to introduce you to her dentist maybe - assuming she had one she thought would work for you.

You shouldn't be surprised that your reaction to going along with your friend was one of such fear - it's just your 'fight flight' response kicking in - I myself felt strong dental nerves when visiting a prospective second dentist in a foreign country I was living in at the time, having had a bad experience with the first one in that same foreign country; and I was specifically just going for a chat - didn't even go into the treatment room - it was a pure 'meet and greet' which lasted 30 mins having previously chatted by email. You need to take some control over who your dentist is and how they treat you...they are not all the same basically and with your history you need a caring competent one to heal you.

Hi Brit, it seems like i have put it in the wrong place now you explained it. Could you move it across for me. So sorry for posting it in wrong place, wasnt too sure where to put it at time, and was big step for me to even talk about it.

I have had to have a couple GA appointments. Ive had one lot of treatment since and that was traumatic and ive not felt i could ever go back since. Im ashamed of how i am, and noone really understands here where i am, which why i joined here.

You are very on track with what you said, thats exactly how i feel, my heads scarred from my experiences, and thats whats made me this way.

I been spending time talking to hornet, and he will tell you just how petrified i am. But i took up the courage yesterday to email a couple of dentists. This is a huge step for me. I know it may sound daft to some, but with how bad my fear is, this is a big step.

Am also going to make an appointment with my normal gp and ask him to refer me to the right people. I think mentioning the anti anxiety meds would be a good idea, as im worrying myself sick over just thinking about this. Feel so silly.

Hi Julie

You sound so much like I used to ...... yes thats right, used to, and I never ever ever thought I would be able to say that.

When I started my journey, something I had no choice in, I was pretty much like you, I couldn't even talk about the dentist, I even turned away when toothpaste adverts came on the television.

I started by emailing a couple of dentists banging on and on and on and on (yawn!) about my feelings, thoughts and just how terrified I was. This way I felt I wouldn't be asked any questions if I ever met him. I received a couple of replies but the one I decided to meet was the one who offered to meet me... in the car park!

I did have the full support of my husband who was with me every step of the way, he knew exactly what I wanted or didn't want and I trusted him to speak for me as most of the time I could barely stand let alone string a sentence together. Do you have someone who can support you?

One thing I did realise very quickly was that not only have times changed in dentistry but we are not those kids anymore, we have a voice and choices, we DO NOT have to go to the dentist chosen for us and we DO NOT have to put up with bad practices or attitudes.

Take baby steps, find a dentist who understands and will listen to you - they are out there .............