TERRIFIED and EMBARASSED

Hi Guys,

\i know alot of this has probably been said before but this is my first time on a site like this and its taken me 3 months to dare sign up and post anything! I'm 28 and have not been to the dentist since I was 9 years old possibly younger. From what I can remember I never had a horrible experience but my parents never really kept up with the appointments. I have lost 5 teeth (nearly rotted full away and hardly visable above gum) now all towards the back of my mouth and have 4 teeth that are starting to crumble away and have holes in them. My fear has just esculated to the point where I cannot even walk over the threshold when taking my son to the dentist and my partner now has to take him. I'm in near constant pain with lots of abscess's and wisdom teeth coming through. I feel constantly sick whenever I talk about the dentist and burst into tears when anyone mentions it! I have been incredibly brave and registered online for a dentist that has been recommended to me from another nervous patient and am now trying to pluck up the courage to make an appointment. Please HELP I want to get it sorted but i'm petrified!

Okay, breathe

My teeth are much worse, I can promise you. I'm actually going to ask for my X-rays on some sort of PC image format so I can actually show everyone here what I mean.

I have absolutely no 'whole' teeth left. All my bottom molars are broken off at the gumline, all my canines just plain crumbled. I've had so many abscesses and infections now that I honestly, swear and promise that I know I am about to get one when they come along. It's a special kind of barely-there pain, and I sigh...get my ibuprofen ready, and call my doctor for another round of penicillin.

I've been this way for years now. When I was young, I had brilliant teeth. No cavities until I was 27 or so, and in the last 8 years they've just started crumbling and breaking and basically kicking me in the face.

I've also known for a very long time that I -need- to do something about it. I mean, I've heard all the stuff about how your teeth affect your health and all that, but I mean, wouldn't it be nice to not have to worry about what side of you mouth you can chew your food on that day? Wouldn't it be great to wake up and know for a fact you won't be getting a toothache?

I am a grown 35 year old man and I spent months in tears every day afraid I was going to die from a tooth infection. I mean, I've had so many of them. I do not open my mouth when I go places. I can't let anyone see. I can barely even look in the mirror without making myself sick.

But it had to be done, and I knew I would have to make The Call and I knew I would have to Open Up.

Let me tell you something, the Call was the hardest part. Dentists and oral surgeons these days have seen things that would probably shock any of us. When I finally got to a dentist, it was SO difficult to sit in the chair, knowing that all he was going to do was look. He promised repeatedly that all he would do was look. He showed me the hand mirror and held up his left hand, which was empty. So I just closed my eyes and Opened Up.

What happened? He looked around, he didn't chide me, he didn't make fun of me, he didn't ridicule me, he simply nodded a little bit. He asked me after he was finished looking if it hurt to chew. He asked me if it hurt all the time. He asked me how often I got infections. Then he let me talk to his friend across the hallway, an oral surgeon. This man was even nicer. He patted me on the shoulder and said..."We'll find a way to make you feel better."

And since then I have let four dentists, eight or ten dental students, two oral surgeons and even a hygenist look in my mouth. None of them were mean, nasty or rude at all. They were ALL sympathetic, and they all really just want to help.

I was told I needed everything extracted, which is really no surprise to me, and yeah, it hurts to think about it. It upsets me. But it needs to be done.

No one has the right to make you feel bad about your teeth. No self-respecting dentist will say such a thing. When you finally do it, if the dentist says something rude...just leave. Get up and leave. Find another.

Honestly, I thought for years I would be pointed at, laughed at, chewed out, ridiculed...instead all I've found was sympathy, help, and understanding.

It's worth it.

I am in the early parts of my own journey and let me assure you the hardest part really is the first appointment.

The best part about that is the first appointment is really simple and you likely will get no treatment. I've posted this a few times lately because before MY first appointment I felt like anything would be happening, they would find something and have to deal with it then and there, etc etc. All that happened was xrays and lots of talking. I can assure you that just knowing whats going on in your mouth, even if its bad, is actually helpful!! It takes a lot of the anxiety down because suddenly you have a plan in front of you and you can manage it and start preparing yourself instead of being in a constant state of worry and wondering.

Another thing is, the first appointment likely won't have treatment BUT you can get pain killers and likely anti biotics...this will REALLY help your discomfort level. I have had years of sleepless nights and hardcore toothaches and constant over the counter pain meds so I can understand how exhausting and horrible it can be.

Don't feel bad...it doesn't matter how many times something has "already been said". When it's bad and it's happening to you, it's important to talk about it. That's the first step to making it better. When you share your story with anyone, you stop any denial you might still be clinging to. So from here on in, it will only get better. I'll never forget the start of my journey to dental health. I've been thru a lot in my life, but this is the hardest yet most satisfying thing I've ever done. You'll get there...and along the way, you'll have people here to sympathize, encourage, console and cheer.
Best wishes!

Welcome! Take a nice deep breath...most everyone here knows exactly how you feel. That's what makes this forum so nice..we've all walked in those shoes.
I managed to avoid a dentist for about 50 years (no, that's not a typo..LOL!) so trust me..my teeth were worse than yours. I had much the same feelings. I was embarrassed and totally ashamed..and there was no way I wanted to open this mouth for a dentist!! But......I finally reached a point where the embarrassment of trying to hide my teeth was worse than my fear and I knew I HAD to do something. For YEARS I had looked at other people with nice straight white teeth and told myself before I died I wanted that to. It sucked not being able to smile in public.
So..trust me when I tell you..the worst part is simply making the first appointment and getting through the door. The dentist will NOT laugh at you. They won't run away. They are there to help you..you're the one paying their salary! The first appointment is almost always just so they can have a look around and maybe take x-rays..which is all totally painless.
Dentistry has improved SO MUCH. I can honestly say throughout all my work I never had any pain at all. So don't let that scare you!
If you have some time..go read through some of the journals. I found so much strength there and I'm sure you will to. Good luck on your own journey. It's all worth it to be able to smile again!

I know all too well what you're going through..Just a few short weeks I had all 28 teeth removed and immediate dentures.My teeth where horrible I had 4 in front gone to the gum line and several broken off on both sides.I was a mess for years afraid to smile and my foods where getting very limited on what I could eat.Five years ago I had dental insurance and got my very front two fixed but then the insurance ran out and my teeth continued to rot and break off.The health insurance is definitely a sad situation in this country it took me nearly five years to save up the nearly five thousand dollars to have my teeth finally fixed!

Well I've finally made my appointment and I go on the 13th December! Luckily its not a Friday lol. Am soooo scared and have no idea whether I'll actually even let him look in my mouth but I'm just trying to take one step at a time. Even if I go in and just talk to him, that'll be a MASSIVE step for me as I cannot even take my own child in to his dentist. His Dad has to take him. I just hope that I can be as brave as you guys!

Welcome!

(yes, I'm up at 2:44 am Canadian time and yes it's again because my teeth hurt)

I can echo what you've said about the feeling of dread when you think you might be getting another mouth infection.

Because let's face it, it's kinda gross. Never mind the 'Kinda', it is gross and it is very much something you have to strategically deal with on your own.

I actually am not sure if it's worse and enabling that I have actually developed a systematic way to deal with infections -- if this a sign of just how desperate and powerful my phobia is that I actually read medical literature on the subject in an attempt to further avoid the dentist? Damn!

I get desperate and embarrasses to admit (because this is not something I admit to in polite company because it is so desperate) that I gave resorted to self-dentistry to drain infections.

I know, I know, horrible and gross.... I know. But when the pain is THAT BAD.....

Hi Liverbird!
I totally agree with Terrified & Elvis, don't be embarrassed, I had years of dental work done only when it was absolutely necessary, I hated the dentist office and was petrified to go in. I too looked at everyones teeth and was so envious of their teeth. I finally went and I got all removed and immediate dentures 9 weeks ago.
I have had some struggles but have never thought they weren't worth it, I still look at my teeth several times a day just to make sure it is all real!
I told the dental asst. right off the bat that I was very embarrassed, she hugged me and said oooh don't worry, you are fine. They never made me feel bad about my mouth, they understand that everyone isn't blessed with a beautiful set of teeth and everyone doesn't have the funds to constantly be at the dentist office.
So go without feeling bad, and keep us updated!!!
Tina

Liverbird!

Firstly, well done for signing up with us, we are a friendly bunch who can all empathise and will support you

Secondly, well done for signing up with a dentist

I am a recovering dental phob ..... one treatment at a time. I will never jump for joy at the thought of an appointment but my life has completely changed.

I too couldn't have anything to do with anything dental, I couldn't even watch toothpaste adverts on the T.V. Then there was the poor woman dentist who dropped her son off at the same school as my daughter, I had to get there before her or hold my nose as I could smell her
This year, for the first time ever, I have taken my 14 year old daughter to the dentist. Neither of my girls have phobias and neither of them knew I had one (until the start of my journey) my husband has always taken them, I couldn't even know when their appointments were as I wouldn't stop shaking and crying.

If you start reading some of the success posts here you will notice some common statements ...... finding the right dentist, who you trust, is key and secondly dentistry has come on leaps and bounds - phobias are strong and our minds have us believing all sorts of things that actually aren't true.

The others are right, dentists now understand a lot lot more about phobics and with the right team and support you can start your journey.
Yes, it can be a long journey and yes, there will be lots of tears and tantrums on the way but the relief at the end and the way your life will change is unbelieveable. I now live with no pain, I sleep at night, I can smile and I can eat (not good for the waist line).

I allowed my phobia to rule my life until I was in my 40's and eventually had no choice, now I look back and think about all the wasted years. I know it wasn't my fault, I couldn't help it but I do wish I could have had this sorted years ago .........

You CAN beat this monster

Liverbird28 said:

Well I've finally made my appointment and I go on the 13th December! Luckily its not a Friday lol. Am soooo scared and have no idea whether I'll actually even let him look in my mouth but I'm just trying to take one step at a time. Even if I go in and just talk to him, that'll be a MASSIVE step for me as I cannot even take my own child in to his dentist. His Dad has to take him. I just hope that I can be as brave as you guys!

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GOOD JOB!! You CAN do this!!

Right..............well I did eventually go to the dentist!!!! And sat in the chair.............and let him look in my mouth! Lots of tears were shed and lots of hand holding ad kind words from my friend who had the awful job of coming in with me. LOL As I thought, wasn't good news on the what had to be done front! I need 9 teeth out in total (thats including wisdom teeth) and 2 fillings. DEEP BREATH. I'm off on Friday to a specialist centre that deals with oral surgery and the dentist has recommended because of my nerves that I have a general . I'm not sure whether I'm more nervous about that than the actual proceedure if I had a local! What do you guys suggest? I'm petrified either way but the only way I can even contemplate going is that I really want another baby and until I get this sorted I can't. I'm living on 4 very strong tablets every 4 hours. Would really appreciate any help. Thank you to everyone that has already sent such kind and helpful words xx

Just wanted to say a huge well done, the hardest part is now behind you and it won't be long before you have a healthy smile!
I can't offer any advice on the general, I had my two teeth out with local and although one was a difficult extraction and a very unpleasant experience I know if I'd needed another one I would be able to handle it. If you've never had a tooth out before you imagine it's going to be a million times worst that it actually is, my first extraction was quick easy and pain free like many people on here told me it would be I know that's hard to believe right now! But it's true!
I'm sure there are many posts you can read about extractions on here if you have a search.
Well done again, I promise it gets easier from here! And you're in the right place, I couldn't have gone through it without everyone here helping me! So keep posting and you will get there.
Ice-princess.

Having a General is a breeze. Its worse waiting for it than the actual experiance and I would rather have a General for dental work, but its unavailable to me unless I pay serious money for it.

Its an absolute snap. Tiny scratch in the back of the hand and it'll be suddenly over with. All over in an instant.

If it was just one tooth I'd say get the local..but with multiples..take the general! You'll be out like a light and wake up in what feels like a few seconds..all done!
Bravo on going to the first appointment! Well done!!

You're now in the "hero" class! Congrats!
I'll echo the folks who say to take a nap for your extractions. I did that years ago for four wisdom teeth, and have since had just local and nitrous for 3 simple extractions. Had no problem with either procedure, but emotionally/physically, I'd take the nap for more than 2-3 extractions. Imagine running 10 miles...doable, but so much easier on the muscles if you did it in your sleep!

Hi Guys,

Well 2nd appointment went really well, and the Dental Surgeon who is going to do the extractions is a really lovely man and totally put me at ease, as did his assistant who was very friendly. We had a really good talk and he had a look in my mouth. Did have to giggle as because he knew how nervous I was about the "CHAIR" he actually perched himself on it and let me sit in his swivel chair and examined me like that. He recommended opting for the local, surprisingly as he seemed to think that having 9 teeth out (from all over my mouth, not just one side) would be a major thing to get over, with regards to not being able to eat properly. He said he could do the whole thing in 2 trips. Do one side of the mouth in 2 weeks time and then leave it for a month to heal and then do the other side of the mouth. This way I'll be able to eat a lot easier on the side that hasn't had the work done. He was so calm, and reassuring that if he had said that he thought it best to take a few out there and then I think I'd probably have agreed. So I'm biting the bullet (pardon the pun) and going for it! If I can have 9 teeth out then I can do bloody anything! LOL Thanks again for all your wonderful support! I certainly wouldn't be able to even think about doing it if I hadn't got all your support and encouragement xx

Liverbird28 said:

Did have to giggle as because he knew how nervous I was about the "CHAIR" he actually perched himself on it and let me sit in his swivel chair and examined me like that.

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He sounds like a cool guy ! We need more of that kind.... (tell him to come here and join us ...).
It sounds like the extractions are pretty straightforward .

All the best for your appointment and congratulations !!

well done liverbird.

often the 1st visit is the worse.

Sounds like you've landed on your feet and found a good dentist.
Am pleased for you

Yayness

So glad to see you back! And even happier to know that you are pleased and comfortable with your oral surgeon. If you really feel that he understands you and your "fears", then perhaps ypu should go with his plan. All of my three non-wisdom teeth extractions were done with just local and nitrous. It was a breeze, truly. Wisdom teeth I had IV sedation. I'm glad he's breaking it up into two sessions.
Keep asking questions about your options. While it is wonderful to have such a good connection with your oral surgeon, it doesn't necessarily mean that you should "roll over". In the early days with my new dentist, I would have done anything she suggested just because I was so relieved that something was being done...now, I still think she's great and I hear all of her recommendations, but I'm no longer too timid to ask questions and request alternatives.
Can't wait to hear that everything goes beautifully for you! Congrats on all of the steps you've taken to reach your goal.