Ashamed, embarrassed and scared to death

I'm ashamed and totally embarrassed to say that I haven't been to the dentist in many years. You wouldn't know it by looking at me, but the last time I went was when I was 18 years old and had my wisdom teeth removed. That was 22 years ago. And now it looks as though I'm gonna have to go, because I have a bad tooth and it has really started to cause me a lot of pain.

One of my lateral incisors has a cavity that started as a small hole on the side of my tooth that has turned into a huge hole on the back of my tooth. About a year ago I started having pain, mostly on days when I was really stressed out, but it usually only lasted a day or two then subsided.

Now, I'm afraid that hole has made it to the nerve. The pain started 4 days ago, just in the area of that tooth, but now has spread to the whole upper right side of my jaw. As long as I'm not eating or drinking anything, keep my mouth shut and breath through my nose, the pain doesn't bother me. As soon as I eat or drink anything that is not the same temperature as my mouth the pain becomes excruciating.

When I think about calling the dentist it terrifies me and brings tears to my eyes. The thought of explaining why I haven't been to the dentist in 22 years is almost as horrifying as the pain in my mouth. How big of an idiot am I going to look like for not taking care of this sooner

I also broke one of my molars a year and a half ago on a piece of popcorn. The point is, I'd probably never go to the dentist again, if it weren't for this pain I'm having. I'm afraid it will get worse and I don't deal with pain very well. I have hated the thought of going to the dentist ever since I was a child.

I guess the biggest problem of all is that we don't have dental insurance and the dentist we deal with (shockingly I know, I do take my kids for their regular visits) expects payment at time of visit.

So needless to say I'm just a big ball of nerves. I don't want to go, and we don't have the money for me to go. But I'm afraid the longer I wait the more horrible the visit will be.

I don't know what my options will be. If it were a back tooth I'd have them pull it and be done with it. I seriously doubt a filling will be enough to solve the problem. The thought of a root canal kills me. I sure as heck wish I would have had this taken care of before it got to this point

Sorry to be such a downer, but I'm too embarrassed to talk about this problem with anyone other than my husband and he just tells me they better take a payment plan.

Thanks for listening and for any words of encouragement you can give me. I know I need to put my big girl pants on and just do it

I'm a recovering dental phobic who has been in your shoes. You have done a great thing by posting here, and you will hear from many who know EXACTLY how you feel.
I'm waiting for a suggestion on what to do about a lost temp crown, so here I am, talking to you. This site has changed my life.
First suggestion: try not to wait any longer to address your situation. Infections/absess is no fun. Quality dentists will not "judge" you on anything...their job is to help you get healthy. Talk to your kids' dentist. If you don't like his/her reaction, talk to another. And another and another, til you find one you are comfortable with. Payment plans are out there. Waiting is not the answer.
Read the journals here and gather your strength. Everyone here will be rooting you on. And nothing I have been thru in getting my teeth healthy has been NEARLY as bad as the fear of having it done...in fact, it's been surprisingly great.
Best wishes!

!!!!
It is not surprising AT ALL that you took your kids to the dentist. I took my son to the dentist faithfully because I DID NOT want him to grow up having the same fear of the dentist as I did. I got this fear in part because my mother would NEVER take me to the dentist (because she was afraid). I didn't want the cycle continuing with my son.
Yes, unfortunately, your dental problems will just get worse if you don't take care of them.
If you are up to it, have your dentist take a look and give you an assessment of what's wrong. Most of the time, we phobics think our mouth is in MUCH worse shape than it ACTUALLY is. Like mghstl said, a good dentist will not JUDGE you on why you haven't gone to the dentist......they will just focus on what needs to be done to get you healthy.
Try to find a dentist that says they deal with fearful patients, those practices have seen many patients that haven't been to a dentist for a long time either. I have found 2 dentists so far in my journey of 2 years and both have been gentle, patient and non-judgmental.
Many have payment plans, some will give you a discount if you are a self-pay (no insurance) patient.
You CAN do this!!!
We will be here to help you get through it!!
All the best,
's,
Jen

Have been in your shoes..I avoided a dentist for about 50 years. (nope..that's not a typo!) Believe me..just getting up the nerve to CALL the dentist for that first appointment is the hardest. Probably harder than walking into the office. It took me years to make the call.
Not having insurance can be tough. Have you ever heard of Care Credit? It's a company that issues you a credit card to be used for medical things and they are good about working with folks who have no insurance. Often you can get a deal where you don't have to pay any interest IF you pay the account off in full by a certain date. (You can't miss or be late on a single payment..or they sock you with a huge interest rate!) It might be worth checking into. Be sure though that you check with your dentist to see if they accept it as payment..some do not.
As for actually going to the dentist..don't be afraid about them judging you. They won't. As bad as my teeth were the dentist just patted me on the shoulder and said "We'll fix you up kid."....and he did. If you're afraid of what they will think..let them know your reasons for not going in such a long time beforehand. An email will work if it's available..or just do what I did and type out a short letter and ask that they read it prior to you getting in the chair. It really does open the lines of communication.
Lastly, don't wait any longer. Waiting doesn't make the problem go away..it just makes it worse..and more expensive to fix. Good luck!!

What C-Jen and Letha said! Truly, they got me thru what I've done in the last 2 months. They are wise people.
You can do this thing. Lots of folks are here, on your side, cheering you on. Let us know when you need moral support, suggestions and kudos on a job well done. I promise, you'll get it!
You can do this truly heroic thing and will feel so GOOD when you do.
Wishing you HAPPINESS and a future of healthy teeth.

Hey
You did a good step in the right direction, that is signing in and shring your story here on this forum. I whould like to suggest to you several more small steps which may help you to continue in the positive direction. A good step would be going to the dentsit (easier said that done I know) just for having information. Maybe the dentist will not even examen your mouth but simply hear your story, He or she can unswer your questions regading your dental concerns.
This way not only you will know better about your dental situation but also get aquiented to the dentist and the practice. see if you feel there comfortable, are you ready to take another step further for a real examination and than maybe planning what to treat, how to pay and other issues.
You are doing well. What I wrote to you is just a suggestion. The main thing is to continue.

BRAVO!!!! You did it!!!
The first appointment is the hardest for us phobics, but the easiest one because there is usually NO WORK done, the dentist will want X-Rays, of course, and he/she might look in your mouth, but that's really about it!
The dentist will formulate a treatment plan based on what is found on the X-Rays and oral exam.
You will do FINE tomorrow!!!
Best of luck,
's,
Jen

Whoo-hoo! Great job making the call!! Jen is right..they seldom (if ever) do any actual work on the first visit. It's just to let them take a look and discuss the options for treatment. The dentist never even touched me on my first visit..just had me open wide and looked around. I'm betting yours will do the same.
Sedation dentistry is fantastic for folks like us because you truly do 'sleep' during everything. I had two and a half hours work done and it felt like a few minutes when I woke up.
Don't be scared..we'll all be walking in right behind you in spirit to offer support!

Bravo! In just a few hours you will be so much happier!
You will be in control on this first visit. I blubbered and bawled for a good 45 minutes before I even considered opening my mouth on my first visit! Wouldn't even sit in "the chair". And it was all OK...no judgement, lots of encouragement and sympathy, and a big Yeah! when I decided to show her my teeth. It was such a relief! And I was so pleased that I began my treatment the NEXT DAY! Now I go every week (yup, EVERY week) to get myself one healthy, happy smile. Yes, it's pricey. Not everyone can do it the way I have financially...but emotionally, all things are possible for you.
My very best wishes. I'll be in the chair tomorrow and will think of you!

I just got back. It did not go as I expected. I expected they'd look at my tooth, xray it, tell me what needed done, then I'd have to make an appointment to go back to have it fixed.... Wrong. It went like this... they looked at and xrayed my tooth, told me it needed a root canal... and they did it. Right then and there. Not before I cried and acted a fool, but after I pulled myself together. They told me I could come back at another time if I wasn't ready today, but I said no, let's just do it and get it done. Then they hooked me up to the nitrous oxide, numbed me with gel, then novocaine, and 30 minutes later I was done.

That nitrous oxide was fantastic lol. He said I'll probably have some pain for the next few days, but nothing an over the counter pain reliever won't take care of. Now I just have to wait for the numbness to go away.

I even made an appointment to go back on Jan 4 for a cleaning and complete check up. I'm SO glad the worst is over.

Thank you everybody for all the support!!!!!

Holy cow! I am so very impressed and so very happy for you! You should be proud as all getout.
Remember the feeling of accomplishment...it will keep growing and will squash any future phobia moments.
Great job!

Wow, they don't mess around! Aren't you glad you got it over with though? And I agree..nitrous is quite nice! Well done!!

Yes, I am so VERY glad I got it done. The little bit of pain I have from getting the root canal done is NOTHING compared to the excruciating pain I was in before it.

Certainly not what I expected. I had read some really horrible stories about root canals that weren't done properly, and my dentist is a young guy, so I was worried he may not have had enough experience etc. But I can tell you after my experience I don't have a single complaint, only praise for him. He even called me yesterday to make sure I was doing okay. Which didn't totally surprise me cause in the past if my kids had something serious done they would call to make sure they were doing okay too, but it did surprise me the very first time they called.

Is it common practice for dentist to do that? (to call the next day to make sure the patient is doing well?)

Not sure how common it is..but my oral surgeons office called a day or two after my extractions to ask how I was doing. Makes you feel good.