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Upset, but feel like a muppet becasue of it!

Pianimo

Pianimo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 15, 2011
Messages
536
Location
UK
[Sorry - long post...mine always seem to be, though I do try really hard to be short! Read the bits in bold for a concise version!]

I had an appointment today (IV sedation consultation) in which I didn't even need to open my mouth (except to talk!), yet I was fighting back tears throughout, and did end up crying while I was talking to the receptionist afterwards...and on the way home... I think it was a combination of things:
  • The appointment was about 40 minutes late - it wasn't her fault, but no-one told me anything, so I sat there stewing in my nerves.
  • They'd lost my notes, so not only was this now the third person in the same practice I've told my (long!) story to, she had no idea what treatment I'm due to have, only that it's due to be done under IV sedation.
  • The dentist I saw on Wednesday (see my previous post for backstory if you're interested) was so good, I left on a high, and today's was very friendly etc, but for whatever reason I didn't feel the same trust with her. Everything felt rushed, and although she was helpfiul once I'd explained my fears, she only found out in the first place because, when I think she was expecting me to leave, I said "Um, would it help if I told you my background?"
  • I've signed a consent form, on which the first statement is something like "I've had the treatment I'm having explained to me and I understand it", which I signed as she said I'd find out before I left today, but I've still no idea. I'm to go back next week and see a Treatment Co-ordinator who will hopefully have my notes and tell me, but at the moment I now have a sedation appointment booked for two weeks today, but I don't know what they're going to be doing to me while I'm sedated!!! Not great for a phobic! :o This is the third appointment in a row where I expected to find out exactly what I need doing, and I still know very little. (I think 5-6 fillings, but apparently not all the same kind (?), one root canal and something to do with my gums - and even "filling" means nothing to me, as I've never had one before so don't know what happens, let alone the other procedures.) I also really need this information asap to support an urgent request to extend an important academic deadline, and I'd told people I'd know today.
  • I was given a rough estimate of cost on Wed, but again was told I'd know exactly today, and I don't. The TC session next week is free I think, but the sedation appointment I've booked obviously won't be, but they don't know what work is being done, they don't know what it will cost! At least they decided not to charge me for today!!
  • The root canal is the most urgent and will probably be done first, at this next appointent. But, they're not sure yet who'll be doing it! The lady I saw today is going to do most of the work and the sedation, so I don't pay for 2 people. They have a root canal specialist, but apparently mine is "straightforward", so the IV dentist may be able to do it herself. But, as she hasn't seen my notes, she doesn't know! (She didn't evern know I needed one until I told her!) This means there's a very real possiblilty that when I turn up in two weeks I may be treated by a dentist I've yet to even meet! I just don't know if I can cope with that.
Still, I feel so stupid. I mean, I got through a 1 hour examination appointment two days ago, and fell apart today. I can't believe I cried in front of the whole waiting room. :redface: I've just so much stress in my life at the moment (big deadline, medical issues, and of course the dental stuff), and I think this was the last straw. Just thought my best chance of finding someone who might understand would be here... (Ok, I'm crying again now...:cry: Sorry!!)
 
Pianimo,

Don't feel bad. I constantly cry at the dentist. And, by cry, I mean full out bawling, swollen red face, crumpled kleenex everywhere.

In fact, I had to get an extraction only days before my heart surgery. Because of scheduling issues, I had about 30 minutes after I found I needed the extraction to decide whether I would pull the tooth or postpone heart surgery. I was so upset that (while crying and screaming) I offered the oral surgeon several thousand dollars to write my heart surgeon and say that she had extracted the tooth. Crying is nothing compared to my hysteric bribing! Ha, ha. ;D

Now, regarding your procedures. I sounds like you have control issues. So do I. I want to know what is going, what the dentist is doing, etc... Maybe taking a pill beforehand is a better solution than IV sedation. I did that today for the first time, and it worked beautifully. Also, insist that someone sit with you and explain things. They are not doing you a favor; you are paying them thousands of dollars.

Regarding the academic deadlines, I feel your pain. I am in the middle of writing my thesis, and between my heart surgery and dental work, I have had to ask for many extensions. Don't feel bad. They know your requests stem from a genuine need.
 
Trust me, you have all the empathy you need with the members on this forum, so when we say we understand - we mean it. And, in fact, you may read and find someone whom is much worse of than you are. While I do not wish anyone to be worse off, sometimes it is a bit comforting to know of someone who was even more terrified getting their procedure done and then saying "I Did it!" or "It wasn't even that bad!". I think that deep down we really do know that all in all, it really isn't that bad - sure it is uncomfortable, sure it causes some anxiety, but you know what - it does for everybody to a degree! The only difference us hardcore anxiety types :) have is that the fear is the worst part for us! It is so real, so pronounced, and well downright scary - and for the most part I think it is all about control with us - while the word has a negative connotation sometimes, we are all control freaks! :) But also very analytical, intelligent, and thoughtful, which is why I guess we have these issues to begin with.

There really is something to the saying "Ignorance is bliss". However it is one of those things that have to be done and then it is over. I know, I know - it is easier said than done, but surely you have done things that you have been scared of that turned out not so bad at all. You can do it, others have, we all can. It won't be a day at the amusement park for sure, but it is not at all going to be like we think it is.

Keep us updated.

Mike
 
Please read my journal of my own IV sedation from last may, i was TOTALLY PETRIFIED and struck by fear for weeks just waiting for the appointment but it was all over and done with within an hour, 2 teeth removed, a front filling, and it was a total success !! believe me, if you think you are bad, mutiply that by a million and you;ll have some idea of how much i cry, shake, feel like i will vomit ... just at the mere idea of getting in the dentists reception room .... thats before i even get in the dreaded chair !

i really do understand your fears, please read all the stories on here of IV sedaiton and how people got on, i wouldnt have made it last year if i hadn';t had the wonderful support of the people in this forum, they were with me all the way, every little step, and even in the dentists chair as the oral surgeon was sedating me i could feel the support of you lot on here, beside me in that room, and i told myself as i lie there crying and feeling sick with nerves just how great it would feel to come home afterwards and say I DID IT !!! :grouphug::yay:
 
[Sorry - long post...mine always seem to be, though I do try really hard to be short! Read the bits in bold for a concise version!]

I had an appointment today (IV sedation consultation) in which I didn't even need to open my mouth (except to talk!), yet I was fighting back tears throughout, and did end up crying while I was talking to the receptionist afterwards...and on the way home... I think it was a combination of things:
  • The appointment was about 40 minutes late - it wasn't her fault, but no-one told me anything, so I sat there stewing in my nerves.
  • They'd lost my notes, so not only was this now the third person in the same practice I've told my (long!) story to, she had no idea what treatment I'm due to have, only that it's due to be done under IV sedation.
  • The dentist I saw on Wednesday (see my previous post for backstory if you're interested) was so good, I left on a high, and today's was very friendly etc, but for whatever reason I didn't feel the same trust with her. Everything felt rushed, and although she was helpfiul once I'd explained my fears, she only found out in the first place because, when I think she was expecting me to leave, I said "Um, would it help if I told you my background?"
  • I've signed a consent form, on which the first statement is something like "I've had the treatment I'm having explained to me and I understand it", which I signed as she said I'd find out before I left today, but I've still no idea. I'm to go back next week and see a Treatment Co-ordinator who will hopefully have my notes and tell me, but at the moment I now have a sedation appointment booked for two weeks today, but I don't know what they're going to be doing to me while I'm sedated!!! Not great for a phobic! :o This is the third appointment in a row where I expected to find out exactly what I need doing, and I still know very little. (I think 5-6 fillings, but apparently not all the same kind (?), one root canal and something to do with my gums - and even "filling" means nothing to me, as I've never had one before so don't know what happens, let alone the other procedures.) I also really need this information asap to support an urgent request to extend an important academic deadline, and I'd told people I'd know today.
  • I was given a rough estimate of cost on Wed, but again was told I'd know exactly today, and I don't. The TC session next week is free I think, but the sedation appointment I've booked obviously won't be, but they don't know what work is being done, they don't know what it will cost! At least they decided not to charge me for today!!
  • The root canal is the most urgent and will probably be done first, at this next appointent. But, they're not sure yet who'll be doing it! The lady I saw today is going to do most of the work and the sedation, so I don't pay for 2 people. They have a root canal specialist, but apparently mine is "straightforward", so the IV dentist may be able to do it herself. But, as she hasn't seen my notes, she doesn't know! (She didn't evern know I needed one until I told her!) This means there's a very real possiblilty that when I turn up in two weeks I may be treated by a dentist I've yet to even meet! I just don't know if I can cope with that.
Still, I feel so stupid. I mean, I got through a 1 hour examination appointment two days ago, and fell apart today. I can't believe I cried in front of the whole waiting room. :redface: I've just so much stress in my life at the moment (big deadline, medical issues, and of course the dental stuff), and I think this was the last straw. Just thought my best chance of finding someone who might understand would be here... (Ok, I'm crying again now...:cry: Sorry!!)

Hi Pianimo
The others have said you have 'loss of control' issues - yeah but I don't think to an exaggerated extent.
I don't think anyone should be 'going under i/v sedation' without a clear idea of what is being done and who is doing it. They should be able to write your treatment plan down and explain it to you. You should then be able to ask any questions you may have, seek any reassurance you need. I suppose the treatment co-ordinator session(Boy do I hate that concept!) will likely give you most of the answers you need, especially as to costs.

The organisation on the ground at the practice does seem somewhat shambolic so I think it is understandable you are less than happy -you are right to be - we get that they were kind and not mean to you - but they didn't inspire confidence...and this was all because of lost notes???

At what point are the notes going to be found and the decisions made about who is doing what...it is at that stage that you can get an explanation and ask questions. Seriously it shouldn't be like that....you should have seen the dentist doing the work, built your bond of trust to some extent and taken it from there.
The treatment coordinator is now your only source of information, let's hope she has access to the dentists to answer your questions if required.

Personally I'd consider just seeing the dentist you really liked and having the treatment without sedation. If you have a choice/can afford it, you are probably better off having the specialist do the root canal....molar teeth are the hardest to do - not sure where yours is though. If you are sedated the fact you have never met him, won't matter much - it is not ideal though. Is the plan that you have more than one session under sedation?
:grouphug:
 
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Personally I'd consider just seeing the dentist you really liked and having the treatment without sedation.

I would agree there... start with something small and a short appointment, you might be able to cope just fine without sedation, and take it from there? If it was suggested mostly because of the problem with gagging, it would kind of depend on what is triggering the gag reflex (whether it's an actual physiological problem or whether it's connected to your anxiety - in the latter scenario, it may well ease once you become more confident and relaxed).

In any event, you absolutely should know what the proposed treatment is, why it's been suggested, what to expect, what the alternatives are, and make a joint decision regarding the treatment. You should also be given a written treatment plan, so that you can read up on the options beforehand, without being rushed.

Of course you'd feel upset after all you've been through (it sounds like a game of "pass the parcel" :(). It's also a pity they didn't schedule you for an appointment where they'd have known they'd be on time (e.g. first appointment after the lunch break or similar). It's no wonder you had to start crying - you must have been at the end of your tether at that stage.

Big hugs :grouphug:
 
Of course you'd feel upset after all you've been through (it sounds like a game of "pass the parcel" :().
Big hugs :grouphug:

Pass the parcel.....spot on! Tell the treatment coordinator that based on how you've been treated so far, you feel like you are in a game of 'pass the parcel' and that you now think (if you do) you'd rather try just one filling with local with the dentist you warmed to and see how it goes.
They got their chance to sedate you and scared you off bigtime...the benefit of this, is if it works, you've found your Good Guy and overcome your fear..and can attend in future for checks and occasional treatment without all the drama and stress.
If it doesn't work, you can abort at any stage and go back to the sedation option.
That feeling of trust is so important...it doesn't always happen, so when it does you should capitalise on it.
:grouphug:

Gagging solutions here: https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/fears/gagging/
 
Thanks so much everyone for your replies (and hugs, and giggles - thanks Madlin!) - they've really helped! :) Hope I remember to answer everything...

I think the pass the parcel idea sums it up really. Starting from when I got toothache last month, I first saw Dentist1 at Practice1, who told me I needed "a lot of work" doing, pointed out a couple of the worst teeth on the xray, then referred me on to Dentist2 at Practice2, to be treated under Nucalm. P2 required me first to see Treatement Co-ordinator1, who basically gave me leaflets and forms to fill and that's it. Next appontment D2 examined me, again used the phrase "a lot of work", and did say about needing fillings, 1 root canal and something on my gums - but said I needed sedation, so to come back and D3 would talk me through a treatment plan. D3 had no notes, so didn't look in my mouth, just explained sedation and said to come back and see TC2 (yep, a different one!) who will finally actually (hopefully) explain to me the treatment I need!! I do get what people are saying about control, but surely it's not unreasonable to expect that when I book a 1.5 hour appointment, I know what it's for?!

Brit - The root canal is the third tooth along from the front, at the bottom. D2 said it's a "simple" one, which is why he thought D3 would be able to do it, although I've no idea what "simple" means. I know the nerve is dying but not dead yet (he said it was unusual to catch it at that stage), if that makes any difference. Obviously I've no treatment plan yet, but D2 said I'd need at least 2 sedation appointments, possibly 3 or 4. I think it's partly up to me how much I want done in one go - presumably that what TC2 will discuss with me?

As for why they think I'd be best with sedation, it's both for gagging and anxiety. My gag reflex is a phyical thing (it happens when I brush my back teeth etc), but is worse when I'm nervous. My phobia is probably more unusual, as it's not really of dentists as such, more of, well, mouths!! I'm not sure how else to explain it - I just really don't like them!!! :sick: So, for example, having to watch myself brush my teeth in the mirror would be a far greater ordeal for me than attending a talking appointment/even simple exam at a dentist. So, no matter how much I trust the dentist (and trust really matters), I don't think I could cope with the sights/sounds etc without some help.

So, I'm hoping I'll feel able to go ahead with the appointment with D3, especially as D1 and D2 did both say the treatment I need is "urgent". I need to email D3 anyway about the statment for my extension request, so I think I'll also just say I'm uneasy about having singed the consent form, and a bit upset about all that's happened (I don't know if the receptionist will have told her I was crying afterwards). Not so much as a complaint, but because I think she should know. I would like to give them the benefit of the doubt for now - D3's lateness was due to car broken down, lost notes can happen, and they were being inspected that day (which was why D2 was unavailable to locate his notes for D3). So, it may have been a blip, hopefully! I guess I'll see how it goes with TC2...
 
Call me a cynic, but the whole concept of "treatment coordinators" is a bit suspect to me. Does playing "pass the parcel" really save lots of time?? (it doesn't sound like it from what you've described - quite the opposite :confused:). And what qualifications do treatment coordinators have, anyway? (my guess would be sales and marketing, rather than clinical knowledge about dentistry, so asking them "what would you do if it was your tooth/mouth" wouldn't really yield any great insights! And if you have a phobia of looking at mouths, then so-called "educational videos" - which are very impersonal in nature at the best of times - wouldn't be much good, either).

Rant over :) - it does sound as if the dentists themselves at your practice are caring individuals, and e-mailing D3 with your concerns and questions sounds like a good idea! And of course you need to know what treatment exactly is suggested, and make a joint decision on what you'd like to do at each appointment. That's not being a control freak - it's an essential part of informed consent :thumbsup:. Let us know what happens :XXLhug:
 
LC - yeah, I'm not a fan of it either! My only other guess is that it could be meant to please patients by saving them money? My appointment with TC1 was quite long, but free, so I'm guessing this one will be too? Whereas if I saw a dentist I'd have to pay. I'd still rather have things explained to me by the person who's actually going to be doing them though! TC1 and TC2 are both listed as RDN, so at least I guess they are qualified to answer a lot of my questions. It's still not the same though, is it?
 
(Just noticed I've told you all that I "singed the consent form"...now, I may have been upset, but not that upset! ;D)
 
Good on you for singeing the consent form :p! (in front of everyone in the waiting room I hope :ROFLMAO:)

Good to know that the treatment coordinators have at least some sort of dental background (and thanks for sharing this info!!), though as you said it's not quite the same for a dental nurse to give you guidance as opposed to an actual dentist who has observed long-term outcomes for different options etc. I still don't know if it actually saves them money to do it the "treatment coordinator" way as opposed to the dentist themselves explaining things, and inserting another layer of bureaucracy in between the treatment provider and yourself! I bet that in 10 years time, they'll have gone back to the "old" way of doing things... it doesn't seem to make any sort of economic sense to me to separate the "treatment plan" (which doesn't sound all that complicated) from the people who actually provide the treatment :).
 
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Treatment co-ordinators maybe make more sense in an insurance-based system because the dentist doesn't want to get 'bogged down' in the 'does my insurance cover this but not that?' discussions.

Happily seem to be a rare phenomenon in UK anyway. The more layers of staff between the patient and the dentist, the worse the relationship.
 
This is in the UK, and it seems to be becoming more common (judging from those dreaded LinkedIn requests!). Though I think in the current economic climate, it may fall out of favour rapidly enough.
 
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