Breaking Point

Just found this website, and have spent the best part of the last 5 hours reading through it, and seeing so much of myself reflected on here.

I had a terrible dentist when I was a child, and can vividly remember many traumatic trips to the surgery. He was just such a horrible man, who made jokes about me, and practically told me off every time i went to see him. Once he cut my gum open, a second time he 'accidently' froze the wrong side of my mouth while giving me a filling. Even typing this is making me feel physically sick.

Because of this I have been too afraid to see a dentist for over 10 years. I'm now 26, and the last time I had been to the dentist was just before I left school, the time he froze the wrong side of my mouth. Nearly two years ago I had an absess in my wisdom tooth, which led it having to be extracted, under deep sedative. I have no recollection of this at all, not even of going into the dentist surgery (I was on quite powerful painkillers!).

Now, two years later, I'm not in pain, but my mouth is really uncomfortable. I know that my teeth are in really bad shape, bits have broken off a couple of side bottom teeth, and there is lots of discolouring on my top front teeth, including a big cavity at the back of one of them. I also have a few missing or broken fillings at the back, and I have a feeling that recently I have been grinding my teeth in my sleep as I think some at the back are wearing away. I'm quite a large (overweight) person, but I lost my appetite about 3 months ago, but I think that's because I'm afraid of doing more damage in there. I tend to eat soup, stews or other dishes that don't need much chewing. I've lost about 2 stone, which is great, but for all the wrong reasons.

I know I have to go to the dentist, but the thought of it just makes me sick. There are so many things that make me feel this way; the drill, the smells, that horrible liquid to rinse out, the 'clinical' feel to the place. But there are a couple of bigger fears for me.

Firstly the shame of the state my mouth is in. I know it's bad in there, and I keep making excuses to myself why it's like that, but I am really afraid of the judgement from the dentist about it. I live in a rural area of Northern Ireland, where everyone knows everyone else, and I see the dentist I would be going to often. Bumping into him in the supermarket and knowing that he understood how bad my teeth were would really freak me out.

Secondly, the treatment, and the cost of it. I'm petrified that I'll have to have all my teeth taken out, and have to wear dentures. My dad has been wearing dentures since he was younger than me, and no one other than my mum, sisters and I know, but I'm really scared of having to get them. I know that if the dentist tells me that I will just cry and totally freak out. I work for a charity, so my job doesn't pay that well. I'm worried that I won't be able to afford any treatment that is recommended.

I'm sorry to go on for so long, but even typing this is helping me. If anyone can offer any advice I would really appreciate it. I just feel like running to the bathroom now and being sick.

Hiya ,

I'm so sorry about what has happened to you. That childhood dentist of yours has a lot to answer for and it would be interesting to know how many other people's lives he has affected in such a bad way .

I'm a tad busy at the moment trying to get the new website finished (yes, it is happening - finally ) - in the meantime there's some info on the old website about shame and fear of being told off and being afraid of needing lots of treatment.

Regarding the cost, this is something that's so hard to predict and it's something you can only deal with once you actually know what your dentist recommends, what your options are, what you want done, and if you can space things out to pay over time. Taking the first step may save you money later on, because you can get preventive care to stop new problems from happening.

If you are afraid of bumping into them on a regular basis, do you have a car (or someone to drive you) and go a bit further afield?

You've shown a lot of courage by coming here and I'm sure that with the help of a kind dentist who cares about you as a person, you will be able to get the help you deserve

Can I just clarify that you are not returning to the bad dentist? I thought Northern Ireland had NHS dentists?
You were very unlucky...what you experienced was not the norm. There will be a kind caring painless dentist out there for you, you just need to choose them.
Here's our NI dentist finder: https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/forum/forums/northern-ireland.39/

Hi there elpheb!

I haven't been on here for quite a few months due to illness in the family but I just read your post and it stuck a cord with me. I too am from northern ireland and can completely identify with that 'village feeling' of everyone knowing your business........ Usually it's great but the odd wee time it's nice to have a wee bit of privacy

I found this forum to be a godsend to me! I hadn't been to a dentist for a long time and teeth in a horrible condition - and just like you, ashamed to open my mouth and be judged...... Hmmm..... what a pillock i was!! After jumping that first hurdle and getting myself on the chair I found myself actually smiling as i left!! Nope, the dentist didn't judge me, didn't tell me off, didn't make me feel ashamed - I had built it all up for years and know what? I got it completely wrong......... and coming from me that's a big admission The dentist was lovely......... practical and just wanting to make things better for me. I ended up getting top dentures and partial bottoms and, apart from one appointment for adjustment, i haven't had a minutes trouble since I thought i would be too embarrassed to admit to dentures but since me ma (it's how we say it over here), 'outed' me to every tom, dick and harry - i didn't have much choice! But, again, i'm glad she did because the amount of support i got was unbelievable..... I've completely changed how i react to people - i smile

I couldn't have made my journey without the support of the lovely people on here and i just know that you will feel the same..... If i can help you in any way just let me know. I'm not sure what part of Ireland you're from but i live close to Belfast and that's where my dentist is.

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you and hope you can make that step towards a lovely

Firstly, a huge thank you for your posts here, and for the encouragement to take the first step. Yeah, my childhood dentist was pretty terrible, and since last posting I've remembered more bits of my visits, and even had a couple of nightmares about him. No way am I even vaguely considering going back to him. I actually thought that he was dead (or at least retired) but I think he's still going. And, yeah, NI had NHS dentists, but I think it's difficult to find one who does NHS work, so many go private. To be honest, I don't really understand the whole system.

I've read back through Cathy's story, and have messaged her to ask if she will share the details of her dentist. I do drive (lots- my work takes me all over), so I'm very happy to go a distance to find a dentist I could trust. I'm at the stage now where I just want to get it done, and work out what's going to happen to me. I have a family wedding next month, so not sure if I want to take the plunge before then, or wait until May and give it a go. I'm moving jobs in September, and I have set that as my target to have this (at least partly) sorted by then. Is that being unrealistic?

Hi elpheb
There's also this poster in Ireland who got a local dentist to refer her to the Community Dental Service I think: https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/forum/threads/never-thought.10955/

For private dentistry I've heard people in Eire go over the border to NI for cheaper costs but I suppose it may depend on the euro exchange rate whether this makes a difference. At least I think it was that way round.

Given that your old experiences were so terrible it is probably worth going private so you have full choice of the dentist you want. CDS is a good option though, if it is available to you.