My tale of fear and loathing

Hello everyone...

I'm sorry if my post is a bit long winded. It really helps to be able to express these things to people who understand how I feel and who don't judge me.

I am a 48 year old female who unfortunately inherited bad teeth from my Mother. About 11 years ago I experienced my first awful toothache. I suffered with it for ages until it one day I literally drove right from work into the parking lot of a dentist and begged them to help me. The dentist was not the most compassionate and told me that I had an infection from plague under the gum line and that I needed a deep cleaning. He gave me antibiotics, pain meds and said come back for a cleaning. I never went back. In the years that followed I suffered from occasional toothaches on and off, none that were ever as bad as the one that sent me to the dentist and I prayed I never would again. A few years back the top wisdom tooth that originally caused me such pain became loose. Eventually it became so loose that one day when I bit down on something it came out, root and all. I was completely freaked out and terrified. I would have dreams at least once a week that all of my teeth would fall out and now here it was actually happening. Not long after that I noticed that one of my incisors was getting a bit long looking. It wasn't that the gum was receding, it was in fact longer then my front teeth. Eventually this tooth became loose as well and a well placed Golden Retriever knock to the face removed this one from my mouth as well. Now I actually had a hole in the front of my smile that I could not hide. I was completely embarrassed by it and went from being a very outgoing chatty person to someone who hates to even open her mouth to speak.

Long story short, a few weeks back my upper back tooth (the one next to the space that used to be my wisdom tooth) began causing me pain. As the days went on the pain got worse. It was extremely sensitive to hot and cold. I tried everything. Salt water rinsing, peroxide, ibuprofen, cloves, tea bags you name it. Some days it would start to feel better and then other days it would get worse. The gum above it was sore and slightly swollen. Finally after dealing with it for two weeks and hearing my friends and co-workers say "what if you have an infection? It could go to your brain and kill you!" I became absolutely terrified and drove myself to the closest dental office, went in and told them I am terrified to be here, but my tooth is killing me. They took me in within an hour. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I apologized over and over again about the state of my teeth. I felt ashamed and embarrassed by them. The staff was very nice. They told me that they do not judge and that my mouth wasn't the worse that they had seen. The hygienist was the first to look in my mouth. She said my tooth was loose (which I knew) and that there was an ulcer near it. ULCER? Immediately I became terrified that I had oral cancer. I asked her if it was because of an infection and she said "maybe". MAYBE? or maybe what? Oral Cancer??? So there I laid, spread out and helpless thinking this is it, I have oral cancer. She left the room to go get the doctor to look at my x-rays (she had taken set of panoramic ones and a digital one as well). When she returned with the dentist she said "It has to come out" meaning my back tooth. The dentist looked in my mouth as well and said I had an infection in it and in the bottom tooth as well. I also have the beginnings of periodontal disease. I was not surprised to hear this. I briefly and frighteningly mentioned oral cancer and she said "no, you don't smoke or drink...this isn't a concern with you".

She said I had two teeth that needed to be extracted. She gave me a prescription for Pen VK 500mg and Vicodin. She said to make an appointment for the extractions. I told her I did not have dental or health insurance and would have to wait a few weeks until I was paid. She said that was fine.

I have been on the Pen VK for three days. The tooth is still sore and sensitive to temperatures and my gland under my jaw feels sore occasionally. I don't know if that means the antibiotics aren't working, or if I just haven't given them enough time. I am terrified of going back for the extractions. I know having the teeth out will save me repeated infections in the future and that would be great to not have to worry about that, but the thought of having them pulled sets me into a panic state. I know many of you know how I feel and I appreciate you listening to me ramble. I want to be able to go and have all the work done but I am now just totally freaked by it all. My mind is driving me mad. I keep thinking, what if she was wrong, what if I do have oral cancer? What if I go back and they find something really horribly wrong, worse then what they found already? I am driving myself nuts thinking these things. I think I am more afraid of those thoughts then the actual pain I may experience from the extractions. Crazy huh?

Oh well..thanks for letting me ramble. I am sure I will continue to read all of your posts and try to gain some courage from them. Any wise advise you can pass along to me to help ease my mind would be much appreciated.

Dear CameraGirl...I so wish I could give you a hug and calm you down! I completely understand the terror running thru you right now. Like so many here, I've been there and done that. I'm almost the same age (50+), and last October I was in the midst of the WORST infection. After finding this forum and lurking for a week or so, I swore to make a change and NEVER again think about my brain dissolving from infection or my kidneys failing from all the OTC painkillers I was taking.
You will be OK...you will find a way to get it all fixed. Don't lose your current momentum. Read the Journals here, stay in touch with the last dentist you saw (sounding like a GOOD one), take your antibiotics (they WILL kick in soon), and know that you can DO THIS!!!
I'll be watching for you here....

Hi my name is Debbie...... I must tell you, I totally know your fear!!! I dont even know what to say to you because i know that nothing is going to take away your fear. I suffer from panic and anxiety and I am as well 45 years young.
Ok let me start by saying just this. Last week i went in for a procedure that scared the living day lights out of me. I was so paranoid that i felt like i was walking the plank. "see my posts" I really felt this constant cloud of doom over me and really just felt as if this was the end.
NOW PLEASE HEAR ME! #1. You must research and find a dentist that is good with people who fear the dentist.
#2 You must explain to that dentist what your fears are. No matter how embarresed you may feel. Its good to express to him/her that you are scared to death!
#3 No that fear is just a state of mind. I heard this over and over again here in this forum and reading old posts.
#4 Take someone you trust with you. I took my daughter in law because i trusted her to take care of me and anything that may go wrong. "which didnt"
I dont know where you are in the world, but i am in calif. I reserched and felt very confident with the doc who did my proceedure. I felt good in his office and all the staff was exceptional. Please understand.. I HAVE A HUGE FEAR OF THE DENTIST! I WOULD RATHER HAVE A BABY THEN GO TO THE DENTIST.
Now... If thats not irrational, i dont know what it.
Another thing i did was really talk to the forum here. I got so much good advise and words of encouragement that i was able for the first time keep my appt and actually go.
NOW I COULD KICK MYSELF!!!!!!! WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG?!!!! IT WAS NOT AS BAD AS I THOUGHT AT ALL!!!!!! I SUFFERED WITH THE PAIN IN THAT TOOTH FOR OVER 5 YEARS!!!!!! AWWWW!!!!!!!! I CANT BELIEVE I LET FEAR TAKE PRECIOUS YEARS OF MY LIFE IN THE WAY OF DISCOMFORT AND PAIN AND NOT BEING ABLE TO EAT..
Yes.. I am over it and guess what?? Im still here able to speak to you and many others pleading to them and to you... Get your self taken care of. YOU will be ok I promise. I also brought my Ipod which i didnt use, but was with me just in case. I will only say one more thing.... I know its scarey.. But the feeling of being in control of your health and getting your teeth taken care of, by FAR out ways the temporary fear that we all face.
I am so going to be praying for you. And you will be in my thoughts.

Thank you both for your kind words and encouragemnet. I am working on getting myself to the point where I can go for the extraction. I am trying to do as much reading on the subject as I can so I will be prepared. Anxiety sure is a horrible thing. I see friends and family just sail through dental appointments like they are nothing, and me, I treat it like I am going off to my execution.

Maybe some day I will learn to deal with things with less fear.

Camera boy can I relate to what your saying and I'm 53.

Be careful not to read TOO MUCH! So many people here have regretted researching on-line...remember, your mouth is YOURS, not some video nightmare. Don't feed your fear...acknowledge it and research it, not the procedure.
I had three extractions, with a little pre-appt Rx, nitrous and novocain. For the last one, I finally said "show it to me, cuz I can't believe it's really gone". Yeah, they showed it to me...what an ugly bastard of a crumbled tooth. God, I was SOOO glad it was gone, and with it, any chance of another infection. But I felt NOTHING for any of them, including post-extraction. A good dentist will make sure that it's no worse than...oh, maybe an eyebrow wax!
Focus on YOU and calming yourself. A lot of people are here to help you thru this.
Best!!!!!

Unfortunately I have been doing a lot of reading (outside of this forum) and it has scared me to death. I finished my antibiotics today and I now am afraid of the infection coming back/not being gone. I went years never thinking about it, but now I feel like I am sitting on eggshells and that any moment I will be once again loaded with infection that will race to my heart/brain and kill me before I can get the teeth extracted.

It really stinks being such an anxious person.

Camera girl,

It really, really does stink to be anxious, and like me obsessive-compulsive,
impatient and until a few months ago, such a dental phobic that I had to go to a therapist who specializes in working with dental phobics--and this was just to get through my first appts!!!(I mean just for the exam and x-rays!) If you read my journal, you will see how totally,thoroughly petrified I was before my 1st appt...It was eating me up, all day, all night, even in my dreams..

Well, I got through it--and I cant tell you, after having found a wonderful dentist, what a change it has made in my life. My self esteem is climbing and I am learning how to be vulnerable and accept the calming care of others--and all this from my dentist!! Who would have thought!!!

This is how far I have come since January--only 3 months---from being totally,completely terrified--shaking so bad that I lost my voice and had trouble communicating with the dentist--to CHOOSING to finally get BRACES!!
Last week I went for my first ortho consult--it was fun!!! Joking with the assistant about the impressions and what if they got stuck on my teeth and having to tell my husband he was just going to have to get used to the new look...

I cannot tell you how proud I am of having done what I needed to begin the process toward dental health---now I am even thinking that over a period of time, as money allows, that I would like to get my teeth as healthy and perfect as possible...

I truly hope for you a similar experience--we all understand the hard road you are on right now, the torturous waiting and anxiety, but there is so much to be learned and gained....just by getting through it...and we will support you just as all of us have been supported through our "dental hell" experiences.

Please know that you are not alone...

CameraGirl said:

Unfortunately I have been doing a lot of reading (outside of this forum) and it has scared me to death. I finished my antibiotics today and I now am afraid of the infection coming back/not being gone. I went years never thinking about it, but now I feel like I am sitting on eggshells and that any moment I will be once again loaded with infection that will race to my heart/brain and kill me before I can get the teeth extracted.

It really stinks being such an anxious person.

Click to expand...

This is actually very rare but not unheard of. So it's not likely to happen (especially if you have already taken antibiotics) but as you may already know, having an abscess or infection can leave you feeling very rundown and miserable as your body's immune system does its best to keep it at bay.
For this reason alone you deserve to get it sorted out sooner rather than later.

Keep the appointment and agree with the dentist that she will stop at once if you signal. That way if you are not happy, you can leave without finishing the treatment but I doubt it will come to that.

Hey cameragirl,

I responded to your blog at about 1am this morning, and looking back, the way I responded is not at all pertinent to your situation. Guess I was just too tired....so, forgive me and I am going to try again...

I also understand the terror of wondering what is going on inside your mouth, and the anxiety that goes with it. Last December, I found a lesion in my mouth. I ended up having to go to an oral surgeon to have it removed and biopsied...Not good for a total dental phobic...the anxiety,the terror over the procedure--I can relate-- I really can.. The tissue in my mouth was sent to the University of Washington, as well as 2 other labs...in the end--after a torn up mouth that looked like raw hamburger and is still healing, everything was fine...

The thing is, it's going to be fine or it isn't...either way, you need to continue to do the things that need to be done to get to total dental health...It is a horrible, horrible feeling when you are in the middle of the process...total and complete anxiety...

But the thing is, either way, it will make you a stronger person, and you will find that you are not at all alone--neither here or in your own world. Try not to carry this alone--we understand---we all do...