Nise's (Hotrod) Journal

[Hotrod]

I've been lurking here all week... comforted in the fact that there are others as afraid of the dentist as I am. Not only that, I see my own story echoed time and time again. I have a long road ahead of me, and I thought I'd do a journal here to help others, perhaps get some support, and to chronicle all that happens here.


Background: I can remember that as a child, my parents kept up with my routine dentals needs. Yearly check-ups, those never-ending cavities, and the usual lost teeth.

We used a couple different dentists, and it was the last one that caused me to grow a deep-seeded dislike of the dentist. I still remember my dad jokingly telling me, "Hey, you have some mail here!" and it was a postcard reminding me it was time for a check-up. I threw the card down with a sigh, and angrily said it would just mean the discovery of more cavities.

I always had bad teeth. My brother always had perfect teeth. It wasn't fair, in the eyes of a child.

Then came the time when I went in -- most likely a cavity needing to be filled, however I've blocked that part out -- and the pain was excrutiating. I lay back in the chair screaming at the top of my lungs, tears pouring down my face, and the dentist continued on without pause. I don't recall ever being giving enough numbing drugs. I felt every tug, pull, turn of the drill, scrape, scratch, poke... everything. I sobbed and sobbed from the pain. My mom told me later that they could hear me all the way in the waiting room screaming. It hurt... it hurt so bad.

That incident has stayed with me for atleast fifteen years. Fifteen years of a deep, deep, deep fear of the dentist. Fear that caused me to hide chipped and broken teeth. Fear that resulted in years of a crooked tooth smile. Fear that has resulted in a feeling of shame. Fear that makes me lose my appetite at even the mention of a dentist in passing.

Today: I estimate its been probably a good 15 years since I went to the dentist. I'm 25 now, and I'm getting married in January of next year. My fiance knows of my bad teeth, but he does not know the extent of them. I've always refused to allow him a peek.

He and I started as friends, grew to be best friends, grew to dating, and now we are on our way to marriage. I've confided in him my fear of the dentist many times, and I've confided in him my need for dental work. He's been on me for the last four years to go atleast see about having them straightened. And we made a deal days after our engagement to both have dental work done through the year, so we could say our "I Do"s with bright confident smiles. (Since we make each other smile all the time.)

Current Events: Last month, while spending a week with my fiance (we are in different states for the time being) I developed a horrible mouth ulcer. I've gotten them for years, and even though they can bring tears to my eyes... they also are rather old-hat to me. Advil and Anbesol got me through.

My fiance used it as his chance to push me to see a dentist. I did finally agree to schedule an appointment for when he would be coming to see me the following month. He knows how big of a deal this is to me, and he wants to be there to hold my hand through it. This is a moment in which I need him to lean on, to help me find my own strength.

Last Wednesday, I noticed some swelling of my lower left gumline starting to form. I shrugged it off. Food caught between the teeth or something. I went to bed without giving it another thought.

Thursday, I awoke to find my lower cheek swollen and a knot had formed over night. However it have formed in such a way that I was baffled by it. I honestly could not tell if it had something to do with my gums or if it wasn't actually a big pimple forming.

Friday, the knot remained, but all swelling was gone. I had no pain whatsoever, just the annoyance of it being there at all. Saturday, the same. Sunday, the same.

Sunday night, however, I decided to Google my "problem." Oh my... don't DO that. By the time I stopped looking, I had determined I had a huge pus ball on my jaw bone that was either going to explode and send toxins to my brain and kill me in three days, or else I was going to require drastic jaw-bone surgery. I didn't sleep much that night. (I did, however, find this site... which very much helped take a little bit of the edge off!)

Monday, I conveyed my concerns to my parents in passing, but I downplayed it. Telling them to give it one more day and then we'd decide what to do. (I work for them, and thus have my dental insurance through their business.) Come Tuesday, there were no changes and I was growing more scared by the moment.

I was in tears when I finally agreed to call the dentist for an appointment. Appointment made, I called my fiance for support, and I blinked back tears as all my fears came crashing down around my shoulders. My voice cracked as I found to regain something resembling control of my fears.

Once he'd calmed me down some, and I went back to my work, a little bit of relief came over me. I was going to find out what was up with my jaw, and to know I was making that first step.

Wednesday (yesterday), I made my first step into a dentist's office in about fifteen years. The technitians would ask how I was doing, and I'd reply with a wry, "I've been better." I walked through the halls with my head hanging down... one commented that I looked like I was walking down to the electric chair. I laughed appreciatively, and said that's exactly how I felt.

Slowly the girls engaged me in conversation, while we took X-rays. They got me to talk about my upcoming wedding, my fiance, this weekend's trip to Vegas, and finally... my fear of the dentist. When I relayed my story, they'd get this look for pure compassion that suddenly told me... this place was different than before.

When the dentist came in, he jokingly said he heard that going to the dentist is my favorite thing to do in the whole world. The nurse went, "That's what she told me! It's right up there with jumping off a cliff!"

I started to giggle and tension started to leave my body. The dentist looked at the X-rays, and then probed the knot with a mirror. I have a broken tooth right there, and he said there is no doubt its an abscessed tooth.

He prescribed me antibiotics and we scheduled me for a root canal for March 22nd. My fiance will be here to take me to it. A quick glance at the rest of my teeth, he knows he'll have to do probably four more root canals and one extraction in time. All of this, he'll do with me sedated (pill form). Once this major work is done, then we will look at cosmetic corrections to my front teeth, and filling any cavities there may be.

As we discussed cost with one of his assistants, she said, "He is going to take X-rays, and then sit down and decide how to attack all your dental problems as if you were is own daughter. He cares. A lot. And he will take very good care of you."

I was almost in tears again... this time they were tears of relief. Tears of wondering why I waited so long to find a good dentist and allowed my teeth to get so bad. But mostly... tears of joy that I'd overcome my fear and taken that first step.

So right now, I am taking my antibiotics (Amoxicillin), upped my dailing cleanings, and trying not to focus on it all too much. Thank God this abscess doesn't hurt. It's simply an annoyance.

I'm still scared, and my parents and fiance have their hands full with me on this. I jokingly say that he'll have to carry me in and out of the office that day. However, now that I've made that first step... I plan to keep my momentum going. Come next January... I'm going to have a healthy and confident smile, and my self-esteem and faith in my abilities will have sky-rocketed.

[Hotrod]

On Wednesday, I had my root canal. The day is like in snapshots for me, because I was sedated for the procedure.

An hour before my appointment, I took one sedative pill and my fiance loaded me up in the truck. We got to the dentists office just as it was kicking in, and with amusement they led me to the dentist's chair.

"How are you doing?"
"I'm walking in a straight line atleast!"
*walks right into the wall*

They are STILL teasing me about that! LOL! But I sat down, and I was cold. So the assistants gave me a fluffy blanket and I got all set up. They let my fiance stay by my side until they really got started -- meaning after they gave me a shot of novacane and got me set up on the "laughing gas."

The shot hurt for all of a few seconds, but the numbing magic took hold quickly. The next two hours passed quickly. They would wake me now and then just to make sure I was okay. They had me hooked up to a blood pressure machine and one of those oxygen level monitors. It felt like only 15 minutes had passed when they put me on oxygen to help me come back around. During that time, they did a full set of dental x-rays, and they set an appointment with my fiance to meet with me the next day to discuss what needed to be done.

I was so out of it. Craig led me back to the truck, practically carrying me. After we had a quick lunch of soup at Subway (which I vaguely remember), he took me home and made me a bed on the couch. He went to work for me while I slept the whole afternoon.

The beauty of it all was that I had no pain whatsoever. I took a couple preventative Advil when I laid down on the couch, but I don't think I really needed them. When I was more alert that evening, we went and got a couple prescriptions filled -- another round of Amoxicillin, and a pain medication "just in case." Luckily I have not needed the pain meds at all.

But... I did it! *I got my first root canal with no difficulties!

I was actually more nervous about the followup consultation. We went back yesterday for that, and once again the people were SO wonderful to us both. They teased me a lot about how out of it I was, but they did so kindly to where I laughed right along with them. Besides, my fiance had been teasing me all the day before. LOL I had a good sense of humor about all of that.

When we went into the office, the first words out of the head assistant's mouth was, "You much have a VERY high tolerance to pain."

o_O

I looked at her skeptically, and she explained that with the number of root canals and fillings I need... I SHOULD be in immeasurable pain. However, I'm not! They guess that I just must be extremely healthy and my body fights it all that well.

She said that we had two ways to go. We could either choose to just go for a healthy, pretty smile. Or we could go all the way into orthodontics and have a healthy, perfect smile. Craig and I both agreed that if we're going to go this far... we're going to go all the way.

It turns out that I need seven more root canals, one extraction, and then about four or five cavities filled. I also have all four wisdom teeth still that will probably need to come out in time. (They showed me all my x-rays and pointed out the problem areas... and answered all my questions about the procedures.)

I'm moving to Nashville, TN, later this year (to live with my fiance and get our home set up prior to our wedding), so my dentist is going to help me find a great orthodontist in that area that will give me the care comparable to what he has done for me. Between now and the move, my dentist will take care of all the basic dentistry stuff, but not put in any crowns. He'll leave that for the orthodontist to take care of when I get there.

Hopefully by the end of this year, all my teeth will be fixed and I'll be in braces. My wedding pictures will have me in braces, but I don't care about that. We'll look into the invisible ones, etc. and make the right choice for me when that time comes.

My next appointment is April 19th, and we are going to TRY to do all of my right side in that appointment. We'll see if we can get it all done or not at that time. He's alloted the entire morning to me, and wants to give me his full attention.

This whole staff... I told them point blank, "You guys have totally restored my faith in going to the dentist. THANK YOU."

I am actually EXCITED about this now! I'm actually wondering why I waited 15 years to do this. The bill for all of this is... its nuts. The estimate for everything we have... you could buy a car. But, its an investment in my health, my confidence, my future. I'm just...

[dee]

Hi Nise!
Your journal/journey? made me smile, your an inspiration to many i'm sure, well done!
Good luck for your future marriage *

[Hotrod]

First of all, thanks for the support I've found here! Comments are welcomed and appreciated more than ya'll know.

Well, my latest journey to the dentist chair came last Wednesday, April 19th. Luckily, my fiance was able to take me again. Such a comfort right there.

This time, they did my right top teeth. I took my pill as last time, an hour before, but it didn't take as well this time. I had some dry Cheerios before I went, knowing I'd not want to eat lunch after the 4-hour procedure.

My dentist gave me a second sedation pill when I got there, and it kicked it fairly quickly. I remember the dentist taking my pony tail down so I could lay my head back more, and afterwards one of the nurses put it back up for me. I love these people!

The 4-hours felt like 20 minutes to me, but I wasn't as out as last time. I was aware of their drilling, etc. several times. No pain, just awareness. I knew they did several X-Rays throughout the procedure, and one time they hit my gag reflex too hard and I DID throw up. So they promptly orded that I not eat again before an appointment. They can't have that happening again, and I'm guessing it might be why the sedation didn't work as well.

I came-to afterwards, and my mouth was dry and I had lots of gause pad stuck in my mouth. I BEGGED for water and they gave me a small cup, but only allowed me a sip.

My fiance came to help walk me out, and I was aware of them saying I'd have to come back to get the sutures out and that they'd tentatively schedules my last three appointments -- but they were flexible this far in advance.

My fiance drove to the store and got me a bottle of room-temperature water so I could take some Advil and my daily pills. He explained that they'd extracted one tooth (which I knew they'd have to do), did one root canal and two fillings on that one side.

I wasn't as loopy this time. Just out of it. He took me home and put me straight to bed. He came and changed my gause pad regularly as it kept bleeding. *Later that evening, when all my pills wore off, I got a migraine headache and was in the stage of, "I can't lay, I can't sit, I can't stand. I don't know what to do with myself."

My Mom fixed me a few soft meal, gave me some Advil again, and I crawled under a big blanket on the couch and slept for about three more hours. When I woke up, my headache was gone and I was finally alert.

My fiance explained that I couldn't have any carbonated drinks, only soft foods, nothing too hot, nothing too cold, nor anything too spicy. Etc. Turns out, my tooth they extracted? It was so bad that when they went to pull it out... it broke off inside. It took them several tries to actually dig it out. They warned him that I'd be hurting this time.

And I have been. I go back tomorrow (one week later) to get the stitches out. And I'm still sore. However, it is definitely healing, and I attribute the healing process to some of the "pain" I've had. (Note, also, that I am very susceptible to mouth ulcers... and I have one above the tooth-extraction site, which is the biggest cause of pain. And it does hurt when that thing gets fired up.) It's mostly a case of just being uncomfortable.

My cheek was swollen the first two days, but it faded down. And really, I'm able to let the Advil wear off for awhile, before I take it again. And I've been able to avoid the heavy-duty pain killers. I attribute it to them doing a good job with me.

On Friday, I got a post card from the dentist's office. They were cheering me on, saying I've had such a positive attitude -- even when sedated I'm positive about what is going on...

and I *AM*. I've been telling everyone who will listen about all the work I am having done, and how GLAD I am to be doing it. Even the pain? I keep reminding myself it'll be worth it in the long run.

"You'll be a beautiful bride." *(The note said)

Even better? I'll be a HEALTHY bride. As a bonus to all of this? My newfound no-carbonated-drinks thing has made me drink a LOT of water, and watch my food intake more. My skin and hair haven't been this great in YEARS. I might actually not only get a great, pretty, healthy smile out of this... but I might have just learned a lot of great health techniques that I plan to keep up even after it all heals.

[smiley=grouphug.gif]

[Hotrod]

A quick update, again. I went in and had my stitches removed. They said everything looks to be healing just fine, and I was given a syringe to irrigate it since its an open socket right now.

I'm also prone to what I've always called mouth ulcers. My dentist referred to them as blisters. He took pictures of all three that I have in my mouth now, and gave me some new medicine to hopefully help me get rid of them quicker or prevent them completely. I'm his "guinnea pig" because he's not yet had any experience with how effective the medicine is. But its hope!!

My next appointment is May 9th. The one after that is May 31st. My final appointment should be June 21st before I go into orthodontics.

[Hotrod]

Well, today we did bottom right teeth. Final tally: two root canals and fillings on all the rest. They said two of them were borderline root canals as well, but they decided to start with a filling and see if that will do the job or not.

As for me, I'm mildly swollen and groggy still. My jaw hurts from it being open for so long, and I've got little places all over my mouth where they had clamps and stuff.

I slept all day long, and will be going back to bed shortly. Nonetheless, all went fine. The swelling is uncomfortable, but pain is almost non-existant again. Which is always nice. And I'll glad to be able to eat on that side again... those two root canals were on teeth so badly broken that I'd not eatten on that side in ages and ages.

May 31st is the next appointment... we'll be starting on the left side. Which, thankfully, is not as bad as the right side was.

On a side note, my fear of going has almost disappeared. I still get a little apprehensive, because I know the healing time is so long afterwards. But as for fear of going... I do believe my dentist has cured me of that. (For now. LOL)

Now, I'm going to bed. Again.

[letsconnect]

Denise - that is fantastic news !!
I'm thrilled that your fear of going has pretty much disappeared - that's a huge achievement.
Congratulations - and well done [smiley=notworthy.gif]

[Geraint]

Glad to hear you have done so well, I've neber used sedation myself but it obviously helped you. You said you could still hear the drill though - I always take a cd walkman with a relaxation cd to listen to if I need any drilling done I find this helps to drown out the noise of the drill, and helps me relax. [smiley=grouphug.gif]

[Hotrod]

[smiley=grouphug.gif]

Thanks you guys!!! I really appreciate the support.

Ahhh... this last appointment really tore up my mouth. Even the new gel stuff my dentist gave me couldn't keep the mouth ulcers away. It's taken me an entire week to get those healed enough to be able to smile! :-/

But... now I can smile, eat, talk, and proudly show off the work I've had done so far! It's all worth it in the end.

[Hotrod]

And now up... Round 4 of this dental road I am currently taking.

I had a family vacation for a week, from May 24 - May 30, prior to going in for work on my upper left teeth on May 31. We drove 13 hours on May 30th to get me home in time for this 8 AM appointment, and I couldn't sleep from being wired from the drive upon our return home.

I, honestly, wasn't looking forward to this trip this time. Since they'd torn up my gums and cheeks so bad the time before, I didn't want to go through the long healing process again. I'd even tried to convince my fiancé to let me reschedule the appointment back a week. But... he was right. If I rescheduled it, I'd probably be inclined to do it again and again, and then be right back where I started early this year.

So, I got up on May 31st, put on my most comfortable blue jeans, sneekers, and a new t-shirt I bought on our trip. I took my little blue sedative pill and loaded up in the car.

Now, I had only gotten about 3 hours of sleep the night before, and I hadn't eatten anything worth talking about in almost 12 hours. So the pill went straight to work. To where I honestly don't remember much past sitting down in our living room waiting for Mom to be ready to drive me to the dentist.

I vaguely remember telling the nurse that we'd just gotten back from our trip, I remember her giving me my big blanket they always let me use, and... that's it. Until the last 20 minutes or so when I started coming around.

I needed to pee REALLY bad right about then, and they asked if I wanted to go ahead and go but I declined. I'd heard the dentist say he only had about 15 - 30 minutes left of work to do, and I figured I could wait that long. Though I know I then squirmed a lot trying to relieve the pressure on my bladder. LOL [smiley=frightened.gif]

This time since I was coherent through the last part, instead of my dentist trying to close my jaw to set the molds, he talked me through doing it myself. So it was all a lot less abrasive there. And he had my run my tongue over the work to check for sharp places. I have to admit, it was really nice to be more a part of the work being done right then.

Final total: two root canals and four fillings. Two of which were right up front. This work this time was the most successful cosmetically for me. YAY! I had two chipped teeth right in the front, and they now look like good teeth. I told my parents earlier that I'd gotten so used to it already that it actually felt WEIRD to have full and correct teeth there.

Seems like they were a lot more gentle with me this time, and about all I have now is the usual sore feeling from my jaw being open so long, a little bruising, and I might get two of those mouth ulcers this time is all. Versus about 9 last time.

My appointment had been for 8 am to 12 pm. But he actually kept me until after 1 pm this time! First, I think he had more work to do than we'd anticipated, and, secondly, I think they took their time more. Which is fine by me!! My fiancé was already calling to check if everything was okay, since I'd promised to call him when I got home. So, being an hour late, he was getting concerned.

Nothing to worry about though! All went great! We got home and my mom lead me to bed. I slept until around 8 pm. My mom would check on me occassionally, and one time got worried when she couldn't wake me! I was in SUCH a deep sleep. However, when I woke up, even though I was still groggy, I felt a LOT better. More alert, and only a dull ache in my mouth.

I have one more big session to do the bottom left, but we haven't schedule that one yet. I'm thinking around June 21st for that one. After that... crowns and orthodontics! I'm over half-way through this dental journey!