Huge dental phobia - I'm tired of living this way!

I am 45 years old and haven't been to a dentist in a long time (15-20 years) mostly because of my extreme fear. I've developed anxiety over the years, which in turn, has made it difficult for me to see a dentist (as well as other medical professionals). I know I need alot of work done (teeth broken off, loose teeth, etc.) It is now difficult to eat. I can't tell you the last time I was able to eat an apple or corn on the cob. I think about my teeth constantly (day in and day out). My teeth are not the worst teeth I've seen, but I can't seem to get past the embarassment of not seeing a dentist for so many years. I want my beautiful smile back. I do know which dentist I'd like to go to, I just need a push to get me there. I'm tired of living this way! Need some encouragement and support! Please help!

Hi Dianne....I'm 46 and like you hadn't been to a dentist for many,many years. It got to the point where I was struggling to bite anything, even a sandwich and I knew I had to do something about my mouth. I asked my friends about their dentists and went to see one that was highly recommended. Unfortunately I had left it too late, had to have all my teeth extracted due to gum disease. I had already come to this conclusion before I went to the dentist because my teeth were sooo bad so it wasn't really a surprise. Do it now hun...as you say, your teeth aren't the worst you've seen so the outcome will probably not be as bad as you think. Let us know how you get on x Dee x

I read your post a few hours ago. but waited until I had a good amount of free time before I replied.
You're a few years younger than me, but I'll bet our lives are mirror-images of each other. A short year ago, I felt like you...I KNEW my teeth were not THE worst out there, but maybe darn close! I am SOOOO glad I tackled my phobia when I did, because I didn't lose anything that wasn't already half-gone and I now smile with 75% of my own, healthy teeth. Another few years of waiting probably wouldn't have ended as happily.
I'm sure you've read this already, but it's TOTALLY true=the hardest part of overcoming dental phobia is making that 1st call to a dentist. Followed closely on the panic scale by going to your first appointment. Please believe me when I say that the RELIEF of doing those two things is ENORMOUS.
Do your research...hunt down a dentist that seems to offer the compassion you need. I did everything on-line...still can't handle a phone call! The more you "talk" to loved ones and professionals, the better you'll feel.
Stay with us. If you can get to the "I have an appointment next week!!!" point, I promise to send all of the virtual hugs and support I can muster!
Hope you're reading some Journals here...nothing, absolutely NOTHING helped me as much as finding out I wasn't alone in my terror, or alone in my eventual success.
My very best wishes!!!!!

Wow.... for a second there I thought I posted twice under another name! LOL!!

I'm also 45... and I haven't been to a dentist for 21 years... actually longer because the last visit was for wisdom teeth removal.

I, too, long for the day when I can eat an apple, corn on the cob... NUTS!! I miss Cashews!! Steak and so many other things. I finally had to go because I ended up with a mouth ulcer that wouldn't go away. Doctor (that I was so petrified to go to because he had to look in my mouth) said he couldn't do anything for me and to see a dentist.

Read my blog... you are so not alone. But it takes a lot of courage and strength, perseverance and if you have a soul mate/partner/best friend/relative that is willing to go that extra mile for you, start talking to them and ask them to help you.... support from here and a friend or family member really helps.

Don't settle for one dentist.... seek them out, get second opinions. Today, they should be there to HELP you not humiliate you or reprimand you... and if they do FIND ANOTHER ONE until you find a dentist who is compassionate and understanding.

I'm only starting my journey... and I'm happy to follow yours and give as much encouragement as I can.

Dianne, I was in a similar position - hadn't been to the dentist in 12 years, although unlike you my teeth are noticeably bad. I used to avoid all topics about dentistry and squirm when friends said they were going. I'd convinced myself I needed all my teeth extracted, although it turned out that most of the damage was superficial and fixable.

I can't describe to you the relief I felt when I made it to that first appointment. I didn't think I was capable of it, I'd sort of written dentistry out of my life and assumed I could avoid it forever. In the end what helped most was discussing my fears with my partner (who was super supportive, even if he didn't understand the phobia itself - he loves his dentist!) Reading this forum also built up my confidence to give it a shot.

I'm so, so pleased I did, and I'm really proud of myself too. 12 years of worry erased in a 20 minute appointment which went like a breeze. You can do it too, and just the small act of calling up a dentist or emailing them can be a real confidence booster. You don't even need to commit to going: just test the waters and see what it feels like to face your fears. And don't forget to treat yourself for making the effort! This is a huge deal, and you're doing really well even considering going and asking for support.

I've got an appointment later this morning to have some cosmetic work done to my front teeth and for the first time in my life I am actually looking forward to it! I never thought that possible; I never believed it when people said it's not like it used to be. But they were right.


Good luck. You can do this, and have your confidence back.

Hi Dianne

Must be something about being in our mid-forties - I was about your age when I took the plunge, the only difference being I hadn't been to a dentist for 36 years

I too couldn't eat anything remotely crispy or chewy and was fast running out of painless places to eat anything. I couldn't sleep properly and when I did my teeth were the last thing on my mind when I went to bed and the first thing I thought of when I woke up. I had constant abbesses and lived off of antibiotics and huge doses of pain killers.

Fast forward to today ........ I am pain free, have a healthy mouth and can finally smile - not forgetting the nuts

I found a dentist and OS that I liked and who understood my problems - you say you already have one in mind, that's great.
I wrote them an email banging on and on about my problems, worries and fears working on the basis that I wouldn't have to tell the story over and over again.
I had my husband for support and to be my voice when I couldn't speak - he knew he had to stick to my rules as he had to live with the consequences
From the moment I walked into their office I was never ridiculed or made to feel bad, they worked with me and my tears and tantrums.

Dentistry and dentists have come a long, long way and is very rarely as bad as our minds have led us to believe. The feeling of relief is amazing and being able to have a 'normal' life is priceless.

You can do it, take baby steps .........