• Dental Phobia Support

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45 years old and I don't want to live like this any longer! Help!

D

Dianne

Member
Joined
Oct 11, 2011
Messages
48
Location
Pennsylvania
Hello!

I found this forum while googling pictures of bad teeth. I am 45 years old and haven't been to a dentist in about 15 years!

While my teeth are not the worst I've seen, they are bad to me! I have two teeth that have crumbled and are down to the gumline. I have a couple teeth that are cracked in half and my front, bottom tooth has been loose for months.

While I didn't have bad experiences with dentist's growing up, I am extremely fearful now. I think for me it's more embarassment from putting it off so long as opposed to the drill, sounds, etc. My anxiety level goes up whenever I see a commercial about going to the dentist, or I hear a radio commercial or co-workers talking about going to the dentist. I just want to be normal!!!!

My teeth are on my mind 24/7. I can't eat like a normal person. I can't tell you the last time I ate an apple or an ear of corn! I told my husband one night that I would rather die than go to the dentist.

Any support you can give me would be greatly appreciated!

P.S. I actually know of a dentist I want to go to (who I found listening to the radio!) who has sedation options. That in itself scares me! I've never been sedated, but I can't imagine being awake for the appointment. I wake up each morning and say today is the day I'm going to call, but that call is never made. Please help! Thanks!
 
:welcome:

I would highly recommend reading the posts of 45andAfraid and the blog that she links to. I think it was 21 years for her. While the two of you have different issues it might help to see someone who was in the same boat and is starting on her treatment plan.

A lot of people here avoided the dentist for one reason or another and ended up being embarrassed and fearful of going after a few years because they thought their teeth were so bad. It's common and also common to think that your dentist wouldn't see dental problems like any of ours on a daily basis. Unfortunately it's a vicious circle. We don't call because we think our teeth are so bad, which leads to them getting worse slowly over time, which then leads to us not calling. On and on it goes.

While having a dentist who offers sedation in various forms is good, it's even more important to find an office that understands phobic patients and cares for them compassionately. When you call and make your appointment you might want to talk to them about your fears and see how they interact with you. Depending on where you live, there are probably multiple offices that offer sedation.

Also, while sedation is good when work is being preformed for the first couple of times, it's not necessarily a good long term way to deal with the anxiety and fear that you have. Building a good relationship and being able to trust your dentist and his team goes a long way to overcoming dental phobias and getting the treatment that you need.

This might also help you out some:

 
Thanks Amoreyna, I was just going to chime in and say.... HEY! You're talking about ME! :p

Dianne, I can completely sympathize with you. I stopped going to the dentist after I had my wisdom teeth out... or I tried to go back but at one visit I gagged really bad on a bite wing (xray) and not knowing how severe my gag reflex was back then, I didn't know that was even possible to gag on something your clenching your teeth on. Now please bare with me that I figured this out just a few nights ago, hence my fear for foreign objects in my mouth. Over time my gagging increased to other things such as particular foods.

Dentists became a no-no to me... and over time, my teeth got worse, over time I kept thinking well shit it's too late, then my thougths went to, "they'll just reprimand me, yell at me, etc... " why go?

It got to the point where it was seriously affecting my health and then I came here.

Talking about it is a BIG step. Accepting what you need to do is another one. Baby steps.

I was shaking and crying and literally sick to death when I found out I had to have impressions :o OMG ME? Impressions and how much I gag??? ! NO WAY! But go read this....


And you'll see.....

While my top impressions didn't quite go so well, I have to have them done again but I'll be under sedation for my next appointment (removal and bridge of 4 front bottom teeth) my ever-loving-caring-sympathetic dentist will do my top impressions then. But this time I won't bite him :giggle: No seriously I don't remember biting him but that's because I was gagging and tried to pull the tray out.

Truly you need to find a dentist such as mine... he is SOOO patient and SOO understanding, he takes TIME with me... the 20 minute routine of impressions he booked me in for an hour simply because he knew what to do to relax me.

My blog will tell you more and will also tell you every step of my journey. Whether you call around or not, I hope you will at least follow and I hope that I can help you. If you've got questions, I may have some answers but then again... this is still all new to me too. Hard questions are best left for the more experienced. :)

Welcome!! Have a seat and stay awhile... :XXLhug:
 
:welcome: Dianne

What is it about being in our 40's! ...... I was a few years older than you when , after not having been to the dentist for 36 years, decided enough was enough. I was determined that by the time I hit the big 50 I was going to have better teeth - didn't hold out much hope though, I'd said that before, when I was in my 30's :rolleyes:

We all agree that the key to starting a journey is an understanding, patient dentist. I started mine by emailing a dentist - that way he understood completely what my problems were and it saved me having to tell him again to his face. Will your husband be able to go with you to support you? It helps to have someone who can speak for you and also to be your voice of reason! My husband was a brilliant support - he knew he had to do exactly what I wanted or live with the consequences, literally!!

Slowly but surely I built a trust with my dentist and now I can even go on my own for my appointments.

Having come out the other side I can promise you that not having to live with that terrible phobia monster is amazing. I am not totally 'cured' but I am a lot more 'normal' ..... apples, peanuts and crusty bread are definitely on the menu!!

It's an emotional roller coaster at times but if you take baby steps with the right dentist you CAN do it :)
 
Also being an American dentist I must warn you of dentists who advertise sedation dentistry in the media. In the last ten years or so a company sprung up promoting this idea to dentists to make money. If it is anything like I have seen in South Florida these dentists and their staff are very friendly at first but very pushy getting patients to sign up for payment plans and have extensive high priced and overly aggressive treatment plans.
I don't know anyone where you are but I strongly suggest you ask a few oral surgeons for a referral to a suitable dentist for you.
 
Thank you so much! I actually did read 45andAfraid before! It's amazing how many people have this phobia! Thanks for the support and information. I really do appreciate it!


:welcome:

I would highly recommend reading the posts of 45andAfraid and the blog that she links to. I think it was 21 years for her. While the two of you have different issues it might help to see someone who was in the same boat and is starting on her treatment plan.

A lot of people here avoided the dentist for one reason or another and ended up being embarrassed and fearful of going after a few years because they thought their teeth were so bad. It's common and also common to think that your dentist wouldn't see dental problems like any of ours on a daily basis. Unfortunately it's a vicious circle. We don't call because we think our teeth are so bad, which leads to them getting worse slowly over time, which then leads to us not calling. On and on it goes.

While having a dentist who offers sedation in various forms is good, it's even more important to find an office that understands phobic patients and cares for them compassionately. When you call and make your appointment you might want to talk to them about your fears and see how they interact with you. Depending on where you live, there are probably multiple offices that offer sedation.

Also, while sedation is good when work is being preformed for the first couple of times, it's not necessarily a good long term way to deal with the anxiety and fear that you have. Building a good relationship and being able to trust your dentist and his team goes a long way to overcoming dental phobias and getting the treatment that you need.

This might also help you out some:

https://www.dentalfearcentral.org/fears/embarrassment/
 
Thank you 45andAfraid! I always felt alone with this stupid phobia, but now finding this website has opened up my eyes! Thank you so much for the support and information! Good luck to you!
 
Thanks, April! Not sure what's up with the 40's?!! I actually did email the dentist's office that I'd like to go to back in March. I still have the email in my inbox. I just can't seem to follow up. I see the email everyday and think tomorrow's another day. I am getting very close though to emailing them back to schedule my consultation. I just hope I don't turn around and cancel it!!! I'm truly tired of living this way and need to get this monkey off of my back and start to enjoy life again! Thanks so much for the support and best of luck to you too!



:welcome: Dianne

What is it about being in our 40's! ...... I was a few years older than you when , after not having been to the dentist for 36 years, decided enough was enough. I was determined that by the time I hit the big 50 I was going to have better teeth - didn't hold out much hope though, I'd said that before, when I was in my 30's :rolleyes:

We all agree that the key to starting a journey is an understanding, patient dentist. I started mine by emailing a dentist - that way he understood completely what my problems were and it saved me having to tell him again to his face. Will your husband be able to go with you to support you? It helps to have someone who can speak for you and also to be your voice of reason! My husband was a brilliant support - he knew he had to do exactly what I wanted or live with the consequences, literally!!

Slowly but surely I built a trust with my dentist and now I can even go on my own for my appointments.

Having come out the other side I can promise you that not having to live with that terrible phobia monster is amazing. I am not totally 'cured' but I am a lot more 'normal' ..... apples, peanuts and crusty bread are definitely on the menu!!

It's an emotional roller coaster at times but if you take baby steps with the right dentist you CAN do it :)
 
It's like some kind of crazy mid-life crisis thing? I'm 42, and hadn't been to the dentist in ages. I think... I know I'm not old at 42, but I'm also looking at the second, older, half of my life at this point, and wanting to try to ENJOY this time while I'm still... you know, not old...

Let me tell you, just making the appointment was so hard, eventually I begged my husband to do it. By far, FAR the worst part of all of this has been the anxiety I felt before I actually had an appointment, for so long my teeth were a mess, I was in varying amounts of pain, I was embarrassed, I was worried about money, I couldn't eat foods I wanted to eat, I felt like I never thought of anything my stupid teeth.

I've had three appointments so far, one was just for x-rays and stuff, then I had a root canal and a crown prep, and I have a bunch more stuff to be done. And I don't like going, it is not fun. But once I had that first appointment, everything got a lot easier. Like night and day, way much easier. And even with just one tooth worked on (not even finished yet, I have a temporary crown, am getting the permanent one next week, the day before Thanksgiving, yeesh), I can already eat better!

If you read my thread (a couple pages in under "support," titled "first appointment wednesday"), you'll see it has been a little up and down with my feelings, but overall, I'm so thankful to be on my way, to finally be taking charge.

I know it's really hard to think about getting started, but I feel really sure that if I can, anyone can, because I was a huge baby :redface: Having my husband make my first appointment made a huge difference for me, once that was done, it was easier for me to just GO to the appointment.

It also helps that I can come here and blubber on about how ridiculous I feel and everyone understands :)
 
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