• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

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Finally took the first step, fell down hard.

B

BlaneH

Junior member
Joined
Sep 7, 2009
Messages
5
I'm 24 and posted previously a couple years ago to try and get some support. Since then I've had a wonderful woman come into my life who has been entirely supportive and encouraged me to finally go get a check up after several years of neglect, fear, and anxiety. I went to a dentist that some of my co-workers go to. My first mistake was not in shopping around more.

I go in for a cleaning and consult. Immediately the lady doing the cleaning was unsure if she should and went to go ask the very old doctor whose practice it was. Without even looking at my teeth (which are very obviously in bad shape) he gave her the go ahead and she did the bottom insides before once again stopping. In the midst of this I was spitting out little bits of blood and parts of my teeth along with gagging frequently. Just a terrible mess. She calls the doctor in who I have never met. He puts his hands on my shoulders and goes "now its my turn to pick on you" which immediately set off red flags. He takes a quick look and calls it off. The hygienist does some x-rays and then I am sent all the away across the office to sit in a room by myself with no information given as to why. Older dentist comes in and puts his hands on my shoulders like he did before and goes "I have to trade your teeth in for new ones". Still hasn't introduced himself or anything. Proceeds to tell me everything has to come out. Hems and haws while a younger hygienist has come in. She seemed visibly uncomfortable with the route he was suggesting and asked if there was anything we could besides that. He half groaned and walked out of the room saying to her (I haven't been spoken to since abruptly being told all my teeth are being removed) that he was going to ask the other dentist. I hear him walk aside and talk to him with my x-rays and says "is this something you even wanna get involved in?". The second dentist comes in. He was in his 40's and seemed much better. He explained a lot of extractions would have to be done and that he'd be willing to try and fight to fix what he could if I wanted. He said this would cost upwards of 10k even after my menial insurance. He also said he didn't want me to spend money to fix it if I wasn't going to maintain it. I said obviously the reason I was there was to start heading down the right path.

He also gave me some other options of full dentures which I'm not quite comfortable resigning myself to yet. He also said he could keep and build some select teeth in the bottom and basically mount dentures to a plate for retention. He said he'd probably remove all my tops which breaks my heart since those are the ones I definitely wanted to keep/fix. He suggested maybe finishing the cleaning that day but I was just spent and was doing my best to keep it together. I said I'd come back in after thinking things over which he said was a good plan and to call if I had any questions. I walked out and the younger female hygienist makes sure to give me a toothbrush and some encouragement. I have to say she was the one shining part in all of this who seemed actually like she cared and wanted to help.

Walked out. Had a panic attack and broke down in the car since I had used up everything I had to not do it in front of the doctors. It took a lot of effort to take the steps I did and it went just about as badly as possible. The worst case scenario I always had in my mind for going back happened. Where do I go from here? Seek a second opinion since the girlfriend and I (along with her mother) weren't very impressed with the office and how they handled things? Is it going to be like this no matter where I go? I know I'm not a dentist and that I need a lot of work. I just want somewhere where their initial reaction to a 24 year old is to scrap everything. I've had dental issues my entire life as a product of bad diet and terrible genetics. I just want to finally go down the right path since I have a support system to do so.
 
Hey BlaneH, i would advise you to see a different dentist if you can, i am one of the worst with dentists and i now have a really nice one who puts me at some kind of ease and helps me through the treatment i have, i still don't like them but i wish i had started my treatment years ago because my confidence has taken a bashing from having bad teeth and it has taken getting married to get my backside in the dentist chair, with support i have from other half and family i am feeling a bit better about it i hope this helps
 
I would also advise you to see another dentist, do you have a friend who could recommend one to you?

I had lots and lots of work done on my teeth when I was young and psychologically it all caught up with me when I realised how extensive it was and years later had to be re-done. I became very anxious, guilt ridden, you name it, all in all it was really hard to get back on track.

But this is what your aim is and its a great thing to focus on. It must be hard to start to be given facts about your dental health and the dentist you saw sounds like he delivered it in a really un-professional way, not to mention that it doesnt sound like he really thought about what to do!?

When i decided to tackle my teeth health head on it really helped me to become informed and a good dentist and their team was essential for me to do this. I needed to feel in control and the choices explained to me and even why I couldnt have certain restorative work done, it all helped me accept my situation and then feel on top of things and not so powerless and overwhelmed.

I hope this helps and I wish you well with your journey, it will get easier and you must feel really proud to have taken that first step. I have recently had a blip with my confidence teeth wise, but nearly over it and this time it was a short time or anxiety and not nearly as bad as the last, so things do get easier. Good luck
 
Hi BlaneH

Personally I would walk ...... there are good caring understanding dentists out there who will help you and treat you 'properly'.

Obviously your partner is a wonderful support, can she ring around and speak to recommended dentists? Have you thought about emailing some? Even send the post you put on here

After nearly 2 years worth of treatment I have a healthy mouth and am in a totally different place now which is all due to my fantastic dentist - who I would follow to the ends of the earth.

This is a big step so take your time to find yours

:)
 
Hi BlaneH

Personally I would walk ...... there are good caring understanding dentists out there who will help you and treat you 'properly'.

Obviously your partner is a wonderful support, can she ring around and speak to recommended dentists? Have you thought about emailing some? Even send the post you put on here

After nearly 2 years worth of treatment I have a healthy mouth and am in a totally different place now which is all due to my fantastic dentist - who I would follow to the ends of the earth.

This is a big step so take your time to find yours

:)

Sending the post is a great idea April.
 
Hi!

Congratulations on finding the woman in your life and for having the courage to go and try to fix your teeth.

Find a different dentist. There are many out there, and just the fact that you didn't like their tone and manners is enough reason to find a new one.

I had to get a lot of dental work recently, and it really, really helped that my dentist treated me with respect and friendliness.

If you need a lot of work, you will be spending some time with your dentist, do what you can to make it better.

:)
 
I just can't believe your teeth all need to be pulled at this point. Def get another dentist. Check the forums here for a good one. Also, I used google maps to find mine he had 100 reviews 5 stars.
 
Blane - I ended up with the same "results" had the same "reaction" - and the same statement... "you need to take care of your new teeth!" and seeked another dentist who is much more compassionate than the first.

While both dentists agreed that my teeth had to come out, the second dentist actually gave me options!!

I am just beginning my journey. Look for another dentist. :XXLhug:
 
Well one, I would find a different dentist. This one seems awful.

At 24 I'm surprised that you'd have to lose all your teeth. With my multiple issues, all I'm losing at this point in time is 5 teeth - well 9 if you count my wizzies that will eventually have to come out. My dentist is focused on saving all the teeth I have left, doesn't matter if that means rebuilding a side of a tooth with a filling (I have two teeth like this already), if we can save it, even for a little while, he's doing it.

You never should of had the cleaning with the state of your teeth. My dentist has decided he doesn't want to do a full cleaning until my more urgent fillings are done just to avoid damaging anything. If the hygienist wasn't sure, she should not have proceeded and I can't believe she went as long as she did with you spitting blood and broken tooth pieces.

There are caring dentists out there that don't treat you like crap about the state of your teeth. Actually, mine said he could see that I was taking care of them. Just because you have bad teeth right now doesn't mean you don't want to turn over a new leaf and start caring for them.

What was the cause of the diagnosis to remove all the teeth? Do you have a form of gum disease? If so you should be seeing a periodontist for you gums. Is it just tooth decay? If that's the reason then I'm hard stretched to believe everything would have to come out.

If it does turn out you do need dentures, there are many out there that can offer you all kinds of choices for missing teeth and dentures.

I think you need to find a compassionate dentist that doesn't judge.
 
:cool:Thank you everyone for your support. Even before I started taking action this place has been small bright spot for my issues. I've been kinda down since the whole fiasco happened. I'm ramping back up to take another shot with a new dentist. I'm sad cause I'll be losing 1500 dollars worth of coverage if I don't use it by January but I refuse to go until I have a dentist who will be patient and willing to work with me.

New plan is find a new dentist and have the DW call and explain my situation when she makes the appointment. She's been amazing through out.

As for why I was told I needed full dentures? I don't know. The first doc didn't give me any explanation. By the time the second dentist started going over things I was completely disassociated with what was going on and barely able to listen and respond. I had TONs of work done as a kid. Almost all my teeth have some sort of cavity. Several are definitely broken beyond repair if I had to guess. The second dentist seemed to think there was some things I COULD do if I was willing to pay the price but seemed reluctant to doing the work. I got the vibe that they saw how I treated the work I had done to me in my youth and assumed I would let it go again. I realize my mouth is in bad shape but it seemed like they just assumed I had no desire to ever take care of my teeth.

Funnily enough the last time I was at the dentist that really led to an escalation of my fear was due to a similar speech. I was asked why I wasn't brushing more (was 17 at the time) and said every time I consistently brushed I was losing fillings. In fact I was there for that very reason. This dentist got very offended and said that he refused to do any work on me if I was just going to let it go to crap. So when I got a similar speech from people who didn't know me at all I felt flashbacks.
 
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Well I'm finally attempting to get back on the horse. Making an appointment for Thursday this morning. I'm gonna make sure they know that I'm not comfortable getting a cleaning and that I'd like to meet the dentist and talk things over first. My last attempt was horrible as I was immediately put on edge that I KNEW I wasn't ready for a cleaning and it just got worse from there. Hopefully I can find the courage to express my fears and take it a easier pace. My girlfriend is also coming along and hopefully she can help.

It's been a struggle to get back to ready to try again but I am doing it. Hopefully my outlook is a little better this time. I also got some family help with money so I won't be as stressed about that aspect.
 
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