Here we go again...

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

It's good to see you trudging forward and holding your head high again! It sounds wise to trust R's recommendation for now. I'm sure she works with these people on a daily basis and has a good understanding of their personalities. Things are not always as they seem and so far it sounds like she's done a pretty good job with finding you matches with the exception of H3 which may just require some tweaking. For what it's worth, I have a good feeling about this!

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

Well, what a how-de-do. Having first been told that it should be fine for H3 to accommodate my requests (to go a bit more slowly and not to have a nurse in) and had one dentist recommended, I've now had a different dentist recommended and been told that basically H3 can't do those things for me after all.

So, I'm going to meet potential D5 soon for a chat, if he agrees, and hopefully that will go ok and he will be the right dentist for me. R obviously has thought carefully about who to suggest, so I'm scared but hopeful.

With H3, I'm really not sure what to do now. She has to have a nurse with her due to practice rules. Not all of them do though. So I don't know whether to try one of the ones who doesn't, or to try again with H3 and see if I cope any better. If I have to have someone else in, I would need to get know them as well. I've never thought about it before, but if they're involved in my treatment then I have to be comfortable with them, whatever their job is. At my last hygiene appointment I had one complete stranger and one near stranger standing over me and working in my mouth, and I just couldn't handle it. I felt completely out of control and didn't stop panicking the whole way through. I'm not used to it at all because the only time D4 or D3 had their nurses doing anything other than handing them things etc would have been while was sedated. I remember H1 had a nurse assisting her once I didn't like it then either, and was all geared up to talk to her about it, but it didn't happen again.

Anyway, I don't know if the nurse just has to be in the room or actually has to be assisting, so I guess I could ask if she can stay out of the way?! Or maybe I would actually be better off trying a different hygienist? I don't know.

*Sigh.* Why can't things just be straightforward?! I know these really are small things to deal with, and also that it's my fault not their's that I'm 'difficult'; I just feel like every time I get anywhere with sorting things out, there's another problem. I wouldn't be at all surprised if I woke up tomorrow with horrendous toothache, only to discover the whole practice had closed down overnight and moved to Bulgaria.

A rather pessimistic Pianimo.

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

I'm sorry things are not going so smoothly, Pianimo! I hope D5 is "the one" but I dislike how this practice has led you to feel like a "difficult" patient when really, the last hygienist/dentist had no trouble working with you. They are a sedation clinic so of all offices, I would hold them to a higher standard with regards to understanding that one approach does not suit all and patients have individual needs that need to be accommodated. I am frustrated with them just based on what you have told me so I can imagine how you must feel. They just don't seem to be trying very hard to even meet you halfway while you are giving it 100% effort to make it work. I don't know. I don't think I would stick with H3 at this point. Clearly you are not comfortable with her and it doesn't sound like she's willing to change the way she does things to make you feel more comfortable. If nothing changes, the outcome will likely be the same as your last appointment. I'd probably try another or maybe even start considering other practices. I don't understand the practice rules about requiring a nurse. I rarely have a nurse in to assist!

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time!

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

Thanks hun. I have considered leaving, but then I'd just be in the same boat only without anyone at all. Plus I don't think there's anywhere else to go. I researched extensively before going from Practice 2 to Practice 3, and couldn't find anywhere else that was really a contender. I believe R is genuinely trying to help, and D4 and H2 were great, so I do have reasons to have faith in the practice. I think the having a nurse in policy works on the same basis as how dentists have to have a nurse in with them. It's obviously meant to benefit both the dentist and the patient, and for most people it would, it's just that with me it doesn't work out that way.

I'm frustrated with myself for being so contrary as well - as you know I wasn't happy with H3, but now I'm having to think of changing to someone else, I suddenly really don't want to leave her! I don't know if it shows I view her more positively than I thought, or whether it's just because at least I already know her. As we mentioned in your journal, there's lot to be said for familiarity and knowing what to expect!

I think I will ask R if it's possible for H3's nurse just to observe and not assist, and if she says yes I'll see if I can cope with that next time, and take it from there. If she says no, I think I have to try someone else, who I can see on my own. Since I found having two people working in my mouth so difficult to cope with, I don't think I have a choice. I guess I could always still go back to H3 if I changed my mind.

Ugh, just want this all over with!

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

With requesting sedation, it certainly seems to narrow the options. I sure could have used some sedation today! I fully understand your claustrophobia and having 2 people hovering over you after my experience today. I guess it would not be fair to shoot down D5 (new D5 that is) before even meeting him. Funny how with H3, you would rather stick with a degree of discomfort that you have experienced before than take your chances with someone who could turn out to be worse! I fully understand where you are coming from though. Do you think D5 could do your cleanings instead if you really hit it off with him?

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

Oops, Kitkat, sorry - don't remember you asking me a question! Honestly, I don't know. I quite like having two people, so that if one goes there's still someone familiar there (or, at least, that's the theory - clearly hasn't worked out that way currently!). I think it's the way it's usually done in this practice for people to have separate hygiene appointments, so maybe it wouldn't be possible anyway.

I've now been told that H3's nurse can't just be in the room, she has to assist. Don't know what to do. I'm sick of all this dragging on and really am struggling to find motivation to go through process of meeting and 'interviewing' my potential D5, let alone doing the same with a potential H4 as well. I'm so stressed out with work at the minute and just don't have the energy to deal with all this. I also feel somewhat safe going back to H3 just because she is familiar, and I think she means well, rather than a stranger. On the other hand, I found it so hard having two people there, and I don't really want to experience that again. So I keep changing my mind about what to do - do I keep my appointment with H3 and see if I cope any better with the two-on-one thing (and the other issues), or do I try another hygienist? Either way sets nothing in stone, of course - if I saw H3 again and it was just as bad, I could then try someone else; or if I try someone else now and don't like them I could always go back to H3. I just wish a third, solving-all-problems option would magically appear!

Think I'm leaning towards trying someone new... (But, then again....)

A rather despondent Pianimo.

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

Well the good news is you have some time to sort things out. Although i can understand you wanting it sorted sooner than later. I'm not sure what the best route is either. I don't know if trying a H4 would solve the assistant problem since they may all have assistants. I still don't think it would hurt to meet D5. Maybe between now and April they will hire just the person you are looking for (here's hoping!). Out of all of the people in that enormous practice you are bound to hit it off with at least one, right?!

Listen to your instincts. I think if you really don't feel H3 will work out than it's not worth it to try to force it. Only you will know what is best for you.

If I could wrap up my D and H and ship them to you I would! Even though I have placed them both on probation due to my last visit. I'm STILL not over it!

Once again our lives are mirrored in that work has also been very stressful for me recently . I'd just take some time away from stressing about the dental situation and revisit with a clear mind in a couple weeks.

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

Pianimo said:

Don't know what to do. I'm sick of all this dragging on and really am struggling to find motivation to go through process of meeting and 'interviewing' my potential D5, let alone doing the same with a potential H4 as well.

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I wonder, given everything you've mentioned, whether it might be an idea to meet your potential new dentist first, then you can discuss your worries with him? The one you'll be seeing, is one of the practice owners isn't he, so he should be able to clarify what the situation is with seeing the hygienist and maybe suggest something that will work for you; whether that's with the same hygienist or someone else.

I think things maybe work differently in different practices; where I go, you can either have a cleaning done by your dentist as part of your checkup or you can have a separate appointment with the hygienist, depending on which you prefer and also what you need. Some people like seeing the hygienist, others prefer their dentist to do the cleaning. In my case, visiting the hygienist has never been mentioned; I think because my dentist knows that I couldn't cope with it. If he thinks my teeth need cleaning, he asks whether I feel OK to have my teeth cleaned and then he just does it himself as part of the appointment (if I'm OK with it...).

Pianimo said:

I also feel somewhat safe going back to H3 just because she is familiar, and I think she means well, rather than a stranger. On the other hand, I found it so hard having two people there, and I don't really want to experience that again.

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I don't really like having two people in my appointments either; if I'm stressed or panicking, then it's bad enough that my dentist sees it, without having someone else there as well. It feels like my personal space is really being invaded during treatment because there are two sets of hands and two people in very close proximity and it all feels far too much. If I'm anxious, then I also find it very difficult to concentrate on more than one person at once, so one person in my appointment is more than enough . I think it doesn't help that the nurses at the practice I used to go to, never really spoke to you other than to call your name when they came to fetch you from the waiting room. During the appointment, they would talk to the dentist, but not to me and I used to find it quite intimidating that they would be stood right next to me, with their hands near my mouth and yet the only thing they knew about me was my name and what I was having done that day. I think because they never really made any effort to put the patients at ease, it made it twice as uncomfortable if I then ended up getting stressed or started panicking during an appointment.

It's very different at the practice I go to now; it's a smaller practice, so the nurses know who each patient is and they get to know them. Sometimes they take it in turns on reception (if their receptionist isn't there) so you can chat with them whilst waiting and they also make conversation with you during your appointment. I'm still not keen on having two people there, but it's a lot easier when you're treated like a human being instead of just being the next name on the list, or worse, being ignored completely.

At the practice I went to this year for all the root canal treatment, again it was very different. There were two nurses who worked with the dentist; one of them worked with him most of the time and the other one welcomed patients, cleaned the instruments and also worked with him when his usual nurse was on holiday. They were both absolutely lovely, very supportive and between them and the dentist, they helped me to cope with treatment that I previously found almost impossible. For the first time ever, I didn't mind that there were two people in my appointment and I actually (and I can't believe I'm saying this...!!) felt comfortable with it .

I think it does make a real difference how the nurses interact with you, if they don't really bother to talk to you or put you at ease, then they're just some stranger who's there to pass instruments to the dentist. If they do talk to you and make an effort, then it can be a very different and more positive experience.

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

Thanks girls.

kitkat said:

Well the good news is you have some time to sort things out. Although i can understand you wanting it sorted sooner than later. I'm not sure what the best route is either. I don't know if trying a H4 would solve the assistant problem since they may all have assistants.

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They don't all need an assistant, it depends on their job title basically. So there are at the moment, I think, 2 who I could see on their own. I have an appointment booked with H3 in January, because of my 3 month spacing thing. And D4 leaves in January. So that's when my 'deadline' is really. R is going to find a time for me to meet pot. D5 in Jan, and I could maybe meet pot H4 that visit too, if that's what I decide to do.

kitkat said:

Listen to your instincts. I think if you really don't feel H3 will work out than it's not worth it to try to force it.

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The thing is, I think I may have been able to grow comfortable with her, so I would be happy to give it another go, but because of the 2 people thing I don't think I can. It's so frustrating!

kitkat said:

If I could wrap up my D and H and ship them to you I would!

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Haha! Thanks!

kitkat said:

Even though I have placed them both on probation due to my last visit. I'm STILL not over it!

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I understand that completely - I have to say, it's shaken my trust in them on your behalf! I don't think for a minute it undoes everything that's gone before, but the deception aspect really made me uncomfortable. I hope you're able to find a way to restore your trust in her to how it was before. She has to earn it again, I think. The issue is that (if) she thinks she did nothing wrong; I think you need to tell her that, in your eyes, she did. Then you can move on, together, happily - I hope.

kitkat said:

Once again our lives are mirrored in that work has also been very stressful for me recently .

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Ah, so it's your fault again is it?! Seriously, hope things calm down for you soon.

vicki said:

I wonder, given everything you've mentioned, whether it might be an idea to meet your potential new dentist first, then you can discuss your worries with him? The one you'll be seeing, is one of the practice owners isn't he, so he should be able to clarify what the situation is with seeing the hygienist and maybe suggest something that will work for you; whether that's with the same hygienist or someone else.

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That's a good suggestion. Yes, he's a partner. I think I understand the policy now R has explained it, but maybe I can try to convince him he should change it!

vicki said:

I think things maybe work differently in different practices; where I go, you can either have a cleaning done by your dentist as part of your checkup or you can have a separate appointment with the hygienist, depending on which you prefer and also what you need.

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Yeah, it definitely varies. A lot of practices near me don't have a hygienist, so obviously the dentists do the cleanings. As part of my plan I get two check-ups and two (15 min) hygiene appointments. So I guess it makes more sense for them to be separate appointments, although they'd normally be on the same day (I've asked to space them out). I doubt a dentist would give me a full extra 15 min, so it's probably more value for money this way!

I also quite like it, primarily I think because I've had such lovely hygienists. I felt more comfortable with H1 and H2 than with any of my dentists, lovely as they have been. H3 not so much, as you know. I think it was because with both of them I felt at ease immediately, from the very first moment of the first appointment; whereas, with my dentists, it wasn't like that, even though with D3/4 (the ones I saw more than once!) I grew to be very happy with them. I don't know if it's entirely a personality thing (quite possibly, they were both incurably nice people!), or if it's also to do with knowing there are certain things they can't/won't do to me!

I just want to be settled again, the way I felt six months ago. I'm scared I won't be like that again, scared I won't find anyone I'm happy with, scared I'll stop going... And I'm dreading the 'interviewing' process, because I hate it so much. Plus struggling with the decision r.e. H3. But, I know it needs to be done, dealing with all this, if I'm ever going to end up in my settled dental state again. So, I'm trying....

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

Pianimo said:

Thanks girls.


They don't all need an assistant, it depends on their job title basically. So there are at the moment, I think, 2 who I could see on their own. I have an appointment booked with H3 in January, because of my 3 month spacing thing. And D4 leaves in January. So that's when my 'deadline' is really. R is going to find a time for me to meet pot. D5 in Jan, and I could maybe meet pot H4 that visit too, if that's what I decide to do.


The thing is, I think I may have been able to grow comfortable with her [H3], so I would be happy to give it another go, but because of the 2 people thing I don't think I can. It's so frustrating!

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I still find dentistry in the UK to be quite confusing with all of their rules and separate titles!

Oh my! January came very fast..it seemed so far away just a few weeks back! I didn't realize your current dentist would be leaving so soon . I think Vicki is right about having the "right" nurse. I have had a small handful of nurses that actually brought me some comfort to have there next to me and then I have had a few who I've just wanted send away and try my best to forget they are there. I tolerate them at best but the ones that I wanted there always made an effort to talk and connect with me. Even if they are just assisting ..the situation is pretty much equally intrusive to that of the dentist's role so it makes sense that you should build some sort of relationship with them too.

Pianimo said:

Haha! Thanks!

I understand that completely - I have to say, it's shaken my trust in them on your behalf! I don't think for a minute it undoes everything that's gone before, but the deception aspect really made me uncomfortable. I hope you're able to find a way to restore your trust in her to how it was before. She has to earn it again, I think. The issue is that (if) she thinks she did nothing wrong; I think you need to tell her that, in your eyes, she did. Then you can move on, together, happily - I hope.

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I don't think she would ever intentionally 'betray' my trust because she's worked way too hard for it but I think that in her mind, she was acting in my best interest by saving me from the injection (because that typically upsets a lot of patients) but I definitely feel like she didn't listen to me or take me seriously in our conversation about it just prior. I almost don't feel justified to complain about it because it worked out but it's the principle of it. She can't just make decisions (and blatantly go against mine) just because she thinks she knows what's best without at least discussing a compromise first. If she told me she would like to try with just topical, I may have actually agreed because I knew it wasn't deep and was more concerned about the fact that it was on the gumline but ask me ; don't say one thing and do another mid-procedure when that was clearly your plan all along . It was already a big thing for me to be assertive enough to speak up and tell her I wanted the anesthetic when she asked because I have a bad habit of just nodding yes and going along with whatever is easiest so the follow through felt that much more important to me . I'm just feeling a little disappointed by the whole experience but anyway, that's my rant.

Pianimo said:

Ah, so it's your fault again is it?! Seriously, hope things calm down for you soon.

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Unfortunately, it doesn't appear to be calming down anytime soon so fasten your seat belt and get comfortable!!! It's only Friday and I'm already dreading Monday!

Pianimo said:

That's a good suggestion. Yes, he's a partner. I think I understand the policy now R has explained it, but maybe I can try to convince him he should change it!

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This sounds like a decent plan! Unless of course, H3 personally insists on an assistant...

Pianimo said:

I also quite like it, primarily I think because I've had such lovely hygienists. I felt more comfortable with H1 and H2 than with any of my dentists, lovely as they have been. H3 not so much, as you know. I think it was because with both of them I felt at ease immediately, from the very first moment of the first appointment; whereas, with my dentists, it wasn't like that, even though with D3/4 (the ones I saw more than once!) I grew to be very happy with them. I don't know if it's entirely a personality thing (quite possibly, they were both incurably nice people!), or if it's also to do with knowing there are certain things they can't/won't do to me!

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Funny because I think the bulk of my negative experiences have been with hygienists and I think they are actually most to blame for my fears. I went to a terrible dental chain for years who had the most rough hygienists ...they weren't ever actually mean...they just weren't particularly gentle or compassionate.... I ended up going to one dentist right after leaving the chain (for 1 appointment and then our insurance cancelled him! ) but he was WONDERFUL and did advertise as being good with nervous patients. I remember he had the most lovely hygienist though and after being a bit traumatized by the chain I went to for about 7 years she restored my faith in hygienists...I was actually all tensed up and shaking before she even touched me and she noticed right away and told me to relax and promised she wouldn't hurt me. It came as a shock to hear this because I just expected a rough 30 minutes and was bracing for it (after awhile I think you accept the abuse as normal ). I remember thinking it was amazing to be able to have a painless and stress free cleaning experience! Hmm, I'm actually switching dental plans so maybe I could return to them if my dentist doesn't make the cut anymore ...I must look them up!

Pianimo said:

I just want to be settled again, the way I felt six months ago. I'm scared I won't be like that again, scared I won't find anyone I'm happy with, scared I'll stop going... And I'm dreading the 'interviewing' process, because I hate it so much. Plus struggling with the decision r.e. H3. But, I know it needs to be done, dealing with all this, if I'm ever going to end up in my settled dental state again. So, I'm trying....

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I can imagine it is much like leaving and searching for a brand new practice in a sense which is very overwhelming. Just remember that all of this stress is a means to an end and that eventually you will arrive at a solution even if it's not right away. Things always fall into place with time and persistence it may just take time for everything to line up the way you want it to. Do you think it would be helpful to opt for some form of sedation with H3 to handle having 2 people present?

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

Just an update for those who are interested...I had a very difficult start to the year and as a result I couldn't make it to my appointment with H3, and I wasn't able to meet potential D5 either. I am only just getting back on my feet and have asked R to arrange for me to meet pot. D5, and also pot. H4, as I asked if I could try someone who is able to see me on her own. I'm so nervous about meeting them and really don't want to have to deal with all this, especially at the moment, but I'm also very aware that D4 has now left so I am dentist-less, and that scares me, so I know I need to get things sorted. Really hoping I like both potentials and I can just be settled and feel safe again. Hope things are going well for the rest of you!

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

Hi it is lovely to see you I am very interested in how you are and what is going on with you. It is lovely to see a post from you.

Sorry you are in this position. It is a horrible place, I hope you get to meet your new dentist and others soon as the stress and worry is terrible. Once you have been and got it over with it will be a great weight of your mind.

You know we are here if you need us GOOD LUCK

Sometimes my smilies on the (more) bit won't always come up so I have to improvise, sorry I can't give you my jumping butterfly.

Re: Tomorrow! (Here we go again...)

Hey Appointment Buddy!!!
Sorry I'm only just seeing your most recent post and sorry to hear about your current circumstances. Has the office gotten back to you about when you will be able to meet the dental candidates? I thought we would be thrown off our paired appointment schedule but it seems as though we may parallel each other after all. I had to cancel my 6 month recall appointment for early next month because I changed jobs in March therefore, my dental/health insurance lapsed for 3 months. My new benefits don't kick in until after 90 days of work with my new employer which will be mid-June so I'm just kinda waiting and trying to avoid any dental disasters til then...best of luck to you and please keep us posted!

Thanks kitkat. And thanks Carole too - sorry I didn't reply sooner. I've been so busy!

I've moved my thread now, as I guess it's become something of a journal, although I always welcome all the input and support I can get!

2014 is certainly proving a challenging year so far. I'm just hoping my dental situation will be one thing that just goes smoothly! I have two 'talking' appointments tomorrow, to meet potential D5 and H4, and see if I feel happy to try 'real' appointments with them. I am absolutely petrified and trying not to think about it! I feel stupid for being so nervous, but I hate meeting new people and pressured or awkward situations and also being in a dental practice! And I'm worried I'll forget to say something or they won't understand or will make fun of me or something when I explain my story - even though I know that's just not going to happen. (I hope!) I'm worried I'll not feel comfortable with one of them and have to go through all this again; or that I will feel ok but then at a later appointment find I'm not....etc. Basically, lots of catastrophising going on in my head!

I know that really I'm the one interviewing them, and deciding if I'm happy, so it should be them who are nervous! lol But I feel like I'm setting myself up to be judged, and one of them might turn around and say "I don't want someone like you as my patient". I know they won't, but that doesn't stop me thinking it! I'm anxious about the fact I am dentist-less, and that's making me go ahead with it, but I really really don't want to have to go tomorrow. Particularly the dentist I'm meeting, I feel quite intimidated by him - not based on anything because I haven't met him, it just makes me even more nervous.

Kitkat, we may well end up back in tandem. If tomorrow goes ok I will be booking in a check up and a hygiene appointment, which I'm guessing will be in a month or so's time as that's usually the soonest spaces they have. I've spent a year trying to separate my appointments out (1 every three months rather than 2 every six), but I've never yet succeeded!

Well, I'll let you know tomorrow, anyway. Man, I can't believed how worked up I am over just talking! What a muppet! *Goes off to plan ways to avoiding having to go. #1 'Accidentally' lock myself in the bathroom. #2....

In all honesty, even though I have been with my dentist for 10 years the idea of having an appointment where I'm expected to just sit and converse with her honestly about my fears is a terrifying prospect. I would much rather have actual dental work done and interact with her minimally so I completely sympathize with you! We've never actually had a formal conversation we kinda just address things as I freak out in the chair!

Just remember this practice is geared for fearful patients so anyone that works there likely is at least sympathetic to nervous and phobic patients. You are not the first phobic patient they have met and definitely not their last. I really hope everything turns out well for you tomorrow!

I'm still quite intimidated by my dentist but not exactly sure why. I can make small talk with her now quite easily even though I feel very awkward but I have a really hard time talking about my fears and feel so self-conscious about it. She's actually more comfortable with discussing my fears than I am. She's flat out asked me to talk to her a few times about it and I just kinda avoid the topic. I think in reality, I'm the only one judging me because my fears don't seem to phase her at all. We are all our harshest critics though! I wrote her a thank you card awhile back to let her know I appreciate all of her patience and reassurance while I'm in the chair and had the hardest time working up the nerve to give it to her.

I think your escape plans need some work! Reminds me of when I was in grad school and had to take dreadful exams. I actually wished that I would get stuck in the elevator on my way up to class on the 4th floor so I wouldn't have to take them!

kitkat said:

I think your escape plans need some work! Reminds me of when I was in grad school and had to take dreadful exams. I actually wished that I would get stuck in the elevator on my way up to class on the 4th floor so I wouldn't have to take them!

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lol Well I'm really claustrophobic, so being stuck in a lift is my worst nightmare, so that one definitely wasn't on the list!

Anyway, I made it! And it went well, I think. I didn't even cry at the end, which I normally do out of sheer relief. Was fighting the tears through the appointment with D5 but I held on! I like him. He's probably more my kind of person than D4 actually - much more chatty etc. Although I am even more intimidated by him after meeting him than before! lol He is the kind of person who I would be intimidated by in 'real life', even outside of a dental context, just by sheer force of personality, and the fact he is the boss!! But although that makes me nervous around him, it also gives me confidence because he seems to know what he's doing!

I had an x-ray done, which I was due, and that brings the first bit of bad news because I have a hole between two teeth, and also some possible decay elsewhere, so it looks like I am going to need work. I know why, because between the depression and then being very ill earlier this year, there have been periods where my dental hygiene routine has really slipped. I'm not entirely sure what the situation is or what I will need doing or when, but I am going back for an examination and to talk about treatment, so I guess I'll find out then.

I feel able to talk to him, so that is the most important thing. I am scared of him but I believe he cares about his patients and wants to help them, so I am happy to give him a go. Hopefully this will see me settled for a long time now. I told him that was really important to me and he's promised he's not going anywhere!

Then it was time to meet H4. I liked her too. She has a different personality to H1/2, who are both quite naturally quiet/gentle people and so I felt safe with them immediately. H4 is a bubblier and more confident person, but she was friendly and kind and I soon began to feel at ease with her. D5 had said that every hygienist now has to have a nurse assisting (or that's what he seemed to say), which had worried me, but H4 said that although she will have a nurse in the room, she's happy to do the cleaning on her own. I wouldn't want her to be doing anything she's not supposed to, but I assume she wouldn't agree to it unless it were ok. We also talked through what she can do to help me, as well as establishing a stop signal etc - she was leading all that conversation so I didn't have to, and I felt able to tell her everything I need/would prefer because she was asking me so I didn't feel like I was being demanding etc.

So, all in all, two very positive meetings. I'm a bit down about needing treatment, and still worried about how the first two 'real' appointments will go. But for the mostpart it went really well. I also got to meet R for the first time - she's my contact who I always email, but I've never met her, and it was lovely to put a (friendly) face to a name.

So, got two appointments booked in in May - first a cleaning, and then the appointment with D5 a week later. So, kitkat, not quite on schedule, but by the looks of things I may be booking myself in for treatment about the time of your check up! Want to swap?!

Pianimo said:

lol Well I'm really claustrophobic, so being stuck in a lift is my worst nightmare, so that one definitely wasn't on the list!

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I could write a book about excuses for cancelling dental appointments!! I haven't actually cancelled an appointment since I changed dental practices to where I go now and if I'm being honest, the thought hasn't really crossed my mind because everyone is so nice and I have no reason to cancel appointments any more, but I was an expert at cancelling appointments at the place I used to go to!!

Depending on how much of a panic I was in during the run-up to appointments, my favourite options were either to phone up a couple of days before the appointment and tell them that I had a meeting at work that I couldn't re-arrange, so I'd have to cancel my appointment (knowing full well that they'd make me wait at least a month before they could fit me in again), or if it got to the day of the appointment and I was in too much of a panic, I would phone up first thing, put on my best croaky voice and tell them that I'd caught some virus or other and so would have to cancel (again, knowing full well that the next available appointment would be at least a month away!)!

Pianimo said:

Was fighting the tears through the appointment with D5 but I held on! I like him. He's probably more my kind of person than D4 actually - much more chatty etc. Although I am even more intimidated by him after meeting him than before! lol He is the kind of person who I would be intimidated by in 'real life', even outside of a dental context, just by sheer force of personality, and the fact he is the boss!!

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I'm so relieved that it went well for you as I know how worried you were. The first appointment is always the worst; partly because you don't know what to expect but also because of all the pressure that we tend to put on ourselves to 'get things right' and maybe behave in a certain way.

Everyone is different; some people seem to feel comfortable with a new dentist/hygienist straight away after the first appointment, but for others, it takes a bit longer. Either way, you've done the hardest bit by meeting them and 'breaking the ice'.

I used to feel really intimidated by any dentist that I met, mainly because of past experiences, but also because rather than being able to perceive them as a fellow human being, it felt like they were some sort of scary monster to be feared (even if there was no evidence to suggest that this was the case). Even though everything you read says that they are supposed to be a healthcare professional who is there to help you, they're on your level and you're equals etc, it never felt that way to me.

When I met my current dentist for the first time, although he was really nice and I knew that I didn't dislike him, it took a few appointments for me to get to know him well enough to decide whether I felt OK with him. On the other hand, when I went for the initial appointment with the endodontist who's been doing all the root canal treatment that I've had over the past year or so, I just instinctively knew that everything would be OK within the first few seconds of him walking into the waiting room and introducing himself.

If you got a good gut feeling from the first appointment, then the chances are that it will be OK. Change is always unsettling even for people who seem to like going to the dentist (like my mum... who doesn't understand why I have a fear at all because dental appointments are all very normal and routine as far as she's concerned!), but hopefully now you should be able to start feeling more settled as you get to know them better.

I used to find it extremely difficult to talk about anything during dental appointments as well, so conversations were minimal at best. Getting to know the people who worked in the dental practice was definitely not on my list of things to do! Go in, get it over and done with as quick as possible and get out of there.

Last week, I went for a review appointment with Mr nice endodontist because although he's just finished rct number 7 on one of my upper right molars, I still have pain which seems to be coming from the molar next to it, so he suggested that I booked a review appointment for 2 or 3 weeks to re-assess how things are. Last week's review appointment was only the second time out of about 22 or 23 appointments at that practice, where I've been completely without any sort of medication; either Diazepam or beta blockers (I take both for root canal treatment). It was also only the second appointment where I've driven myself there on my own because when I'm doped on Diazepam (and usually fairly legless!), my mum has to take me.

It's about 45 minutes' drive from where I live and it wasn't until I'd driven there, parked in the car park, gone in and sat in their waiting room/lounge (there's no reception, so you just go straight in if you've been before) that I realised I was sat in a dental practice... without any trace of anxiety whatsoever. There I was sat on the sofa, reading a copy of the Telegraph, gazing out of the window into their garden and thinking what a nice day it was. It never really crossed my mind that I was there for a dental appointment. Most peculiar indeed.

During the appointment, I still didn't have any anxiety and it just felt like I was having a normal conversation... with another person... in a normal situation. We even had a bit of a laugh. What's more, I agreed to rct number 8 to sort out my painful tooth (a decision that previously would've sent me into complete panic and certainly not something that I would've agreed to straightaway in the past), so I've got that to come in about 5 weeks' time.

I was so puzzled about the whole thing that it occupied my mind for most of the drive home. Although I do still have fears and problems with some parts of treatment (so I will definitely be taking my usual Diazepam cocktail for the next root canal), experiencing a dental appointment with no anxiety whatsoever is a completely new experience for me. When I think back to the initial appointment, I spent about half an hour or so talking to the endodontist in his office upstairs before we went into his surgery and he took x-rays and had a look at my teeth. He said that if I didn't feel comfortable with anything then I had to say so, because having treatment was about working together and he couldn't just continue with treatment if I wasn't feeling OK with everything. I think this conversation was the start of me perceiving 'the dentist' as a normal person who does a normal job, rather than some big scary monster.

Over the past few months during all the root canal treatment, I have probably talked more during my appointments than I have ever done before; I've had normal conversations; managed to have a laugh even when things weren't going according to plan; staggered around like I've had about 10 pints due to the Diazepam cocktail and had the endodontist and his nurse in stitches because I've been spaced out and said "Yeah, whatever!". Although I still do have problems with anxiety and flashbacks sometimes during treatment, I think the shift in perception is down to spending time talking and getting to know them... as people, rather than some faceless employees who just work in a dental practice (which is what they were like at the practice I used to go to).

You mentioned that your new dentist is more your sort of person because he's more chatty. That's definitely a good sign and although it might not feel comfortable for you, or maybe even a bit intimidating at first, if it helps you, then talk more. It's not for everyone; some people prefer a very defined 'professional distance' where you only talk about your teeth and nothing else during your appointments, but for other people (like me), talking about everyday stuff as well is much better because it helps to bring a sense of normality to things.

Pianimo said:

I had an x-ray done, which I was due, and that brings the first bit of bad news because I have a hole between two teeth, and also some possible decay elsewhere, so it looks like I am going to need work. I know why, because between the depression and then being very ill earlier this year, there have been periods where my dental hygiene routine has really slipped.

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None of us are perfect and as a previous dentist once told me: even dentists have fillings in their mouths. We all have times when we should do things and we don't, but it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. What matters is that you're making progress now.

Pianimo said:

I feel able to talk to him, so that is the most important thing. I am scared of him but I believe he cares about his patients and wants to help them, so I am happy to give him a go. Hopefully this will see me settled for a long time now. I told him that was really important to me and he's promised he's not going anywhere!

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It's good that you feel able to talk to him and it's a good idea to build on that at your next few appointments if you can. I didn't realise until I changed practices, just how much seeing a different dentist every 18-24 months was messing with my mind and not helping me one bit to overcome my fears.

I know you mentioned that you feel a bit intimidated because he's the boss, but another way to look at it would be that the whole feel of a place or its ethos, usually comes from the person or people who started the practice, so it's likely that the rest of the staff there will follow his lead. The fact that they were prepared to meet you just for a chat speaks volumes. Not all private practices will do that and certainly no NHS dentist I've encountered has ever offered an appointment just for a chat. Even though it might not feel like it at the moment, especially as you might need treatment in the near future, being able to go and meet them just to talk is a very good sign.

Pianimo said:

We also talked through what she can do to help me, as well as establishing a stop signal etc - she was leading all that conversation so I didn't have to, and I felt able to tell her everything I need/would prefer because she was asking me so I didn't feel like I was being demanding etc.

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You're not being demanding. If there's something that would make you more comfortable or help you to feel more relaxed, then there's nothing wrong with asking. Usually, they're only too happy to work with you, particularly because the more relaxed you are, the easier their job is. I know it's easier said than done; I could never ask for anything either, even if it was the simplest of things. But I think it depends on how you perceive yourself in relation to your dentist (i.e. whether you feel as though you're equal or whether they're better than you). If you can try and get to know them as people, then it might help to shift your perception of how things are and you might find it easier to talk and ask if there's anything you need.

Pianimo said:

So, all in all, two very positive meetings. I'm a bit down about needing treatment, and still worried about how the first two 'real' appointments will go.

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Meeting someone just to talk is a whole different ball game than going for treatment, so I can understand how you feel... it's the first real test of what they're like. From everything that you've posted so far, it sounds as though you'll be fine.

Pianimo said:

So, got two appointments booked in in May - first a cleaning, and then the appointment with D5 a week later. So, kitkat, not quite on schedule, but by the looks of things I may be booking myself in for treatment about the time of your check up! Want to swap?!

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Your schedule is similar to mine as I've got the first of two root canal appointments at the end of May and then the second appointment in June... I keep trying to persuade people to swap with me, but so far I've had no takers!!

Thanks Vicki. Really appreciate this wisdom, support - and having someone who posts even longer posts than I do!

I have my first 'real' appointment with H4 tomorrow. I'm nervous because I just hate going but I do feel reassured by the fact we have already made plans for how to make it as easy as possible for me, and because she was she one asking me how she can help, it makes me feel more able to speak as she's told me she wants me to tell her. She is very different natured to H1 and H2, both of whom put me at ease immediately. They were like the opposite of scary! H4 is just a bit more confident/outgoing, but she seems genuine in wanting to do her best to help me, so I think I'll be ok.

I'm more worried about next week than tomorrow I think, even though it's only a check-up/consultation. I find D5 a scarier person (although that will hopefully diminish as I get used to him and get to know him better), and also because I'm going to find out what treatment I need! I also feel like I'm going to be told off for letting problems creep in - or that I'm going to feel ashamed and told off even if he's not saying it like that, if you know what I mean?

I do feel better knowing D5 will be seeing my teeth less than a week after they've been cleaned by a hygienist, so they should still be in very good shape! That's one reason I booked the hygiene appointment first. Probably daft but it makes it one fewer thing to worry about next week.

Anyway, first things first, let's get tomorrow out of the way!

Unless I can better my avoidance tactics, that is. Now, what was that about a meeting....

Pianimo said:

Thanks Vicki. Really appreciate this wisdom, support - and having someone who posts even longer posts than I do!

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Not sure about wisdom... Probably more like rambling on and on, but I must admit, I am getting rather good at long posts!!

Pianimo said:

I'm more worried about next week than tomorrow I think, even though it's only a check-up/consultation. I find D5 a scarier person (although that will hopefully diminish as I get used to him and get to know him better), and also because I'm going to find out what treatment I need! I also feel like I'm going to be told off for letting problems creep in - or that I'm going to feel ashamed and told off even if he's not saying it like that, if you know what I mean?

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I know exactly what you mean; I still worry about getting told off, even though on a rational and logical level, I know that it won't happen. Telling patients off is a great way to lose customers, so I don't think it's something that many dentists actually do these days... at least not those who are in private practice with a business to run!!

After I'd finished all the root canal treatment last year, the endodontist recommended a follow up review appointment in six months, to take x-rays and check that the teeth were OK before doing any further treatment such as crowns later on. At that time, I'd had six root canals which were all on molars. The only molars that hadn't been treated, were my upper right molars, but because I also had some pain in those, I was told to contact them before six months if it got any worse. Everything was reasonably OK for a few weeks, but then the pain in my upper right molars came back and it was fairly bad, but I kept putting off phoning them because I hoped it'd all just go away and everything would be fine. The teeth that'd had root canals were all fine, so I decided to keep taking painkillers and just go to the review appointment in six months, hoping that by that time, the pain on the upper right would have magically disappeared.

In January this year, I received a letter asking me to contact them to book the six month review appointment, so I phoned them up and got an appointment for about two weeks' later. This appointment was the first time that I'd been there on my own and without taking Diazepam. As I was sat there in the waiting room, I was absolutely convinced that I was going to get told off because I hadn't contacted them sooner about the pain. Thinking about it rationally, I really don't know why I got into such a stress about it, because I had no actual 'evidence' whatsoever that I was going to get told off at all. Both the endodontist and the nurses are all so nice and normal there, that from a logical perspective, I had no real reason to worry. In fact, for a nervous patient who sits shaking like a leaf in the chair whilst being fixated on the door and thinking of ways to escape before she bursts into tears, mr nice endodontist is just the sort of person you would want to meet in that situation. He's very patient and calm, doesn't appear to get phased by anything (although he probably has a nervous breakdown in his office after my appointments ) and has a brilliant sense of humour. So not at all like the sort of person who would tell a patient off . When he came into the waiting room and asked how I was, I admitted to having toothache (best to get it out of the way!!) and probably looked a bit sheepish . Did I get told off? Nope. From memory, I think he just said (in a very patient and reasonable tone of voice): "Oooohh..." and then "Nevermind, we'll have a look and sort it out ."

Afterwards, when got back in my car, the inner voice in my head said "You prat!! What was all the stress for?!?".

If I find my worries running away with me (which they frequently do!), one thing that I find that helps, is to treat it as a sort of experiment (like in science lessons at school).

Thinking back to when we did experiments in science at school, when we were writing up the experiment before, we had to write about our predictions. This section was about what you thought the outcome of the experiment would be, based on your actual knowledge and experience (rather than guessing). Then afterwards, you had to write about what actually happened and compare the two.

So if you find yourself stressing about being told off (for whatever reason), think about whether there is any actual proper evidence (rather than subconscious assumptions) to suggest that you might be told off. If the answer is no, then try and put the worry to one side and leave it alone. Instead, think about what might happen based on your actual real experience (rather than subconscious emotions, assumptions and guessing). During your appointment, make a mental note about how you're feeling and what is actually happening, then afterwards compare what actually happened with what you thought would happen. The predictions based on real evidence and experience are usually fairly accurate, whilst the ones that are based on emotions and guesswork are usually miles apart from what actually happens.

Pianimo said:

I do feel better knowing D5 will be seeing my teeth less than a week after they've been cleaned by a hygienist, so they should still be in very good shape! That's one reason I booked the hygiene appointment first. Probably daft but it makes it one fewer thing to worry about next week.

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It's not daft; it's called planning ahead !

Pianimo said:

Unless I can better my avoidance tactics, that is. Now, what was that about a meeting....

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I think we should write a book... '101 Convincing Excuses for Cancelling Dental Appointments'. I reckon it'd be a bestseller!!!!

Hi pianimo well mine is going to be short and sweet GOOD LUCK for your appointment.

I am sure you will be fine but that won't stop you getting all worked up about it. Just concentrate on the time after the appointment, think about what you will doing. Give yourself a reward too