• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

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Much TLC needed as well as everything else!

Kim

Kim

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 4, 2012
Messages
1,859
Location
Hertfordshire
I just had to write. I haven't been to the dentist in over 25 years. When I was a child my teeth just used to crumble. I used to go to the dentist every 3 months, and there was NEVER a time when I didn't need something done. Both my parents and my older sister had dentures in their early 20's along with my two older brothers who also had rubbish teeth. I had crowns fitted to 11 of my front teeth as a young teenager. I then had to go into St Thomas' hospital in London before I was 20 to get all of my back teeth removed. They were going to take all of my teeth out then, but I said I wanted to keep my crowned teeth, so that is what I have had all this time. I have had my crowns re-done once since, and that was the last time I went to the dentist.

3 weeks ago one of my crowns just broke. I was and am still devastated. It has forced me into a situation that I really cant cope with. I have a small group of very good friends, who have for the first time ever, found out that I am absolutely petrified of the dentist (and I have known them for a good number of years). They have been really good to me, and one of them has another friend who is a dental nurse in the practice that my husband and children go to. They have made me an appointment for the 13th of this month.

I haven't slept properly since this has happened, and knowing the state of my mouth, I know I must have gum disease because my mouth just bleeds for no reason at all, and my gums are swollen, moreso on the bottom than the top. I cannot explain just how frantic I am about this whole situation. I hate everything to do with the dentist, and will only get through the door because my husband will be with me.

I cry a lot of the time at home, and have gone from being a fun outgoing woman, to being someone who is self conscious, petrified, and has no self esteem whatsoever.

I am glad that I have found this website, as I now know I am not alone, although that is just exactly how I feel - I am in my early 50's but feel like a child - and a very scared one at that :(
 
Hiyer Kimbo,

I feel terribly sorry for you, you have had such a rough time with your teeth in the past, even though you have tried to do your best to stick to having dental care. You have just been unlucky (genetically?) with your teeth, but as we here know, having dental problems can affect many aspects of your life and your general mental health.

We will be here to listen to your concerns and help with support, if we are able, during your treatment.

Best Wishes
 
Hi Kimbo,
TLC is available but it is easier to find in the private sector in the UK as NHS dentists tend to be time-pressured. It is great that your friends know a dental nurse who is willing to help you but if the dentist she works with turns out to not be a good fit for you, then don't forget that you do have other options.
I see you are in Hertfordshire, you could do a lot worse than Lincoln Hirst in Welwyn Garden City


Good luck and congratulations for posting here :jump:.
 
Hi kimbo I am 54 so near your age. I am sorry to read how ill you are making yourself feel. I have always forced myself to go to the dentist, shaking and nervous, so I understand how you feel. I know you are probably thinking if I go how can I know how you feel.
Although I go I am terrified my teeth will break or something will happen to them which means I will need treatment. I tried not going once for 5 years and that was more stressful in the long run that going. I was constantly day and night thinking about my teeth, they did and still do to some extent control what I do and what I eat and even how I eat. So you are not alone at your age to feel how you do.

I am glad you have your husband to go with you. You will find dentists have changed from when you last went, the good ones understand and will work with you, not on you. They will ask if it is okay to look in your mouth, and at each step if you tell them you feel they will tell you what they are doing.

If it makes it any easier for you e mail the practice or send a letter explaining how you feel and why, and tell them what would make it easier for you to go just for a check up. I ask a new dentist not to use the probe (the pricky thing) when I first go, so they just use a mirror. Once you can build up a trust with your dentist it is an amazing feeling and you feel like a normal person going, almost, I say almost because I still feel nervous, having certain treatments done, but I am no longer a trembling wreck that can hardly string two words together.

For your gums until you get to see the dentist, if you do a warm salt water rinse as often as can, it will not be a cure but it will help with the soreness and help keep any infection down. I often do this as a prevention, a dentist years ago told me it is the best thing. It can not hurt you either as long as you don't swallow it. If you don't like the taste after give your teeth and gums a bit of a brush, or rub a bit of toothpaste around with your finger. Or suck a mint which probably isn't the best idea but it would get rid of the taste if it bothers you.

I wish you good luck with your appointment, you will be fine. :XXLhug:
 
Thank you so much for this - my face is still hitting the floor, and will be for some time, but I will keep checking on here for moral support and advice, and to keep you guys updated with what is happening.
 
Thank you all for taking the time to post on here, it really is much appreciated. My friends friend who works at the dentist has put me with a dentist who she says will explain everything to me, and she is going to explain to her just how bad I am.

The sensible side of me tells me that I am doing the right thing, but the irrational side of me says I should just carry on as I am for the rest of my days - that is how irrational it is, as I know this is not possible, as I am not being fair to my family, who I must be driving mad, especially as they are all fine with the dentist, and all have fantastic teeth. I have never been blessed with these, and it has always been my one wish. I do feel that this is possibly a genetic thing, and if this is the case, then I am just grateful that my kids haven't got this part of me.

I will keep you posted, and thank you again - I wish I could put a smiley face here, but at this moment in time, I cant :cry:
 
About 6 weeks ago I was like you ! Crying a lot, afraid to go out in case we met friends who wanted to chat and not able to sleep properly for worry.

In the end,I had to face my fears as a piece of hard baked tartar broke , but did not fall away from the teeth,so it was hard to eat any more. I was so mortified and embarrased and felt I will wait till doomsday rather than go to the dentist.But my dear hubby made me go,and he was right.

I did go and was VERY embarrased ( I am older too, so old enough to know better so to speak ! ) but the dentist was kindness itself and his helper is such a sweet girl.
I have since had 3 appointments for cleaning and am having the last tomorrow ,then a break until more work is done to fit a bridge at the top.

Although there is still work to be done I am relieved and quite pleased with myself. You will feel the same. I can now open my mouth and speak to people !!
Goodness it is such a relief not to worry worry worry all the time, and to make excuses and hide in the house ! I am a classic case of wishing I had gone sooner but the fear is overwhelming until you face it.

All will be well for you. You will suprise yourself the same as I did . It is a good feeling !
Meanwhile we are here cheering for you and to comfort as well.:)
 
Thank you for this - you have made me cry - not that that is difficult at the moment. I am thinking about the worst possible scenario, and I feel I will have no choice other than to have my remaining crowns removed - the hospital wanted to do that 30 plus years ago, and so that is what is going through my head right now.

I am so pleased for you and hope that whatever I have to have done, I can cope with it. I know that my thoughts are way over the top, but when you have a phobia, that's what happens I guess.

This whole thing is engulfing me - my husband has just come up to me (I am in our room) to say that I am very distant. I don't mean to be, but if I am not with people, I don't have to talk or worry about laughing without covering my mouth!

Thank you again, it means so much to get this support.

Kim
 
Hi again Kimbo, the nature of the dental phobia/nervousness is a very lonely place of solitude.
Apart from the worry of what things look like or if breath might smell in some cases, the pain involved and the strain from the constant worry, of what if, is just so draining. Nobody that has not suffered this feeling can even begin to understand, sometimes some people may be able to empathise but it's not the same. Everybody on here has been in the same boat, for one reason or another, different fears about different things but all resulting in the same. HOW TO DODGE THE DENTIST.

So I hope you can feel that we all understand on here and will like pippa says give you more encouragement and support than you can stand. Instead of begging for more you will be begging us to stop with the care. :XXLhug:

On a serious note, come and go as you please on here there is usually someone around to answer you day and night, if not just straight away, as soon as, and just think when you have been to the dentist yourself, you will be on here shouting from the roof tops, I WENT AND I SAW HIM, and I lived to tell the tale. :)
 
On a serious note, come and go as you please on here there is usually someone around to answer you day and night, if not just straight away, as soon as, and just think when you have been to the dentist yourself, you will be on here shouting from the roof tops, I WENT AND I SAW HIM, and I lived to tell the tale. :)[





What a day that will be .Carole and I will be here with our:jump::jump::jump: when you have been and know what is going to happen.
:XXLhug:
 
What a lovely post Carole, you have such a way with words of empathy !

Yeah Kimbo, we will be here.....and yes, they will be over using the smilies...any excuse. ;)
 
Thank you again - I am still :scared::(:(:cool::cry:
 
3rd opinion appointment tomorrow, and soooooo scared AGAIN!

I am going for my 3rd opinion on what to do with the few remaining crowns I have in my mouth tomorrow, and am tooooo scared of everything, but especially the outcome for the treatment.

I couldn't afford to get the crowns re-done due to the cost, and cant afford implants........

Just want to be hugged and told everything will be alright :cry:
 
Re: 3rd opinion appointment tomorrow, and soooooo scared AGAIN!

Good luck Kim, I'm sure everything will be fine, well done for making the appointment, here's some hugs to help you along :grouphug:
 
Re: 3rd opinion appointment tomorrow, and soooooo scared AGAIN!

Hug hug hug everything will be all right everything will be all right everything will be all right.Hug Hug Hug :XXLhug::XXLhug::XXLhug:
 
Re: 3rd opinion appointment tomorrow, and soooooo scared AGAIN!

Just over two and a half hours now, and my right leg is doing just the same amount of jiggling about as my tummy is right now! Just want to cry and I feel really sick :sick::cry:
 
Re: 3rd opinion appointment tomorrow, and soooooo scared AGAIN!

Just over two and a half hours now, and my right leg is doing just the same amount of jiggling about as my tummy is right now! Just want to cry and I feel really sick :sick::cry:

You know what I think, the stress is not so much meeting Lincoln (he's obviously a nice guy), it's your concern that you can't afford the appropriate treatment.
I am sure that you can, one way or another. If your OH could stump up for a single implant then if the worst were to transpire and you needed implant-supported dentures, it probably wouldn't cost that much more. You can borrow for dental treatment just like anything else.
It would have been really unethical to do that single implant (which was what had in fact been cooked up behind your back almost) knowing your other teeth were close to failure (if in fact they are). An implant done in that situation without proper x-rays and getting the gums in a healthy state first would also not have the best chances for long-term success.
So either way you have probably had a lucky escape and saved yourself some money.

Best wishes. I know you can do it and what's the worst outcome? At least you will know where you stand and what your options are. :grouphug:
 
It has been a while since I have been on this particular post, but have been awake for hours because of a snoring hubby!

Well an awful lot has happened in the last few weeks, and I had a consultation yesterday with a 3rd dentist. I will update you all more when I know exactly what is to happen, but will let you know now, the news is not the greatest, but the most honest!:cry::scared:
 
Hope the appointment went well despite the not such great news.
The main thing is YOU MANAGED !
You went to the dentist...you opened your mouth....yipppeeee..well done.
I and many others here know just how hard that all is to do...but you did it:jump:
 
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