Many thanks; need support

[FearfulInMA]

hi all,

i'm a relative newbie here (well, i've been reading posts on this site for a couple of years now, but just got up the nerve to start to post).

the abridged version of my story -- i don't want to bore you all:
with the exception of the orthodontist, my mother took me to the dentist less than a half dozen times during my childhood. each time was awful -- just cleanings, but they were so painful, seemed to last forever, gagged from the x-rays and fluoride, dentist was creepy, sore for weeks after. as an adult, i swore i would never go to the dentist. at 21 yrs old (no dentist for 4 yrs prior), coworker shamed me into going to the dentist and recommended hers. dentist was very nice, had my first filling (had a panic attack on my way there), dentist got cancer and left the practice for a few years. at 29 yrs old, i moved 2 hrs away and another coworker guilted me into going to the dentist and recommended his. this time, it had been 6yrs since going to a dentist. i remember sitting in a stairwell at work calling to make the appointment. i was so terrified i can't believe i even got the words out. i knew my teeth were bad as the back ones were visibly rotted. went for a cleaning and dentist wasn't there to do the exam b/c he had to leave for an emergency. went back the following week -- my grandmother passed away the same day, but i have horrible anticipatory anxiety and the thought of having to wait again was just horrible. dentist was really nice, i needed a lot of fillings and that he would do them in 4 visits. i also needed to have my wisdom teeth out -- terrifying -- i had been avoiding this since i was a teenager. huge fear of needles, but dentist was able to talk me through it. wisdom teeth removal was really bad and really painful -- done by an oral surgeon who didn't believe me when i told her i was not numb. i was just started to be less fearful, but was sent back to square one. 33yrs old, one of the large fillings i got at 29 had decay underneath. dentist attempted a crown, but after crown prep i was in agony for 2 weeks. had to have rct -- i have had trouble getting numb and was convinced that i would never be numb enough for this. endodontist said he had 'special tricks' -- he was right -- felt nothing.

fast forward -- i'm now 34. i have no specific fears about going to the dentist and really trust my dentist. i have no fearful thoughts. despite this, i have an appt for a cleaning in just over 6 weeks and i'm back visiting this forum because i have overwhelming, nearly constant anxiety about my upcoming appointment. i'm not sleeping well and the anxiety (and lack of sleep) is making me quite irritable which affects my work. i'm also phobic of medications (particularly addictive ones -- i have a significant family history of substance abuse) so i don't take benzos (though, my dentist at times has strongly encouraged this). i want to thank everyone on this forum for all of your posts because reading your stories is the only thing that has been getting me through my days. my friends know that i am fearful of the dentist, but i don't think that anyone who hasn't experienced this can truly understand what this is like. in all other aspects of my life i am a highly functional, 'normal' person an i'm often the person that my friends turn to for support -- i just think it's hard for them to understand how i can be so debilitated by this fear.

does anyone else have anxiety like this -- totally unrelated to any specific fears or thoughts about the dentist? i'm glad that i am finally at a point where i have getting regular dental care -- i have never in my life (prior to this) had 4 years of regular dental care -- but having such intense anxiety for so long prior to each visit takes so much out of me. i have so many other things to focus on between now and when my appt is, i can't afford to be devoting so much emotional energy to managing my anxiety about my dental appt.

thank you all again! sorry this post is so long -- much longer than i had planned. any words of support would be appreciated.

[carol999]

Hello FerafulinMA and I know exactly what you mean and not wanting it to take over your life. I also have a busy home life with a demanding job. I try and keep my anxiety to the times when I am on the forum, although of course this is hard to manage. I have found that exploring my fears has of course brought other stuff up which I am considering going to counselling about. I have to keep my mind busy with other things so I am often pleased to be going to work, or having to deal with the children,cook,clean and be general dogsbody because at least I dont have to think about me too much. Would you ask someone who is scared of spiders what specific incident made them scared, I dont think so, their answer would be 'I just am' and thats the case for a lot of people on the forum, there might well be no specific incident they just are, and thats ok, there doesn't have to be an explanation. I have found that most people don't like talking about oral hygiene and they have difficulty understanding our fear....and that is why we are all here!. Thankyou for sharing your story. Onwards and upwards !!!

[Patti]

Fearful, I have anxiety like that. I'm almost 49 and the FIRST Time I ever saw a dentist was when I was 20 for a cleaning. Like you, I thought it was grueling and vowed never to return. That was until 6 hrs ago when I broke a tooth that was visible and needed a filling. I found it wasn't bad so I had another one but sadly I stopped there. In march of this year I went back for another filling, was told root canal, PANICKED, and had the molar pulled. Still not painful but scary to me. Recently found an awesome dentist and got the X-rays and I need 10 fillings, one filling replaced and what is left of my 2 upper wisdom teeth pulled. ENTER ANXIETY OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!

My anxiety can pop up from time to time--just just with dentistry. It used to be where if I got too overly stresses my brain wouldn't shut off at night. Sometimes it's during the day and it is impossible to function. I take Ativan for it and let me tell you, it wipes out anxiety. My GA prescrribed it for me years ago to use AS NEEDED. My dentist just prescribed it to me for appointments. Just a half a milligram will calm you. It's an addictive benzo so I don't overdo or abuse it. I take only when I absolutely need it but it works like a miracle. It doesn't make you high, it just makes the anxiety go away. I really suggest trying it. When I got my tooth pulled I too Ativan and got Niterous and it was a wonderful combination. It saved my sanity!

Regarding numbing, they have better stuff now days to numb you. Tell your dentist of your concerns and they can give you something stronger. Also, have them test you BEFORE they begin.

For the cleaning, you can get numbing gel, an injection of needed and Niterous.

Good luck with your appointment. When is it?

[FearfulInMA]

Thanks Carol999 and Patti for your responses. My appt is aug 6. Benzos are just not an option for me. I actually work in mental health and know that a lot of people can take them without becoming addicted, but it's probably the most addictive class of prescription drugs (even more so than opiates) and i just can't take that chance. i'm also a TOTAL control freak and don't think that i could take anything that would make me feel less in control.

i don't have any specific fears about the dentist anymore -- except for needles (and, since i've had so many of them for dental work to this point, i think i'm now less afraid of them in my mouth than i am in general). cleanings are usually not painful anymore -- as i have been diligent about going every six months for the last four years despite the overwhelming anxiety leading up to the appointment. i know that there will be a new hygienist, so perhaps i am even more nervous than usual. i think that if i had specific things that i was afraid of it would be easier for me to manage b/c i could 'talk back' to these fears with my rational mind. i'm a pretty anxious person in general, so i have developed some pretty good coping strategies for anxiety when i can connect it to specific thoughts about what i am afraid of.

my dentist does not use nitrous and that's really ok for me due to the control issues mentioned above. my anxiety is mostly anticipatory -- though it doesn't completely go away 'in the chair' -- it's far worse leading up to the appt/procedure than once it's actually begun. i think that's because my dentist is usually able to put my at ease with humor -- sometimes he has me laughing so much it's hard to get the work done. i think that cleanings can be toughest for me b/c i'm seeing a hygienist (who i don't know) and not my dentist who i trust. also, having to wait through the appt to see the dentist and find out if there's anything wrong.

in terms of getting numb, i'm fortunate that i never had to deal with 'old school' dentistry around this. my first dental work wasn't until the early 2001 when i was an adult. unfortunately, i may be one of those people with abnormal nerve anatomy. i've had 2 oral surgeons as well as my current dentist be unable to get my back, lower teeth completely numb. only the 2 endodontists i've seen were totally successful -- and only once the tooth was completely open (getting to that point was quite painful) b/c then they can put LA directly into the tooth. i've read a lot of the stuff on this site and i know that they say that nerves can impact the ability to get numb, but i'm pretty sure that this is not what is happening b/c LA works just fine in all of the other areas of my mouth. my dentist does seem truly concerned when he's working and notices that i'm in pain -- he always stops to try to give me more/different LA in different spots with the hopes that it will work -- but sometimes, it's just easier for me to deal with the pain and just get the work done with.

i think, like carol999 said, i have to work on keeping myself busy. i'm very active and i do find that when my heart is racing from working out, it's very difficult to also be anxious. perhaps all this anxiety will have the positive side effect of losing a little weight . i have also found that visiting this forum a couple of times a day has allowed me to do a better job of keeping my anxiety to certain times. i tell myself that if i can keep it a bay during the day, i have an outlet for it when i get home.

Patti -- have you gotten all of that work done yet? if not, when is your first appt? i think that i needed 10 fillings 4yrs ago when i first started seeing my current dentist -- but, quite honestly, i never really asked how many and i'm glad he didn't tell me. the first time i had to have rct my dentist referred me to the endodontist without saying the words rct or endodontist -- he just said, "i'm worried about this tooth and i think you need to see dr. d for a consultation". i told him he was going to scare me back into dental oblivion -- aka 6 more years of no dental visits. i'm really glad he didn't say any of those scary words -- b/c, though i knew full well what he was talking about, i think that hearing the words would have made it way to real for me in that moment. though i have control issues, ironically, i find that the less i know about what's going on in the moment, the better. i just keep my eyes shut and pretend i'm somewhere else...

thanks again for all of the support!

[Patti]

Hi Fearful, My first appt is next Thursday for one deep filling. Baby steps. I am praying that this appt is a breeze so that I will have the courage & comfidence to be able to do more at the next appointment. I'm really skeeved about the cleaning too. My appointment for that is early august too. My dentist did the X-rays and then wrote out a treatment plan for the work that was needed--with prices. I have no dental insurance and all of this will cost about $2,000.

I'm a control freak too, but all the Ativan does is put the stress level back to normal. It doesn't make me high or anything like that. The Niterous I was extremely apprehensive about--and I refused IV sedation--but mostly the Niterous just made me sleepy but not quite asleep. It was actually a nice feeling. Just before he actually pulled the tooth, the oral surgeon told the assistant to "turn it up a notch" which I didn't like. I was on the ceiling! If I use that again, I will tell them to keep it on low!

[FearfulInMA]

Patti,

Good luck with you appt next week! Which day is it? -- I want to make sure I'm sending warm thoughts your way . I've had many, many large fillings and have also had multiple fillings at one time. You will be numb and won't feel anything. All a large filling vs. a small filling means is more work for the dentist to do -- it will feel the same to you and probably won't even take that much longer. For me, since I have so much anticipatory anxiety before appts, I would rather have multiple fillings at once (especially if they are all in the same part of my mouth b/c then that area is already numb) and just get it over with. When I've had multiple fillings, my dentist has done all of the drilling first and then filled all of the teeth after. So, if the drilling bothers you, that should all be over quickly. There were times that I couldn't even really tell you how many fillings I had at the same time b/c it's really hard to tell exactly which tooth the dentist is working on.

The last couple of days my anxiety has been a little less -- I'm hoping it will stay there for a while. I've been very active with running and cycling and have a lot more of that planned for the next few weeks -- this usually helps, so I'm glad I have a lot of it planned.

Thanks again for all of your support! I will keep checking-in here as I continue to manage my anxiety from now until aug 6th.

[chickenjen]

What helps me get through an appointment is to either buy myself a little treat afterward, like a magazine or new shade of lipstick. If it's a particularly difficult appointment (or I think it will be), I'll try to schedule a manicure or something special that I don't normally do.
That way, I can try to look forward to the "other" appointment".
Much for Aug. 6 th!!!!!

[FearfulInMA]

Less than 6 weeks to go. I'm so grateful for all of the support on this forum. It's been so helpful to be able to help contain my anxiety during the day when I have to be a high-functioning, working person (as opposed to an anxious mess!).

[carole]

Hi I just wanted to wish you luck with your appointment in Aug. I am like you I don't want to know what the technical side to the procedures are, but I do need to know when something different is going to happen in my mouth. I have had a panic attack at the dentist, but because they stopped for a minute I was able to get myself under control, I think it was knowing that they were taking me the person into consideration, not just my teeth. It is a fine line between knowing just enough like you said about the rct, and not, while knowing what they are on about. I do feel a bit sorry for the dentists sometimes but if we tell them our fears it does help them. I sent my new dentist an e mail before I went, she didn't reply but when I got there she said she had read it and would take things slowly, and she was good to her word. It made me feel a lot better that she knew who I was and mentioned it, she also thanked me as it helped her to help me, she liked the fact she knew beforehand how afraid I was and what I was afraid of. Try talking to your dentist or e mail them.

Good luck

[FearfulInMA]

Thanks Carole! Just over a month to go.

My dentist is all too aware of how fearful I am. A few years ago I had to have my wisdom teeth extracted I tried to go to an oral surgeon to get them all out at once and it was horrible. I passed out from the injections and then she couldn't get my bottom teeth numb. I ended up having the 2 top ones out, half of my bottom right one (the roots are still there) out and then she gave up. My dentist has a different dentist who comes to his office to do extractions so I decided to have the 4th wisdom tooth extracted that way. By the time I got there for my appt, I was in full blown panic. My regular dentist brought me into his office to calm me down. Then, as the other dentist was trying to extract the tooth (again, without adequate pain control), I started crying hysterically. My regular dentist had to come calm me down again. I felt so horrible that I had been such an awful patient that I actually stopped going to that dentist for a while. I figured I had acted so badly that they wouldn't want me as a patient any more. I sent the office manager a note saying that my insurance had changed (which was true) and that I would have to change dentists. She actually called me to say that they could work with my new insurance and saying that they would like to have me back as a patient. I still felt really embarrassed, but I no longer assumed that they would not want me as a patient anymore.

There will be a new hygienist when I go in August, so I will have to tell her about my phobia. Usually I just tell them that I am a very anxious dental patient (hard to believe there's not some big warning in my chart ) and that I will probably just keep my eyes shut and pretend I'm somewhere else. Hopefully she will understand.

Thanks again for the support!