• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

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Worried...

M

MaireEmily

Junior member
Joined
Jul 18, 2012
Messages
2
I went for my check-up and basic cleaning today and came out biting my lip to hold back the tears. I came out and sat in the car for a good 30 mins crying, before I could even pull myself together enough to drive home. I was so upset, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't even see through the tears... it was awful! It was actually the first time ever I've been to the dentist on my own. I didn't want to go alone, but I felt so stupid that at 23 years old, I'd still need my mother to come with me. So when she said "You're Ok to go alone, right?" I just nodded.
It wasn't like the dentist was horrible or anything. He was gentle and kind, and kept checking that I was ok, and if I'd needed him to stop or anything. But, I just squeese my eyes shut, clench my fists and say "keep going", I just want it to be over as quick as possible.
The worst part of the whole thing is that he told me I need to have a filling replaced. It's scheduled for next month and I'm terrified! I've managed to avoid major work for about 4-5yrs and I just know I'll be a wreck when that day comes around....
I don't know what to do to stop myself from panicing. The minute I step into the dentist office I feel the aniexty hit me... The smell turns my stomach. The sound of the drill from the next room makes me want to run. I hate it all. It's horrid. Just horrid. I try and distract myself, when waiting I try & read the magazines, watch the tv, etc. When in the chair, I try listen to the radio, sing songs in my head, count back from 500... nothing works, there is no distraction big enough.
I can't remember a time when I wasn't afraid of the dentist, I used to hide when check up days came around. And then I had my first filling, and it was horrid, the dentist and his assistants paid no heed to the fact that I was scared witless and instead discussed holiday plans, I can remember that vividly. The filling that they put in had to be replaced a few yrs later, it chipped on a bit of candy. But that wan'ts done right either & I was back again a few yrs later, because the tooth had rotted beneath the filling. The tooth then had to come out. And if losing my tooth wasn't bad enough, it was so damaged it couldn't even come out in one piece. I can still remember the sound of that tooth being broken in my jaw. That "crack" was deafening, I can still hear it now. I ended up with stitches inside my mouth, not able to eat for a week. I physically shook leaving that place, nothing could calm me. I went back to that surgery once after that, but the panic attack I experienced was so intense I could never manage it again...
My new surgery is nicer, it looks nicer & the people are kinder (still smells tho!) That's where I was today. I don't know if I manage the replacement filling though. The dentist says its not urgent, it just "in my best intrests to do it soooner rather than later", but I don't know... I'm already thinking of cancelling!
I just wanted to share with someone who might understand what I'm going through. I've heard the "Nobody likes the dentist" line so many times it makes me want to scream. I'm scared. I wish I wasn't but I am. I hate the fact that such an ordinary thing can reduce me to feeling like a child....
Anyways, sorry for such a long post, I just needed to vent.
 
The dental treatment you had in the past is in the past.

You say your dentist is gentle and kind. Does he realise how nervous you are? If not, tell him. A kind and gentle dentist will do all he can to help allay your fears. It sounds like the filling is not urgent, but getting it done will stop it from paralysing you with fear as it looms in the future.

toucan
 
:welcome:MarieEmily! You've come to the right place. Most of us have done our fair share (or maybe more than our fair share) of 'venting'. And, we all know that being terrified of the dentist is more than just "nobody likes going to the dentist". Dental phobia can take over your life -- I know it takes over mine for weeks before even a routine appt. It does sound like, even though you've had a fear of the dentist as long as you can remember (same here!) that you've also had some pretty awful experiences with the dentist. Replacing an old filling should be a VERY routine procedure if done by a skilled, caring dentist. I've had one old filling replaced and it didn't seem any different than having a regular filling in a tooth. Though it may not be something that needs to be done right away, you probably risk additional problems the longer you wait. I also think that toucan is right that putting it off will only prolong your anxiety. You should definitely keep coming back here from support because there are so many of us who are in the same boat as you are. Hang in there!
 
Hi, MaireEmily! As toucan says, the dental treatment you had in the past is in the past. I tell myself this (having also had bad childhood experiences at a dental surgery) and most of the time I can put it at the back of my mind in order to get through check-ups, basic cleaning etc. - like you, I just clench my fists and hope to get out as quickly as possible. I think that you and I are very alike, as several years ago, I had a filling fall out and, despite now having a very kind, gentle dentist who would stop if I put my hand up, I was utterly terrified at the thought of having that filling replaced. So, guess what, I bottled out for about 5 years (can't even remember exactly how long!), eating on one side of my mouth (even at my son's wedding banquet) and running up all sorts of other problems, including quite a nasty gum infection. When I eventually crawled back to the dental surgery, I was amazed...he used air abrasion; no injection, no drilling, no pain whatsoever...I'm still kicking myself that I spent 5 years running up trouble which could have been sorted in 20 minutes. I told him I'd been too scared to show up and he just smiled and shook his head. So please don't do what I did! It's not worth it. Tell your dentist how nervous you are. It sounds like he'll understand. I do so know how you feel though. There's something about going which instantly regresses me to feeling like a helpless child. We have to try to remember we are not those children now, we are not helpless and we CAN do this...but by golly, it's good to get support from this forum!:)
 
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Hi MaireEmily. I can SO identify with your frustrations hearing "everyone's afraid of the dentist". I always wanted to say, "No they're not, not like me!!!" It's actually a very dismissive thing to say and makes it sound like, "We all just push through our fear, why can't you?" I don't think people mean to sound shaming when they say it, but I don't think non-phobics understand just how overwhelming the experience can be. For me, going into the dentist was like stepping into a pit full of angry lions. I seriously felt like I was going to die. I think most people here on this forum can empathize with you, and I'm sure I was not the only one nodding my head when you described your anxiety.

I'll second (or third) the other advice here. It sounds like your dentist is very compassionate, but you should definitely talk to him as much as you can about your fears and how anxious you are. As much as dentists are used to dealing with "normal" scared patients, it can be helpful to tell them that you need extra extra care. Sometimes just some minor adjustments like using a softer tone of voice, some calming music, etc, can go a long way towards helping you relax a little.

You might also ask about sedation, medications, or Nitrous oxide. These things exist for a reason! Although it's true that getting a filling replaced is very routine and non-painful, that doesn't change the fact that for YOU it still feels like the end of the world. Some of us take medications just to get a "simple" cleaning. If it helps you relax, everyone's better off, and most of these things are side-effect free. Again, talk to your dentist about your anxiety, and ask if there's anything they can give you to help with that. Keeping you calm and relaxed is also part of the dentists's job, not just "drilling and filling"!

Hang in there, and good luck! Despite the fact that your anxiety is actually real and valid, perhaps it will give you some comfort to hear that the procedure itself really is fast and painless-- and better done early than later.
 
Thanks for the support everyone... It's still a couple of weeks until I have to go back in, but right now I'm feeling a little braver! It's great to know I'm not alone in feeling this way...
I'm going to talk to my dentist before the procedure & let him know how I feel. In all honesty I would have felt silly explain my fear before, but after the advice I've gotten here I think it's the best course of action...
I'll keep you updated on my progress!
Thanks again,
Best wishes to everyone else ,:clover:
MaireEmily.
xoxo
 
Hi :welcome: I have been terrified all my life too, and people that aren't afraid don't understand. I have even got to the dentist one day I could hardly walk, couldn't get my breath, felt faint and dizzy, and couldn't get my words out, I felt really ill. I stood in the doorway and I must have looked like a mad woman, the dentist just let me stand there and he talked to me for half an hour. This was after about 3 or 4 visits I had made to this dentist and things just got out of hand totally in my mind, I could not calm down, and I felt really stupid. I don't know what happened that day, I think I had just worked myself up to such a pitch I just lost control of it.

I did get to the point of being nervous still but able to have work done, I had two rct after that day. This was because I felt I could trust him.

You could e mail the dentist before you go or write a letter to him explaining how you feel and what frightens you, I am with a new dentist and I sent an e mail and she said that she had read it and for me not to worry, it would be okay. She has been as good as her word and when I had to have a clean she was really considerate and said if I needed her to stop at any time to raise my left arm. Maybe you could have a signal like this with your dentist.

Good luck with your appointment, have a word either in e mail or before he starts when you go, you may find he understands more than you think he does. :butterfly:
 
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Hello MarieEmily! Your certainly in the right forum!!
Live had very bad experiences with dentists in the past and like you and most others on this site am terrified of the dentist :o
I am able to stay relatively calm up until the day before I go and then I turn into a shaking,clammy mess.
i feel dizzy and and just tremble,clenching my fingers till they turn white!!!
the same as everyone has already said,going to the dentist is the best thing to do or else you will just get more problems and have to go more often.
we are all here for you to talk to because we totally understand where your coming from and we aren't going to say the usual, don't be so scared there's nothing to worry about,pull yourself together,kind of things!!!!
having a phobia is very real and isn't just being a bit scared of something!!!!!
Good luck,let us know how you get on!!!!
 
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