• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

    Register now to access all the features of the forum.

Does my dentist hate me? I feel guilty.

Soma

Soma

Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2012
Messages
93
My dentist has always been ultra understanding of my mental state with this dental stuff. I'm constantly teetering on that line between phobia and obsession. Once I'm convinced I have a dental issue going on, I usually pester him every couple weeks to "check up" on the situation, maybe an updated x-ray will show an abscess that the one 3 weeks ago didn't show. (That's what my brain is saying). I can tell he's just humoring me, allowing me to come in for appointments whenever I call him, granted he is getting paid...but when I get in there he just sorta sighs and says "What's going on today?" I feel like he thinks I'm insane, and I probably am..but it hurts thinking he thinks I'm a bother, even in the slightest form. I told him once that dental issues truly control and ruin my life, he said if dental issues are the worst of my life, then I could have a lot worse of a life. Which is true, but until someone lives in this fear they can never really understand what it does to you.

Anyways, this morning, as soon as their office opened at 7:30 am, I called and begged them to get me in before the Christmas break, even the receptionist sounded exasperated on the phone. I apologized for being a nuisance, and she set up an appointment for me for 10 am tomorrow morning.

From the second I heard her voice, to this moment, until it's over tomorrow - I will feel guilt for setting up this appointment. For inconviencing their staff with my stupid issues. I know they see 100 people a day and I'm like a fleeting 15 minute face in the grand scheme of things, but even on the lowest level to them, both the fear and how I see them view me is huge to me.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone else goes through this every time they set up an unscheduled visit to the dentist?
 
I don't have your problem but I used to be made to feel like a bother by one dentist a long time ago. When you go tomorrow take a christmas card and thank them for being so patient with you and that you appreciate all the time and trouble they go to for you.

Good luck and have a Happy Christmas
 
Think of it this way - SOMEONE is going to take that 10am slot to see the Dentist. If not you, then they'd be seeing another patient. As you said, to them you'll be another 15 minute appointment in a vast sea of 15 minute appointments. The "who" and the "why" probably matters a whole lot less to your dental office than, "Are all the appointment spots filled?" and "Are we getting paid?" :)
 
I'm sure the dentist doesn't hate you. It is true that some patients can earn themselves a reputation, but it doesn't sound like the practice is giving you any unspoken hints to go elsewhere. I don't think the sighs and exasperation you hear imply that.

I've worn out my welcome at two dental practices, but that's because I'm "uncooperative". (Translation: I squirm in response to sharp dental instruments. Who doesn't?) Not the same thing.

Let me ask you a couple of things here, though - you obviously realize your actions and response are somewhat over the top when it comes to dental care. You obviously go frequently - so, how many visits turn out to be false alarms versus real issues? And, how frequent in comparison to the usual 6-month checkup interval do you end up at the dentist?

If the percentage really skews toward false alarms, realizing it might make you able to back off a bit and deal with things on a more regular basis. Maybe three checkups a year instead of two would be a workable alternative here. You'd get the extra attention you need and feel more able to keep problems from developing too quickly - but yet, you'd pester and surprise the dentist less, which benefits him and your relationship with his staff too.

Not criticism, you know your teeth best - but food for thought ...
 
I don't think he/she hates you. I think they understand that you have a mental illness and they're trying their best to assure you that nothing's wrong. if you're dentist is trustworthy dentist, who actually cares about you, and there's no reason to doubt what they're telling you then try and trust that nothing's wrong.
 
I often think does the dentist hate me (well not my current one) but I agree what RichH says if you dont take the slot someone else will, same for the doctors.

I have been into dentists between appointments because I had infection which needed clearing up which needed to be re-root canal, a mark on my gum I was worried it was start of a cancer this was a couple of years ago, I did have another mark last year which the dentist say I bumped it when my brush.;
 
I often feel like a bother to my dentist and he's hinted to me multiple times that I show up too much. While he is nice about it, I also feel the guilt that you feel. Do you have a good relationship with him? My dentist and I joke around about my anxiety, hypochondriasis, ect. and that joking I think helps keep everyone in the situation happy and not miserable. (His front office staff ALWAYS knows when it's me calling...hahahah)

I have a rule that every time I come in for something "stupid" I will bring him cookies. That way he can't be too mad... I mean, I've got cookies!!!

Got my cleaning Tuesday and he said "Bye, see you next week!" and I was like "What do you mean see you next week?" And he said "Well, I'm sure something will come up!" And he said it like he was amused.

Maybe what you could do is instead of having these "emergencies" pop up that terrify you and shake you a bit you could arrange for a couple "limited" dental exams inbetween your cleanings that you would go to just to make sure nothing is wrong. It would cut down on the emergency out of nowhere visits and I think it would make the dentist feel less overwhelmed.

Kolya, RDH
Dental hygienist
 
I feel exactly like this and I've just posted a thread saying similar. I've been to four different dentists since November as I'm so embarrassed to return to the first two who have more or less told me to go away and stop worrying. Is this still a problem for you? I'd love to know how to overcome my dental anxiety. The thing is my anxiety has actually stemmed from real dental problems that have made me paranoid and frightened so it hasn't all been in my head
 
I feel exactly like this and I've just posted a thread saying similar. I've been to four different dentists since November as I'm so embarrassed to return to the first two who have more or less told me to go away and stop worrying. Is this still a problem for you? I'd love to know how to overcome my dental anxiety. The thing is my anxiety has actually stemmed from real dental problems that have made me paranoid and frightened so it hasn't all been in my head

uh where do I start?
I think I sort of managed to get it under control by basically asking myself seriously do I want the situation with my teeth to control my life and giving myself an honest answer: no. So I've asked myself what's the worst that can happen? Even if I lost all my teeth there are million of option these days and it won't be the end of the world. Last but most important, I've trained myself to trust the dentist. I'll ask million of questions but in the end it's their job and there has to be a point where you basically have to say they know better than me what's a right thing to do. Internet is one thing but they can see what's happening in our mouths and know this stuff.

Don't get me wrong, as evident from me being endlessly anxious about my recent RCT, I still panic a lot. I often get teary but luckily these days it's only intermittently and I do it here or to my missus as opposed to ringing my dentist. I accepted that if they suspected something was wrong they would have told me the first time I asked / they've done a check up.

Second if they've done something wrong, there won't be a lot I or they can do if I call them every five minutes. Teeth change on daily basis, every can take a lot of time to settle from days to months, and nothing happens from today until tomorrow. In the meantime life goes on so let's not let all this grind us down.

Another thing that reduces my anxiety but is really stupid. I just google celebrity teeth before and after! We're not bad compared to some of them and they all have holywood smiles now. Shallow but at least it tells you it's all resolvable and there's hope for everyone!
 
Back
Top