• Dental Phobia Support

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finally called

shamrockerin

shamrockerin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 22, 2012
Messages
752
Location
New Hampshire, USA
Last week I finally got up the nerve to contact a new dental office. First I emailed, and I got a nice response, so then I got up the nerve to call.

The woman on the phone was very nice and she seemed very genuine when she said they understand and they do everything possible to help. Some of her suggestions weren't up my alley though- she said some people bring stuffed animals which I will not do. I am already so self-conscious about this phobia and I feel very immature about being afraid of the dentist so I wouldn't do anything that would highlight it. She also said she'd be willing to go back and hold my hand- again, that's nice to offer, but I hate having people see me like that. The fewer people the better. I had to ask my husband to stop accompanying me because I'd be so humiliated having him see me like that.

So anyways, this is the office that my therapist recommended. I am pretty terrified to go and have to explain to yet another person that the thought of dental work sends me into a panic spiral. And since the office was recommended to me, I feel kind of pressured to make sure the meeting goes well.

UGH- this phobia makes me feel so trapped! I'm so tempted to go AWOL again, but I know it only leads to more trouble down the road. So the other option is to just suffer through these appointments again and again.

:(
 
Hey :XXLhug:

Well done for calling! :jump: That's huge.

OK, I get it, I've had those sorts of worries. They sound great, really - like they really want to help. It's OK if some of the things they suggest aren't up your street, there are lots of things that different people do and what is right for one person won't be right for another. That's OK, they're just suggesting stuff to see if anything sticks. What is shows is that they're on your side.

Think of it this way: if they're actually suggesting stuff to you that would make you want to die of embarrassment...then there's no need to be embarrassed about whatever it is you do want! They've totally seen it all before and if they're suggesting stuff like that then they definitely, absolutely, won't think any less of you for being afraid.

It's cool. Tell them what works for you and what doesn't, they've clearly got the will to help.


Totally get the urge to run away, I do that fairly regularly. If anything, I go out of my way to find increasingly tenuous reasons to run away (my dentist is making this difficult by being consistently awesome, the bastard). It's OK to feel like that, if anything I think it's normal with a phobia. Nobody expects you to get through all this without feeling like that sometimes - what matters is what you do.

Remember, it's not your job to make sure the meeting goes well. That's their job. Your job is to show up and allow them to help (easier said than done, I know!).




Re bringing a cuddly toy: I've sometimes been tempted to bring Bear, but he'd only climb out of my handbag halfway through the appointment and show me up, and then I'd have to never go back there ever again :scared::scared::scared:
 
Well done for making the appointment! It really does sound like you've found an accommodating dentist.
 
Well done for making the appointment! One thing that helped me when I went for my first appointment was to write a letter to my dentist explaining a bit of my history and my dental phobia. When I panic I get very anxious and I can't articulate myself properly. It was handy just to be able to give the dentist the letter and then I felt a lot less pressured to explain myself.

Agree re: cuddly toys. I use mind games, counting, times tables, anything mathematical to keep my brain focussed. I also try not to clench my hands together because by the end of the appointment I'd have bleeding hands where I've dug my nails in.

Anyway, hope your appointment goes well. Let us know how you get on.
 
Thank you both for your words of encouragement. I have confidence that my therapist wouldn't have recommended this place if he didn't think it had potential, and like I said, the woman on the phone did sound very nice. Not the fake kind of nice (like the dental hygienists usually are- but that's another issue) but genuinely kind.

But somehow that almost makes it harder. Not sure if that makes sense, but I have become so defensive that I am very standoff-ish with dentists (and most doctors). I don't feel bad about it if they're brusque or insensitive or whatever, but if they are actually nice, then I end up feeling awful for being like that.:redface:

Everytime I think about this upcoming appt, which is really just a meeting since they agreed not to do a full exam or cleaning or xrays or anything, I think about canceling.
 
I also try not to clench my hands together because by the end of the appointment I'd have bleeding hands where I've dug my nails in.

Actually this is one of my own tricks- I'd rather dig my nails into my forearms and bring the pain on myself first rather than wait for someone else to inflict pain on me. I learned that when I got a root canal at age 17 and the anesthesia started to wear off.

Now I don't trust any dentist when they say "Raise your hand if you start to feel anything"
 
It's good to build up trust with the dentist. If you can, tell them that you've had to endure treatment with pain in the past and this has made you very nervous of dentists. If (and only if) when you meet this dentist and s/he seems like a vaguely reasonable person, then what I'd do is book another appointment just for a check up. Agree with the dentist a stop signal and make sure you try it out even if you're not feeling uncomfortable. Just like a fire drill - there's no real fire but everyone needs to know what to do if there was one. If they stop then you've built one step of trust. You can then say "that was just a rehearsal to see if you'd stop - next time I raise my arm it won't be a test, it'll be for real". If they don't stop then leg it out of there and find a better dentist!!!!!

Try not to cancel - for me the waiting is the worst part.
 
Cribgoch is spot on, try out the stop signal! It's a great exercise in building trust and an opportunity to see that they really will stop.



In fact I might suggest taking it a step further - rehearse it along with the dentist. My dentist had me doing this, he'd run the drill (he wasn't drilling anything, this was just an exercise) and I had to raise my hand to tell him when to stop. He had me doing this over and over, and every time I raised my hand, he would stop instantly. Felt like a right eejit doing it, but it works, and it makes the stop signal a much more natural thing to do so helps a lot when the time comes that you want to use it for real. Rehearsing it along with the dentist like that helps with building up a relationship too, as it's something you can work on together and it doesn't involve any real treatment.

(Note: This is just another suggestion, there to take or leave as you see fit - remember that what matters is what works for you!)
 
Thanks again, everyone. I haven't been this nervous in a while. I feel like I did 5 yrs ago when I went to a dentist for the first time in over a decade. It's always nerve wracking going to a new place, and my last couple of experiences haven't been great so it's all just piling up now. I have a week and a half until my appt- it's going to be rough.
 
Hey :XXLhug:

I know, the anticipation can be really tough! Vent on here as much as you need to x


Edited to add: remember that 5 years ago, you felt like this but you made it. You've got it in you, you've already proved that!
 
Hi :)

Yup, I agree, the wait is often much worse than the actual thing, so yeah, as Tink said, please keep using this thread to vent or ask stuff.

Stay strong, you've got this.

Cribgoch.
 
Hi everyone. I wanted to give ya'll an update on this post:

I had my appointment yesterday. It went much better than I expected! My therapist called the day beforehand just to touch base with the Dr. (since it was his recommendation, and they're acquaintances) and let him know some of the stuff that worries me and what can help. I'm willing to advocate for myself, but since my past couple experiences weren't very good (at a different office, not this new one) it helped.

I got there, and I didn't have to wait long before they called me back. The assistant started to ask me "So what are we doing today? Is this just a look or-?" but then the Dr. came in, and he already knew what the plan was.

I was so nervous that I could barely look at him, but he actually got me to laugh, which hardly ever happens in a dental office.

I was there for over an hour, but that's only because the previous office took forever emailing my chart and xrays.

The best part is that he looked at the three cavities the other place identified, but he said they're so small and still just affecting the enamel that he doesn't see the need to fill them (unless they get worse). So I went from dreading a 2 hour procedure to fill three teeth to just needing a regular 6 month cleaning by trying a new dentist. I'm going to go back to using the prescription fluoride toothpaste to try and keep those little spots from spreading. Overall, he said my teeth and gums were in good shape.

He seems nice, and the dental assistant was really kind; she talked to me the entire hour we were waiting for my chart. I usually *hate* the assistants and hygienists because they come off as phony smiles, but she seemed very genuine.

It was like a huge weight had been lifted off my chest.:)
 
Hooray! That's so good to hear! :jump:

Well done for making it, I know how challenging that was for you, that's a big deal and don't forget to give yourself the credit!
 
Yay!!! So glad to hear it went well! I use prescription toothpaste and it seems to have made a big difference.
 
Yay!!! So glad to hear it went well! I use prescription toothpaste and it seems to have made a big difference.


Yes, I've used it in the past and I never had any cavities while I was using it.I only stopped using it b/c I left the office that sold it for $10. The next office didn’t sell it, and when they gave me a prescription, the insurance wouldn’t cover it, so they wanted $25 for it. This new dentist tried again to submit a prescription for a generic version, but it still didn’t work. I ended up paying $22 for it. I guess I’ll have to see if it’s available to buy online or something because I think it gives me some peace of mind that I’m doing everything possible to keep my teeth healthy, but I can’t afford $22 overtime I need a new tube of toothpaste!
 
Hooray! That's so good to hear! :jump:

Well done for making it, I know how challenging that was for you, that's a big deal and don't forget to give yourself the credit!

Thanks, Think! It was a challenge, and the morning of the appt my heart was pounding and my stomach was flipping. I didn’t even want to look at anyone because I felt so ashamed and embarrassed, but as the time went by, and the dental assistant made such nice conversation with me, I relaxed a little, and when the dentist told me that he didn’t see the need to fill those little spots I was sooooooo relieved. I hope that my cleaning next month goes well.


My son is two years old now, and I know that he needs to get his first dental check-up very soon- that’s why I needed to find a place that understands my phobia and will work with me so I can get comfortable. I absolutely do not want my son to learn to be afraid of dentistry because I don’t want hi to end up like me.
 
The tube of prescription toothpaste lasts me 6+ months using it once a day (it's only meant for once a day - best at night) and using a regular toothpaste in the morning. I think I get it from CVS for $15-20. I think it was $18 at my dentist's office.
 
Congratulations on making the call! I know how hard it can be, as many of us do. But you're right in that the more you keep up with it, the less problems you'll have to deal with down the road. I think you and I might be a bit opposite. When I get to the dentist's office and they call my name, I cannot walk any bigger steps than baby steps. I also basically cry my eyes out. I can't help it. So I guess I don't mind being embarrassed so I think for my appointment tomorrow, I will ask my fiance to come back with me. Hopefully they let me. Anything to help me through these appointments.
 
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