• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

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Terrified

lotus said:
Hi Nat!

Congratulations on making your first appointment!  :cheers: Wow, you have shown so much courage already, imagine how great you'll feel when you walk out of that office tomorrow!



Thankyou! I am incredible scared about it but hope that the outcome is good!



I know exactly what you mean about feeling excited and nervous all at once, it's not weird at all. I had first contact with a dentist today (in 20 odd years!), I sent an email to one about my thoughts, and to see if they were sympathetic to them, and I'm incredibly nervous about the reply, but can't wait to see it at the same time! I guess it's the concept that maybe I can finally move on a little with my life once I've faced this, you know? So that's exciting and nerve racking all at once!

Good luck for Wednesday, keep posting and let us know how you go.

Fingers crossed for you!  :)

Lotus


Good luck with the reply and I hope, that like me, you are able to make the next step and get that 1st appointment! I will be back tomorrow to tell you all how I got on and hopefully one day will be able to post in the success story board! :thumbsup:
 
It would seem that my new found confidence this morning has now dissapeared! I only have 11 hours so go and my heart seems to be jumping out of my chest! I bought some rescue remedy today in the hope that it takes the edge off a bit, I have never used it before and was wondering who else has used this and if anyone has found it to be useful? I am also worried because i have a bottle of red wine in my kitchen I keep thinking to myself maybe if i just had a little one before my appointment I may feel better about it... Not the answer I know but its tempting!!
 
It's OK to be nervous/panicking/terrified (delete as applicable! ;)), it's perfectly normal considering that you're seeing someone you haven't met before and that you're also trying to overcome a fear. Rather than trying to fight those feelings, just acknowledge them and go with the flow - easier said than done I know :(.

I've used rescue remedy a few times before, unfortunately it doesn't appear to do much for me but lots of people find that it helps them. It should be on the box somewhere (as I can't remember the exact details :rolleyes:) but basically you can either dilute it in water and drink it throughout the day (according to the instructions!) or put a few drops directly onto your tongue - whatever suits you best.

Although I don't drink myself (don't like the taste of alcohol - now how embarrassing is that?!), I can see that having a few stiff drinks beforehand might help to calm your nerves. Depending on what your fears are and also how the appointment goes (fingers crossed :thumbsup:), the biggest change that you may find is that once you've got tomorrow over and done with, a lot of your worries might have been answered and that subsequent appointments may become a little easier each time as a result.

For some people it's like flicking a light switch on and they appear to overcome their fears relatively quickly, while for others it can take a bit of time - but like British Rail, they get there in the end ;D!
 
I used rescue remedy, it helped at first, but the more I took it the less it worked. Hope it works better for you. I know that feeling of the closer the appointment get, the more nervous you become. Hope all goes well. I agree with Vicki, if they know you are nervous, they will be able to help with your fears. I have never been able to tell the dentist I was scared, but I always shake badly at the appointments that he can tell I am nervous. Once he jokingly said he could tell I was glad to see him, trying to get me to relax, but he has never made light of my shaking.
 
Well I used it a while ago as I could feel myself getting worked up and my nerves have calmed a bit but I dont know if its all in my mind or not! I will stop now and use it again tomorrow before my appointment, I hope it works!!
 
Hopefully the rescue remedy will work for you :thumbsup:. I know it won't be easy but try and get a decent night's sleep tonight (try a hot bath and a boring book! :p) because feeling grotty from lack of sleep doesn't help much if you're nervous anyway.

Let us know how things are going :).
 
vicki said:
Hopefully the rescue remedy will work for you :thumbsup:. I know it won't be easy but try and get a decent night's sleep tonight (try a hot bath and a boring book! :p) because feeling grotty from lack of sleep doesn't help much if you're nervous anyway.

Let us know how things are going :).

I hopefully will be ok, I am going to have a cuddle with my hubby and he will tell me it will all be ok! Tomorrow I am just going to face it and turn up... A nervous wreck mind but I know I am going to do it!!
 
Hi Nat,

I just wanted to say that I hope you're feeling OK and I've got my fingers crossed for you today :).

Let us know how things are.

:grouphug:
 
vicki said:
Hi Nat,

I just wanted to say that I hope you're feeling OK and I've got my fingers crossed for you today :).

Let us know how things are.

:grouphug:


Not really feeling OK! I think I proably got about 4 hours slepp last night, I woke up feeling calm but now I dont know what has come over me I am getting short of breath and am a total wreck! Im trying to be brave in front of my daughter but unfortunately it doesnt seem to be working, she even gave me a home made card saying I hope you will be OK, bless her I guess I just want it to be over now and am just anxious and waiting till the time I have to go. I feel awful, headache, tired and just generally terrible! I hope it isnt as bad as I am making it out!
 
Hi Nat, I soooooo know how you are feeling, I go through the same symptoms every time I go but once i've been and had it done I feel so liberated and ready to take on the world!! It's really hard trying to relax beforehand but I find that breathing exercises help me, just like the ones I learnt in maternity classes. Why don't you try that, have a nice cuppa and sit in a comfy chair and force yourself to relax and empty your mind.....sounds mad 'forcing' yourself to relax but it does help me and it might help you too. What also helps me is I try to think of how i'll feel once it's over and how proud of myself i'll be and what an achievement it is :jump: You've done brilliantly to get to this point and we'll all be with you in spirit, good luck, :hug2: and please let us know how it goes.... :XXLhug:
 
Thanks for the advise Vicky! I am really trying and I guess thinking about how I wil feel after the dreaded appointment is helping a little, I have to go on my own as my hubby is working so I am facing it alone! Well I know I am not alone as I have found you lot but you know what i mean!
 
Hiya Nat, sorry to hear that you are going alone but imagine how proud you'll be to be able to say that you did it all yourself, it's a lot more than i'll ever be able to say and I think you are so brave for doing it. As you said though, you're not really alone , we'll be with you giving you the support you need, we'll be here when you get back too!! Good luck and take care :hug2:
 
Good luck Nat, and don't forget you have us in your pocket during the appointment. :grouphug:
 
Hi everyone, I wanted to come on earlier and tell you all what happened but I have only just this second stopped crying, for how long though i dont know. It was a total disaster from the minute I sat in the waiting room. the dentist was 15 mins late in seeing me, I am sure it wasnt his fault but then I didnt care whose fault it was at the time. I went in and tried telling the dentist and his assistant my fears and they just didnt seem interested in what I had to say. I was grunted at and asked to sit down. OK I thought, maybe he took on board what I had to say and wanted to get on with things so I sat down and he had a poke about... I can feel my heart beating but just lie there trying to listen to the radio that was in the background, He reeled of a load of numbers to his assistant and then asked me to sit up, I was then told I would need to have some Xrays done... I havent had these done in a long while and thought OK here goes... he gave me some plastic to put in my mouth which consequently made me gag... I told him i have a gagging problem and he gave me some spray which numbed the back of my throat, I then paniicked as it felt like my throat was going to close up and i couldnt feel myslef swallow. I then starting gaggin loads more and he said well if your going to be ill then please get out I. I went to the toilet as i really thought i was going to be sick and by the time i got back out he had decided to treat another patient... he told the dental nurse to make sure i dont go back into his office untill i have calmed down. Well after all the commotion and being made to feel like a child by the "gentler and more understanding dentist of the practice" i was told i need 3 extractions and some deep cleaning done first and after that all the smaller jobs will need to be done. He then proceeded to ask me if I will be able to handle an extraction seeing as i couldnt even cope with an X-Ray! Needless to say I had the opportunity to leave and I did. I havent made my next appointment for the extractions as I cant bear to go back into his office and be made to feel as ashamed as I was made to feel today :shame:

I cant remember the last time I was made to look like an idiot and a child but I will remember it from now on as it was today :cry:
 
I'm so sorry to hear that things didn't go very well :( (probably a huge understatement :(). First of all - you've done nothing wrong so there's nothing whatsoever for you to be embarrassed or ashamed about.

Unfortunately not everyone has good people or interpersonal/communication skills and in some jobs (like dentistry for example), it's pretty vital - especially if you're dealing with nervous people. But (and it's a big 'but'), not all dentists are like this - just look at some of the success stories and other posts on this support board.

There are loads of dentists out there who will take your fears seriously and take time to make sure that things are OK for you etc, the tricky part is finding them :(. Obviously the only way you can find someone who will treat you with a little TLC is to meet them as you have done today - unless you have a reliable recommendation from someone. You could check out the 'find a dentist' database on this site - if there isn't a recommendation for your area, you can post a request (or if you'd rather not say where you are in public, you can also send a pm to letsconnect).

One thing I've found really useful is a website called "Ask your neighour". You can post a question to see if anyone knows of a sympathetic dentist in your area on there (you can use any name you like so nobody needs to know who you are unless you want them to). I've had 3 responses so far - one of which looks quite promising (part of my plan to try and beat my fears includes letting them know that I'm terrified - but I need a plan B in case it doesn't work out!).

You could also try the NHS website: https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-dentist . You can search for dentists in your area who provide 'Anxiety Management' (might be a bit of a long shot but it's worth a try).

I know you're finding this really hard and I also know that it will have taken a lot of courage to go in there today so well done for going :thumbsup:.

Nat said:
I went in and tried telling the dentist and his assistant my fears and they just didnt seem interested in what I had to say.

From the sounds of it (correct me if I'm wrong), the receptionist you spoke to who told you that you were seeing the gentlest dentist in the practice, didn't actually pass on the fact that you were nervous? That really was a p*ss poor effort on their part. You're the customer so it's their job to reassure you and make sure that you're happy with your treatment.

It seems like it was a combination of a severe lack of 'chairside manner' and time pressure :( :confused:.

Nat said:
I told him i have a gagging problem and he gave me some spray which numbed the back of my throat, I then paniicked as it felt like my throat was going to close up and i couldnt feel myslef swallow. I then starting gaggin loads more and he said well if your going to be ill then please get out.

:o :o :o :mad:!!! That's just plain insensitive and rude. Nobody deserves to be treated like that - nervous or not. But if you are nervous (or completely terrified) then it's even more important that things are explained properly. I've had local anaesthetic spray in my throat before and it does feel like you can't swallow and that your throat is narrowing - but it's not swelling up and it's a normal part of what happens. Maybe if this had been explained to you beforehand, you'd have known what to expect and it might not have been so bad?

Nat said:
I havent made my next appointment for the extractions as I cant bear to go back into his office and be made to feel as ashamed as I was made to feel today :shame:

You don't have to go back there - you don't have to do anything you don't want to.

Nat said:
I cant remember the last time I was made to look like an idiot and a child but I will remember it from now on as it was today :cry:

Try not to remember this as a typical appointment - because it's not. There are plenty more fish in the sea, so keep fishing. It's just bad luck (or sod's law!) that you happened to meet a shark today.

:grouphug:
 
Nat, I am so sorry you had such a bad experience :( My advice to you is to find another dentist, one who cares about the way his patients feel. I too had a dentist several years ago who treated me like a child and I was afraid to go back. Infact I avoided the dentist until an accident caused me to break all of my top teeth, and I could not hide my mouth anymore. Luckily a relative recommended a dentist she used to work for and he was/is so great. He treats me with compassion. He can tell I am nervous, as shake terribly, but never makes me feel bad, in fact he doesn't bring it up. There are dentists out there who do care and do want to help you. Please do not give up you have come so far, but I would not go back to that dentist as it seems that he does not care to help you.
 
Oh Nat I'm so sorry - that sounds like complete and utter pants. How horrible for you and no wonder you're feeling awful. :hug2:
If ever there was an object lesson in how not to treat a nervous patient, you had to suffer it. As vicki says, you've done NOTHING to feel bad about. And you did absolutely the right thing in getting the hell out of there.
I guess the last thing you want to do right now is start the search for a decent caring dentist, but one suggestion to add to vicki's list is to find out where your nearest dental teaching hospital is, and see if they can recommend a dentist who's had good training in treating nervous patients and sedation techniques.
Please please don't feel ashamed - you have nothing to be ashamed of: you were brilliant to turn up to the appointment, and you've made the right decision to seek out some proper care for next time.
:grouphug:
 
Awww nat, I too am so sorry that things didnt turn out right for you.
Like the others have said, please dont feel ashamed..... if anyone should feel ashamed....its that bloody dentist...for being sooooo insensitive!
You probably dont want to hear this right now, but please dont give up :XXLhug:
 
Oh Nat! I am so sorry to hear your first appointment went so poorly! :cry: You know how we all said we were all there with you before you went to the appointment? Well, remember, we are all united in our disappointment in the nasty behavoiur of that dentist you saw too. Please don't give up! You have come so far! The websites Vicki wrote about sound very helpful, I hope you don't give up and find someone else. I work in a customer service based industry, and if I treated someone poorly at work I wouldn't be at work for much longer, the dentist is in a patient customer service industry, so vote with your feet and your wallet Nat, and don't go back to that dentist if you are feeling uncomfortable!

Thinking of you!

Lotus :hug2:
 
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