Throat Inflammation (And Other Problems)

Hi, DFC. I hope I've come to the right place. I'm writing this three days away from one of the most frightening appointments of my life. I'm going to a dentist for the first time since I was a teen (some 20 years ago), and if I had my way, I probably wouldn't be going now. Sadly, I have three broken teeth. They're not noticeable without the full flashlight inspection, but they're broken all the same. They've been injured and/or infected so many times over the years, and I've always managed to home remedy my way through. I just wasn't very wise this Halloween. To be specific, sugar finding its way into one of the open tooth holes has caused a huge, painful lump to form on my lower jaw. So I finally had to give in, find a dentist who would accept my insurance, and schedule an appointment -- and that appointment's been set for this coming Monday.

Please don't misunderstand me. It's not the pain that has me afraid. Before I was able to get braces as a kid, I had to have eight teeth extracted in a single day. Between old memories like that and more recent ones involving abscesses and the like, I figure there's no way this dentist is going to cause me any more physical pain than I've already experienced. What I'm actually afraid of is on a whole different level. And it's two-fold..

1) I'm incredibly embarrassed about having my mouth examined. My teeth were almost perfect at one point. I put a lot of work into making that happen. So how could I have allowed everything to fall apart so badly? Three broken teeth, dark red lower gums, a number of cavities (including one along the gum line of a front tooth), and what feels like lumps of infection in my cheek and jaw areas. I've never even met this new dentist, but for some reason, feel like I need to apologize to her as soon as I do. That's how deep my shame runs.

2) I'm also incredibly anxious about what she might find. In particular, my throat's a very dark shade of red. That includes the uvula, a perfect "arch" left of/ above/ right of the uvula, and the rest of the throat behind that. This redness doesn't come with any pain. The tonsils don't seem to be swollen. If I analyze long enough, I see what looks like tiny bumps in the back, but I can't say that with absolute certainty. Still, that's more than enough to make my hypochondria race to the thought of cancer. Fortunately, I've never been a smoker. So at least I can take comfort in that.

What I know for sure is that I've had serious acid reflux for years. Maybe that's burnt the back of my throat somehow. I also know that my tongue's often coated in white, and when I've inspected farther back (near the aforementioned redness), that white has bordered on yellow/brown a couple times. In fact, since I'm already being way too honest here.. Before I was aware of this throat situation, my S.O. actually came away with an infection the last two times that we had oral sex. Now I'm wondering if ("hoping that"?) all of these things - the red throat, the coated tongue, the post-sex infection - are all related. As humiliating as that would be, it sounds much less dire than a surprise cancer diagnosis.

So, regarding Worry #1, I just felt like I needed to vent. I'm not sure there's anything that can be said.

But, regarding Worry #2, would anyone care to take a guess (Not a diagnosis - I know) at what this could be? Is it uncommon for a dentist to notice something like thrush or an STD while examining a patient's mouth for other reasons? And, if that ends up happening to me, would it be inappropriate for me to melt into a puddle of shame and slide down into the floor? So many questions.

Thanks in advance.

One thing that I have learned--acute shame and fear about going to the dentist is incredibly common! You are certainly not going to be the first person that the dentist has seen with these issues. Before you even open your mouth, I would have a good talk about your feelings, and I'm sure you'll feel much more at ease. If you don't feel comfortable with the dentist, I would keep looking.

Regarding #2--tongues can look really weird for no discernible reason. If you are not in pain, I would quite looking at it and not worry so much. Clean your mouth well before the dental visit and you'll be fine.

I appreciate you taking the time to comment. And I certainly hope you're right. If you don't mind me asking though, *how* did you learn that? From reading everyone's stories on here? Or from something specific that your dentist said?

I don't think I'll have a panic attack when I meet mine -- not before she starts poking and scraping around anyway. I'm just a quiet person in general, and if she comes in like a bolt of lightning, I worry that I won't properly express my concerns beforehand. I'm thinking about noting as much as possible in the pre-appointment paperwork. As I said though, it's been 20 years, and I'm my harshest critic. So I'll have to be careful not to fill that paper and ask for a couple more. Ha.

Howie, when I was in my late teens and twenties I had a lot of fear/shame about my teeth and avoided going to the dentist for long periods of time. (Probably due to my awful rotten teeth and horrifically painful treatments as a child). Fortunately I found some very understanding dentists, and was able to discuss all these issues in detail with them. I made it clear that I did NOT want to be shamed about my tooth care, or nagged, and needed to have pain-free care if at all possible. Fortunately I felt much better after that, as I needed quite a lot of care (crowns, periodontal cleanings) after that.

Filling out the paperwork with as much detail as you can sounds like a good plan, especially if you feel you might not be able to assert your needs easily in person.

Sounds like this has been a long, exhausting road for you. I'm glad to know you found dentists who were so considerate.

But, yeah, I think detailed paperwork sounds wise.. Say, you wouldn't happen to know any obscure, overnight remedies for red gums, would you?