Despondent and don't know how to get the ball rolling.

Hi.

I'm feeling really depressed about my situation and don't even know how to go about starting to address it.

My teeth are in a bad way. They are not the worst, but they are going to require a lot of work. Unfortunately, as a child, my family was not big on looking after their teeth and my teeth were neglected. I also had a poor diet. For my entire adult life, I've had severe mental health issues for the last 10 years (depression and social anxiety), which has resulted in even further neglect. I actually feel like the state of my teeth is a large contributor to my depression and social anxiety as it impacts how I feel about myself and how confident I feel. I feel ashamed of myself and can't live life freely without fear that someone is going to notice my bad teeth. Realising this, I really want to do something about it but I have two massive fears.

Firstly, the cost. I know it's going to cost a lot to fix my teeth. I've saved up a decent amount of money (definitely enough to make a decent start on getting it sorted) and have also looked into possibly getting a loan of several thousand dollars. I still feel it is likely that I am going to be still short by a fair amount, which is depressing because it has taken me so long to save what I've saved. Secondly, I fear the dentist would tell me that there is nothing they can do for me. That my mouth is too messed up to help and they will scold me for letting it get this bad. A large part of my social anxiety is a fear of judgement, and the idea that the dentist will shout at me and humiliate me is so distressing that I can't get myself to go.

Over the last few months, I've been obsessing about it. I've been looking up dentists and watching dental makeover and treatment videos on youtube almost every night. I've found a couple of dentists that seem to cater for anxious patients and I'm toying with the idea of emailing them.

I am thinking of emailing them and trying to explain my situation to them. I want to ask can I have an appointment were I just talk to them about my fears etc. I just can't bear to jump right into this. I need to have my fears and concerns heard before I can get on with any actual treatment.

Do you think this is something possible to do? Has anyone taken this approach before? Any ideas on how I can get the ball rolling?

I'm so sorry for the long post. I am too ashamed to talk to anyone about this in my personal life. It has taken me months to even build up the courage to ask a group of strangers about this. This is the first time I have ever talked about this.

Thank you.

It's definitely a good idea to try emailing them.

So, you obviously have a plan of action and have looked into funds. That's great! You pretty much have got the ball rolling already. If you meet the dentist for a chat, you can let them know how anxious you are and how you need them to be gentle with you. A good dentist will always honour that request.

A kind and patient dentist is the difference between traumatic dental experiences that make you never want to go back, and bearable dental experiences, where you know you can go back. It's the most important thing for a phobic patient, to find a dentist who will work with them.

Most of the people here have been in the same situation as you. It took me a while to work up the courage to post here for the first time, and to go see the dentist. It's hard, but once you've gone to that initial appointment, it gets easier after that.

Hang in there

Hey there, can you scroll the post titled 'first visit in 20 years!' On there there is a lady whom helped me a massive amount and also I like her was like you and so terrified and wanting to take the first step into getting sorted, you will find my story and hers and hopefully together it will give you some inspiration to take that leap of faith hunny x let me know if I can be any help at all, we are in this together don't panic alone x much love x

Wow. Thanks for both of your replies!

Sorry it took me so long to reply. I posted this and felt ashamed afterwards and didn't want to come back to it. Which is pretty much the whole story - trying to put it off.

I ended up emailing a clinic, saying that I need quite a bit of help and was feeling really anxious about it. I asked if I could just have an appointment where I can just talk about my concerns, possible treatments, what the process is going to involve etc. I received a response saying that they'd be happy to help. The main reason I emailed them was that the dentists seem like good people and they are signed up with this dental plan that gives pretty decent discounts on various dental treatments. I am a little concerned about the quality of their clinic though, as the website is very basic.

I also emailed two other clinics that I'd been eyeing up. Each clinic has strengths and weaknesses and it's difficult to make a decision. I kinda feel like I just have to go to a dentist, even if it isn't the one I'd continue with in the longer term, just to get over this block. I feel stupid about this, but it isn't just about getting my teeth fixed. I need a really caring, judgement free and gentle dentist because of my social anxiety.

I'll check out that lady's thread, Aly1977!

SolitudeIsBliss,

thank you so much for sharing this and a huge well done for having made the first step!

You started to move into the direction of changing your situation and this is the part that requires the most courage. Watching videos, starting to look for a practice, emailing a practice and even started to talk about this openly: these are all very important and huge steps towards beating your fear. You can start to celebrate yourself because this are first wins achieved on you way.

I can totally understand that you wish to have your fears and concerns heared before you even step into a practice and I believe that talking to a practice via email will give you some confidence and is a good possibility to check if you feel good with them and can imagine to really make an appointment. The most important thing is to do only one small step at a time which is exactly what you are doing right now. Don't worry about not knowing how exactly it should work, next steps will reveal themself.

No matter how the state of your teeth is: no normal caring dentist will ever tell you that they could do nothing for you. These people have studied several years and keep on educating themself to solve ANY dental issue and they will always give you options. 'I can do nothing for you' is not in, believe me. You will probably even be surprised how many options you have - most of nervous patients assume that their teeth are much worse than they really are (but you have time with this one, just one step at a time).

Again congratulations and well done for starting to look for ways to tackle your fear, you already have made the hardest step and you will get this and through sharing your story with us you are inspiring so many others who are considering to start the journey.

Don't forget to keep us updated

I've been in your shoes. I broke my front tooth at 7. My parents were broke so dental visits were out of the question. I never cared for my teeth, which surprisingly, I've been able to keep all but 2 at 50 years of age.

I've always hated my crown and have been teased about it. Kids are cruel. That grew into self consciousness about my smile and not wanting to ever look in my own mouth, so I neglected it for years. But it was like a monkey on my back. I wanted them fixed. But fear of the dentist kept me from making the appointment. Add to it previous dentists who didn't give 2 iotas.

So, I searched and searched for a caring cosmetic dentist. And I found one!! I began my dental repair 3 weeks ago. I had my front tooth pulled. Bone graft is done and waiting for implant. Maryland Bridge was set today. Teeth were cleaned today. I go again next week for cavity filling and to talk about crowns and will need a root scaling before long.

Take the plunge! You will feel so much better!! I have cried tears of joy. Yes, happiness. Literally, I have cried! That I found a dentist who finally cares! And such a relief to me.

Considering how little so many people know about web design, I wouldn't judge them by that. Many companies of all stripes will just hire a cheap website designer without knowing any better and that's why there are so many shoddy websites in the world

You've done really well getting this far.

Again, thank you all so much for your replies! I feel so grateful that this community exists! I've felt so alone and ashamed for so long. Your kindness, your encouragement and your own personal stories are very helpful.

I feel like I took a backward step today. I emailed the other two clinics last night regarding payment plans. One of the clinics tried phoning me while I was at work and I couldn't answer at the time. I finished work earlier than usual and could have called them just before they closed. Besides getting more information about payment plans, my main intention was to open up the dialogue with the dental clinics without having to commit to anything and perhaps raise my concerns during the conversation and see how they respond. Like Enatere says..small steps. I'm just not confident in tackling this all in one go. I need to slowly chip away at it.

I kinda psyched myself out by thinking about the cost. I think my teeth are going to cost a lot to get fixed because I have all my teeth beside two of them at the back. It is likely that all of my other teeth are going to be salvageable but are going to require at least some level of work. I also have my wisdom teeth that need to be removed - three are fully erupted but one is impacted.

I don't know if I can handle going to the dentist and being told despite all the money I've saved and the payment plan/loan, I'm still not going to be able to cover the treatment.

I will keep everyone updated.

I think it's more important to just start with the work and take it from there. You can perhaps triage - have whatever needs to be addressed most urgently done with and paid for first, if you can't afford all of it. That's something to talk to the dentists about. It really sucks that dentistry is so expensive - even in many countries with nationalised healthcare, dental work still isn't free. Considering it's so necessary for pretty much everyone, as well as being scary, the added costs are the final nail in the coffin.

But talk to the dentist about cost. Try not to get caught up panicking about what-ifs. Just take each day as it comes, one step at a time.

Sevena said:

I think it's more important to just start with the work and take it from there. You can perhaps triage - have whatever needs to be addressed most urgently done with and paid for first, if you can't afford all of it. That's something to talk to the dentists about. It really sucks that dentistry is so expensive - even in many countries with nationalised healthcare, dental work still isn't free. Considering it's so necessary for pretty much everyone, as well as being scary, the added costs are the final nail in the coffin.

But talk to the dentist about cost. Try not to get caught up panicking about what-ifs. Just take each day as it comes, one step at a time.

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Thanks again.

I am eligible for dental health care in the public system. However, the waiting lists are super long (over a year) and apparently they tend to only provide you with the cheapest options of treatment. Anything cosmetic is out, which is understandable I guess, but it is important to me that any dental work I have done in the future does look decent.

I've been in the depths of depression recently and work is stressing me out. I haven't made any forward movement.