Frustrated

I have a horrible fear of dentists. About 10 years ago I did finally go and was told I had a a few cavities and I was diagnosed with periodontal disease. I did go back to get 2 fillings which was bad enough. Never went to the specialist or got my wisdom teeth out.I got married and a few years ago my wife was really adamant and pushy for me to go to the dentist to get myself looked after. While we were talking, I bawled because of my fear. A few months ago I noticed a couple of my teeth were getting loose. Yesterday I got a call back from the dentist office and did make an apt for a consultation. I told my wife this and informed her that I wanted to look into a bridge of I have to get teeth extracted. She replied with saying she doesn't have a million dollars and I should have dealt with this years ago. I get the courage(sort of) and I get shot down. Feeling scared and feeling stupid. I also did get a couple tattoos so she assumes I'm not really scared. Tattoos and dentists are so not even close to the same type of fear for me.

Lexie35 said:

I have a horrible fear of dentists. About 10 years ago I did finally go and was told I had a a few cavities and I was diagnosed with periodontal disease. I did go back to get 2 fillings which was bad enough. Never went to the specialist or got my wisdom teeth out.I got married and a few years ago my wife was really adamant and pushy for me to go to the dentist to get myself looked after. While we were talking, I bawled because of my fear. A few months ago I noticed a couple of my teeth were getting loose. Yesterday I got a call back from the dentist office and did make an apt for a consultation. I told my wife this and informed her that I wanted to look into a bridge of I have to get teeth extracted. She replied with saying she doesn't have a million dollars and I should have dealt with this years ago. I get the courage(sort of) and I get shot down. Feeling scared and feeling stupid.

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It’s good that you have taken a step in the right direction by making an appointment to get checked out. Dental fear is a very real thing and it kept me out of the chair when things could have been much easier to take care of, so you are not alone in putting things off. Those who do not have this same fear or teeth issues sometimes have a hard time empathizing. All you can do is say how it is from your end and take steps towards a healthy mouth every day going forward. Would have and should haves are counterproductive. Try not to beat yourself up.

Hey Lexie,

welcome and be sure you are in the right place here to get support.

Sorry to hear about your wife's reaction, I wished she would have reacted compasionately and support you on this way. Hopefully this was just the first reaction and she will soon understand how difficult this is for you. Please do not feel stupid. You have done nothing wrong, on the contrary - avoiding things that make us suffer is a normal human reaction and you are now basically trying to fight this natural programming. I am sure your wife also has some special fears... everybody does.
The assumption that having a tattoo and having dental fear are contradictions is not that uncommon, but the only people who assume this are the ones that have no problem going to the dentist (in my experience). Getting a tattoo is of course a very different situation, you have a full control, you know the process, the enviroment is different, you are the customer.. actually right now I can see no similarit to a dental situation at all.
Congrats on making the first step and having made an appointment. And as I understand it's already your second attempt - you have done your fillings 10 years ago, so this is even more courageous.

Do you have any friends or any other person in your surroundings who would be more supportive?
And do you have a dentist who understands your fear and is willing to help you with it?
And do you have an idea where your fears come from?

I'm a very solitary person so I don't have many friends that I would trust to share my fear with. Does that make sense? This dentist office was run by this gentleman who is a dentist but I've heard a nasty one and I refuse to go to him. Anyways, he sold his practice to this other dentist. Literally I emailed the office and put my concerns in that email and received a phone call just going over them. They offered me a consultation so I'm going to get my teeth looked at + crazy done. Not really sure where my fear started from but I do know that just prior to my fillings those 10 years ago, I went in just to get my teeth cleaned and the dentist then said he couldn't clean them. He then proceeded to push on the back on my front bottom teeth because they have a bunch of plaque on them. He pushed so hard I thought he was going to break them. He refused to stop. That was too much. I was reading on periodontal disease and maybe they can save my teeth but I'm not counting on it. We have insurance but I think when I mentioned a bridge is when my wife flipped.
I'm kinda fond of my front bottom teeth to use for eating. Lol. I don't feel scared right now but my apt isn't until the 23rd. Things could change... eek

Do you have any friends or any other person in your surroundings who would be more supportive?
And do you have a dentist who understands your fear and is willing to help you with it?
And do you have an idea where your fears come from?[/QUOTE]

Lexie35 said:

I have a horrible fear of dentists. About 10 years ago I did finally go and was told I had a a few cavities and I was diagnosed with periodontal disease. I did go back to get 2 fillings which was bad enough. Never went to the specialist or got my wisdom teeth out.I got married and a few years ago my wife was really adamant and pushy for me to go to the dentist to get myself looked after. While we were talking, I bawled because of my fear. A few months ago I noticed a couple of my teeth were getting loose. Yesterday I got a call back from the dentist office and did make an apt for a consultation. I told my wife this and informed her that I wanted to look into a bridge of I have to get teeth extracted. She replied with saying she doesn't have a million dollars and I should have dealt with this years ago. I get the courage(sort of) and I get shot down. Feeling scared and feeling stupid. I also did get a couple tattoos so she assumes I'm not really scared. Tattoos and dentists are so not even close to the same type of fear for me.

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Ironic that you posted this. My husband never says the right thing with anything. He kinda brushed off my fear of going to the dentist and made it seem like a silly thing to be afraid of. Well, after about 7 years I finally went on Saturday and need major one. One thing being full extractions on the bottom with a full bottom denture. I’m 37. I haven’t even told him yet. It’s a terrible feeling knowing I can’t tell my own husband and obviously will have to tell him eventually. But I just know he’ll say the wrong thing and not help me pay for I.T.

Lexie35 said:

I'm a very solitary person so I don't have many friends that I would trust to share my fear with. Does that make sense? This dentist office was run by this gentleman who is a dentist but I've heard a nasty one and I refuse to go to him. Anyways, he sold his practice to this other dentist. Literally I emailed the office and put my concerns in that email and received a phone call just going over them. They offered me a consultation so I'm going to get my teeth looked at + crazy done. Not really sure where my fear started from but I do know that just prior to my fillings those 10 years ago, I went in just to get my teeth cleaned and the dentist then said he couldn't clean them. He then proceeded to push on the back on my front bottom teeth because they have a bunch of plaque on them. He pushed so hard I thought he was going to break them. He refused to stop. That was too much. I was reading on periodontal disease and maybe they can save my teeth but I'm not counting on it. We have insurance but I think when I mentioned a bridge is when my wife flipped.
I'm kinda fond of my front bottom teeth to use for eating. Lol. I don't feel scared right now but my apt isn't until the 23rd. Things could change... eek

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Not having many friends to share your fear with makes sense. I can also imagine that you are not eager to consult this with everyone in your surroundings. Having and experience with a dentist who was causing you discomfort and refused to stop is a pretty good reason to never want to go to a dentist again. From the posts here and my own experience and also from what my dentist says, the most people need less treatment then they think they would and there are a lot of possibilities to save teeth so don't count with the worst.
Hope your wife got calmed down too and wish you all the best for the 23th. Keep us updated

The more I think about it, I'm finding myself seem to get calmer. I was researching tooth extractions which probably isn't the best idea. I have talked to my wife and told her I'm so concerned about the 'pressure when it comes to extractions. She informed me that it's nothing and it is so quick. I made sure they know and am going to remind them on the 23rd that I know my wisdom teeth need to be pulled but I'm just not ready for that yet. I want the dentist to deal with bottom teeth so I can eat properly and get my cavities looked after. I thought that the oral sedative was supposed to totally relax me but it didn't so that worried me going into another appointment.

I feel your pain. I developed a deep fear of dentists after I had one restrain me in the chair while he was drilling. I know it will never happen to me again, but that fear response doesn't go away. I too have found that oral sedation is nearly worthless for me.

I really hope they can save your teeth. I'm just deeply saddened your wife doesn't get it, but some day she might. Mine used to work in a dental office and so she always thought I was completely crazy. It was a major source of contention for a number of years. But after I finally told her what had happened to me she's gotten much better. Now she goes out of her way to be an advocate for me. I hope some day your wife will understand too. Wish you well.