I'm new here

FinnishGirl - I think you've made it very clear that this is just your personal preference . We actually had another poster a few years back who really liked papoose boards (a restraining device), because they made him feel safe .

"Each to his own" / "Each to their own" means the same as "Horses for courses" (don't know if you've come across that expression ?) - it means that different people have different preferences.

I think one of the main problems with restraining is that it is classed as assault, so dentists (in the UK at least) would refuse to do it even if you begged them to - someone could easily change their mind and file a law suit against them! Also it is seen as unethical and it violates the regulations for the profession.

So if someone had a true preference for being restrained, they would probably have to bring a trusted friend or family member to do the restraining .

Oh boy, I'm sorry if because of me coming on here to talk has caused anyone to have have hurt feelings. When I came on an open public board I knew that anything goes but I really don't want anyone to feel badly because of me. I want to feel positive about my treck to getting healthy and I want everyone else to also! Mary said it was ok to ramble on ...so ramble I shall!

FinnishGirl, I appreciate your views and how you need to handle your fears. What is good for you, works for you! My husband actually has the fear of needles. The doctor called it Vasso-Vagal or something like that. His blood pressure drops and heart slows down if he sees a needle. It's very real. When he has to have blood drawn I go with him and hold his hand. He's a big ole strong guy, my rock! But he has this problem! That's why he is so understanding of my dental phobia! He's wonderful, so kind and a great comfort. I don't think I'll cancel the appointment. And holding me down wouldn't work. I'm fiesty and would give them a good swift kick! Good luck tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you.

Britt, thanks for answering my post. I also appreciate your views and the help you have for me. We live in a small town so it's not unusual to have to drive an hour to go shopping or to the doctor. The dentist I have chosen uses a small pill taken an hour before your appointment. I've had this once before and it worked for me. The dentist at that time didn't work out, he didn't do the work himself he had a student dentist and apparently left him unsupervised because I've had nothing but pain and trouble with that tooth. It is one of the ones that I'm having major problems with now. I couldn't go back to him. It was awful. My husband checked and this is the only dentist in the office and he does all work himself. My husband will be with me. He has tomorrow off.

I slept good last night. I woke up nervous and sick to my stomach. I keep looking at the clock and saying this time tomorrow I'll be getting ready to go, this time tomorrow I'll be in the car, etc.etc. So I thought I would come here.
I have a lot planned for today to keep me busy. Tonight when hubby goes to work-I just don't know. Talking here has already eased my mind.

Mary, I hope it's ok if I consider you my ciber friend? You have given me so much help and support. Thank you. I wish that there was some way I could help you too. Today I fixed a pot of coffee. Haven't had any in 2 days so I'm sipping on a cup now. I volunteered to make baked beans and mac and cheese for a dinner at my husband's work. I always go to the nursing home at lunch to make sure my dad eats and is ok. And I shall clean, clean, clean! Maybe I'll paint my toenails! Go for a bike ride, what else can I do? Talk too much probably.

I want to eat a salad! I want to eat a cheeseburger! I want to bite into anything and crunch! I'm tired of having to practically make babyfood out of everything. Can't go out to eat with people, I'm too embarrassed.

Ok, now that makes me feel more positive! A few months from now I'll be able to eat that salad, crunch those carrots, bit into a sandwich! It's 9:41, my appointment is 10:00 tomorrow morning so now I'll say this time tomorrow I'll be in the waiting room filling out new patient forms and on my way to eating a cheeseburger with lettuce, tomatoes and crunchy pickles!

This is so long, my apologies again. But I do feel better. Thanks Mary,FinnishGirl and Britt. You've helped me through a moment of panic.

anna

Hi anna

Of course you can consider me your friend because that is exactly what I am.
Funny you mentioned painting your toe-nails....since this hole thing started getting my teeth pulled....my fingernails have gotten so long....I painted them at least once a day*(hard to bite your nails with no front teeth...LOL)

I know today will be rough but I also know you can do this.
And yes to be able to eat all those things you mentioned is such a gift.I am suprised at the things I am able to eat again.
Befor this I was allways eating cream of wheat...oat meal etc....everything had to be room temp.lol

So your plan of staying busy is full of great ideas.You can do this and try not to panicOnce you do the consultation and x rays you will feel so proud of yourself.

Like about 8 months ago I got my 3 year old a bike with training wheels...well she was afraid of it and has been sitting in the shed....anyway about 3 weeks ago she got on and rode it like a champ.POint being that she was so proud of herself for doing it and you could tell how happy and proud she was and You will feel the same way.(I know I did)
Well I am off to do errands...stay busy and try and keep positivw thoughts.You are in my thoughts today.we can do this together.

By the way I love to clean when I am anxious and you have helped me...mor ethan you know.

I'm starting to get a little bit more nervous. Can't eat anything for supper. I want to ask if anyone has ideas about how they deal with anxiety but am I to do it on this same thread or try to start a new one? I'm not sure how this is supposed to be done?

I've cleaned everything in sight. I've cooked. I went for two bike rides. But as night is coming on I'm finding the realization that I only have about 15 more hours until my 1st appointment. But who's counting? (I'm trying to LOL)

If anyone is reading do you have any suggestions? My confidence is getting less and less. I know I have to go through with it. I know I will be glad that I did. I know I can do this. I can write it but it doesn't make me feel any less terrified inside.
anna

Something I've tried that works (at least until I forget to do it myself and then I'm a wreck)...

Think of the "NOW" and only now... you're not in the dentist chair so enjoy what you have going on in your life at this very moment...

Not only is this a very calming way of thinking, it's written in every business book about how to deal with worry - Dale Carnegie "How you stop worrying and Start Living"...

It at least lets me eat and go to sleep (staying asleep after my mind gets going in another matter - haven't solved the nightmare thing yet)...

but just remember... you aren't there physically so why worry about it.

---------------
After 16 yrs of dealing with no dental visits and constantly receeding gums the only way I got myself to go was I went with my hubby for emergency work on a tooth. I was sitting in the waiting room, stiff as a board, ready to run for it, eyes closed and I swear trying to hide by face behind every ounce of reading material I could find because I was almost in tears. But I lasted. We came home from his work and I got him to call and make the appointment for me. The paperwork has now been sitting on my desk since the beginning of April. I took another step and finished it today (took me three days to do it... the thought of it freaked me out).

It's now folded back up in the envelope and sitting until the big day...

I got through it by reminding myself of where I was. Sitting in my DESK chair, pen in hand, writing and focusing on the fact that I was there (and not anywhere else like a dentist chair). It was me, pen, paper and a keyboard and mouse that was in the way.... and by focuing on that I did it.

So... kick back... enjoy any sunshine you get and have a drink on me

... you are here with us and not "there"

Thanks Macfoo. I did go paint my finger nails. That helped. I find myself constantly coming here to check and see if anyone had some suggestions. You're right. I need to try to stay in this moment and not fret over tomorrow.You are braver than I am. I went with my husband for a dentist appointment a few years ago and couldn't even get out of the car. I sat out in the very hot summer sun while he had his work done.

I just really dread them looking in my mouth and seeing all these terrible teeth. I haven't been able to brush them properly in quite a while so plaque has built up around the bad ones. It's so embarrassing. I can only floss the good ones. I brush at least 3 or 4 times a day but I can't give them a good brush, it hurts so on the bad ones. Why did I let this happen?

Thanks again. I'm going to try to stay in the moment and not worry about tomorrow.

annaj

Why? Can't answer for you but I know my answer

I went through a period of just not giving a rats flying behind about anything and now that I do give a hoot (last few years have overcome a lot of personal skeletons in my closets) I look in the mirror, smile and see way to much teeth for the amount of gum that I have. I can pick up my tooth brush but dang its a heck of a color of pink when I spit (bleed like the dickens)...

I can sit and cry about it (which in fact I do quite often), I can sit and fret and worry about it (I'm right up there, sometimes I DON'T eat), or I can say to myself "I'm going to get this done! I care about my teeth and I care about myself enough to do this..."

It's going to cost me emotionally - but I did this to myself. So when it comes down to it I'm accountable not only for my teeth but also my own self induced fear (my hubby is doing just fine with the concept of going to the dentist - I DONT GET IT) ... The fear isn't unreasonable.. it's real to you and I... but I also try and reason with well, reason....

On that note...
Move over... now that I've made sense, I need to hide behind the couch

You made me smile Macfoo hiding behind that couch. I shall hide too! But I'm still nervous not terrified now but nervous.

annaj

Anna, the first appointment is the hardest because you have the 'fear of the unknown' going on... but I know you can do it. You're going to feel so relieved and proud of yourself after you make it into the dentists office tomorrow... just picture yourself being successful - walking out of there with your head held high knowing what a huge thing you've accomplished just by being there.

Also, remember this - it took a long long time for your fears and anxiety to build up over the dentist. If you can't get through the appointment, or you only get halfway through and have to take a break because you're overwhelmed, that's okay too. You have already tackled one huge fear by being willing to make the appointment in the first place. I'm not saying you WILL have problems, but if it's too much for you it's okay to pull back. You can always go back again, and next time it will be easier. The dentist isn't going to stick a note on your file saying 'never see annaj ever again'. They're used to working with people who are anxious and afraid and worried about what's going on - they see it every day. You are the one in control of what happens, not them. They're there to help you... and they will. Good luck!

Thank you Kajikit for your words of incouragement. I'm feeling better again. The fear seems to come and go. I've had this problem since I was a little girl. Had some very bad experiences. I can't watch a tv show that mentions the dentist or have a conversation that leads in that direction until I came here. Now I'm finding myself hoping for a conversation about dentists...It really helps. To be honest I've even found myself afraid to look at the condition of my teeth, like if I don't look I don't have to own up to what's going on. But when I try to lay down at night I know what's going on because I can't get comfortable laying on either side of my face. And when I try to eat I can't chew any more. Both sides hurt! I will get through the appointment tomorrow. I know I can do it. (I'll just keep telling myself that anyway, maybe by tomorrow morning I'll have myself convinced) I just wish I already knew the dentist and his staff and felt confident that they were going to be gentle with this old chicken!
anna

Hi anna,
I know it's near impossible to not think about what's coming in the morning but one thing that helped me right before my first appointment was whenever I felt myself getting nervous, I would take long deep breaths, count to 5 on inhale and exhale. Try to just concentrate on relaxing, taking slow breaths, if your hands are clenched or shoulders tense try to relax them and just think about relaxing all your muscles. This also helped me once I got to my appointment i hope it helps you too. I also tend to think at this time tomorrow i'll be doing this...so I have tried to alter my way of thinking and instead of saying this time tomorrow, i think this time two days from now I'll be done! or instead of thinking in 14 hours I'll be at the dentist, I think in 16 hours I'll be back home! It's great that you're thinking about all the things you will get to do and all the things you'll be able to eat when you have things sorted, it really helps to think of your long term goals and just keep them in mind when things get tough.
It's funny that you said you couldn't even talk about the dentist or anything before and now you hope that someone will bring it up! I feel the same way, I think my family and friends are a little confused because before if anyone said the word I would practically burst into tears, now they must be thinking "you want to talk about the dentist? are you feeling ok?" lol Plus I'm sure I am annoying them when I tell everyone how I brush, floss and rinse x amount of times a day, and I bug everyone about how they should start flossing. It's great to feel proud of what you are doing and know that it's the best thing for you and your health. I think that the struggle we face as dental phobics makes the reward that much sweeter! Good luck tomorrow, I'll be sending good vibes your way!

Thanks sparklzk27. I'm trying the breathing right now. I fell asleep on the couch and decided to stop by on my way to bed. I hope I can go back to sleep. The deep breaths really helped. I'll definately be doing this tomorrow morning. I'm trying not to do the hour count down. I find myself automaticaly doing it every time I look at the clock. You're right. When I find myself going in that direction I'll add an hour and say by that time I'll be home and have that first step done. Going to try to go back to sleep. Thanks for the great tips. I know I can do this. Think positive, right?
anna

Hi Annaj.
Sorry I have been off all day....I had an emergency.
My daughter got hurt.
I won't be on tomorrow but I wanted to say that I was thinking of you...and I know that you will do great.
I am so proud of you that you came this far.

annaj: The breathing tip was really, really good. My dad, who is a doctor, taught me that. He says that breathing too fast makes you panic more. I always feel this weird prickling feeling on my behind when I breathe too fast so I know when I should concentrate on slower breathing. Try that, it makes you feel a lot better!

Hi Annaj
My internet wasn't working earlier, hope I'm not too late to wish you more good luck. I would say watch a movie, drink some alcohol to help you relax and sleep, set your alarm clock for when it's time to worry say 1/2 hour before you leave for the appt , but live in the present as someone else said until then! Easier said than done.

Remember if you don't like this dentist, you can try another one; and you are the one in control of what happens tomorrow. I would suggest taking your husband in with you to hold your hand and ask questions on your behalf should you find yourself tongue-tied and give in to your fear - cry if you need to then the dentist gets it more easily and treats you more kindly (no need to worry about unlikely adverse reaction to tears as OH there to protect you) ...a dentist offering oral sedation is going to have seen it all before both in the dental health and fear dept.

You sound to me like you are being very rational and approaching the whole thing quite calmly but it is ok to feel nervous in the run up....and ok to show your fear but try deep breathing to calm you as someone else suggested....remember it is impossible to feel relaxed and anxious at the same time...the more relaxed you can feel in the dentist's treatment room, the better or everyone but feeling relaxed grows out of trust in the dentist to some extent or is derived from the environment being calming and the staff soothing...you get the idea. I am quite a relaxed dental patient but only when I like and trust the particular dentist.
All the best or maybe you are already on your way

Hi Mary, I hope that everything is ok with your daughter. That's pretty scary when your little one gets hurt. Thank you friend for taking the time to come here to reassure me. That means so much. I'm up after a restless night but I'm ready to get to this first appointment.

FinnishGirl thanks again for your support. The breathing thing really does help. Sparklzk27 thank you for suggesting that. I'm doing it at this minute.

Brit, thank you also for checking back in on me. It really helps to know I have people concerned about me and I'll take each one of you with me today! hehe I'll take an imaginary cyber brave purse with me and all of you can hop in and go with me. I like the tip about my husband going in with me. I didn't know that they might let him do that. I'll see if I can muster up the nerve to ask if he can.

Off I go to start getting ready. I can do this. I can do this. I know I can?

anna

annaj said:

I like the tip about my husband going in with me. I didn't know that they might let him do that. I'll see if I can muster up the nerve to ask if he can.
anna

Click to expand...

DON'T ASK!!!!! JUST ASSUME AND BRING HIM RIGHT ON IN HOLDING HANDS and then the onus is on them to refuse....but would not be an issue in UK at all. - patients have a right to a support person.

Of course you can take your husband in with you to hold your hand... you don't have to do this alone. Thinking of you...

Thanks Brit and Kajakit, I didn't know that I could bring him in. I'm in the US and it's supposed to be patient rights here too but sometimes I turn in to a 4 year old when I'm with doctors or dentists.

I'm feeling confident. Nervous but confident. Just gave my teeth a good scrubbing and now I'm headed for the car. Will be leaving in just a few. I'm taking all your good wishes with me!

anna

I hope all went well today.
I am so proud of you.
Let us know when how it went.
I WILL BE AT The hospital all day but I will check and see how it went tonight.