What do I do? (Long vent...)

Hi all fellow sufferers Melbourne, Australia here for the first time

I have advanced periodontal disease and I'm on a disability pension. I'm poor and thus have to use the public dental health system. Many years ago I was abused by a male dentist (I was also sexually abused as a child and teen). I avoided dentists for a long time - resulting in the perio.

Slowly, over the past 5 years, i built up a relationship with the woman dentist for the local public dental clinic to the point where she has actually been able to fill and extract teeth. Although I do still end up traumatised, I have been able to get through.

Three weeks ago, I went in because a filling in one of my top teeth had broken and there was a gaping hole in my tooth. That and the bottom right wisdom had a major abcess under it and I know it needs to come out. So, I go in and I make it clear to the receptionist that ALL I NEEDED was an initial appointment to tell me what I had to get done so that I had time to organise (1) the valium and (2) the best friend to come with me. They ALL know about my past history. They know I suffer from extreme panic and anxiety disorder.

For two and a half hours I was kept waiting. By then I was in a state of extreme panic. They told me that noone could see me and to come back an hour later - someone had just cancelled an appointment. So I went home and stressed, then went back at the appropriate time.

Next thing, I'm being led down the corridor towards the room at the end where, waiting for me, is a male dentist...

I lost the plot completely. My legs turned to jelly and the panic attack I had been staving off became full blown. I was sobbing hysterically and I collapsed against the wall. The nurse rudely asked me what was wrong and grabbed my arm and tried to drag me down the hall. I screamed at her "Don't you read peoples files? Don't you know what a male dentist did to me?"

She said (and I quote), "I know how you feel". Well, needless to say, I turned on her and shrieked at the top of my voice - "SO YOU KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE RAPED DO YOU?"

"Well no, " she says, "but I know how you must be feeling, now come on, I'll take you to the reception area and we'll organise something else..."

So then she drags me back past rooms full of waiting people all looking at me with snot and tears covering my face - all staring at this freaked out middle aged woman. Did she apologise? No... She came back a few minutes later and took me to a young SriLankan woman who quickly looked at my mouth and then said (OMFG) "I will drill and refill that tooth now" and starts getting everything ready...

"Over my dead body", I said. "There is no way you are going to do anything while I am this traumatized. Just make me another appointment so I can get ready for it".

And the appointment was made - THREE WEEKS later!

Now its 3 days before the appointment. I am on Tramadol and antibiotics. The abcess is deeply infected. The filling has fallen out more. I have been unable to eat for 5 days. I am terrified of returning and getting worse treatment, but I am poor, I have no alternatives, and the pain is becoming increasingly unbearable. I was refused treatment at the local GP because I had no money. I am allergic to all opiates (which is why Tramadol is such a blessing).

My best friend is taking me on monday morning. I will be loaded up with Tramadol.

But the question is - do I say something about the way I was treated? In one morning they totally destroyed my hesitant trust. I'm right back to square one - terrified and abused.

I hate the dentist.

I'm SO sorry to hear about what the male dentist did to you and as this hasn't happened to me myself I can't see how the receptionist knows how you're feeling. I would definitely report this as it was completely uncalled for. If I saw someone having a panic attack I wouldn't embarass them the way this woman did.

Five days without eating?! Why not having something really soft like yogurt? No need for chewing with that and it would help fill you up. How come the dentist you normally see wasn't called? I don't know how they can have a receptionist there that doesn't seem to know what she's doing or how to treat paitents with respect. She should definitely be reported!

I hope you're pain free soon

I won't pretend to know what this experience was like for you, but I'm so sorry that you had to endure it, and I hope that you get the help that you need in the way that it should be given to you soon.

I would file a complaint about the receptionist, too. She may not realize the damage that she has done, but until someone calls her on it, she'll just keep on with this totally inappropriate behavior.

I think the OP's frustration is with the nurse rather than the receptionist isn't it? More privacy should have been given but I think she was probably just trying to get the OP away from the trigger...the male dentist....I wonder how he felt about instilling such a panic...

Cannotcope, I am pleased to hear they immediately got you a female dentist (I assume your other one left maybe?).
Since you have no choice of provider, I would put off complaining until after you have had the tooth sorted out and maybe only put it along the lines of you want your records marked that you must always see a female dentist and that you would have appreciated more privacy during your panic attack.....
Your plan of attack sounds good provided the meds are prescribed....good luck I'm sure having your friend there will help as well

I'm also sorry that happened.It makes one wonder why some go into the type of work that requires compassion.At least they are aware of the situation now,and while waiting that long to have your tooth taken care of is uncomfortable,you may have needed that much time to try and recover from your last visit at this clinic.I would also wait until after your treatment to let it be known how unhappy you were with what happened on your first visit to the new dentist.Good luck and hope it works out for you.

thanks all for your kind caring words of support.

The tooth ended up going septic and my poor son had to call the ambos at 2.30 am last Friday morning when he found me unconscious in the hallway. They couldn't do anything but stabilise me - the hospital was full and they had no-one who could remove the tooth. I ended up in emergency dental surgery that AFTERNOON (!) luckily with the female dentist who has been treating me for the past 5 years and is very familiar with my case history. She injected massive amounts of anaesthetic into the gum and tooth and then removed it. Amazing that the cessation of pain was instantaneous - I was very grateful. But that still leaves the wisdom to come out in the next fortnight or so... I will cross that bridge when I get to it. Meanwhile, I will just keep on the antibiotics to keep the infection down and I now have Tramadol for pain relief Still can't eat anything that requires chewing - the straw diet has been reinvented

And yes, I can finally laugh about it all - it is simply amazing what severe pain can do to the mind...

Cheers all

As we say in my part of the world, "Bless your heart." I'm glad that the pain is under control now and good wishes are with you for any remaining treatment.