• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

    Register now to access all the features of the forum.

Question about gums and I am freaking

toothfairy80

toothfairy80

Member
Joined
Feb 27, 2008
Messages
30
Location
USA
Getting desperate and scared

Hello, all. I am 28 years old and have not been to the dentist since I was 19. I always hated going as a child, and I also have a terrible fear of going to the doctor. As soon as I moved away from my parents, I stopped going to the dentist. The last time I went, my old dentist told me I was getting a cavity in one of my lower molars. So you can imagine how that tooth is doing nine years later. I know that I need to go, but I am terrified of the embarrassment and possible lectures. I know that my gums don't look that great these days, and a few of my other teeth are very sensitive. I work in the health care field, so this is all so stupid of me, but I can't help it. Not to mention I want to have kids in a couple of years, and I do not want to be pregnant with bad teeth or pass on these bad habits to my future kids. Anyway, I have to get this bad tooth looked at soon, because it just feels worse all the time, but I am so SCARED. I have this fear that they are going to tell me all of my teeth are about to fall out. :confused: Thanks for listening!
 
Re: Getting desperate and scared

Hello, all. I am 28 years old and have not been to the dentist since I was 19. I always hated going as a child, and I also have a terrible fear of going to the doctor. As soon as I moved away from my parents, I stopped going to the dentist. The last time I went, my old dentist told me I was getting a cavity in one of my lower molars. So you can imagine how that tooth is doing nine years later. I know that I need to go, but I am terrified of the embarrassment and possible lectures. I know that my gums don't look that great these days, and a few of my other teeth are very sensitive. I work in the health care field, so this is all so stupid of me, but I can't help it. Not to mention I want to have kids in a couple of years, and I do not want to be pregnant with bad teeth or pass on these bad habits to my future kids. Anyway, I have to get this bad tooth looked at soon, because it just feels worse all the time, but I am so SCARED. I have this fear that they are going to tell me all of my teeth are about to fall out. :confused: Thanks for listening!

Hello and welcome! You are no different than any of us here except many of us waited to see the dentist for over 20 years. I'm one of those people who finally took the plunge. I guarantee you that your fears are the same as mine, but all of my teeth aren't falling out :) I did lose 9 of them, but that's okay. The fear of what the dentist is going to tell us is far worse than the actual news they give us. I was panic stricken at all of the scenarios I was making up in my head and was thrilled when I found out I would only lose 9 teeth! As crazy as that sounds, I truly believed it would be far worse. You're young and I'm sure your teeth aren't half as bad as you think. It is very wise of you to get your teeth looked at prior to pregnancy as the hormone surges during pregnancy can wreak havoc on your teeth. Do some research and find yourself a caring dentist. It's not anywhere as bad as you're thinking! If I can go through what I'm going through, and if the other people on this board can go through what they're going through, you CAN do it!
Peace,
Susan
 
Re: Getting desperate and scared

Hi toothfairy and :welcome:,

vict4ia just replied to someone else's thread about the "embarrassment factor" (I think most of us have been there!!), and I can't really add much to it - her post is here if you want to have a read:


Finding a caring, gentle dentist who is empathetic to your needs and treats you with respect is the key. It's highly unlikely that the news will be as bad as you think - it's only been 9 years for you and you're young, you don't say that your teeth are loose and about to fall out, etc. But imagining worst-case scenarios is very typical for us (the advantage of course is that if you think the worst, you're more likely to be pleasantly surprised ;D).

You'll find some great support on this forum :) - thanks for joining and wishing you the best of luck with your journey :grouphug:
 
Re: Getting desperate and scared

Hi there,

Welcome to the site! :)

I know exactly how you feel.
I have my first dentist appt. in 5+ years tomorrow and my biggest fear is that they're going to tell me there's nothing they can do to save my teeth and I'll lose them all at the "tender" age of 24. Aside from that, I can tell you I'm very much ashamed for myself and desperate to avoid any lectures.

Now evidently, the cure for this is a caring and supportive dentist who responds to your fears as well as what's going on in your mouth. Hopefully I've found mine but I don't know that yet for sure :)

You'll find an amazing amount of kind people and incredible support on this site, both of which were highly instrumental in helping me to work up the courage to even make an appointment :)

Take care and best of luck to you!!!
 
Re: Getting desperate and scared

Hello there toothfairy, and a big welcome to this site. Its always great to welcome newcomers, not because you have a dental phobia of course, but its great to know that more and more people are finding this site and therefore being helped by understanding and like minded people.
There must be hundreds of us here who can so relate to what you are saying. But let me try and allay one of your fears straight away. Although again this is a very common fear, I am sure, practically 110% sure that no way will your teeth drop out, no way will you be told that they have to be removed. Look, I was one of those people that stayed away from the dentist for 40 years (more if the truth be known). So, if anyone's teeth were on the point of falling out, they would have been mine. OK, over the years I did lose one or two, but finally when it got to a front tooth going AWOL, that's when vanity took a hand and with the help of this board convinced me that a trip to the dentist was finally on the cards. So what I am saying is, though it seems a hell of a long time since you went to a dentist, in the whole scheme of things you will find that not one half as much as you think will need doing. So, madam, you've already set yourself some admirable goals, by thinking longterm and not wishing to pass on your phobias to your future children. So.... you know what the next step is don't you? You've found us - brilliant, we will help and support you in every way that we possibly can. The only thing we can't do for you is to physically sit in that dentist chair and have the treatment on your behalf but with all of us thinking hard about you and sending you positive vibes once you get to sit in that chair it will be so crowded, you might almost feel us all there with you.
Do read through some of the journals, some of the success stories, and you will see that so many people who had felt just like you, have posted their triumphs. What you need to do now is to find yourself a dentist. If you feel able, you should speak to family or friends see if they can recommend one to you. However, we all know about the embarrassment factor, so perhaps clicking on our dentist finder link at the top of the page will help you find a recommended one, if not, let us know your general location and perhaps someone can suggest a dentist who is not yet listed here. Or perhaps you can google for a dentist in your area, look up some websites, get a feel for what they are like, send an email outlining what you have here, get a feel for their response and only when you feel able, then ring for that first appt. That first appointment will probably be just for consultation only, nothing will be done, unless you feel ready, but believe me, if you can get to that stage of making that appointment and opening your mouth for someone else to see your teeth, the embarrassment will fly out the window and relief will set in - relief that your problem is now shared and that you are in the hands of an expert who can painlessly restore your teeth to health.:grouphug:
 
Re: Getting desperate and scared

Thanks so much to everyone who responded. It is really nice to see the supportive words here on this site. I am going across the country to visit family in about a week, and my goal is to schedule an appointment for when I come back at the end of the month. I am still scared, but yes, this site has helped me and I KNOW that I cannot put off seeing a dentist any longer. Does anyone know of a good, sensitive dentist in the Albuquerque/Rio Rancho, NM area? I just moved here in September, so not only do I know of no good dentists, I don't know many people in general. :rolleyes:
 
Re: Getting desperate and scared

Hi everyone,

It's been a long time since I posted. My fear of going to the dentist is getting worse all the time, but my determination to go is also getting stronger. I just want to get it over with and find out what I really need to worry about (as opposed to the scenarios constantly running through my head). My husband, who also had a huge fear of dentists, took the plunge two years ago before we were married to get his teeth fixed before meeting my family (nice guy, huh?!). His teeth looked...well...pretty rough, and he had a lot of work to be done, but he got through it. He has told me all about the dentist he used, and this guy sounds like someone I can trust. My husband says he's friendly, but gets down to business, and doesn't try to overcomplicate things. I love that last part, as another fear of mine is being taken advantage of because it's been so long and I WILL believe whatever they tell me is wrong with my teeth. My husband says this dentist won't do that, so...I think I have found my man. Now, I just need to call the office and make that appointment. :cry:

Why is it so hard to take that first step? I'm still so scared, but so wanting to go at the same time! I'm being ridiculous.

I just had to get that out! I love this site, and all who write those words of support and inspiration! Thank you!
 
Re: Getting desperate and scared

Oh, one more thing that I meant to ask in my last post a few minutes ago. This probably sounds silly, but could someone give me a rundown of how things will go from the moment I walk in the door of the dentist's office? It's been over nine years since my last appointment, so...I don't even remember exactly what they do, and things are probably different now. I just want to be completely prepared. Thanks for the help! :)
 
Re: Getting desperate and scared

Oh, one more thing that I meant to ask in my last post a few minutes ago. This probably sounds silly, but could someone give me a rundown of how things will go from the moment I walk in the door of the dentist's office? It's been over nine years since my last appointment, so...I don't even remember exactly what they do, and things are probably different now. I just want to be completely prepared. Thanks for the help! :)

Ask your husband - everywhere is slightly different for instance in the UK your dentist tends to stay with you for the whole appointment..in the USA they are more likely to delegate to support staff and come and go...your husband will have the best idea.

Technology has moved on in 10 years but not every practice will update in accordance with that but I'm assuming your husband's recommendation can be trusted. Best wishes..remember if you go for a consult..if you don't like them you don't have to go back...you can look elsewhere.
 
Re: Getting desperate and scared

Hi Toothfairy,

I agree with Brit, the best person to tell you about what will happen is your husband. Most likely, your first appointment will involve a chat about your teeth and, if you can, a look in your mouth. I can't stress enough how important it is to discuss your fears and concerns with your dentist right off the bat.

You asked why it's so hard to make the first step. Well, the fear has been ruling your life for many years. It's hard to tell that fear that you're not going to listen to it anymore. As phobics, we tend to make friends with the fear and let it rule us. We let the fear tell us that it's actually protecting us. Every time we resolve that we're going to go to see a dentist, that fear is right there to tell us that we can't possibly do it...and we've gotten used to listening to that voice. Don't beat yourself up for thinking that the first step in this process is difficult. It is difficult. However, the rewards are huge!

Many of us here, myself included, found it very helpful to write an email to our dentist as a first step. Email is a pretty safe way to start out. My email, though short, took almost two hours to write. In it, I outlined all of my fears and feelings of dread. I cried and shook the whole time I was writing. When it was done, I felt that some of the load had been lifted and that I had taken the first step in beating back that fear.

If the idea of getting your feelings down on "paper" appeals to you but the dentist you plan to see doesn't have email, consider writing a letter anyway. You could hand-deliver it or maybe ask if your husband would drop it by for you.

Nobody here will deny that the first step is difficult - in fact, making that first contact is probably the most difficult step. However, success will come a little bit at a time. You've already come so far. It sounds like you're at the point where, even though it's hard, you're willing to make that first step. :grouphug:I'm excited for you. It's scary from where you are right now but it's a journey so worth taking. I know...I've been there. You can do this.
 
Update on my situation

Hi all,

I'm back again to update you. Throughout the summer, I had some soreness in my gums surrounding a particular tooth; at first I was able to soothe the pain with mouthwashes, but it's not working anymore. This has me so paranoid about potentially losing the tooth, that I am actually going to call the dentist tomorrow. I talked to my husband about it today and he said he is going to call me all day from his work tomorrow, until I have made the appointment; I asked him to do this at my request. At this point I am so scared that I need someone to force me to call. He may end up doing it for me, if it gets bad enough.

It's a huge step for me to make the appointment, as those of you know who read my earlier posts here. It has taken me nearly ten years to get up the courage, but I am going to do it before tomorrow evening comes. :o I really am. I am so scared of losing teeth, and my gums seem to be worsening in areas; I just want to get it over with now.

We are going out of town for a week in about ten days (and I don't know what's scarier: my fear of dentists or my fear of flying), so the appointment probably won't be until later in November. I guess that will buy me some more time to worry. Don't be surprised if I am here a lot with my fears between now and then; but I can only hope that when it's over, I will be able to report my own success story. :)

Thanks again to everyone who has written words of support. It really helps. I will come back this weekend to let you know when my appointment will be. I am going to try to find out if there is an e-mail address for the dentist I plan to use; I think it would help me to be able to pour out my fears to him before I get there.

Until tomorrow! :grouphug:
 
Okay, I came here to try to relieve my worries a bit tonight, but instead my imagination is running wild as I'm reading stories about people with gum disease.

My teeth are not loose at all, which I'm taking as a good sign, but a couple of my left upper teeth (and one in particular) have very sore gums surrounding them. It can best be described as a burning sensation, and on a scale of one to ten, I'd put it around a four. So, it's not life-altering pain, but it's nearly constant, and it worries me. In fact it worries me so much that it is forcing me to get past my fear and get to the dentist as I said in another post tonight.

My biggest fear is that I am going to need teeth out. I am so afraid he is going to tell me that my gums are horrible and beyond repair and that I am going to be in dentures. Reading these stories tonight reminded me of my cousin who is only six years older than I am, who was told recently that her teeth ALL have to come out. I think I will vomit, faint, possibly die of horror if this is my diagnosis. In fact, when my mother told me about this on the phone several weeks ago, I felt like I could be sick then and there. I just cannot stand to hear it about myself.

My gums look okay (in my non-professional opinion) except around that tooth, where they look red and are sore. My husband and I are in no financial position to pay for a lot of extensive work on my teeth, and I haven't even mentioned my possible cavities, wisdom teeth needing out, etc. I feel like I am panicking just considering what is in store for me.

Can anyone here tell me if soreness is normal for gum disease, and how else I can know just how bad it is before I go? I just feel like bursting into tears thinking about going to the dentist and I am calling them for an appointment tomorrow. :cry: I feel so pathetic right now, and I am so SCARED.

My mother is very well off now, but comes from a lower class family and she associates bad teeth with people who are low-class, even though it is NOT true - anyone can have these issues and it's a snobby attitude of hers. I guess, though, even knowing that her opinion is nothing, it is a deep issue within me now, and I feel like if he tells me my teeth are falling out, I am somehow a loser or failure, AND on top of that, I can't pay for replacements.

I'm freaking here tonight. :shame: I just had to get it out.
 
Hi Toothfairy80
:welcome:
You seem to have made your decision to take action and from what you have described..just soreness in one area and the rest looking fine, the chances are you will be able to save your gums through cleaning followed by a programme of on-going daily flossing and brushing.
The sooner you see a reputable dentist the sooner you will know but if you are in any doubt be sure to get a second opinion....you do not do yourself any favours by having savable teeth extracted because of lack of funds.
Treatment for inflamed gums is usually relatively simple....a special cleaning and maybe some antibiotics is usually all that will be involved to get you back on track and then you can prioritise the rest of your care and do it in instalments as you are able to afford it..there may not be too much else to do anyway once you have had a dental hygiene session. Good luck - with your husband's dentist. :grouphug:
 
Last edited:
Finally took a big step

I just wanted to tell you all that I called and made my appointment today. I waited until the very last minute (five minutes before closing), but I did it. I didn't get to tell the receptionist much about my situation. She seemed friendly enough, but seemed to be in a hurry as I am sure they were about to close for the weekend. So, I have a "new patient consultation" set up for November 5, the day after we come home from visiting my family on the east coast. I feel a little relief already. I was shaking and my heart was pounding the entire time I was on the phone, but I did it. Of course now I am dreading the appointment, but at the same time, I know that it's a good thing and the faster I get it over with, the better off I will be. Thanks to all who have been posting to me and sympathizing! I will keep you updated on how my appointment goes on the 5th. :grouphug:
 
Hi Toothfairy,
I'm one that had to have my DH make the appt for me. I am the worst dental phobic you ever saw.
I had walked into a plate glass door and promptly got a huge blood blister over one tooth and loosened it.
After about a month trying to take care of the resulting infection I finally broke down and had my DH make the appt.
Unfortunately for me, I had periodontal disease. Not a happy thing.
If your gums are sore, you may be in the very beginning stages of periodontal disease and have a really good chance of stopping it before it gets to the point I allowed mine to get.
I'm SO glad you made that appt and now will be on your way to better dental health.
I hope your appt is quick and painless.
Mine will be long and laborious but I hope to end up with a really nice smile.
Best of luck to you and let us know how you do. We are all here to support your effort and you are not alone in your fear!
Gellia
 
Tomorrow is my big day. I just got home from my trip last night (horrible fear of flying), and now the next big thing for me to overcome is the dentist. It hasn't really hit me yet. I'm still getting over 13 hours of traveling yesterday, and the election today has me preoccupied; but tonight when I go to bed (if I do) I know it is going to hit me hard. I just keep praying that things aren't as bad as I fear they are. I just have no knowledge to go on, so I keep self-diagnosing based on very few facts. I'm hoping I have myself worked up over relatively nothing, but...we'll see. Just please send your good thoughts my way tomorrow morning! I'll need them! :scared:
 
Today is the day!

Hey everyone,

Three hours, twenty minutes, and counting. :o I am really getting anxious and fidgety. It's been almost ten years since I've been to a dentist, but I am doing it today. I was so unpleasant to be around last night, I know. My poor husband was on the receiving end of my cranky, anxious, scared emotions. Anyway, if any of you see this message this morning, please think of me! I am so NERVOUS right now, I can barely hold it together. My heart is racing, my hands are cold, I even cried a little going to sleep last night. I feel so childish, but I just hate going to dentists and doctors that much. :cry: It is a true fear. I am not even sure what to expect today. My husband said that the first time he saw this dentist, they mostly just talked about his expectations, did a little looking around in his mouth, and then scheduled a "real" appointment the following week. So, I'm hoping it will be pretty painless today.

Anyway, wish me luck! As long as I don't have to lose my teeth, I think I will come away feeling better about myself. And even if the news is very bad, at least I know where I stand. That's my comfort here. In just a few hours, it will be over. I will post again as soon as I get back home!
 
Just got home from my first visit with my new dentist. Please see my success story in the Success forum! :)
 
Sounds positive - well done - I'll go and read it now. :jump::jump:
 
Back
Top