terrified...

Hi. I'm really glad I found this forum and I've been visiting every so often but not found the courage to type a message. I have a severe phobia of dentists. I last went to the dentist when I was about 15. I'm 32 now and have suffered with problem teeth for years. My dentist was the scariest man on earth and terrified me in the chair. I can't help but start panicking whenever i think about the whole experience.
I have some teeth that are ok... mainly at the front so i get away with half smiling and people can't see the mess that my molars are in. Some are chipped, others are just remains and small stubs. I really want to get help... I am starting a new job soon and I just want to focus on that, not on my teeth, which i think about 24/7. I'm just too scared to do anything about it. I'm not afraid of pain... I have been in pain with my teeth for so long. It's the whole dentist experience. I'm also so embarassed about them and just feel like I can't possibly go to see a dentist.
Please help....

Hi Ali ,
when I read your post, I got a huge sense of deja vu (right down to the timeline of events...). Some years back, I seriously thought that all dentists are evil - when I read on websites that the key was to find a kind, gentle and caring dentist, I thought this was an oxymoron ("kind" and "dentist"??? You've got to be kidding!). Like yourself, I was absolutely terrified of what they would say/think of me and the lecture I was bound to get for staying away for so long.
It turned out that I was wrong. A lot of people actually do choose dentistry as a career because they enjoy helping people, and there are some great dentists out there who are wonderful human beings. Few dentists these days are into "lecturing" their patients. I think there has been a broader societal trend towards being customer-service orientated and also to regard people as equal partners in their care. Lecturing would achieve little in this climate, apart from driving people away to seek out a dentist they like. As children, we don't have that choice, of course.

I don't know if you've had a look around the rest of the website, especially the "common fears" and "help" sections.

I'd always recommend making a first appointment (after you've collected some recommendations, either from people you know or via the internet) for a chat only, preferably away from the chair. This way you will have a chance to check out a potential dentist and, if your gut instinct tells you that you don't like and trust them, you have lost nothing (apart from maybe a consultation fee). You WILL know when you have found the right dentist for you .

It took me several months (more like half a year) to work up the courage (actually, desparation more like it) to contact a dentist. In retrospect, this was quite a good approach as I got a much clearer idea as to how to approach things. So don't get frustrated if you initially feel as if you're not making much progress. You will get a lot of new ideas by just reading around the subject (at least this is what I found).

Wishing you the best of luck

Thanks for the reply... I'm building up my confidence slowly but I'm still so irrationally terrified. I've had a lot of pain this week and I know the only way I can go on is to do something about it but.... i guess it's small steps and everything and I am trying!

Hey Ali - I sure hear what you are saying as I have had all those thoughts myself. But just keep moving forward - talk to your friends about their dentists - find one you like. I also had terrible teeth and was embarrassed for the dentist to see them. I went and saw one dentist and after listening to him I decided he wasn't the dentist for me and sought another one. The second dentist was great - he was interested in helping me the best way he could without lectures. He was sensitive enough to know that I was embarrassed and wished that I could change things, but that wasn't possible so let's just move on. Good dentists are out there!

Just keep going and get an appointment - start to do something to stop being in pain and worrying yourself. I put off getting help for so many years, and now after a month or so, I am on the road to a new life with good teeth.

You've shown huge courage already by looking up information on this topic . It's a very scary thing to do and maybe one of the hardest things in the whole process.

Thanks very much for the support ... I have made lots of progress this week (doesn't seem like much but to me it;s a big deal) by emailing local dentists and finding out if they cater for nervous patients/cost of consultation fees. So it's a step in the right direction eh? Still can't type without shaking or crying, or both, but I think I'm getting there.

Trust me it gets easier the more you go. Oh and this website is a must for successfully overcoming your fears.

If someone had of said to me 6 months ago that by the end of the year I would have had 8 fillings, a cleaning, four wisdom teeth out in hospital and be booked in for Invisilign I would have laughed in their face (after vomiting over the mere thought of it!) and look at me now!!

I was the same as you and even cried and hyperventilated over just looking at the ads for dentists in the yellow pages. Now I can honestly say that I have overcome my phobia and I must say it feels FANTASTIC! Oh I still get a little nervous before my appointments but have gotten a grip with the whole thing and I did it with the help of this website and taking things one step at a time.

If I can do it then anyone can. Hang in there!

hi Ali,
I can relate to your worries.I hadn't been to the dentist for a long time.It was a classic case of painful(literally) childhood memories.Once I finally got to the dentist I was amazed at how things have changed.The most important thing I can stress is communication.It took several visits but now I've built up a great trusting relationship.Now I can actually have cleanings without the gas(not by choice though).AS with any profession there are the good and the not so good but I think as far as dentistry goes,the better ones are out numbering the not so better ones.Good Luck

hi - i just want to say thanks to all you great people on this site who are helping me... and lots of others too. Your encourgement and bravery are inspirational. Which is why.... today.... I called up and made an appointment.

I was shaking uncontrollably. But the receptionist lady was lovely and understood why I wasn't making much sense!

I'm petrified, but know I have to do it.

Next Thursday at 3.30pm.....
I just keep reading how some of you say how great it is to conquer your fears and how you felt afterwards. I want that so bad... I just hope I'm brave enough.

Hi ali d

Just want to say that as my appointment is next week as well (Tuesday), it is good that we are each in touch with someone else going for their first appointment next week. Hopefully that means that we can get through next week together. I don't know about you, but I just keep thinking that if I can get to this appointment, let him have a look and then at least know where I am with this, and what needs doing then I will feel that I have really achieved something and made some inroads into dealing with the phobia. Hopefully in six months time we will be chatting on here about how it is all over, and how pleased we are that we did it.

I went to see my GP yesterday evening about something else and broke down and told her all about it. She offered me some diazepam (Valium) if I needed it. I don't know if you have considered asking your GP for something like that to help.

Holly

Blimey ali, you're making progress fast! Well done, you!

I hadn;t been to the dentists in over 20 years - and a hell of a lot has changed in the last 15-20 years. You'll be pleasantly surprised.

As for the embarrassment etc - don't worry. I needed a lot done, but my dentist - who specialises in phobic and nervous patients - said it was probably the best mouth she'd look in all day... And I had been held back so many years not just by fear but embarrassment. Now I see it as like getting the car serviced - you just have to go and do it, and not really emotionally invest in it at all, it's just a practical fact. If sometime breaks - it needs fixing. They have seen it all before, and 1000 times worse, and they'll see it all over again next week and the week after and the week after you're patched up!

As a guy, I feel in the minority here, but still I am amazed at how many people share the same fears that I do.

And a year ago, if someone said that I would be sitting here typing that I have had four teeth pulled (three wisdom), seven fillings, and two cleanings, I would have been surprised yet quite pleased and relieved to know that finally all of my dental work would be done.

Dentists see people like us all of the time. Many are not as phobic yet others are more phobic. And there are quite a few who have rotten teeth and more. For some reason, we all live in communities with people who seem to have no phobias when it comes to dentists. Yet the reality is that many of those around us DO have dental phobia. I remember talking with two people many years ago, and both needed nitrous for cleanings. I never knew, and they had no clue that I "did not like" the dentist either. This phobia is something that is talked about yet never really talked about. People joke about "hating" the dentist, but rarely will anyone admit that they have a deep fear of the dentist.

However, many do have an extreme fear and avoid the dentist until the pain is unbearable.

You are not alone.

Well... I did it - I went to my first appointment - I actually made it through the door without fainting. I couldn't sit in the chair at first cus I just freaked out but the dentist was very good and took things a step at a time and was really understanding. I had to have an xray and then I finally managed to let him have a look inside my mouth - I don't know where I got the courage from but i did it.
I have to have lots of work done.... five extractions, and a root canal, but I am going to start with the hygienist for some cleaning next week.
I can't believe how I managed to do it - but to those of you who are thinking about making a first appointment - you will find the courage from somewhere. And finding a dentist who will take things slowly and explain it all is vital. And if I can do it, you can.
I'm still completely terrified... but I have made the first steps and have discovered that the only way is to take it step by step - and try not to think too far ahead.

Congratulations !!! It's great to hear that you have found an understanding dentist who will take things one step at a time with you .
Wishing you all the best for your cleaning next week - let us know how you get on!