• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

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My story right now…. FEAR

C

clevernickname

Junior member
Joined
Nov 14, 2008
Messages
2
I have had a fear of dentists since I was little, and I’m going to see one next week.

My story is probably like many of yours, as a child I had a dentist that kept going when pain medication wasn’t working and he didn’t do a good job and I needed to go back for filling replacements, with rounds of pain, agony, blame, and depression.

A few years ago (like 8 or 10) I was eating food which contained a piece of metal. This broke a right upper tooth (third from back). And the all-the-way-back upper-right tooth is very broken as well (from the childhood bad dentist’s numerous fillings). I spent years fashioning my own fillings for these holes out of dentemp and other hardening tools. After thoroughly cleaning the area (and drinking lots of scotch) Anbesol or clove soaked tissue paper would be typically sealed in to help with pain.

For some reason, I had no problems digging around in my own mouth. Blood running down my own arm was fine. But people at the movies talking about going to the dentist made me run out of the movie and go hide in the car. I can’t deal with any visions or depictions of teeth.

My best friend from high school went on to dental school and I can no longer talk to him.

I keep in my pockets my wallet, my keys, and a bottle of anbesol to help with the day-to-day pain. I keep anbesol on my desk at work, in the coffee table at home, and in every medicine cabinet in the house.

After the years of pain, my wife talked me into seeing a dentist. This was over three years ago now. That did not go well at all. They basically belittled me for having a fear and to, “Be a man.”

This brought on another year or more of fear with the pain.

Again, my wife pressed me to see a dentist and I saw one who was initially okay. He sent me to an endodontist for a root canal of the tooth broken by the metal years before. I think I nearly broke my fingers holding on in fear. I don’t know how I got through that, I think the days without sleep due to agony helped. But when I went back to the regular dentist then he promised he’d prescribe drugs that I could take before coming back to get the post/crown work down.

Fine. But he phoned it in to the wrong pharmacy. And then his staff refused to correct this mistake. They said I had to sort it out, but I didn’t even know whom they phoned or if they ever really phoned anyone in the first place. I originally supplied them with the phone number and address of my pharmacy that said they never got an order and the dentist refused to phone in another incase I was some “drug addict” using them for pills.

Yeah, because it’s so much easier to fake paranoia to get pills than to buy them on the corner – thanks, guys. No, instead let’s make it stressful to get the pills to relieve stress. It was like force-feeding peanut butter to someone with a peanut allergy.

Great, no respect, traumatic phone calls, insults, and back to hiding in the closet and crying in fear. Literally, I would hide myself in my bedroom closet for hours keeping out everyone except if the cat meowed and wanted in.

But, I still have the tooth with just the root canal. No post. No crown. And the back-most upper-right tooth that’s still holier than the Pope. Been this way now for just over two years.

And now, for whatever reason, I asked my wife to find me another dentist to try. She’s scheduled me for an initial appointment on Friday of next week. It is a week away and I haven’t slept in the past two nights since she’s made the appointment. It is now after 1AM as I write this in my time zone and it looks like I’m in for another long night.

I keep getting visions of the pick going in my mouth and I just shut down. I can’t go to sleep since when I try to relax the visions come. I can focus on my work or editing family photos to try and distract myself, but it is now a struggle to make anything decent come from my efforts due to the exhaustion. Yet, the terrifying visions still haunt me.

I can’t go to the bathroom without my mind seeing things. I can’t watch TV for fear that a toothpaste commercial will come on, and I’d be lying if I said that suicidal thoughts haven’t crept in once or twice. No, I’m not seriously thinking about it – I’m just strung out and I’m of sound mind enough to know that. But, that’s how scared I am right now.

I wish life worked more like the A-Team. Remember when Mr. T had to fly, but he feared it, and the rest of the team would drug him? He’d wake up not knowing it ever happened. Why can’t someone hit me with a drugged dart and I’d just wake up days later with new teeth? I have no problems with drugs: I love them and I have insurance. I just have problems finding someone who will give them to me, and the courage to ask for help in the first place.

I’m terrified, I’m scared, I’m weeping, and this is the first time outside of my immediate family I’ve talked openly about my situation.

Anyone know how I can try and make it through the next 24 hours and into the weekend where I can just hide in my closet for two days????
 
Hi there and :welcome: to the forum,

please don't put yourself under too much pressure regarding your consultation appointment. It's just an opportunity to meet this dentist and see if you like and trust them. We usually recommend making the first consultation just for a chat, away from the chair if at all possible. This will give you the opportunity to voice your concerns and fears, and see if this dentist is right for you.

Unless you really live out in the sticks, with no means of getting to a larger town, you will usually have a large pool of dentists to choose from :). Have you considered e-mailing some dentists and comparing their responses? You can often get a good idea of what they are like by doing that.

Also, if you don't mind drugs and would feel more comfortable that way, have you considered dental sedation for your treatment? While this is not offered by all (or even most) dentists, there are bound to be at least some in your area who do offer it. You could google for sedation AND dentist AND the name of your town or surrounding towns.

Some people find it impossible to voice their concerns to potential dentists; if that is the case, then it can be helpful to write down your concerns and how you would like your dentist to help you, and hand them the piece of paper.

Remember that your consultation is just an opportunity to check out this dentist; if you don't like them, there are plenty more fish in the sea :grouphug:. I do hope it goes well though and they turn out to be "the one".

Best of luck :thumbsup:!! Let us know how you get on.
 
Here in the US by me and I am sure throughout the nation (although I don't know if you are in the US), we have a dentist who you can go see, and she will sedate you for everything in one visit.

It will be like the magical dart hit you, and while you slept, the dentist fairy made your teeth all better.

As for being afraid of the dentist and being male, I understand. Truthfully, my fear never developed to such a great degree, but I know without a doubt if I had let it grow, then it would. I went for eight years without seeing a dentist. I also avoided any discussion, commercials, or connection to dentists. And when people inevitably began telling their gory stories at the dentist about wisdom teeth extractions, I left the room.


I remember about five years ago, I had to take my child to the dentist. I gagged on the way there, and i was not even going to be the patient. And then to top it off, I had to stand by my child while the dentist explained what he was going to do. He also proceeded to explain how as a better parent I needed to help them brush their teeth. However, his tone and words were such that due to the cavities that he found in my child's mouth, it was obvious that I was not being a good parent. Okay, THAT is cruel and unjust punishment! (Needless to say, we switched dentists for the children).

So I understand. And yes, "Be a man and deal with it" is familiar to me as well. For me it was two broken teeth and some pain that drove me to the realization that I needed to overcome this phobia that was taking over my life.

Interestingly enough, almost any other medical procedure IMO is better than someone going into my mouth. Not meaning to take over this thread, but I would like to share another story to show how my fear was real yet it did not mean that it meant that I could handle other procedures that would make other men faint.

About seven or eight years ago, I had a swollen lymph node gland in my throat. Very swollen. I went to an ENT, which in my opinion is one step worse than a dentist. ENTs go even farther into the mouth and even want to go down the throat! :mad: Anyhow, he said that he was sure that this was a mass in my throat and he wanted to stick a mirror down to check. I said "No way are you doing that." "Well," said he, "It is either that or I will send you to the lab where they will stick a big long needle in your neck to take some fluid out." And he described it in as gory of detail as possible...expecting me to agree to a throat check.

I said, "Can they do it now?" After picking himself up off the floor in shock ;D, he did schedule it immediately. And truthfully, it was much much easier than going to the dentist. In order to get a good sample, I even had to stand up leaning against the wall while having a needle repeatedly stuck in my neck. The lab tech said that I was about the only one who had been able to endure as much poking while standing up. Most patients lie down or at best sit in a chair. For me, the avoidance of a "down the throat scan" made this procedure seem like a piece of cake.

When I tell people about how that procedure, their respect is obvious.

I am guessing that with you it is very similar. Your fear of the dentist does not make you fearful and phobic of everything.

So, I think at that point, my wife realized that the fear of the dentist was real, and that did not mean I was afraid of all medical procedures. I may be a wimp about dentists, but "I am not a Wimp!" :mad: ;D

So it is with you. You are not alone in your fear even among men. Your fear does not make you less of a man. Your fear is maybe not normal, but it is far from unusual. I will admit my fear (to some degree) even among men, and what I find is that other men have the same fear in different ways. And for them hearing another man admit his fear makes their fear easier to handle.

BTW, a week ago, I had three teeth extracted. For me, it all started almost exactly one year ago when I researched a new dentist. To motivate myself to go to the dentist, I rewarded myself with something I wanted. Every appointment was followed with a prize. (Hey, it is childish, but it works! :) )

My suggestion is...be certain to follow up with this appointment. If you do not feel comfortable with this dentist, then choose another one. Do not stop until you have completed the work. The relief that you feel after conquering your fear will be real and tangible. It is hard to explain, but it is amazing how much of your day is spent worrying about the dentaphobia. One of the biggest steps to overcoming your fear is choosing a dentist that you trust.

For me, the biggest help was to focus on the feelings I would have after it was all over. By building up anticipation for that relief, I was able to defuse much of the fear prior to the appointment.
 
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