shaking

My story isn't anything new or unusual, yet it's freaking me out! As a coworker of mine would say, I'm obsessing over it. True, I am, and I guess that explains why I'm choosing to post here rather than talking to her about it! So here I am.....

Short but simple background: had a less-than-pleasant, ie nightmarish, experience with laughing gas when I was younger and getting teeth pulled in preparation for braces. Quit going to the dentist when I graduated from high school (no more insurance, little desire to go). Last Feb I had a wisdom tooth break and cause intense pain. Got it pulled which was a remarkably painless procedure at a great dental office (though just the smell of the dentist office nauseates me). Got married in APril and consequently got insurance (thank you hubby!).

FLash forward to a couple of weeks ago. More intense pain. DId some internet research and suspected the dreaded gum disease. Made an emergency appt. Marked off on the new patient survey that dentists made me apprehensive. Pffft. Told the asst the pain problem, told her it had been years since my last dental visit. Dentists enters room, her and asst stand behind me discussing my case. Pissed me off!!!! If you are going to talk about me, do it out of ear range or include me in the conversation! Dentist (female) takes a look at my problem tooth, tells me about the bone loss that is most likely going to cause my front tooth to fall out within 2 years. Tells me that there's not much that can be done about it, that I'll have a huge gap in my smile, and we can pull it out today if it is causing you that much pain....oh and by the way, you'd better get in for a thorough cleaning because gum disease is probably running rampant in my mouth. I was nearly in tears by the time I left. WOrse case scenario confirmed. Huge gap=shame=me being vain.

Called another dentist and amazingly got an appt for the next day for a comprehensive cleaning and Xrays. MUCH BETTER EXPERIENCE! Hygentist was wonderful and the dentist talked TO me, not BEHIND me.

Everything sounds dandy, right? So why am I shaking? After 14 years of not going to the dentist, I had 6 cavities. I elected for 2 long visits versus 3 short ones. Last week I got 4 cavities filled in one sitting and it was H*LL. Not because it was painful because it wasn't. The needle didn't even bother me. I think its more of a combo of the shame & that I'm losing control. He was a great dentist in that he told me everything that he was doing as he did it but..... But I don't know. I didn't want to close my eyes, which is odd, because when I got my wisdom tooth pulled I closed my eyes the whole time. But this time all I could do was stare at the ceiling and try my best to disappear or at least space out. ANd although I know at the time I handled it well (the dentist said I seemed comfortable), I cried for an hour or so after the appt.

I guess if I was going to be honest with myself, I'd suspect it would have something to do with my past history of abuse. I read the great articles on this site for abuse survivors, but I wasn't sexually abused and barely experienced any childhood abuse. My first boyfriend was a b*st*rd though, and I know that's something I never dealt with. I guess (I fear?) that is what is bringing up all these emotions and anxiety now, but I don't know. No website really talks about such things. I guess I could just chalk it up to the "fear of loss of control"

I have to go back in 2 weeks to get the other 2 cavities filled. I have to go see a periodontist next week about my bad front tooth and gum disease issue. I'm dreading it all. I'm shaking as I write this. I know I will survive it but I just feel so friggin alone. I feel like I should be strong. I feel like I'm just being vain (caring too much about the tooth I might lose). i feel ashamed and mad at myself for letting it come to this. and I feel like I deserve to feel that way. I feel something else to, but I can't quite identify what it is. DIsappointment in myself maybe? Discouraged? Depressed?

Okay, I've rambled on long enough. THank you for listening.

hey, i'm responding to my own post! actually I just needed to vent some more. my better half is off to the dentist today. first time for him in YEARS- since he was a kid. He seems pretty cool about it which is good because I feel enough anxiety for both of us! I feel like a mom who just sent her kids out to the wolves, and he's a grown man! this is pathetic.

dentistry seems to be a necessary evil, or at least that's how I seem to look at it. I don't know how to see it as a good thing and that's probably part of my problem. Well, i know it's a good thing that my visits might just prevent me from losing a tooth, but how do I get past the idea of surgery? and why couldn't this all be happening to my foot? I wouldn't care so much if someone was messing around with my foot...but my mouth? forget it!

Hi Happythoughts
It is possible to change how you feel about dentistry and view it as a positive rather than an ordeal to be endured but you don't have to do this...you just have to go for treatment to get and keep your dental health stable.

The abuse you mention could well be at the root of the problem (excuse pun) BUT I don't thik it is unusal to want to keep your eyes open (I never close mine although I might for an extraction) ....keeping your eyes open, simply means you are on alert and nothing takes you by surprise particularly. It doesn't mean you have to see everything...if you look at the ceiling and your dentist is keeping you informed...you will actually see very little.
You must do what works best for you...some people say keeping eyes open cause flashbacks to unpleasant experiences, I think the opposite and that keeping eyes open keeps you anchored firmly in the 'much better reality' and in my case that a different much nicer person is doing the work on me.

I'm glad your dentist is nice...familiarity breeds contempt where the actual treatment is concerned but shorter appts are probably a better bet for most people reluctant to be there.
Hope your partner got on OK. Remember once you are sorted out, you will just be in 'maintenance mode' which is much less intrusive to all concerned. It is important that you like your dentist/hygienist though and that you see them 'as a person who wants to help you' not as someone doing unpleasant things to you....(Most stuff is not really that unpleasant once you get used to it a bit and know what to expect) . Don't be too hard on yourself though you've made great progress

PS Even though your dentist was explaining stuff...you would probably have felt more comfortable if he had said if you need a break just raise your hand and I will stop immediately...just having that in reserve would probably have meant you wouldn't have felt the need to even use it and if you did then fine. Tell your dentist you need a stop signal plus the explanations and I'm sure it will seem easier to get through. You are the one in control if you choose to be....unlike in previous situations maybe.

I kinda took a break. although I had an appointment with the periodontist last Tuesday, bad weather and icy roads forced (yea, it really twisted my arm) me to cancel. I wish now I hadn't (though I really don't like driving on icy streets) because the not knowing is killing me! Of course I keep imagining the worse case scenario. Of course I keep beating myself up for letting it come to this. The shame of losing my teeth (well, at least 2) at age 35 is overwhelming. THat combined with the holiday season has really put my in a bummer of a mood

I have an appointment with the regular dentist this Tuesday to get my last 2 cavities filled. Although I feel a bit better knowing what I'm facing in terms of getting those fillings, I also feel a bit worse due in large part to some of the horrible dreams of the dentist I've been having in the meantime! It'll be nice to get that over with, except the following week is when I finally go to the periodontist. I just hope he has some hope for my front tooth. That's all I can say about that.

Well, I guess there wasn't really much point to this post except to vent, in hopes that I might feel better.....but I don't. The shame is still with me.

Re: (still) shaking

and i'm shaking once again. i survived another trip to the dentist and this time was thankfully much quicker than last, but hardly better. i mean, it was good that I knew what was going to happen, but the sound of the drill seemed all the more louder! in fact, the dentist remarked (joked) that 'this wasn't so bad' and I said 'are you kidding me? this is hell! it's supposed to be getting better but it seems to be worse!" But I'm probably just making a mountain out of a molehill. At least I'm done with the dentist for a while....now it's just the periodontist I have to worry about. And you all thought you'd be done with me!

it does feel good to know that my teeth are now cavity-free, thus putting off a root canal (perhaps forever?) I just don't like to be laying there, at their mercy!

do i feel better?

unfortunately there is no one I feel I can talk openly about dental issues with, so I am thankful for this forum, even if I do keep talking to myself!

I went to the periodontist today. I was so nervous I thought I was going to lose my breakfast. But I made it in to the office regardless. I was just terrified, more so than I've been yet, probably because it was someplace and someone new, and the thought of potential surgery.......and the equipment, no matter how modern it might be, was disheartening. The Perio-guy was young and Indian, which caused a bit of a language issue. In fact, in retrospect I think I totally replied wrong to his initial greeting just because I had no idea what he said. I thought he was introducing himself but now that I think of it, I don't think he was. Oh well.

Anyway, during the exam in which he measured the depth of all my gum pockets, he was reading out numbers to his assistant. Since I did too much research on the internet, I had an idea what those numbers meant and it didn't sound good. I thought I was going to break into tears right then and there, but I managed not to. Eventually it was over, a little bit painful but not horribly so, and the final verdict was......

braces?!

THe Perio-guy seems to think that might help....even if I did lose my front tooth (strong possibility), then maybe the other teeth can be moved over to make the gap less obvious...they are a bit crammed in there now. A dental implant wouldn't be possible. So.

Otherwise, my gums 'don't look good' and I'll need an extensive cleaning and need to be on a 3 month schedule. oh yay.

what's kinda funny is that my dentist told me he had written the perio-guy a letter. I figured it was just a customary 'here's the problem' type note. Imagine my surprise when the Perio-guy brings out this handwritten letter and says to me "your dentist wrote a letter and said that you think losing a tooth is the worse thing in the world." Ha! I actually had to laugh! Partly because I didn't realize I was that transparent, partly because I figured my dentist just thought I was being rude when I snapped at him for mentioning the possibility originally. Guess he was more perceptive than I thought.

Anyway, the perio-guy is going on and on about my issues and what needs to be done. I was pretty much devastated at this point since of course I'm imagining the worse case scenario. After all my agreeing and uh-huh'ing, I ask him if my teeth are hopeless and I'll tell ya, I honestly thought I was going to start crying right then and there. That would have been embarrassing. I didn't realize though, until I asked it, just how afraid I was of me and my teeth being hopeless. And now that I asked it (and got the answer that they are not hopeless), I do feel a bit better.

I guess in a big way that's what I needed to hear. Starting from back with that first emergency dentist visit with that stupid gal who was ready to pull out the tooth right then and there, followed by the better dentist who didn't want to pull it out, but still strongly suggested that I might lose it, to finally this guy who says yea, you might lose it, but here's what can be done about it.

So, to answer my title, I guess I do feel a bit better. Does this mean I am no longer afraid of the dentist? Not by a long shot! But at least I know that there is hope for me (and my teeth) yet. That's nice.

Re: do i feel better?

happy_thoughts said:

So, to answer my title, I guess I do feel a bit better. Does this mean I am no longer afraid of the dentist? Not by a long shot! But at least I know that there is hope for me (and my teeth) yet. That's nice.

Click to expand...

One step at a time is what is needed. As my dentist's receptionist said to me at my first appointment, "It gets easier the more often you go." And she was right.

Tomorrow I have a cleaning, and my anxieties are minimal. Gone? No, but I kinda know what is coming. And after going through fillings and extractions...and an extremely painful infected tooth, I have come al ong ways. This past year since I have gone back has been an adventure, and it has turned out pretty good.

So for you...I see and wish the same. The more you go, the better you will feel.

People do read your posts, but sometimes they do not feel that they can say much to be of help.

I am not sure that I can either, but as my name says, you are not alone. That is what I mostly wanted to tell you. And like you, there is no one I can tell my fears to without feeling kinda stupid. Here I can.

Keep posting especially if it helps. Know that we read your posts, and know that your posts may be helping someone else who has the same fears that you do...even if they never respond to your thread. Or they may find your thread yet in the future.

Good luck. I like your new attitude.

You are not alone! I have been trying to talk to my hubby, friends and co-workers, all think I am over reacting. However even if I know I am, I have tried everything to control it and cannot. So this website has been my saving grace. I have been putting my wisdom teeth off for 8 years. I am getting it done on friday. I have been crying and shaking I even vomited once I am that freaked out! This support group has been great. I vented to my doctor about how terrified I was. I cried in his chair. He gave me valium to calm me down on the days leading up to this. Let me tell you: Wonder drug. I have not had a pannic attack since then. Maybe this might help you with the terror! I wish you luck, wish me luck! Hopefully we will be posting success stories!

Truthfully, because I have been where you are almost and now am on this side of the procedures, I think you are unnecessarily worrying. But I totally understand your fears. They are not silly because you do not know what will happen.

Most everyone here finds out that much of the fear is due to the waiting and uncertainty.

Focus on how you will feel afterwards, and keep your mind off what will actually happen. Why? Because your imagination is making things much worse than they will actually be.

depressed

fear sort of is unnecessary worry, isn't it?

anyway, that's not why i'm back. i feel like i'm on an emotional roller coaster with this teeth crap. i had hope, and then i went to the orthodontist. he looked at my X-rays and said 'oh wow. your bone loss is bad. i'm surprised you still have your teeth.' well, isn't that a great feeling? (I said to him that I must have been in denial about losing my teeth but thanks for smacking me out of my denial). he then went on to explain the possibility of a bone graft-- ie, taking a bone from my HIP or RIBS!!-- and grafting it into my mouth. i think I went pale. He said not only will I lose the one tooth, but probably the 2 on either side of it as well. not very reassuring.

so then I called my dentist, who told me to call my periodontist. the receptionist at the periodontist said my tooth wasn't THAT bad and I have an appt next week for Rooting & Planing, and then another appt to finish it up the following week.

excuse my language, but i feel like sh*t. i don't know what to believe anymore. just when i get an ounce of hope, someone smashes that precarious nugget. i'll voice my concerns to the periodontist, but it doesn't seem like anyone knows what's really going on. i've surpassed fear; now i'm just depressed.