H
happy_thoughts
Member
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2008
- Messages
- 23
My story isn't anything new or unusual, yet it's freaking me out! As a coworker of mine would say, I'm obsessing over it. True, I am, and I guess that explains why I'm choosing to post here rather than talking to her about it! So here I am.....
Short but simple background: had a less-than-pleasant, ie nightmarish, experience with laughing gas when I was younger and getting teeth pulled in preparation for braces. Quit going to the dentist when I graduated from high school (no more insurance, little desire to go). Last Feb I had a wisdom tooth break and cause intense pain. Got it pulled which was a remarkably painless procedure at a great dental office (though just the smell of the dentist office nauseates me). Got married in APril and consequently got insurance (thank you hubby!).
FLash forward to a couple of weeks ago. More intense pain. DId some internet research and suspected the dreaded gum disease. Made an emergency appt. Marked off on the new patient survey that dentists made me apprehensive. Pffft. Told the asst the pain problem, told her it had been years since my last dental visit. Dentists enters room, her and asst stand behind me discussing my case. Pissed me off!!!! If you are going to talk about me, do it out of ear range or include me in the conversation! Dentist (female) takes a look at my problem tooth, tells me about the bone loss that is most likely going to cause my front tooth to fall out within 2 years. Tells me that there's not much that can be done about it, that I'll have a huge gap in my smile, and we can pull it out today if it is causing you that much pain....oh and by the way, you'd better get in for a thorough cleaning because gum disease is probably running rampant in my mouth. I was nearly in tears by the time I left. WOrse case scenario confirmed. Huge gap=shame=me being vain.
Called another dentist and amazingly got an appt for the next day for a comprehensive cleaning and Xrays. MUCH BETTER EXPERIENCE! Hygentist was wonderful and the dentist talked TO me, not BEHIND me.
Everything sounds dandy, right? So why am I shaking? After 14 years of not going to the dentist, I had 6 cavities. I elected for 2 long visits versus 3 short ones. Last week I got 4 cavities filled in one sitting and it was H*LL. Not because it was painful because it wasn't. The needle didn't even bother me. I think its more of a combo of the shame & that I'm losing control. He was a great dentist in that he told me everything that he was doing as he did it but..... But I don't know. I didn't want to close my eyes, which is odd, because when I got my wisdom tooth pulled I closed my eyes the whole time. But this time all I could do was stare at the ceiling and try my best to disappear or at least space out. ANd although I know at the time I handled it well (the dentist said I seemed comfortable), I cried for an hour or so after the appt.
I guess if I was going to be honest with myself, I'd suspect it would have something to do with my past history of abuse. I read the great articles on this site for abuse survivors, but I wasn't sexually abused and barely experienced any childhood abuse. My first boyfriend was a b*st*rd though, and I know that's something I never dealt with. I guess (I fear?) that is what is bringing up all these emotions and anxiety now, but I don't know. No website really talks about such things. I guess I could just chalk it up to the "fear of loss of control"
I have to go back in 2 weeks to get the other 2 cavities filled. I have to go see a periodontist next week about my bad front tooth and gum disease issue. I'm dreading it all. I'm shaking as I write this. I know I will survive it but I just feel so friggin alone. I feel like I should be strong. I feel like I'm just being vain (caring too much about the tooth I might lose). i feel ashamed and mad at myself for letting it come to this. and I feel like I deserve to feel that way. I feel something else to, but I can't quite identify what it is. DIsappointment in myself maybe? Discouraged? Depressed?
Okay, I've rambled on long enough. THank you for listening.
Short but simple background: had a less-than-pleasant, ie nightmarish, experience with laughing gas when I was younger and getting teeth pulled in preparation for braces. Quit going to the dentist when I graduated from high school (no more insurance, little desire to go). Last Feb I had a wisdom tooth break and cause intense pain. Got it pulled which was a remarkably painless procedure at a great dental office (though just the smell of the dentist office nauseates me). Got married in APril and consequently got insurance (thank you hubby!).
FLash forward to a couple of weeks ago. More intense pain. DId some internet research and suspected the dreaded gum disease. Made an emergency appt. Marked off on the new patient survey that dentists made me apprehensive. Pffft. Told the asst the pain problem, told her it had been years since my last dental visit. Dentists enters room, her and asst stand behind me discussing my case. Pissed me off!!!! If you are going to talk about me, do it out of ear range or include me in the conversation! Dentist (female) takes a look at my problem tooth, tells me about the bone loss that is most likely going to cause my front tooth to fall out within 2 years. Tells me that there's not much that can be done about it, that I'll have a huge gap in my smile, and we can pull it out today if it is causing you that much pain....oh and by the way, you'd better get in for a thorough cleaning because gum disease is probably running rampant in my mouth. I was nearly in tears by the time I left. WOrse case scenario confirmed. Huge gap=shame=me being vain.
Called another dentist and amazingly got an appt for the next day for a comprehensive cleaning and Xrays. MUCH BETTER EXPERIENCE! Hygentist was wonderful and the dentist talked TO me, not BEHIND me.
Everything sounds dandy, right? So why am I shaking? After 14 years of not going to the dentist, I had 6 cavities. I elected for 2 long visits versus 3 short ones. Last week I got 4 cavities filled in one sitting and it was H*LL. Not because it was painful because it wasn't. The needle didn't even bother me. I think its more of a combo of the shame & that I'm losing control. He was a great dentist in that he told me everything that he was doing as he did it but..... But I don't know. I didn't want to close my eyes, which is odd, because when I got my wisdom tooth pulled I closed my eyes the whole time. But this time all I could do was stare at the ceiling and try my best to disappear or at least space out. ANd although I know at the time I handled it well (the dentist said I seemed comfortable), I cried for an hour or so after the appt.
I guess if I was going to be honest with myself, I'd suspect it would have something to do with my past history of abuse. I read the great articles on this site for abuse survivors, but I wasn't sexually abused and barely experienced any childhood abuse. My first boyfriend was a b*st*rd though, and I know that's something I never dealt with. I guess (I fear?) that is what is bringing up all these emotions and anxiety now, but I don't know. No website really talks about such things. I guess I could just chalk it up to the "fear of loss of control"
I have to go back in 2 weeks to get the other 2 cavities filled. I have to go see a periodontist next week about my bad front tooth and gum disease issue. I'm dreading it all. I'm shaking as I write this. I know I will survive it but I just feel so friggin alone. I feel like I should be strong. I feel like I'm just being vain (caring too much about the tooth I might lose). i feel ashamed and mad at myself for letting it come to this. and I feel like I deserve to feel that way. I feel something else to, but I can't quite identify what it is. DIsappointment in myself maybe? Discouraged? Depressed?
Okay, I've rambled on long enough. THank you for listening.