About in tears

I am new and terrified, but even reading the posts on this website is making me want to cry. My heart is pounding, my blood is racing. I don't know how I'm going to do this. My husband refuses to go to the dentist because I wont go.
I haven't been to the dentist in ten years, and even then I was trembling, and it was for an initial exam. I didn't go back. Later after that I found out that my grandmother had all of her teeth removed because of periodontal disease. Which I am pretty sure I have. I am in constant pain, but I'd rather hurt than go.
I am even scared for my children when they go.
I know something has to be done, but I don't even know where to start. One huge problem is finances. I can't afford to go. And if I had the money then yes it would be anxiety city in my brain, and if I didn't pass out by then I don't know that I could open my mouth for the dentist to see. My teeth are so bad and getting worse.
One day my uncle told me about a friend of his who had a tooth removed, and found out he had cancer of the jaw and died a week later because of it. This made my fear even worse, because I have put this off for so long that I could have some sort of cancer in my mouth, I don't know. But like I said I don't know that I could make an appointment to even talk with one. I guess it all boils down to childhood memories of having teeth pulled. I have a very high tolerance to pain relievers, so when I told them that they didn't believe me, and I felt everything. My mom just sat out in the waiting area while I screamed and cried. She was told that I had 13 cavities, and needed to have them taken care of as well, but nothing was ever done about it.
So, I don't know. Here's my fear. Anyone have any suggestions about doing this? Should I have an app. for mental heath first? Where do I begin?

Thanks for reading,
Just Kat

Oh Justkat, please don't cry. In my short time here, I've found people to be lovely. I'm speaking as someone who has not had dental work, but fears that, and I'm now in the position where I think some sort of procedure will need to be done next month. I am terrified, but I will go, because it's for the best.

Is there no way you can do it gradually? Go to the surgery and stay outside, then go in, then book an appointment etc? Maybe this will help.

Please, please try not to show your fear to the children, I know it's hard but it could affect them, and I know you only want what's best for them as a mum. I'm sure someone with a lot more knowledge can help more than I have, but I'm sure you will find a way to overcome this.

Vicki xx

Hi Kat and

Your story is similar to many of us on here. I cried and often had to stop reading some of the stories because I would become so anxious. Luckily, I kept coming back and little by little the stories gave me hope and courage. You are already further along than I was because you’ve made a huge step by joining and posting your story. (It took me a long time to get to that point.) Being scared is o.k., so take a deep breath and give yourself a pat on the back for taking such a big leap and joining us.

First off, I’m sorry you had such a difficult time as a child. Many of us are here because of bad memories of painful experiences or dentists who treated us poorly or didn’t listen. The good news is that in most cases things have improved greatly. Treatment doesn’t have to be and shouldn’t be painful. Dentists are more inclined to listen to the concerns of their patients and recognize that anxiety needs to be addressed and treated. There are new technologies available to fix teeth that years ago may not have been saved. My experiences over the last couple of years were nothing like what I went through as a child and teenager. That’s a good thing too!!!!

Finances are a difficult matter and I can appreciate that side of things. It can be very expensive and that just adds additional stress. There are options, whether it be a dental clinic, visiting a dental school, or perhaps working out a payment plan or using carecredit. (A low interest dental loan; I used it and the rate was very reasonable) The first thing though, is finding out what needs done. It might not be as bad as you think. There are several members here who were sure that they were going to need a ton of work done and walked away with nothing more than a few fillings.

Give yourself the time you need to get up the courage to make an appointment. Allow others to provide you the support you need. You don’t have to go through this alone and there are a lot of wonderful people on here who will try to help you move forward. If you feel that it would help you to talk to someone before going, by all means set up an appointment with someone who can provide counseling. I started by going to my GP and getting something to reduce my anxiety. Everyone is different so I think it’s important to decide what you think will benefit you.

Wishing you all the best! Please let us know how you are doing and how we can help!

Although I am not a dental fear expert and do not have the same intense fear as you, I can tell you that I always get nervous when going to the dentist and while they are doing it I tense up and I'm sure most people here do. Alot of people have that fear, some more than others. However, it has been my experience that there are alot of myths out there. When I was getting my root canal I heard lots of people saying it hurts alot, but I didn't feel any pain when they did it or after. Just today I went to get a sharp point removed after a filling and he didn't put an anesthetic in and I didn't feel anything, which I wasn't supposed to but it still suprised me.

I hope you can get over your fear.

Hello Kat:

I can understand your anxiety and fear. Dental trauma as a child can have powerful control even into adulthood.

However, here is some very good news. Dental care has improved by huge amounts since you were young. Dental anxiety was almost ignored, even 10 years ago. Back then the options for sedation were far more limited than today. Dentists are much more aware of patients with dental fear than in the past. Dental techniques and tools have also made great strides.

Oral sedation and anti-anxiety medications are commonly dispensed by dentists and can be a great help in calming nervous people. These treatments were unheard of in the dental world until recently. You do not need to suffer with this burden without help.


Anxiety always focuses on the future, what may happen, could happen or might happen. It thrives on feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Avoidance of fearful issues gives the anxiety more power and control.

Here are some strategies you might want to consider:

1. Write a list of your concerns and past experiences. This way you will not forget anything you might want to discuss with the dentist.

2. Always remember, you are in control. No one can make you do anything you do not want. You have options. You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect. If you feel the dentist is not listening or is not "tuned into you" then you can switch dentists.

3. Dental anxiety/phobia is very common. You are not alone. This is nothing to be ashamed of. The dentist will not pass judgment on you because of dental fear or the condition of your teeth.

4. The past does not equal the future. If you feel you are trapped and without hope, that is the anxiety talking, not you. You are not your anxiety, it should not be how you define yourself.

Reward yourself for making progress. Every step closer to a solution is a step further away from the fear that wants to control you.

I am a Psychologist specializing in anxiety/phobias. There are solutions. You will be your own best friend through this journey. You will discover reserves of personal power and resources you never knew you had.

You have taken the first steps that will propel you to victory; acknowledging the fear and seeking help. This board is filled with people that will cheer you on and offer support as many of them have been in your shoes and worse. Take encouragement from their stories.

Learning relaxation techniques is also very helpful in learning to control anxiety and fear. I will be happy to send you some that I use with my patients. PM me if you are interested.

I hope this helps. All the best in your journey