• Dental Phobia Support

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Decayed and crumbling teeth

H

Hakuren

Junior member
Joined
Nov 4, 2009
Messages
4
I don't even know how to start. :(
I just recently turned 22 and like every year I told myself "You really have to do something about the situation inside your mouth"...
I haven't seen a dentist in what's soon to be 9 years and my teeth are really, really bad. At least to me it seems like there's no hope at all. It all started with 13 when one of my molars cracked after eating potato chips. I wasn't scared of dentists that time, so I went and got it fixed. The doc said that I needed a few other minor fillings, which turned out to be quite some in the end. Anyhow. The teatment was ok, very painful at times, but I could take it.

Now, almost 9 years later all those fillings are gone. The tooth that cracked back then is now a ruin.. along with the other molar behind. (bottom right)
On my upper molars, actually all my teeth on the upper right side are carious and a few bits broke off. The other side isn't more fun..
the 2 molars on the bottom are pretty decayed and last one at the top is 90% gone. The one after that.. must be the only cheek tooth that's the least destroyed. The interdental spaced of my incisors had been filled from behind back then.. those fillings are almost gone now too. So that carious could make it's way to the front side as well.

Well, all in all TERRIFYING. I've been thinking about ending my life in order to escape the embarassment of showing my teeth to someone else. I can't laugh, I can't speak properly because I'm afraid someone may notice. I've lost all of my self-confidence and on top of that I suffer from social phobia, which I can't work on because my teeth are an adamant obstacle I can't seem to overcome.

Another bit that scares me is the money. I'm 22 as stated (living in Germany) and I don't work. My parents pay my expenses and I'm not sure how much the insurance will pay. (I think it works differently here.) Perhaps I'm exaggerating and thinking in ridiculous dimension, but to me this all seems impossible to overcome.
I'm really deperate and don't know what to do. I'm not in pain yet, but I can feel some kind of pressure and I know it's caused by one of my ruins. I even think that it's causing me pain in my back and my arm already. (that started before I could locate the cause)

So now I'm sitting here... lost in all those things that constantly flood my mind.. when all I really want it peace finally.

Sorry for the wall of text and possible typos, I'm not gonna reread this now.. I'm too upset and just wanted to get it off my chest quickly. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:
 
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Hey Hakuren:
You are I are VERY VERY similiar with our fears. Feel free to read my posts to see what it is that I am contending with and if you'd like, you can always send me a personal e-mail. Sometimes just having one support person ( who KNOWS what you are going through) can make all the difference. I, like you, am terrified and ashamed of my teeth. I also contemplated ending my life because of this dental phobia. Here is my e-mail address - [email address removed]
 
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Hi. Your post sounds almost identical to my experience. I am tired of being selfconcious but I know exactly what and how you feel. I am working on setting a consultation to a dentist but as of right now, I have not. Really scared and depressed. I can let you know , IF and when I seek treatment and tell ya how it went. Hang in there.:cry:
 
Hi Hakuren,

I'm also in a similar situation and went through horrible embarrassment to get my teeth looked at.
I also have a molar that's 90% gone, just the roots left pretty much, (I'm having it extracted tomorrow, oh the joy....) and I was extremely self conscious about it but I managed to get over my horrible phobia and go see a dentist. I was extrememly suprised that the dentist wasn't even phased. lol And here I thought he was going to pass out from shock of seeing whatever was left of my tooth. haha The things our fears do to our imagination...lol

But seriously, don't worry about what the dentist will think of you. He's seen worse and he or she only wants to help you. That's their job.
There are people with horrible teeth out there, like something out of a horror movie, and your teeth are probably not nearly as bad.

I'm not sure how much dental care costs in Germany, but I know my sister who studies in Germany has free dental care. It shouldn't be that expensive for basic dental care, like extractions and fillings.

Please don't think that this is impossible to overcome. That's exactly what I thought before I went to see the dentist. I thought my situation was utterly hopeless and I even thought about killing myself when I was at my lowest. And well, my situation was far from hopeless, I'm still terrified of the dentist but I am determined enough to not let the fear rule over me.
You can do this! Please trust me on this. I NEVER thought I could do it, and yet I did. If I can do it, anybody can. I'm THE biggest coward when it comes to teeth and health in general.
 
Hey..

Thanks for the kind and supportive words, I really appreciate them.
Before I came here to post yesterday I wrote a mail to a dentist I came across while searching the net. I was quite surprised to find his answer at nearly 11 pm. :o
The answer was absolutely sweet.. saying something about me being rather brave and that he can imagine how hard taking that step must be, that I should keep it a secret, but even dentists end up in those situations.. quite often even. :giggle:) He also suggested that I call in because he'd inform his secretary about it. And then we'll see how to go from there.

Now I'm sitting here.. totally excited and yet scared as hell.
I'll still have to show my teeth.. duh.. I'll always have to in order to get them fixed. I also keep telling myself that it's not gonna change and that I can either pick him, obviously understanding and nice... or some other random dentist.. but the situation itself won't be a different one.
For some odd reason I feel more embarassed about my teeth now, because I know he's a nice doc.. (what the hell?).. I think I'm gonna chop my head off to get rid of the idiotic ideas. :rolleyes::rolleyes:

Can somebody tell me why this has to be so hard?
Can't I just pick up the phone and at least talk to her?
God damn it! :mad:
 
Hi Hakuren
As ever ;), I am interested in the pain during treatment angle...you are saying that 9 years ago the treatment you received was rather painful...did you mean during actual treatment or afterpain?
The email reply you got sounded very promising.....what you also need to do is establish that he can provide you with comfortable treatment..there was no excuse 9 years ago and there is certainly no excuse now....even the local anaesthetic injections for numbing can be comfortable and painless..it is all in the technique.

Some relevant links:





Let us know how you get on...go to visit this dentist just for a chat about how he can help you have a better experience this time would be my advice.
Only have an exam if you feel comfortable with him.
:grouphug:
 
Hi brit and thanks for the links.
Actually I went through most of the website long before posting here first.
What I meant was the treatment itself was very painful.
For example: That silly woman hit the nerve of my tooth twice the same session.. I felt like my brain is making it's way out through my ears. :rolleyes:

Nonetheless.. I'm not afraid of pain, needles, sounds and everything else.
Of course I'm not a fan of those things, but they're not the reason for staying away this long. I'm really just embarassed beyong belief... because of how it looks and because I let this happen and last but not least my anxiety disorder plays a big role too. I'm still battling myself here.. I should caaaaallll... :rolleyes: And I hate calling in general.

Oh god, having a chat with the doc.. I'm a bad talker when it comes down to what scares me or just about how I feel in general.. I think once I managed to go in there I'll simply take the full load and let him look into my mouth. That should ease my mind big time.... I'm just not there yet.. :rolleyes:
 
Hi Hakuren,

I think I know how you feel. For me, I could totally handle the pain. What I COULD NOT handle was the embarrassment of showing someone my teeth. I was so ashamed. I keep my mouth closed at all costs.

What changed for me? The extreme, excruciating pain of an abscess. If not for that, I feel sure I still would not have gone. I just sat in his chair and shook and cried as he asked me to open up. But do you know what? Not one lecture, not one unkind comment....he acted like he sees mouths like mine, or worse, everyday. And the more that I think about it, the more I figure he probably has. He outlined a plan for me, and we are moving forward.

That was just my consultation. But honestly, now that he has seen my mouth, I don't think the rest of it will be nearly as difficult. And, I gotta tell you, BEATING THIS THING FEELS SO EMPOWERING! Simply by going to see the dentist I feel as though I can do ANYTHING.

Good luck, friend!:)

Just wanted to add, I said VERY LITTLE to my dentist during the consultation. He knew I was scared beyond belief, he knew that my mouth needed a lot of work.....so there really wasn't much to say. He told me what I needed done, I expressed to him that finances were an obstacle and he told me how he'd work with me....not nearly as difficult as I had built it up to be.

You can TOTALLY do this!
 
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Hi Hakuren,

That's great to hear that you took the first step and
contacted the dentist.:jump:

From what you describe he sounds like a very nice and understanding person.
I'm sure he's not going to say anything mean or criticize you. After all, he only wants to help you and make you feel better. He probably doesn't need to hear the whole story, just tell him you're very anxious and nervous about the state of your teeth and he'll understand. I'm sure he sees a lot of very nervous patients every day.

Let us know how you do. You might just suprise yourself and you'll do much better than you think.Our worst fears usually never come true. It's actually the opposite most of the time.
 
Try not to let embarassment stop you. Get your teeth fixed and save what you can. I hadn't gone in such a long time that both my top teeth just next to the very front were rotted badly. I wish now I'd just gone because I might have had a better chance to save them. The Dentists see tons of people like us who are ashamed we've put it off and finally get in there.
 
Well.. I just can't get myself to call.
I couldn't sleep all night and my cheek / jaw and throat feel like they're burning.. kinda tingly.. :(
Not sleeping doesn't make it any better.. but everytime I almost drifted off to sleep some wave of fear and panic washed over me and made me feel like my whole presence consists of ants. :rolleyes:
I'm getting really tired of this whole thing and the worst part is probably, that I just can't talk about it to anyone around me. That perhaps would help a lot. :cry:
 
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I understand how you feel. I'm 31 and can't bring myself just to get a consultation. I have 4 missing teeth due to crumbling, 3 broken teeth, and 3 cavities that I can see. And who knows what else!!! I'm also not scared of pain. I'm scared Im going to panic in the chair and I don't like to be messed with, the thought of sitting there while someone fiddles in my mouth for an hour makes me feel anxious! I'm very depressed over my teeth. There has to be a reason for all these teeth problems! Anyways, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone!!!:cry:
 
Oh man, I can completely relate with this story! I was in a similar state several weeks ago, having stayed away from dentists for decades. It had come to the point where my shame and fear of judgment was worse than the physical pain; anyone who has experienced the pain of a crumbling tooth knows what real pain is! I understand the thoughts of suicide too--something that would probably bewilder anyone who doesn't have this phobia.

I've since had three visits to a very compassionate dentists. He and his entire staff are completely understanding. They've seen it all before and haven't displayed the slightest hint of judgment in their dealing with me. I've been completely open with them about the nature of my fears, and they're completely experienced with the fear as well as the physical aspect of my problem.

Since my prior dentist visits years before, the profession has undergone two revolutions: the advancement of the tools and of "painless" (or at least less-painful) dentistry; and the understanding that it's not in a dentist's interest, as a professional business man, to judge patients or make them suffer in any other way.

Yesterday I had the first of my four "quadrants" cleaned, and I felt light as air leaving the dentists office. I had made a start! During the afternoon I was running my tongue along my newly smoothed teeth and marveling at the sensation. (Several molars are beyond saving, but many are salvageable.) I have taken those first few difficult steps and can see that there is hope.

If I can do it, anyone can!
 
Oh, I must make another comment, this one about being too afraid to make that first phone call.

That was me too! I was terrified of making the call--actually would sweat and shake at the thought.

So what I did was search on the Internet for "painless dentistry" and my town's name, and I came up with a conveniently located practice that really accentuates compassion on its Web site.

Instead of calling, I sent e-mail. I stated up-front that I was terrified of dentists, that I was trembling as I wrote, and could they please help me?

A response came later that morning, full of reassurances that they weren't there to judge me and urging me to call and make an appointment.

That was a couple of weeks ago, and as I noted above, I've since had three visits.

It's gotten a little easier--the first time I showed up, I was shaking so badly I could barely fill out this form they handed to me. Yesterday, I'll admit, I was scared. I was trembling and moaning for a freaking cleaning, but the hygienist was very understanding and took several breaks. In fact, she began the session by talking for a few minutes about her fear of medical doctors!

It's one baby step at a time. Look at the initial contact as the first little step. I'd be willing to bet that the rude, heartless dentists are in the minority. Being that way is bad for business.
 
Hey Hakuren,

How are you getting on, i just read through this whole thread and it has actually really helped me.
I came across here doing an online search strangely to see if there were any other people in the world who had teeth as bad as mine, as i genuinly believed and still do a bit that mine are the worst....ever...

I havent been to a Dentist in around 15 years and i had perfect teeth at one stage, never needed a filling or anything, used to visit the dentist every 6 months on schedule just for a check-up and be told All good!

Then one of my teeth broke. I didn't worry about it too much as it wasnt a front tooth but what a bad decision that was, the worst decision i've ever made in my life. This broken tooth started to rot and spread to the tooth beside it. I stopped going to the dentist as i moved across the country and low and behold 15 years later nearly ALL of my teeth are rotted, broken/crumbled, ive even got some tiny bits of tooth sticking out of the gum and ive no idea if the dentist will even be able to do anything about that without performing surgery on my gums?? Or will she even bother at all and maybe decline my treatement? So i've been in exactley the same situation as you for years and years, ive put it off so many times, ive spoke to dentists and made appointments and never turned up.

That is until today...in exactley 55 minutes i have an appointment with a dentist for first consultation, i would be lying if i said i wasnt worried about going, i am literally petrified about what they are going to say/think when i open my mouth, i've been running excuses through my head all day to try and ease the embarassment but i'm going for it.....I do believe once this new dentist has looked in my mouth once, i dont need to be embarassed about it when i am hopefully going back to get whatever work needs done.

All i can say is just go for it - i watched a program about a woman who's teeth were probably similar to mine and she went on NATIONAL TV showed her teeth to millions and got all nice new shiny teeth paid for her! Would i have done that? Not a chance......so im thinking if she has the balls to do that then i can surely go see one dentist and her assistant!!

I will let u know how i got on, that is of course if you havent beat me to it and are already walking about smiling like you used too!
 
Good luck with your appointment, oh how relieved you will feel in less than 2 hours time! :cloud9: :jump:
 
Thankyou Smithers, i can't even back down from this one as my brother is picking me up to take me lol and he won't let me!!! I'm still trying to think of things to say to the dentist before she looks in my mouth! :oops:
 
From what i have read of other peoples experience of being in your position, i would say that (if you can) you should explain exactly how you feel and your worries.

i havent seen your teeth obviously, but i'm pretty certain that the dentist has seen far worse. and anyway, its there job to look at problematic teeth
 
I did it!! :jump:When i first got in i saw the dentist, hot young blonde and her dental assistant was the same.....i thought oh no .... nearly walked back out lol Glad i didnt!

Need a lot of work, she dentist was so nice and it was like i was just a normal patient with nothing wrong lol :oops: As i was leaving she said, i know you were nervous and i really wouldnt worry about it, i have seen worse... wether she was just saying that or not i dont know but it's still nice of them to re-assure!

She gave me two options 1 was dentures but she said i was too young for then (29) and she could manage to rebuild most of my teeth bar the odd couple which would def have to be pulled out but it would mean at least 12-15 appointments, I let her decide what to do and i go for my first piece of work on 12th Oct! She wants to save as many as possible and if that fails then dentures.

Anyone reading this who was in same position as me.......go for it.
 
yyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!! can't believe i've been sitting here thinking 'he'll be in there now' ! well done. feels like a real relief yeah? :party:
 
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