Bastet's Journal

Bastet, it seems to me that some people are in the wrong job. Do they not realise the damage they do with their hurtful comments? In my experience dentists are more sensitive to our feelings, it's the assistants, receptionists and hygienists that cause the most offence.
Don't let it get you down, you're doing great.

Thanks CollegeBound and carriss. I think it is bothering me so much, because I was completely blindsided. At the beginning of the appointment, the dentist told me he received my note in which I told him I wasn't ready to make a hygiene appointment because I was feeling too ashamed to let someone else see how bad it was. The assistant was sitting right there when he told me I never have to feel embarrassed with them. The fact that she said what she did makes me believe she is either ignorant or cruel.

While I'm ranting, I may as well add that I also felt like she was trying to use scare tactics to get me to schedule the work. First of all, scare tactics don't work well for motivation. Those types of messages are more likely to turn someone away than help. On top of that, the dentist had just told me (again right in front of her) that I didn't need to schedule that work at the next appointment if I didn't feel up to it. She shouldn't have been pushing it anyhow.

OK, enough of my rant. I really do appreciate the support here.

Then listen to the dentist. He at least has common sense.

My appointment was supposed to be yesterday, but the crowns weren't ready, so it was pushed back to today. I hate this time before the appointment. It's a little later in the morning than usual, so the waiting is that much worse. I wish I had said I would wait until an earlier appointment was available. I'll be sure to do that if it happens again.

Right now I'm feeling like I'm only ready to cement in the new crowns, and not start on the work on the bottom teeth. Originally the dentist said I could hold off a little, but Miss Charm blocked off a big chunk of time anyhow. I don't know how much time is scheduled for me now that the appointment was changed. I can't let it be my problem. I didn't ask her to do that. She said she was doing it in case I wanted to do the work. She should have asked instead of told.

I went to my appointment, and the one nice assistant called me in. She asked me if I wanted to start the work on the bottom teeth. I told her no, and she said she would tell the dentist. I thought "Wow, that was easy."

Wrong. Miss Charm walked in. She said we had discussed the importance of starting on the bottom bridge today, so the dentist could get the occlusion right. *We* hadn't discussed anything. The dentist had told me that ideally we would start the bridge today, but it was up to me.


That's when I said, in a clear, strong, non-quivering voice "I'm not doing it today." I thought "Whoa, was that me? Go me!" She kept yammering about something, then I heard her say "I know it's expensive, but that's what you have to do." Now *that* made me angry. Fortunately, I can deal with the financial part of this right now, but I well remember the times when we were really hurting. What an insensitive thing to say. If my problem were financial I would have again felt about an inch tall. Then she said I needed to get to the oral surgeon to get that tooth out (the infamous rotten tooth). My dentist had been thinking about whether or not he could save it, so nice way to break the news.


The dentist finally came in, and he too asked if I was going to do the bridge today. What the heck? He cemented in the crowns and started adjusting the occlusion. He was going to mess around on the other side when my strong voice came back and said "Just leave it for now." I really shocked myself. I just didn't want to go through all that again after last appointment, because it will just have to be done again after the bridge is replaced. A little later he asked if I was sure. I said "I'm sure." I was really annoyed at that point, and I could hear it in my voice. So once again, go me!


The dentist said the bridge should be the next appointment, and Miss Charm started in about the oral surgeon again. Does the doctor need the assistant to help him with his treatment planning?


Anyhow, as I was leaving, the receptionist asked me if I wanted to schedule an appointment. I said "No thank you," and that was it.


The bad news is I never want to go back there, and I'm going to e-mail another practice next week. The good news is I spoke up today. I've been thinking today about how I wrote in this journal that I don't know why I stopped going to him and I looked for any reason to find fault with him or his staff. Maybe I haven't been fair to myself. Now that I'm writing things down and rereading them, I feel like my concerns are valid.

Ack! I can't get paragraphs to work on my phone. Fixed it.

I just reread my journal again, and I feel sorry for anyone trying to follow it. I have typos on pronouns, so it's not clear about whom I am writing. I talk about things that happened years ago, and it kind of sounds kind of like they just happened. I would go back and fix them if I could.

Anyhow, I logged in because I'm feeling upset. I feel like this is such a setback. The hardest obstacle to overcome back in October when making that first appointment was the fear that someone would be insensitive to my feelings. I told myself that people are trained better now, and it probably wouldn't happen. That's exactly what happened though,and it is, in fact, worse than I ever thought it would be. It's hard for me to move forward. To be blunt, the whole situation sucks.

I thought by writing that I would e-mail another practice in the next week, it would give me a push to do it. I still haven't done it though. It's not all bad. I'm not in complete avoidance mode. I looked at some websites and narrowed it down to two.

A big part of my problem is that I'm not sure how to say what I need to say. "Dear Dentist's Office, Do you have any cruel or ignorant people on your staff?" Then how would they respond? "Dear Bastet, Thank you for your e-mail. We are highly committed to ignorance and cruelty, and we do, in fact, have a number of cruel and ignorant people on our staff. Please call for an appointment, so we can discuss it further."

I know I'm obsessing, but I want to write something down to get it out of my system. The way the assistant said "You need to get to an oral surgeon and get that tooth out" is weighing so heavily on me. There was no kindness in her voice like if she had felt badly about breaking bad news. It was like she enjoyed it. The dentist had me thinking he was going to restore that tooth, so he should have broken the news. I believe the assistant knew that too. I honestly believe she just wanted to show me that she has the power to hurt me. I see her as a bully.

How could any dentist want someone like her on his staff? I feel so hurt.

The next, and I hope final, phase of this obsession is to try and figure out if my anxiety is making me overreact or not. The best way for me to do that is to try to come up with a scenario in a more neutral situation. If I were waiting to see an accountant or financial advisor and someone on the staff blurted out "you need to get to an attorney and take care of this," would I be upset? Of course I would. I'd probably even confront the accountant or advisor about it. True, it probably wouldn't have the emotional pain attached to it that the situation at the dentist did, but I would still think that it was totally out of line.

It's interesting to me that I always feel like I have to justify my feelings when it comes to the dentist. I don't notice myself doing that in other parts of my life.

I think I may have figured out why I've been so obsessed with spelling out that the dental assistant really hurt me. I think it's because there's a part of me that wanted the dentist to check up on me to see if I'm OK. I need to get it through my head that I am wanting too much. Yes, there are businesses that offer five-star customer service, but his practice isn't one of them. I knew that going in, because I've experienced it before.

What you said about having to justify your feelings when it comes to the dentist really interested me. I do the same thing too. Matter of fact, here is a little story for you to demonstrate...

I recently started dating an amazing guy. He is really sweet, caring, and funny. He seems to genuinely care about me and he respects my boundaries and my comfort zone. Seems perfect, right?

Yesterday, when we were on my couch watching videos on Youtube, I was texting my mother, who is out of town, and accidentally hit a wrong app on my phone, and it brought me to DFC. I QUICKLY made sure that I was off the internet app and went back to texting my mother. I always keep this site pulled up on the internet app that I don't primarily use so that I can read things on here throughout the day. I trust that people aren't going to snoop through my cellphone, so it has never occurred to me to hide it. When he left, I went back to the site and made sure that my internet page was set on Facebook, so that he didn't find this on my phone. I didn't want him to see my less than fearless side. I almost feel like I am doing something wrong by hiding this like as if it if were a porn site. I am being a little ridiculous and I know it.

I get these ideas in my head that while it's okay to have my fears and it's okay to explore them, it is only "safe" to explore them alone. No one else needs to see this petrified side of me, because in most people's eyes, I am fearless and fierce. That is the part that I am showing to my boyfriend. I hope that teeth are not brought up in our conversations. I try to steer clear of any medical-like conversation so that there is not a chance to talk about dentists or things of the like. I try to justify my thinking that by staying in my little comfort zone, there is NO WAY that people can change their image of me.

As for you justifying what the hygienist did to you, it is okay to be angry. That was really hateful what she did to you. You do need to, however, find a way to make this situation be at rest in your mind. Whether that is shopping for a new office and asking to meet with the dentist and hygienist first, or going to your previous dentist's office and complain verbally in a loud tone of voice. Whatever you think is best. Try to make this a learning experience so that you can continue your path to success. We know you can do this!

It turns out that the part of me that was wanting to hear from the dentist's office was very mistaken. Ha ha. I got a call today at work, and when I saw the dentist's number on the caller ID, I could feel my neck and shoulders get hot. I got shaky and nauseated. I honestly thought I might faint. How embarrassing would that have been? I think it goes without saying that I didn't answer.

I listened to the message right away, so I would be done with it. It was the assistant. She was actually polite and professional this time and said I should call her back. I don't really see that happening. I'm not trying to be spiteful. It's just that I have no trust, only fear.

I told a friend of mine that I'm looking for a dentist again. She knows a little about my phobia, but she doesn't know the state I'm in now. She said one of her clients had mentioned someone, and she gave me a name. I looked him up online. Not only does he have a disciplinary record on his license, but his wife allegedly tried to have him killed. Yikes! I don't need that kind of excitement.

I actually did make some progress today. I wrote a draft of the e-mail I want to send to the office I selected. I'm not quite ready to send it, but I think I will be soon. When it comes to dental stuff, I tend to all of a sudden decide to do something. Now, I'll have the message ready when I'm ready.

I'm better off not setting deadlines for myself related to the dentist. When I don't meet them, I feel like I've failed when really I'm just still working through something. I'll get there.

You are doing a GREAT job! If you want somebody to proof read your email, you can PM me. Good job!

I finally sent off the e-mail today. I'm surprised at how hard it was for me to do. I had to remind myself of all the things that hurt me at the dentist I had been seeing before I could send it. I guess I'm overly sensitive and easily hurt, but that's all part of it. That's why I had let him know that I was afraid and ashamed. Still, I actually do like him, and part of me is sad that I won't be going there anymore.

It's time to move on, though. I'll see what happens with this e-mail and take it from there. The dentist I e-mailed had some comforting reviews on Yelp, so that makes me feel a little better.

Great job! Soooooo proud of you! This is a great step!

If you don't mind, can I read your email that you sent? I will let you read mine that I sent out in the beginning too, if you want.

Super happy for you!

I received a very nice reply to my e-mail, and I ended up booking an appointment for a comprehensive exam next week. I didn't even have to talk to anyone. We set everything up by e-mail. Now comes the wait.

Work is getting busy, so I checked with my boss again to see if it would be a problem to start up my appointments again. He said I should do what I need to do. It's been almost six months since I first made an appointment. I thought I'd be done with the work by now. It's hard, but I still think I'm making the right decision in going someplace else.

College Bound - In the end I decided to simply say I was nervous about making an appointment, and I asked if I could make an appointment that wouldn't include the hygienist. I didn't write anymore than that. If I want to tell them more later, I will.