• Dental Phobia Support

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Baby Steps of an optimistic stresshead (22 YO Female)

A

anxiousbum

Member
Joined
Aug 27, 2016
Messages
86
I have a feeling that documenting my feelings will really help me. Helping other people in a similar people will be a bonus too.

So I've just finally moved out of my parents house and am now living with my boyfriend, yay! :) Personal circumstances back there meant that things may have been left to slip a little. Now it's time to embrace the change, do things that scare me and take care of myself. I've mastered the diet thing, so now my teeth (or more accurately my messed up gums)!

I don't know if my teeth have been bad for a while or if I'm just getting into the habit of not running away from my problems. I'm embarrassed to say that my oral hygiene was a little (very) crappy before I moved out. I don't really remember ever being encouraged by my parents to brush my teeth and due to my mothers severe anxiety of the dentist, she decided not to take us anymore and made sure we knew that it was a horrible place to visit. Boy I wish that she had though. But that was back then, I am an independent adult (sometimes :giggle:) now and it's time for me to take responsibility for myself. I want to be able to tell my kids, one day but hopefully not anytime soon, that the dentist is fine and have the smile to show for it.

I've been much better at brushing since I turned the sink into a scene from a horror film, I've even invested in an electric toothbrush, an oral irrigator (Hate that name!) and have been pushing myself through the delightful taste of corsydyl. I can't deny how much brushing my teeth still scares me, especially when there is blood, as it means I can't hide from the problems anymore but I'm starting to take control again. When I was flossing yesterday and I managed to convince my anxious self that the only way I would be able to get the stuck floss out of my teeth would be to knock one out, I felt myself going light headed...but most importantly I sat on the floor until the room stopped spinning and I carried on...and my partner as always, really helped me to rationalise.

And so the biggest petrifying but also a little exciting news...I did it, I made the appointment. My boyfriend had to hold my hand and I almost blubbed in front of the receptionist but I did it. I've been trying hard to break down what exactly it is that scares me most about going, which is difficult with an inherited phobia but I'm going to keep blogging until I find out. No matter what it is, and what it takes to overcome it I will. And you will too, like we have overcome so many things before. :thumbsup:
 
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Hi you have done really well making the appointment, that is the hardest bit out of the way. It is a shame your mum transferred her phobia onto you but it must have been really hard for her and her fear must have been crippling. I hope one day your mum will find the courage to make an appointment as you have done.

You have started to get yourself orally healthy, as you get to know the dentist you will be able to build up a trust with them until you won't feel so nervous about going.

It could be the unknown that you fear but once you know what treatment you need things become easier. We are always here to help too.

All the best to you :butterfly:
 
Thank you for your thoughtful message Carole, you're the first person I have spoken to on this site and it means a lot that there is someone watching out for me who gets it. :XXLhug:

I think you're right about the fear of the unknown. Hopefully I will feel much better when I know exactly what is going on in there, I know there is no point in panicking myself but I don't want to be not panicking enough too. Not long now though, appointment is on the 12th so time will tell.

When I get my smile back, I'd love to be able to prove to my mum that it's doable. She is currently trying to put me off but for now (as guilty as it makes me feel, as I guess in her head she is just trying to protect me), I need to do this for myself. :)
 
Hello.

I don't know how bad your teeth are but I do know the feeling. The way your mom is, is the same way my mom is. When I was younger I had a dds appointment that my mom could not make it to so my grandma went with. I had one bad tooth at that time. That was the last time I went to the dds. I now have so many problems. I never got my wisdom teeth out so they are both rotted on the top, they never came in on the bottom but I can feel them. Other than my wisdom teeth I have 2 other teeth on both sides of my mouth that are rotted. I also have a cavity in my 2 frount teeth right in the middle and then one on each side. Then only one on the bottom. Other than that one I know I have 3 cavity's on the bottom. My teeth are screwed. I have a bad anxiety about going to the dds.

My fears consist of

Going for the first time.
Having someone in my face, looking at my teeth.
Being told everything that is wrong.
The plan.
The money.
Being drugged up, I have never had surgery.
The pain before, during, after.


One day I know I will have to go. I'm just so scared. I understand exactly how you feel.
 
I am a mother and my children are grown up now. I was a terrified patient and have been all my life. I have fought it and made it to the dentist. My fears came from being a child in the 60's when a lot of dentists didn't treat children properly. It was a case of I am the dentist and you sit there and I do what is required or in a lot of cases they did what they wanted to fill their own pockets. Back then they were paid per filling and it must have been lucrative because a lot of my age group had their teeth ruined with unnecessary painful treatment. I did take my children to see a dentist all through their childhoods but I watched the dentists like a hawk. It was very hard but I didn't want my kids to be effected as I was and they haven't been. Thank goodness, as soon as a dentist seemed abrupt or not right from my point of view I didn't take them back. I always went in with them and lucky for me they didn't need fillings, as I couldn't have stayed for that. I also told them when they were old enough to go in on their own not to agree to anything until I had spoken to the dentist to see what and why they needed any treatment. Of course once they got to 15/16 they went on their own but by that time they were trained in how to deal with the dentist. Both by the dentists they had seen and myself, they knew what was supposed to happen and what felt wrong. They have seen some very good dentists so would know a wrong un.... hopefully.

Today things are very different from when I was a child and the dentists need your informed consent to be able to even look in your mouth. They will examine your teeth and gums on the first visit with just a mirror if the probe (pointy tool) bothers you. They also like to take an x ray so that they can get a true pic of the condition of the roots of the tooth as well. None of this hurts and you should be treated with respect and consideration. If you feel rough handled or judged leave and don't go back find another.

Once they know the condition of your teeth they will advise you on the treatment you need to get orally healthy they will give you a treatment plan and will discuss with you the best way to get it done. They can start off with the smaller stuff. That way you get to know each other and you can build up a trust with them. They are there to help us and understand how nervous we feel. Let the dentist know how afraid you feel and explain as you have on here so it helps them to understand how you feel and why.

Things are not usually as bad as we think they are, there have been people on here that haven't been for up to 20 years, a clean and a couple of small fillings is all they have needed. There are people like myself that has always gone apart from a 5 year wobble and I have had a lot of work done. So you just never know.

I hope your app goes well as I am sure it will :XXLhug::XXLhug::XXLhug:

Nicolee891 Keep reading on here and you may find the courage to contact a dentist to make that first appointment. :grouphug::butterfly:
 
Hi Nicolee891,

I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a sucky time with it too, it's a shame that you are in a similar situation as myself but hopefully we can help each other. :XXLhug: I hope you can feel ready to make that first appointment too.

I think a lot of my fears are quite similar to your own, especially the plan. I'm not sure how I'd react if it was bad news...but then again I do feel the tiniest bit better having made the appointment and being at least a little bit in control until my appointment. Hopefully having a plan will bring back a little of that feeling of control and considering what Carole has said about informed consent, it will be on our terms what happens and when. This brings me a little comfort.

I'm pretty sure I have a few cavities, my tooth right at the back of my mouth has been looking a bit grim for a while but it's impossible to see it clearly. It's probably best for me not to anyway, I think I'd rather hear it from the dentist where they can follow it with a solution straight away if that makes sense. I've done way too much doctor googling and freaking myself out lately. As my appointment is getting closer I am getting pretty nervous, like sick to the stomach nervous but part of me does know that it will be worth it. I've spent so many years avoiding mirrors, photos and even smiling properly but now I'm starting my masters in October, I want my confidence back. I'm holding onto that, a few hours of potential uncomfortableness would be worth it, this is my mantra this week. Maybe my teeth had to get this bad for me to get into a healthy routine for the first time. It's soppy but it's much more than just my teeth now I have moved out and am responsible for myself. I need to prove it to myself that I can break the cycle.

I've been struggling with the idea of people looking in my mouth for a while too, this one scares me the most as it is so inevitable but I'm just trying to focus on the positives. If I can get through that, it's one hurdle already over quite quickly. I've been practicing showing my gob to my poor boyfriend and telling him all the icky details of what is going on, poor guy. :giggle: It is definitely helping a little though, if nothing else I'm allowing myself to be more honest with myself and am very slowly accepting the situation that I am in, if he can still kiss me and not be grossed out then I'm sure a dentist can cope. My mum used to hide it when her teeth fell out thinking that we wouldn't know, I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for her.... I think I'm ready to bear all if it means things will be better in the long run (just my teeth nothing else).

It's really interesting Carole to see things from a motherly view, sometimes when I look at my teeth I feel angry with my mum... but especially with the way that dentists used to be, as much a I wished she had taken us for our own sake, I can see why it must have been difficult for her. If I have to have lots of work done, at least I could get rid of the fear of the unknown for my mum as a guinea pig if you will. :thumbsup:

So last night I used my oral irrigator water flosser thingy for the first time and it scared me a lottle (more than a little, less than a lot). At first it was funny because I was totally unprepared and most of it went all over the bathroom mirror. When I put it in my mouth it freaked me out a bit, I'm so convinced my teeth are probably more fragile than they are. I don't know if I used it wrong or if my gums are just worse than I had hoped but there was so much blood underneath my one tooth. It wasn't even a tooth I knew I had an issue with, I really hate the fact they are my front teeth I'm really having an issue with...but then maybe I wouldn't have noticed in time if they were further back, just really hoping that I don't lose them...I'm only 22. :cry:

I'm wondering if it was even the thought of having an upcoming appointment that freaked me out a bit, I'm scared of being scared of the instruments...so helpful :giggle: Maybe it is just the unknown then?

I don't want to leave the water flosser as an overpriced watergun though, I will take some steady breaths and try just a little bit tonight. Baby steps right, my mouth my rules!

9 Days to go :cry:

Hugs to you both! :XXLhug:
 
I have a water flosser and I have had many wet adventures with it. It is a skill in itself using one, I still get water all over myself and the bathroom if I use it. I got bored with mine and only get it out every now and again. Some people on here really swear by there's. It is down to personal preference.

Your gums are probably bleeding because they have got a bit soft with not brushing. The more you brush, floss and use your water flosser you will find that it stops and your gums toughen back up again and get a lovely pale pink colour. If you get bleeding don't miss those points brush more. It is a good warning system and it tells us to concentrate on that bit that is bleeding more. Clever :grin: don't you think.

Also remember you must do things at a pace you feel comfortable with and don't feel pressured to agree to more than you can cope with in one appointment. You don't need to pack everything into one appointment unless you want to. Everything can be done over a few appointments.

All the best to you :XXLhug::XXLhug::XXLhug::butterfly:
 
They really are a skill in themself, my pyjamas are still drying from last night. :giggle:

I didn't know that gums could go soft, that's quite interesting. I think I've tackled at least some of the gum disease I had with corsydl toothpaste and mouthwash, they're looking a much healthier colour in parts. I'm just a bit worried about a tiny bit of gum which has come away from a few of my front teeth, it's been healing slowly and stopped bleeding for a while but when another one jumped on the band wagon and started bleeding again yesterday it sent me on an anxious spree.

Hopefully it does just mean I'm doing the right thing. I really want to master this whole dental hygiene thing without breathing exercises. My teeth have never had so much attention before.

That's really good to remember about my appointment, depending on the damage, doing it a little at a time seems a bit more doable. :)
 
Using my waterflosser thingy is becoming a little less daunting, still getting soaked and there's still blood but my technique is slowly improving. I set myself a goal of using like half the container of water but ended up managing it all by switching to warmer water. Going to try hard to stick it out and become the water flossing master and I've asked my partner to make sure I do. ;D

Also found this video to help with brushing technique, its embarrassing but it's doing me good to go back to basics. Ooh I wish I had teeth like that animation though, maybe one day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gk8eKm4ajgM

I spoke to my sister yesterday about the whole dentist thing and it turns out she is in a similar position with having to learn the basics as an adult and she has the same worries too. I don't know how she kept it so quiet but she's much further down her treatment plan than I even knew and is doing well, I shall definitely talk to her more often about these sort of things. I have more support than I realised. :):)
 
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I don't know if I'm just emotional because I'm feeling a little run down and toothachey but I really need to stop googling things, seen one to many posts about dentists making mistakes and people losing all there teeth today. :cry:

Trying to remind myself that most people will only go online to post the extreme stuff. Guess not many people bother with the 'just fine' stuff.

Dreading my appointment but hoping it is soon enough.
 
Step away from the google :stop::stop::stop:

You are quite right why would anyone put success stories down in writing, people want sensationalism and a boring none eventful visit or procedure isn't very dramatic for all the budding horror story authors out there.

Read the stories on here there are plenty phobic friendly and none scary honest accounts of dentists visits and procedures.

You will be fine at your appointment, you can then write a success story :jump: and give yourself a big pat on the back. It is really good that your sister is having a dental journey too. You can support each other, then in time you may be able to encourage your mum to see a dentist and get over her fear.

All the best to all of you :butterfly:
 
Thank you so much for listening to my ramblings Carole,

Especially on a bad day like today it makes the world of difference. :) I would be in a much worse state if it wasn't for this forum and lovely people like you.

I keep telling myself that I'm researching how to look after my mouth better and to get rid of the fear of the unknown but I'm just feeding my phobia. Words like irreversible have made me a teary one. Ah I have such little self control when I'm home alone but it shall not win! I will resist haha!

Time to brush my teeth and do some yoga me thinks! My next curious urge I get I shall pop on back and look at the stories here instead.

x
 
I am posting a lot because it's one of those days...But aquick positive update that I hope will bring some comfort to some:

My new waterflosser, brushing and mouthwash combo seems to be helping my gums to reattach (touch wood), it felt a little uncomfortable this morning but my waterflosser doesn't hurt anymore and most excitingly there was no blood this time, only a smidgen where I poked a mouth ulcer with my electric toothbrush yet again. :o This makes me happy though. ;D

I read somewhere that it takes 21 days to form a new habit, only another 18 to go :thumbsup: I'm actually starting to enjoy this new clean feeling, maybe it is worth the hassle.
 
It is worth all the new routine you have. You are doing really well :star::star::star::butterfly:
 
I've been having a lot more panic attacks lately, that horrible famous dream about the teeth keeps coming back to haunt me as if obsessing all day isn't enough. :(

A good jog and natter with my boyfriend has helped a little though, I think I've figured out that this phobia is a lot more than 'teeth' but to do with growing up in an environment where I had to put my own needs last and dealing with my feelings attached to that. As hard a journey as it will be to get to the other side, it will be so worth it. It is essentially one of the last major hurdles that I need to overcome and although it scares me a lot it will be significantly carthatic.

A week until my appointment. I am starting to reach the stage where I am slightly less scared of the dentist than of my teeth. Obsessing right now isn't fun but I want to keep that attitude to stick to my new healthier routine. Maybe I needed a little fear to start looking after myself, one day when this is over I will forgive myself but do what I need to do.:love:
 
I just bought myself a tongue scraper to add to my new rapidly expanding collection. Will update you all on whether it makes a difference :):)

*If nothing else it looks pretty.
 
I fainted whilst brushing my teeth last night. :confused:

I'm unsure of why it happened, I've fainted in the past because of both emotional and physical triggers so it could have been either. Hoping it was just a horrible coincidence and it doesn't happen again. I felt like I was getting used to my new routine. :( Guess it means I need to make this a new habit more than ever though.

I shall mention it to the dentist though, hopefully they can make some precautions if they are aware.

Sad stresshead is trying to be optimistic through knowledge at least.
 
I'm not going mad just got the flu...yay in a weird way :giggle: Guess that's why I've been passing out lately.
 
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Thank you Carole :)

Paracetamol, fan and jammies on, ice water and netflix. I shall get there. :love:
 
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