Working through dental shame.

Hi,

Well I havent' written alot of posts lately because I've had quite a number of really positive , fear reducing appointments , got my final implant in which I love! and getting over alot of the technical fears I've had or they are getting less in intensity. like the shots.. well now I know it is fine.. it rarely pinches or burns and even when it does it is really over quick. and also I used to fear him dropping things which I fear alot less now because he is so careful and aware of my fear and acknowledges it! I also used to kind of fear gagging alot and i now made it through another impressions appt which was not as great as first one i had to really hold it in and almost lost it but did make it through. anyways.. now I have more experience with my dentist and trust him i can move past more of the technical fears and tackle my main fear and that is the intense shame .

Well.. I had quite an appt last week where I feel I was just faced with this HUGE INTENSE shame.. after he took off my old crowns that had been there for 14 years.. well he went to get mirror to show me my teeth underneath and the decay to show me what happened.. I literally froze and just wanted to cry!! I just felt like the worst picture google could produce if you googled decay under crowns.. I felt like a freak show and just awful awful awful!! I felt certainly like .. ugh.. my dentist thinks I am just disgusting.. this is soo bad.. and I remember saying it.. this is awful.. so bad. so bad.. this is so bad. maybe I said aloud and maybe I said it to myself mostly I was in shock. though I knew I had decay. it was enough to make me cry but I didn't I held it in.. well.. he did feel bad I think for showing me.. after he saw the look on my face I'm sure.. as I wear my feelings on my sleeve.. well.. i had to see it.. its was fine I'm glad he showed me.. it needed to be..

Anyways, I wanted to share because.. I immediately felt that intense shame like I am flawed, defective, gross, etc etc.. but then I remembered what my psychologist had shared with me.. about moving past shame to regret and embarrassment.. that its not that this makes me less of a person or "bad" or whatever.. but that I can feel regret that this happened over anything i could have done or happened that I didn't even have control and certainly it is very human to feel embarrassed of our areas we have that vulnerability in like so many of us with our teeth and how they make us feel..

So.. I have been working through my shame and just learning yes I can have regret and embarrassment and it is a human and maybe more compassionate way to look at myself . and I'm also very happy to have a compassionate and competent dentist who I am working through my fears with ! The whole team is very much a blessing and i feel so blessed to go there..! and really feel like tackling all my dental issues while I'm on a roll.

Hope you are all doing well on your journeys !!

thank you for sharing your story and journey with us! You have been through a lot and are very brave. I'm especially glad you shared that you didn't gag during impressions because that's my new biggest fear (I've conquered wisdom teeth extractions as my biggest fear and now on to impressions) I have to get crowns and I'm putting it off because I'm deathly afraid of gagging/choking during impressions so it's nice to see that someone got through them without gagging.
I'm glad you were able to face your fear of shame and able to work through it. That is great advice that your psychologist shared with you.

thanks for the encouragement.. I did impressions for so many times unable to do on the first try took me several. but thankfully the implant impressions they stayed with me and distracted me to help keep my mind off and that really helped. This time wasn't quite like that. but I was able to really just try and concentrate on my breathing and think of the last time i was able to and i made it.. it is not my favorite thing for sure lol.. but i have a small mouth and big gag reflux.. ask for a small tray!!! it will make a huge difference if they can do it !!

wishing you the best !! remember try and ask them for a small tray and if they can help distract you and keep your mind busy. it does help if at all possible. I guess that is not always possible.. but helpful .