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1 week till D day - its taking over my life 😩

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Amyx

Member
Joined
May 24, 2021
Messages
30
Location
Keighley
Hi all
So after 19 years of not going to the dentist, 18 months on the waiting list, my appointment is next Monday.
I'm so scared, I've come to terms with a lot so possibly not as much as I was but I am massively over thinking everything!! My brain was unable to shut down last night and I keep telling myself the worst is going to happen.
Does anyone have any tips how to calm down and just get on with it and deal with each bit as it comes along.
Thanks
Amy
 
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APhobicQueen

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2022
Messages
152
Location
Canada
Hey @Amyx!

First, congrats on getting that dental appointment and booking it! That’s such a big step. It took me ten years before I made mine (since the last time I had seen anyone LOL) so I understand about length of time = bad times for the teeth and gums. Worst case scenario, etc, etc.

When I had my first appointment back in March, it was because I had a crack in my front tooth (along with what I deemed a “crater” there too.) I honestly thought they could fix it because you know, dentists have come a long way.

I was not at all prepared for hearing I need an extraction, multiple extractions. It was my nightmare, something I didn’t see coming.

One of the primary bits of advice I can give you, and that I’ve learned in therapy is that sometimes you have to ”ride the wave.” Let yourself feel whatever it is you’re feeling in the moment. Don’t try to shove it away or pretend it’s not happening. If it’s fear, if it’s joy (because it goes well!), if it’s a mess of emotions? That’s okay. Just let yourself exist in the moment.

Also, having a support system is vital. I don’t know if you have one in real life, but if not, this forum is a great place to start. We’re all here for you, and we all understand what it is to go through this. Remember that you have people, open up to them, talk to them, let everything out and don’t bottle it up.

Another thing I learned in therapy? If you think of the worst case scenario, okay, but you need to think “what’s the best case scenario?” and then “What’s the most realistic scenario?” as well. It can be really hard to do that, but I promise it helps.

And I know this probably sounds odd, but I think you have to acknowledge that you can’t be fully prepared! I mean we all wish we could be, but going into an appointment thinking “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but that’s okay, I am more than my fear and I can handle this.” is far better than trying to figure out what is going to happen and making yourself go mad with it.

Just remember too, the end goal here. Obviously it’s to have a beautiful and healthy smile right? Right. Remember that. Think about it. Think “I’m doing this for me. This is an act of love. This is an act of self care. I have to do this for myself.” Affirmations can really help. Seems silly that they would right? I mean you’re just saying words to yourself over and over, but they do.

You’re going to get through this, I promise!

And remember, your brain is thinking of the worst things it can right now. Trying to trick you to keep you away from what it thinks is “dangerous.” Whatever the dentist says, it probably won’t be as bad as you’re thinking because let’s be real: our brains are pretty creative!

(Using myself as an example: I was told six teeth originally to be extracted, and I might have an infection. Not only did I not have an infection, but I only needed four extractions. Yeah I still needed the extractions in the end, but it was better than it could have been!)
 
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Amyx

Member
Joined
May 24, 2021
Messages
30
Location
Keighley
Thank you for your reply @APhobicQueen ❤️
I'll need a lot of extractions and fillings etc. I'm absolutely dreading it but my front teeth look okay to me (I'm not a dentist I know) I don't want to leave it any longer as then I may have none salvagable!! I think my biggest fear is work and what other people will think. I'm not very good at staying level headed and my fear has taken over for years then not being able to get into NHS dentist and any other excuse in the book 😳
I need to be brave and not let it consume me for the next week 🤞 I actually felt like I might die at my appointment so at least I'm over that irrational thought ☹️
 
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Amyx

Member
Joined
May 24, 2021
Messages
30
Location
Keighley
I'm still at the head in the sand stage. My boyfriend is trying to help and wants to talk about it all the time, I just want to forget about it. He wants to come to support me but I can't let him know the level of work that I need 😭😭 so I'll have to go on my own
 
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APhobicQueen

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2022
Messages
152
Location
Canada
@Amyx Oh, yes, the fear of what others will think!

Here’s the thing: as scary as it is, I think you should talk to your boyfriend. The fact he wants to help is amazing! And the fact he’s being so encouraging? That’s a really beautiful thing.

I had to open up to my closest friends (and even some family) about what had happened and how I needed partials. It was awful, but they didn’t judge me. None of them did. I know it’s very scary to be that vulnerable with someone, but even taking it in small steps will be really helpful! I promise.

You definitely won’t die I promise! I had the same fear. I couldn’t even sit in the chair properly or really let the dentist look in my mouth. But they were kind.

And I think that’s important too! If you feel uncomfortable, if you feel you aren’t listened to, or whatnot: you have power. You can stop the appointment, you can say “no thank you.” Because you are the one in control here. You are the one who is paying them (in any capacity which includes the time you took to go to them) for their services.

It’s so important to look at this time with self compassion. You’re trying to protect yourself, that’s admirable! Your brain is just doing its job, because it doesn’t know yet you won’t be in danger. So remember to approach it with kindness.

I will say, having been a “head in the sand” individual, it doesn’t work as well as I wished it did LOL Try to take small steps in thinking about what’s coming. I know that probably sounds like the actual worst thing you can do but it might save you a panic attack on the day of your dentist appointment. You might find it’s more manageable, if you start thinking about it now, rather than pretending it doesn’t exist.

Whatever you have to have done, you’ll be able to handle it. It’s going to be really scary, of course it is, but you might be surprised but how strong and tough our mouths are. They can handle a lot, and I’m sure you can too :grouphug:
 
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mariyam

Member
Joined
Oct 13, 2022
Messages
98
Location
California
Hi there. You have made the biggest and bravest step so far. The first step. The day of my extraction appointment I was crying. Up to 15 minutes before I was sitting in the car seriously thinking "I can't do this". But I went. It was terrifying yes (I thought I would pass out), but what was more terrifying was NOT doing it because the very logical part of me knew waiting wasn't working and what I was doing before wasn't working. As for the extraction there was more a sensation of pressure than pain. The only real pain I felt was the initial part and that was very quickly remedied by having more anesthesia. The sound, if you really dislike the sounds, bring headphones and play music. There is no denying how scary it all can feel but you sound like you have a boyfriend who really wants to support you in this, it really helps to have someone who is there to understand your fears and be there even if it's to run to the stores and get you more soup. The very simply little acts make this process less overwhelming.

Try to keep you eye on the step directly in front of you. Just one small step. Inch closer to it every day. You can do this. The important thing is to breathe and remember you are in control. Make a hand signal to let your dentist know you are getting overwhelmed or if you are in pain. Wear comfortable clothes. You will be ok.
 
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Amyx

Member
Joined
May 24, 2021
Messages
30
Location
Keighley
Thank you both ❤️ you've really helped me calm down a lot and I feel more ready to tackle this. I've read your messages about 100 times so far 🤣 christmas will be a nice distraction and I know things could always be worse.
I'm concentrating on taking it a day at a time and riding the wave. Hopefully once the first appointment is done and I have a plan in place it'll help.
My boyfriend wants to help and I'm sure in time I'll open up to him. My parents have all had lots of dental work done and carried on living and going out etc. I'm trying to lose some weight too so hoping the soup diet may not be such a negative thing 🤣🤣 I've chewed on one side for the last 2 years anyway so I'm used to doing that.
Oh, if only we could turn back the clock...I'd have gone to the dentist when I was pregnant before all my back teeth crumbled and now I'm so embarrassed!
Thanks again xx
 
A

APhobicQueen

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2022
Messages
152
Location
Canada
@Amyx Full disclosure: I ended up losing weight after I got extractions thanks to that and the fact I could only have liquids for a while. Always look on the bright side! LOL

One day at a time is exactly the right kind of motivation! Remember that healing takes time and isn’t a linear event so you have to approach it with a lot of compassion for yourself.

We may not be able to turn back the clock (honestly, no time machines yet? I’m disappointed LOL) but at least we‘re doing all we can now and that’s so important!

Best of luck to you, and let us know how it goes!
 
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Amyx

Member
Joined
May 24, 2021
Messages
30
Location
Keighley
@APhobicQueen thank you.
It's a good job I'm a fan of tomato soup 😋
I'll let you know how it goes. I just want to get started now then I can feel better about it. X
 
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Amyx

Member
Joined
May 24, 2021
Messages
30
Location
Keighley
Rung the dentist yesterday as I haven't recieved a reminder text...I've been gearing myself up to my appointment tomorrow for the last 6 months, sounds ridiculous but its true. They said I don't have an appointment tomorrow...and I've been de registered as never made an appointment!! This has been booked for 18 months. I don't know whether to be relieved or to cry as I've got to start again 😕
I'm going to the dentist tomorrow to speak to the manager as I have my email confirmation so I'm hoping they can do something 🤞 but they said yesterday they aren't taking on mew patients 😪
 
Kml1998

Kml1998

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 5, 2021
Messages
153
Location
England
@Amyx if you have got a email confirmation then should see you because that is proof that you had an appointment booked
 
A

Amyx

Member
Joined
May 24, 2021
Messages
30
Location
Keighley
@Kml1998 I'm hoping so. I've had nothing to say it was cancelled or anything 🤷‍♀️ the woman was so rude about it too 😔
 
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APhobicQueen

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2022
Messages
152
Location
Canada
I’m sorry that happened @Amyx! I had a similar thing happen, not with an appointment, but when I was booking my major procedure. Turned out the treatment coordinator had lost my email I had sent (because I was more comfortable emailing than calling) in a sea of others. She did find it though.

Hopefully it can all get sorted! The good news is you have proof of the appointment via the email, so you’re the one in the right here. Remember that, in case they’re rude to you again. You did nothing wrong.
 
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mariyam

Member
Joined
Oct 13, 2022
Messages
98
Location
California
How awful! I hope it gets sorted.
 
A

Amyx

Member
Joined
May 24, 2021
Messages
30
Location
Keighley
Oh god. I'm really struggling this morning ☹️ I mean I'm only going to speak to someone, I think that's the problem, fear of the unknown.
I've been thinking this morning about what is making me so scared, like I genuinely think I'm going to die. I know I'm not but my brain is telling me I am going to.
I haven't even spoken about my appointment being cancelled, I know my boyfriend wouldn't believe me and think I'm lying and he'd think I am more of a failure so I'm tackling this myself...I'm so dizzy, I can't breathe, my heart is pounding out of my chest and I'm not even going to dentist till 10.45 😔 please tell me this gets easier 😭
 
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Amyx

Member
Joined
May 24, 2021
Messages
30
Location
Keighley
Well, I've been to the dentist, went to speak to the manager. They have rescheduled my appointment for January unless they get a cancellation. I'm trying the other dentists round where I live to see if I can get in there too but in the grand scheme of things another 2 months is nothing.
I'm annoyed I geared myself up for nothing but for me to walk into a dentist practice is such a big thing, a year or so ago I couldn't have done it.
I've now spoken to my boyfriend about it and he's proud of me for going into the office and says we will get there so that's nice.
Not the outcome I wanted today really but feeling much better about everything and at least it's out in the open now.
 
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mariyam

Member
Joined
Oct 13, 2022
Messages
98
Location
California
I hope you get an appointment elsewhere. It sounds a bit like front desk doesn't quite have it together. But maybe it's a fortunate occurrence. It gives you time to feel something outside of the anxiety of the appointment. Instead of just anxiety there sounds like part of you is now closer to being ready to get the ball rolling.
That's wonderful that you talked to your boyfriend!
 
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APhobicQueen

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2022
Messages
152
Location
Canada
I agree with Mariyam. I really hope you can find an appointment elsewhere! It’s unfair of them to rebook you for two months when it was their mistake in the first place. Sorry, it’s like that.

But you should be proud of yourself! Walking in there was a huge deal and you did it!

I can safely say it does get easier. The anxiety is never going to completely go away, but I can safely walk into my dentist‘s office now without a problem. You have to remember healing takes a lot of time (and is not a linear process.) Just by walking in today you did something very big!

And doubly good for you for opening up to your boyfriend too. That’s just as huge.

Make sure to take extra good care of yourself :XXLhug:
 
A

Amyx

Member
Joined
May 24, 2021
Messages
30
Location
Keighley
Thank you both ❤️ Rung round all the other dentists here, only 2 answered and they're not taking on 😭 I'll keep trying and hoping for a cancellation in the interim.
The manager was lovely and so apologetic. NHS dentists are so hard to get into and I can't afford the amount of work I need on private.
 
L

LittleLynnie

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2016
Messages
337
Location
Canada
So great that the manager was apologetic. That would have made things so much better!
 
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