25 Years Old. So Desperate for Help & Support.

[dandelion]

Re: 25 Years Old. So Desperate for Help & Support.

Then I think you just need to summon all the courage you have to get yourself to a first appointment knowing that you don't even have to let the dentist look at your teeth if you can't bring yourself to allow that. You can do this! The first appt is almost always the most difficult to get to.

You're totally right. Thanks for the encouragement!

 

[Spike 1969]

Agree with Fearful, the most difficult thing is making and going to that first appointment; once that one is out of the way it seems like a whole lot easier and once you know what needs doing(or not) the. You can make a plan and take it one small step at a time and before you know it you are finished.

the key with this is to find a dentist who you can work with to get you where you need to be; most are non judgmental and only want to help, it's that partnership and mutual understanding and respect that you build that helps to make the whole thing so much easier. I was in the exact same situation as you and hated and feared going to my oled practice so I fired them, took the plunge and have now found my amazing new Dentist, Mike who is everything I was looking for in a dentist and more. I now almost look forward to going to my appointments and he has got me electing for stuff that would have had me running for the hills less than a year ago (like an Implant ?).

I also like to view any work I have done as cosmetic ie improving my appearance and I also tell myself that I am the customer so the dentist needs to be nice as I'm paying the bill (in the nicest possible way).

Good Luck with your journey, I'm sure you will be totally fine, please keep us posted as to how you get on

 

[dandelion]

Agree with Fearful, the most difficult thing is making and going to that first appointment; once that one is out of the way it seems like a whole lot easier and once you know what needs doing(or not) the. You can make a plan and take it one small step at a time and before you know it you are finished.

All such good advice, thank you. I'm trying so hard to work up the courage to make an appointment today. I keep thinking irrational thoughts.. Like they're going to tell me I have a brain tumor or something. I know this is a terrible thing to be thinking.. Ugh.

My boyfriend has agreed to go to the first appointment with me.. I wonder what the likelihood of them letting him in the exam room with me would be.

 

[marco]

There is no reason why they won't let him in, its not that uncommon to people bring others for support.

 

[FearfulInMA]

25 Years Old. So Desperate for Help & Support.

I think that most dentist's offices will allow a support person to come in the room with you. Some may not be able to accommodate this due to space or other reasons - I know that the exam rooms at the dentist's office I go to are very, very small and probably wouldn't fit another person. You can also always ask when you make the appt.

 

[Angeldove]

That is comforting that you can email them 24/7. Does the actual dentist email you? Or is it just someone from the practice like a receptionist? I can't imagine being able to actually talk to a dentist in person right now.. I've sent some questions through the "contact us" sections on a few websites, but I've only heard back from one so far.

The receptionist will contact me since it has always been about scheduling an appointment, although I think she has passed on my emails to the dentist since he knew I had not been in to see a dentist for awhile. A dentist probably won't be able to answer your questions without seeing you and taking x-rays, so I wouldn't use this method to get answers to my dental questions. (I've used dentist sites to learn more about procedures or treatments)

I really need to get past my fear of judgement.. I guess the email is a good way to start. Depending on how they respond, I could get a feel for how they would handle me in person. Thank you for the advice.

Being judged is really hard - I have that phobia too. But I'm starting to get to the point of where I just don't care- it's my body, it is my health, and as long as I'm honestly taking care of my teeth to the best of my knowledge, it doesn't matter what other people think.

Also, I will admit that I have pretty good teeth compared to what I've seen before. When I'm feeling down I will Google bad teeth and my teeth are no where near as bad as the images. (I do feel for the people who suffer with bad teeth - but this is just how I get myself motivated)

I've realized that my friends and family have bad teeth too - when I finally started opening up about my dental treatments I've found out that many of my friends and co-workers have gone through the same stuff too! (One dear friend/co-worker of mine needs to get the gum flap surgery done too! She told me she wanted me to go through it first so I can tell her what it is like, so here she thinks I'm the brave one ).

Realize though that you need to get treated - so while it will be nice to find a caring dentist and receptionist, you shouldn't be too picky. Personally I think the receptionist at my place is snobby and not so very helpful, but I like all of the dentists at my place so I'm not about to stop going to my dentist.

Good luck to you!!

 

[Angeldove]

Re: 25 Years Old. So Desperate for Help & Support.

The first appt is almost always the most difficult to get to.

This is so true for me! I brought hubby to help out

 

[Angeldove]

There is no reason why they won't let him in, its not that uncommon to people bring others for support.

Like Fearful shared, the rooms tend to be very small. At my first appointment, we were in a room that had 2 doorways. Hubby had to sit in one of the doorways since it was so small, but they allowed him to come.

I would suggest a person ask ahead of time if a loved one can come with - I'm assuming most doctors understand why a person would want to bring a loved one with them. And it probably makes the dentist's life a bit easier if there's someone there to comfort a nervous patient.

 

[dandelion]

Like Fearful shared, the rooms tend to be very small. At my first appointment, we were in a room that had 2 doorways. Hubby had to sit in one of the doorways since it was so small, but they allowed him to come.

I would suggest a person ask ahead of time if a loved one can come with - I'm assuming most doctors understand why a person would want to bring a loved one with them. And it probably makes the dentist's life a bit easier if there's someone there to comfort a nervous patient.

Thanks for all the great advice. I made plans with my boyfriend to go visit a practice in person tomorrow. According to their website they specialize in treating fearful patients, so I'm hopeful.

I just can't bring myself to make the phone call, so I'm planning to ask all of my questions in person tomorrow, and then make an appointment for a consultation.

 

[FearfulInMA]

25 Years Old. So Desperate for Help & Support.

Sounds like a great idea! Please keep us posted on how it goes.

 

[TAT]

Hi, I've just rea your message and it's like my life but I left it until I was 44. I'd been on this forum several times and I heard of this really kind dentist so few weeks ago I bucked up the courage. Now I havnt been to the dentist since I was 15 years old, my teeth well put it this way after years of pain and embarrassmeant I had now a lump on my gum that was really worrying me. I went and my god this dentist and his nurse are so brilliant made me so relaxed felt like I'd known them years. I urge you to go to them or someone similar who can put your mind at rest. Don't leave it . Not sure where you from but this is in welyn garden Dr Lincoln hurst Google himxxx good luck

 

[dandelion]

So, I wasn't able to go to the office yesterday, but I did take a huge step.. I made an appointment.

I decided I would rather make a phone call, and have my boyfriend on the phone with me. He started out by asking the receptionist some questions I had written on a piece of paper, and then I was able to jump in and take it from there. Actually, it only took one question from the receptionist before I said, "I'm sorry, I'm just so anxious I had to ask him to call for me first.." And then I spoke to her about some of my concerns.

I'm actually surprised I said as much as I did. She was SO sweet, reassuring, and patient.

She told me they see people every single day who are 40 years old and haven't been to the dentist since they were kids, and that I was young... and that most of the time it's not as bad as people think it will be.

So the earliest appointment they had was for Wednesday the 10th at 8am. I'm feeling calm now, but I know it's just because it's a week away...

They said they would love for my boyfriend to come to the appointment with me, and that he could be in the exam room with me. So that makes me feel better.

I'm terrified though. Am I going to be ok?

 

[FearfulInMA]

25 Years Old. So Desperate for Help & Support.

First, yes, you are going to be ok... Promise!!! Remember, you are in control and can leave at any time.

Yay for taking such a huge first step!!! The receptionist sounds lovely and that is hopefully a very good sign about how the practice is in general. I'm also so glad to hear that there is space in the exam room for your bf to be there with you.

For me at least, I think that the lead up to an appt was always way worse than the appt itself.

Just keep posting here and we will keep supporting you! Congrats again on a job well done!!!

 

[dandelion]

I'm feeling very worried today. I worry that asking my boyfriend to come with me to this appointment is putting too much of a burden on him. I'm sure it will be a very stressful morning, and I feel guilty about putting excess stress on him. Even though he has been very kind to me about it, I can tell it affects him.

 

[FearfulInMA]

25 Years Old. So Desperate for Help & Support.

You either have to trust in him that if he has agreed to come that he will no ok or you need to go it alone because the anxiety about having to make sure he is ok is too much. Either is a totally ok choice. I always go it alone because I don't want anyone else seeing me in that state and I don't want to feel like I have to take care of anyone else. For me, going alone has also meant that I've been forced to develop a really good working relationship with the dentist because there is nobody there to talk for me.

One thing to consider is if you are feeling stressed about how your bf is feeling because it's easier than being anxious about the appt itself -- just something to think about

 

[Angeldove]

They said they would love for my boyfriend to come to the appointment with me, and that he could be in the exam room with me. So that makes me feel better.

I'm terrified though. Am I going to be ok?

Here's how you can look at it...

1) You'll be put at ease by the dentist and everyone you will meet there. They will take a look at your mouth, probably take some x-rays (which if you gag during this time, try wiggling your feet or focusing on counting with your eyes closed), and they will go over a treatment plan. You'll hop out of the chair, make your next appointment, and get a hug from your boyfriend.

2) If there's any negative experiences, your boyfriend will be there to be your support, your voice, and to love you through this.

So it really WILL NOT be as bad as you think it will be.

First time I went back, I DID cry (teared up and a few tears came - no bawling for me), but it was after the dentist described my treatment plan to me (It's a lot of work and will cost a lot of $$$). Hubby held my hand, asked the dentist what I had to do this year at the very least, wiped my tears away, and told me it would be fine. And it has been fine since! (Hubby doesn't even come with me any more )

If you haven't yet, talk to your boyfriend about the specific phobias that you have. That way if he notices something is happening, he can help you through it. Hubby knew I was very scared of finding out the results of my evaluation and about how we were going to pay for it - so he stepped in when it was time to talk to the dentist about those things and he helped me make a plan for each of those (I know what I'm doing this year and will do later on and I know how I'm paying for all of it).

But you will do great!

 

[dandelion]

Thank you all so much for the support! I'm trying to stay as calm as possible, but I feel on the verge of tears every time I think about the appointment.

I'm worried about paying for the treatment as well... I haven't talked to my parents about this yet, because I know they will worry and want me to rush into things, and I have to take it at my own pace in order to manage my anxiety. I just hope and pray that after I talk to the dentist I will feel more at ease.

On my salary, I can pay for this initial consultation, but I'm sure I won't be able to afford procedures. I did get a dental insurance policy (my work doesn't offer one), but there is a waiting period of 180 days for major procedures. I'm going to have to ask my parents to help me, and I'm so worried about that conversation.

The dentist I'm going to specializes in sedation for fearful patients, which I'm sure won't be cheap. I worry that my parents won't want to pay for the sedation that I know I will need.

Sigh.. This is going to be a difficult week. Thank you for reading, and for all of the kind words.

 

[dandelion]

Well, I did it! The initial appointment wasn't bad at all. They did a few x-rays and an exam and everyone really was super nice.

It turns out I have 4 cavities, plus the one molar that needs a root canal and crown. I also need all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed, which they referred me to an oral surgeon for. They said they could do everything in 2 sedation appointments (the second is for applying the permanent crown).

The only exam they didn't do was on my gums, which they also said they would do during sedation, after which they could tell me more about my gum health and if I needed any additional treatment for that.

Is this normal? Is it safe to go ahead with the root canal and cavity fillings before they thoroughly examine my gums? I told them I kept having pain in my cheekbone above the tooth, and they said that was normal because of how the nerves branch out in that area.

It sounds like all of this is pretty straightforward for them. Is there any reason to get a second opinion?

Thanks again to everyone who has helped me get to this point! Without your messages, I don't know if I would have been able to summon the courage.

 

[Spike 1969]

Hi there

sounds pretty standard to me for them to do the work to the teeth then look at the gums; chances are you will probably just need a deep clean but that will depend on a number of things.

as for getting a second opinion, that's a personal thing, the questions that I would ask myself in your position would be: "Did I trust them?" And "Did I like/get on with the dentist and staff?" If the answer is yes to both I would probably stick with them, just my thoughts though.

hope all goes well for you, please keep us all posted.

kind Regards

 

[sleeplessinseattle]

I am so proud that you made your appointment. The first one was absolutely the hardest. My first appointment back in March I broke out in a rash all over my face and my left eye twitched. It was dreadful. I persevered and explained that I think my mind was trying to cause me to cancel the appointment. Sure enough by that evening the rash and twitch were gone and I survived the appointment. Every appointment since my body has come up with some way to have me cancel, but I know that it's in my head. I have shown up to all of my cleanings so far. I am so glad that you found someone that you like. Just know that once you begin to go it does get easier. It's the time leading up to walking in the door that is the hardest.