• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is very afraid of dentistry or who suffers with dental phobia. Please note that this is NOT a dental problems forum! You can find a list of them here.

    Register now to access all the features of the forum.

25y/o aspie female with rotten/missing teeth.

S

strangespaces

Junior member
Joined
Feb 12, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Navarre, Florida
Hey everyone, I am in need of support to deal with my shame that has prevented me from doing something about my teeth for years.

I want to share some stuff about myself, how I let my teeth get bad and what drove me to let them stay bad for this long-

So a big part of what started me with going down a bad path (in terms of my teeth) was my mom (who has mental illness and a drug addiction) stopped taking me to the dentist at 14 and fortunately it was right after my wisdom teeth surgery. I didn't keep good dental hygiene after that point because I was living in a home where I didn't feel safe at all. I was worried more about how to be a good daughter that didn't know if I was gonna get: passed out high mom, euphoric mom, or the vindictive, bitter, unpredictable mom. I learned to neglect my needs and self care in order to do what I could to please her and have as much peace as I could.

I graduated High school at 17 and my mother wouldn't allow me to leave her home till I was 18 because "that's the law and theres nothing you can do about it" she would say. I had a crap job at sonic that I was always at so I didnt have to be home. I had dreams of college but I became to engulfed in the 'bad' and they slipped away from me. So at 18 I left everything I had with her and moved out, I said "keep all my stuff, its material, I can buy it again" cus I wasn't getting trapped. At 19 I was doing okay for myself, made decent money (crap job upgraded me to be the manager of said toilet) , I had my own place, A car, A boyfriend. Oh and I also cracked two teeth and I had no idea how I'd pay for it. So I ended up doing nothing instead of something and putting it in the back of my head.

At 22 I got married (to earlier mentioned boyfriend) and moved to Florida. By 22 I had lost 1 tooth completely and 1 was rotting and another one was cracking.

At 23 I got an infected tooth that created an absess the size of a baseball, I ended up being hospitilized for 3 days and had an emergency tooth extraction. The surgeon said call my dentist as soon as I can after I'm feeling better". And.....I didn't...

Last year I learned my husband was a sex addict. I hit rock bottom. (I was also at 3 lost teeth, 2 rotten) and I went and got myself a therapist. My husband started a sex addiction recovery program

I'm 25 now and I go to therapy for myself, therapy sessions with my husband (he attends sexaholics anonymous every week as well), support group meetings, and church every week for almost a year now.
I learned I was codependent couldnt take care of myself b/c I'm to busy enabling the addicts in my life, I was diagnosed with aspergers and complex ptsd. I've come a long way since I started a year ago, I've never been this healthy mentally, spiritually, and emotionally before and it's giving me the strength to find some courage and face this problem.

With how my teeth are all of the damage is in the back left and right of my mouth. So I'm able to mask what's been going on for a long time, but that will not be an option in a few years. No one knows how bad the inside of my mouth is, and I've not been asked or acknowledged about it. I've hidden it from my husband (I think he is starting to get an inkling of what happening though). The only time I talk about it is with God. I pray for the courage to let my shame go and bring this into the light. I desperately need to break the shackles of shame that my teeth have me in. I'm not afraid of the pain, the technique the dentist chooses best, or the expense. I'm terrified of the judgement of the dentist though because of the neglect I've shown myself or that I'll get looked down upon because I'm also a smoker (I'm a smoker who can accept not smoking for however long my recovery period is) (I'm not ready to let go of smoking permanently though).

If you have any words to help me with whats happening in my heart and how I can build up the momentum for making that call I'd really appreciate it. Anything will help me because this is the first time I've every spoken about what's been going on.

Also I have tricare dental and if anyone else on this has it, I invite you to share your story about the experience you had with them.

Thank you all for reading this. I appreciate that. I am so grateful to have found this forum.

I wish you all many blessings.

-S
 
S

Scared all the time

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 21, 2019
Messages
301
Location
NJ
First of all hugs, no one knows the shoes anyone walks in so please don’t feel ashamed. You’ve seemed to have spent so much of you life looking after and caring for others, it’s time to take your life back and take care if you! If you go into a dental office and feel uncomfortable like they are judging you, then it’s time to turn around and walk out and find a caring non judgemental dentist to help you on your journey. Remember in all honesty, they work for you. Just as you can hire them for their services you have the ability to fire them for their lack of compassion. You can do this.
 
S

strangespaces

Junior member
Joined
Feb 12, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Navarre, Florida
Wow, I appreciate what you said so much!
That perspective and attitude is so empowering and it's reminding me that I'm doing this for me so I can liberate myself from the negative things it makes me feel and can do to my health.

I guess I have put so much authority in any medical professional that I've tolerated behavior that makes me uncomfortable or upset.
It's up to me to enforce my body's boundaries to protect myself from a dentist who doesn't make me feel safe.

You are awesome for saying that!!
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

Super Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Jul 26, 2017
Messages
3,003
Location
Sioux Falls, SD
First of all hugs, no one knows the shoes anyone walks in so please don’t feel ashamed. You’ve seemed to have spent so much of you life looking after and caring for others, it’s time to take your life back and take care if you! If you go into a dental office and feel uncomfortable like they are judging you, then it’s time to turn around and walk out and find a caring non judgemental dentist to help you on your journey. Remember in all honesty, they work for you. Just as you can hire them for their services you have the ability to fire them for their lack of compassion. You can do this.


I second this!! Well said scared! really well said!
 
S

Scared all the time

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 21, 2019
Messages
301
Location
NJ
Wow, I appreciate what you said so much!
That perspective and attitude is so empowering and it's reminding me that I'm doing this for me so I can liberate myself from the negative things it makes me feel and can do to my health.

I guess I have put so much authority in any medical professional that I've tolerated behavior that makes me uncomfortable or upset.
It's up to me to enforce my body's boundaries to protect myself from a dentist who doesn't make me feel safe.

You are awesome for saying that!!
I wished someone reinforce this for me a month ago. I wished I walked out and found someone I truly trusted and felt the compassion I needed to feel from them. I had questions and doubts and I let them scare and bully me. Now I’m trying to pick up my pieces and get my life back. Just walk in with your head held high and interview them..if they don’t want to talk and answer your question to your satisfaction then walk right out.
 
S

Shakinginmyboots

Member
Joined
May 7, 2019
Messages
36
Location
New Jersey
I had the same fear, worrying about what the dentist and staff would think of my stained neglected teeth. Seems ridiculous to me now, but we can’t help what we worry about. ?

I was researching dentists forever and I heard good things about the place I went and the biggest push was my town’s Facebook page. There were so many posts about how great they were, no judgement. When I made appointment I mentioned it had been a while. They were all awesome. I think you will be pleasantly surprised and I agree you are paying them for a service. They want your business. Good luck!
 
Last edited:
C

chlo

Junior member
Joined
Jun 4, 2019
Messages
5
Location
leeds
First of all, well done to you for having the courage to be able to ask for support and acknowledge that you have to take action.. With other pressing matters going on in your life I can see how easy it would have been to put your oral health to the back of your mind. As a dental nurse in the uk I can assure you, what seems like such a major issue to the patient is actually usually not that much of a big deal to us, having dealing with these things daily. I cannot speak on behalf of all dental personnel, but would like to have faith in the fact, we all see different types of people from different walks of life and they should never ever be judged based on their actions! Its been a few months since you posted, and I hope you've plucked up the courage to make that call! we're here to help :)
 
Top