35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

[serendipityx4]

35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

I am 35 and have never been to the dentist in my LIFE! My parents took my brothers and sister to the dentist on a regularly schedule but they never took me. I grew up with childhood abuse and neglect. I was kicked out of my parents house at 15 by my mother who was the one who severely abused me from infant to then. My father was in the hospital at that time when she did so. I became a teenage mom at 17 and lost her at 3 months old due to SIDS and then later had 2 more children. I became a single mom at 23 and always put my kids needs before my own. I struggled all the time and having 3 jobs I just never had the money for myself to go. I have an appointment tomorrow morning and am truly terrified. The only people in my life that know I am going is my boyfriend of 6 years and my best friend. I am so afraid. I had a tooth chip (in the front) the other night and I have other teeth that have rotted in the back and have broken off. I have dealt with the pain for years and I just can't take it anymore. I am ashamed and embarrassed of my situation and am very frightened. Not of the art of going to the dentist but of what they will see and find out. This is the first time in my life that I have ever gone. I have told them it's my first time and actually broke down crying on the phone when I made my appointment. The lady who made the appointment was very nice and told me not to worry and I explained my situation to her and she said not to worry that they will take care of me. I am so embarressed to let them look in my mouth let alone open my mouth to speak since my front tooth has a noticeable chip in it. My 16 year old daughter told me this morning that she is so proud of me and that she knows how great of a mom Ive been to her and my son because Ive never allowed them to go without their needs or wants. It is time for me to take care of me and Im so afraid. I have Parkinson's and Melanoma stage 2 and I am more afraid of tomorrow then I am of anything else in this world!

 

[lensman69]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

Serendipity I'll reaching the end of my journey next friday when i have immediate dentures, and i know exactly how you feel (have a look ay my posts)
Before now my last dental appointment was 1991, the dentist was a total bastard.20 years later i plucked up the courage to go. Second dentist pulled all my back ones out, did a bad job. Week before last third dentist cocked up and actually insulted me!
Latest dentist is an absolute star, and everythings being done within a week.

I'm not mincing my words as if you have gone through what i have then you rise above many people, there's nothing to be ashamed of, my girlfriend has been totally supportive (being an ex dental nurse) and indeed told me the whole procedures involved and what should be done,very handy!

From my experience I can't say it will be totally pain free, (I can only be honest) the odd twinge or two will happen, but i look at the end result next week and i will be smiling a lot more!

Keep the faith my friend, the very best of luck to you. This forums one of the reasons i went back, and there's hundreds, if not thousands of people like us.

The dentist even thought it quite funny when i asked him if i could have one gold tooth in the upper set.

 

[serendipityx4]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and I long to be able to laugh without covering my mouth and being able to smile. I just can't understand why a parent would not take a child, their flesh and blood to the dentist. I even kick myself in the butt because well, I should have taken myself but I had to take care of my kids needs and etc first and foremost. I just never had the extra to take care of me. Tomorrow I will go and I won't leave after pulling into the drive! I have to get this done and if they want to pull them all that is fine with me as long as I can just be able to smile without fear of judgement and rejection. I just want to smile, that is all!

 

[lensman69]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

No problem, just have a look at my latest post on support When your journeys over it'll be what a call a 'tigger' moment for you too!

 

[Patti]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

Dear Serendipity,

Your story is very similar to mine. I'm almost 49 and my parents never took me to a dentist either. I'm not really sure why since my mother had dentures at 18! She said because my teeth looked okay and I wasn't in pain, she didn't think it was necessary. Not even for a checkup. Well, all these years I built up a fear about seeing a dentist. (I made sure to take my own daughter so she wouldn't have a phobia like I do!) Six years ago I broke a tooth near the front of my mouth and HAD TO GO. The dentist fixed the tooth and it was nothing, really. I even went back for another filling. Then in April I had a cavity and went to the dentist. Sadly, I let that go for too long and was told I needed a root canal to save the tooth or I could have it pulled. I decided to pull it and there was no pain. The dentist said she saw other "issues" in my mouth after a quick look. I WAS SCARED TO DEATH! I thought it was going to mean root canals and God only knows what else! I didn't really like the dentist I had so I found another one and Monday I just had all the x-rays. I came out needing 10 fillings, one filling replaced, and I need what is left of my top wisdom teeth (fragments under the gum) extracted. That sounds like a lot but really, it's not considering all the years of avoidance out of fear. PLEASE DON'T WAIT TO GET THINGS CHECKED OUT! It's not easy to do, I know, but things won't get better by waiting. Interview some dentists (before they even touch you) and find someone you think you could be comfortable with. I wrote my new dentist a 3 page letter explaining my history and fears. He ASSURES ME that I WILL NOT feel pain in his chair. He doesn't do sedation dentistry, but he offers niterous gas AND he gave me a prescription for Ativan for before appts. (Ativan knocks the heck out of anxiety--I know because I have already been prescribed Ativan for anxiety attacks). This is a good place for you to vent/talk. People here are so supportive and knowledgeable and will tell you the truth. Good luck and let us know how it goes!

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

Wow, that's an awful lot to have to deal with. I hope reading some of the stories here helps a little bit in letting you know you are not alone in your dental story and fears.

I was also terrified of the Moment when I'd have to open my mouth and show the dentist my horrible rotten teeth (like you, I have some back teeth that are broken off down to the gum line). To my surprise, she wasn't the least bit shocked, critical, or judgy. And, my treatment plan, while kind of long, was better than I thought it would be. I can tell you that for me, life is SO much better now that I no longer carry around that constant shame and fear, and I know that I have a dentist who's helping me get better, even if it takes a while.

Make sure you talk to your dentist about your fears as best you can, so you can help each other through. You're not the first person he/she has seen that's terrified of the dentist. They should be able to go slowly with you and explain as they go to help keep the panic down. Also, don't feel that you have to have any work done that you're not ready for. I'm not sure what your appointment is for, but the dentist can work on your chipped tooth without looking at or talking about the others, or you can just have x-rays and a visual exam... don't feel like you need to get a cleaning or other work right away if you're not ready for it. It's important that you feel in control of what's being done.

(And believe me, your dentist has seen way worse than a chipped tooth. I had four teeth broken down to or below the gumline, and several others that were broken/jagged from chipping and lost fillings. My dentist didn't even flinch.)

Good luck, and congratulations on having the COURAGE and STRENGTH to take on your fears, and to talk about them here. You might not feel like it, but it takes a lot of guts to get to this point.

 

[serendipityx4]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

I, like you have broken teeth in the back down to the gum line as well. I am so nervous but know that it is important to get this started. I am beginning to think that all my headaches are from the teeth issues, Im not certain but it could be. I hope they will fix the broken tooth in front of my mouth tomorrow. I told them about it as I was crying to the lady on the phone. I am so grateful to have found this site to explore other's and my own worries so that I can go in tomorrow with a little ease! I will be taking an anxiety pill from my primary dr to help me ease a little but I am still so scared. They are supposed to do xrays and exams tomorrow and talk with the dr to come up with a treatment plan. I am very scared but I know I have to begin this journey. I have so many broken teeth with little left of them in my gums that it's crazy. I once had an abcessed tooth I know it had to be but had to deal with all that pain on my own. I just hope I can get through this.

 

[Patti]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

I was in a panic on Monday doing the same thing you will be doing. I knew some things that were wrong with my teeth but I really thought the dentist was going to find a million things but that's not how it turned out. I took Ativan before I went. I know how you are feeling. You are taking a brave first step! Everyone here will be ere with you in spirit. Please let us know how it goes.

 

[Julie30]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

Hi and Serendipity

I really do not know what to say all I cans ay is Good Luck for your Dental Appointment and I think you are so brave to have gone through all you have and going through all you are and on top of that taking the plunge and having your first Dental Appt.

It will not be as bad as you think I promise. Best of Luck and Well Done xx

 

[carol999]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

Well done Serendipity, you have made a start by sharing your story. It is such a big step as it was for us all. I too had cruel parents and chose to leave home when I was 16 and sleep on the streets rather than staying with them anymore. I think it has made me -and possibly you quite self contained and find it hard to ask for help, but we are here now sharing our fragility and gaining strength through that. Small steps Serendipity - no need to rush. It is really important that you stay in control rather than giving the dentist all of the power (i know thats easier said than done ) but we have to tell ourselves that we are adults now and we must not let anyone else hurt us. So stay focused and remind yourself of your goal - to smile and have a healthy mouth....and so you exciting and scary journey begins. Your appointment tomorrow is a small moment in time that will be over very quickly and then you will have a clearer idea of what needs to be done. I will be thinking of you and send you loads of positive thoughts and hugs.

 

[FrightenedJerk]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

I'm pulling for you. My situation is somewhat similar in that I'm 36 and haven't been to the dentist in about 22 years. I was taken several times as a kid for cleanings and fillings, but the last time I went I was told I would need some kind of device that would push my lower jaw out because it's kind of recessed a bit, I guess. At least I think that's what it was for. I didn't want that, and so never went back. Back when I lived at home, I guess some of the blame could be on my parents for being too easy going. I didn't want to go, so they didn't pressure me, and that's where it sat. Since I moved out 13 years ago, however, the blame is all mine.

I'm sure it will go well for you. Keep us posted.

 

[serendipityx4]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

Thank you Carol and everyone. I am getting ready for bed and am having huge anxiety already. I will keep everyone updated once I get back from the appointment. I am ready to begin this journey but very afraid right now. I have to do this! I just know it!

 

[Patti]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

Serendipity, ask you dentist to prescribe anti anxiety meds for the night before and day of appointments. It sure does help! Good luck your appointment. We will all be holding your hand in spirit!

 

[Aldridge]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

Serendipity, just wanted to say you sound like an incredibly strong and brave person and I hope everything went really well for you today. I love your username; doesn't it mean " a happy discovery"? I hope you made a happy discovery today in that things weren't as bad as you'd thought. I never went to a dental surgery for over 20 years but although
I have some permanent damage, it wasn't as bad as I'd feared and everyone at the surgery was totally unfazed by it.

 

[serendipityx4]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

Thank you Aldridge and everyone for your support! I just got home from the dentist and a pedicure afterwards with my best friend and some lunch! I was really terrified and the guy who did the x rays was so comforting and eased my anxiety. He knew I was scared and he talked with me and walked me through everything. I am so glad I did this! I go in on the 27th for sedation surgery of 10 extractions, 4 fillings and then 2 weeks later I will go in for my impressions and will get a partial. The dentist came in and did my exam and then asked me how long I was abused. I asked why and he said sweetheart your mouth tells a story of a victim of severe abuse. I began to cry and he said its okay we are going to get you fixed up! He told me how gorgeous I was and that Id be even prettier once I was able to smile without covering my mouth. I am a little nervous but not afraid anymore. You guys are awesome and thank you so much for your kind words and I can't wait until I get all of this done and then I can smile! Here's to smiles!

 

[carol999]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

So glad it was a good experience for you. Well done

 

[Aldridge]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

to you! Your dentist sounds like a treasure. Wishing you the best for the future.

 

[serendipityx4]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

I am so glad that I found such a caring individual to be my dentist. I can relax for now but will probably be on pins and needles come Tuesday night before my surgery. I can't wait for all of it to begin but a little nervous about the pain I will endure afterwards. My pain tolerance is zero although I have given childbirth! I am just lucky to be able to have this done but Ive never been sedated for 3-4 hours in my life! That's a little scary in itself but I know that I will be okay and lots of yogurt to come my way once I feel up to anything! LOL. Any suggestions?

 

[chickenjen]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

I had 9 extractions done under IV sedation 4 years ago. It was a little over 3 hours. Don't worry, they have a nurse monitor your vital signs while you are sedated. You really aren't completely "out" like if you had general, rather the drugs relax you and make you sleepy and you forget most of what's happened. The dentist will also use Novacaine to numb you (he will do this after they administer the IV sedation) so there will be no pain.
Make sure you get some pain relievers in you BEFORE the numbness wears off.......I used liquid children's Advil, I just doubled the dose. I used the liquid because it might be a bit hard to open your mouth wide enough to take a solid pill because you're still numb.
I had very little pain afterward, some twinges but you should get a Rx for pain killers for that. Just think of it as a healing pain and I promise it will not be as bad as a toothache. I really only needed the Rx for 2 days and then Advil was good enough.
Good soft things to eat afterward are mashed potatoes, scrambled eggs, applesauce, hummus, oatmeal, puddings, canned tuna (if you mash it up a bit). Ensure is good to have on hand too.
You sound like you have a wonderful dentist who will take great care of you.
You'll do just fine!!
Best of luck for the 27th!!!
Many 's!!!

 

[carol999]

Re: 35 and was never taken to the dentist, I go tomorrow and am deeply terrified!

3-4 hours will feel like 5 minutes trust me IV is great and you will be fine