
FearfulInMA
Super Moderator
Staff member
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2012
- Messages
- 2,150
- Location
- Massachusetts, USA
I've worked on this 'success story' for quite some time now. I've been anxious about posting it because it is so incredibly personal. I've told bits and pieces of this story in different parts of this forum, but putting it all together somehow feels different. This forum has given me so much so I hope that by taking the risk to post this that it can help others. Please leave a comment if you can relate to any of my story or if you find it helpful. Thank for reading 
Like most of you, if I’m honest, I really never believed that I would be the one writing a ‘success story’. Growing up, I always remember being afraid to go to the dentist. We rarely went – maybe 3 or 4 times my entire childhood – and when we did go, it was always so horribly painful from years of plaque and tartar build up. I remember the dentist’s office like it was yesterday and I remember often hearing children screaming and crying in the other room – I couldn’t even imagine the tortures that went on in there. My parents also both had ‘bad teeth’ – my mother was always having some painful procedure or another and my father had full dentures by the time he was 40. I had braces in high school and was generally ok with those visits, but the orthodontic work itself was quite painful and, at one point, created a half-inch gap between my 2 front teeth. One my braces were off, I swore I would never go to the dentist again.
When I was in my early 20’s, I had dental insurance though my job and a friend shamed me into making an appointment with a dentist. I went to the dentist and she was nice, but I remember being physically sick each time I had to go. I’d lose sleep for days before, be totally useless the entire day of, and then be almost entirely dissociated by the time I’d get to my appointment. She did the first filling I’d ever have which, unfortunately didn’t go smoothly and ended up needing several appointments to get situated. I have a general and severe fear of injections and having my first dental injection was one of the most terrifying things I had every done. The dentist also kept pressuring me to get my wisdom teeth out which I just couldn’t imagine ever happening. After about a year or so of going to this dentist, she got cancer and left her practice for a period of time. I never went back even after she returned.
Fast-forward about 6 years (I had just turned 30) and, again, I was shamed – this time by coworkers – into making an appointment with a dentist. In my mind going to the dentist was something I just didn’t do. It wasn’t part of my life and it didn’t seem necessary. And, of course, I was terrified. My coworkers were pretty appalled to hear this and couldn’t understand why someone with dental insurance wouldn’t go to the dentist. At the time, many of my coworkers were going to the same dentist around the corner from where we worked. I was really opposed to going to a male dentist – my childhood dentist was male and I also had thought that a male dentist would be less caring than a female one – but they all convinced me that this dentist was nice and also skilled. I agonized for weeks about calling. Then, one day, I found a quiet spot and made the call. My voice was shaking and, though I don’t remember exactly what I said, I remember I wasn’t able to say much. In some ways, it feels like it was yesterday. I made an appointment and knew there was no turning back.
Unfortunately, the years without dental care and taken their toll on my teeth. In the seven years since that first appointment, I’ve had countless fillings, 4 RCTs, 4 crowns, and did finally have my wisdom teeth extracted. Though my dentist has not done all of the work (the RCTs and extractions were done by specialists), he has truly been there to support me through this process every step of the way. In seven years, I haven’t missed a cleaning appointment and I’ve been able to get all the work done that needed doing. I’ve been able to have dental procedures that I’d never, even in my worst nightmares, imagined that I’d be able to get though. But, even after all of that, I still struggled with nearly paralyzing anxiety in the days and weeks leading up to appointments. So, though some may have considered my story a ‘success’ seven years ago at the start of this journey, it never felt that way to me. The anxiety I felt leading up to appointments impacted almost every area of my life and to me, that wasn’t success at all. I couldn’t shake the physical symptoms of the anxiety I would feel despite having no anxious thoughts to go along with it. Then, six months ago, something, maybe everything, changed.
My dentist, the one who had been there for me through all of this, the one who I trusted, the one who I had imagined I would be going to until I had no teeth left, got sick. And, not the kind of sick that keeps you home in bed for a few days, but the kind of sick that may mean that his years practicing may be cut short. He has cancer. I was devastated, but I was also determined. Finding this out hit me really hard. He’s not that much older than I am and I suddenly started to question my own mortality. I was determined that, no matter what happened to him, I would figure out a way to continue regular dental treatment. I’d felt for a long time that there was no way I could ever repay him for his patience and kindness. I knew that the best thing that I could ‘give’ him for all that he had done for me was that I would finally conquer this phobia that had taken hold and know that, if he’s no longer able to practice, I will find another dentist and continue to get regular dental care.
In the last six months, I’ve visited this forum nearly daily. I’ve tried to offer support to others, but I’ve also tried to figure out for myself how to manage the nearly crippling anxiety that would come leading up to dental appointments. I’ve had so much dental work in the last 7 years and most of it had going very smoothly. Despite this, I couldn’t seem to rid myself of the fear and anxiety. I often found that the anxiety was worse for 6-month cleaning appointments than it was for other appointments. I think part of it was that the hygienist has changed many times over the last 7 years, so I’ve had to try to learn to trust a number of different hygienists. I think another part of it was that those appointments usually come after a longer time away from ‘The Chair’ so part of me forgets that there’s no actual danger there. And then, there’s always the fear at those appointments that they’ll find something wrong and I’ll need additional dental work.
A little over a month ago I had a 6-month cleaning appointment. I kept expecting to get anxious, but amazingly I never did. I just kept telling myself, that going to the dentist is a ‘normal’ part of life and that whatever happened would be ok. The cleaning itself was totally ok. I found out that I need 2 or 3 fillings replaced and that, in the next year or so I will need one of my crowns replaced. When the dentist told me about needing the fillings replaced, he started to say it’s ‘no big deal’. Then, probably remembering how anxious I’ve been, started to backpedal. But even hearing this news, I was still totally ok. Really more annoyed and frustrated that my teeth continue to decay than anything else. I’m not even worried about having the crown replaced – again, just annoyed and frustrated that nothing that I do to take care of my teeth seems to be helping.
So maybe that’s it for me. Maybe I’m cured of my dental phobia? It almost seems too good to be true. My appointment for the fillings to be replaced is coming up and I’m feeling totally ok about it. I know that there are people on this forum who have found great dentists, but who still struggle with going to the dentist. I hope that this story can provide some hope that sometimes it just takes time. I appreciate everyone on this forum and all the support that people have given me. Now I hope that I can return the favor by giving back.

Like most of you, if I’m honest, I really never believed that I would be the one writing a ‘success story’. Growing up, I always remember being afraid to go to the dentist. We rarely went – maybe 3 or 4 times my entire childhood – and when we did go, it was always so horribly painful from years of plaque and tartar build up. I remember the dentist’s office like it was yesterday and I remember often hearing children screaming and crying in the other room – I couldn’t even imagine the tortures that went on in there. My parents also both had ‘bad teeth’ – my mother was always having some painful procedure or another and my father had full dentures by the time he was 40. I had braces in high school and was generally ok with those visits, but the orthodontic work itself was quite painful and, at one point, created a half-inch gap between my 2 front teeth. One my braces were off, I swore I would never go to the dentist again.
When I was in my early 20’s, I had dental insurance though my job and a friend shamed me into making an appointment with a dentist. I went to the dentist and she was nice, but I remember being physically sick each time I had to go. I’d lose sleep for days before, be totally useless the entire day of, and then be almost entirely dissociated by the time I’d get to my appointment. She did the first filling I’d ever have which, unfortunately didn’t go smoothly and ended up needing several appointments to get situated. I have a general and severe fear of injections and having my first dental injection was one of the most terrifying things I had every done. The dentist also kept pressuring me to get my wisdom teeth out which I just couldn’t imagine ever happening. After about a year or so of going to this dentist, she got cancer and left her practice for a period of time. I never went back even after she returned.
Fast-forward about 6 years (I had just turned 30) and, again, I was shamed – this time by coworkers – into making an appointment with a dentist. In my mind going to the dentist was something I just didn’t do. It wasn’t part of my life and it didn’t seem necessary. And, of course, I was terrified. My coworkers were pretty appalled to hear this and couldn’t understand why someone with dental insurance wouldn’t go to the dentist. At the time, many of my coworkers were going to the same dentist around the corner from where we worked. I was really opposed to going to a male dentist – my childhood dentist was male and I also had thought that a male dentist would be less caring than a female one – but they all convinced me that this dentist was nice and also skilled. I agonized for weeks about calling. Then, one day, I found a quiet spot and made the call. My voice was shaking and, though I don’t remember exactly what I said, I remember I wasn’t able to say much. In some ways, it feels like it was yesterday. I made an appointment and knew there was no turning back.
Unfortunately, the years without dental care and taken their toll on my teeth. In the seven years since that first appointment, I’ve had countless fillings, 4 RCTs, 4 crowns, and did finally have my wisdom teeth extracted. Though my dentist has not done all of the work (the RCTs and extractions were done by specialists), he has truly been there to support me through this process every step of the way. In seven years, I haven’t missed a cleaning appointment and I’ve been able to get all the work done that needed doing. I’ve been able to have dental procedures that I’d never, even in my worst nightmares, imagined that I’d be able to get though. But, even after all of that, I still struggled with nearly paralyzing anxiety in the days and weeks leading up to appointments. So, though some may have considered my story a ‘success’ seven years ago at the start of this journey, it never felt that way to me. The anxiety I felt leading up to appointments impacted almost every area of my life and to me, that wasn’t success at all. I couldn’t shake the physical symptoms of the anxiety I would feel despite having no anxious thoughts to go along with it. Then, six months ago, something, maybe everything, changed.
My dentist, the one who had been there for me through all of this, the one who I trusted, the one who I had imagined I would be going to until I had no teeth left, got sick. And, not the kind of sick that keeps you home in bed for a few days, but the kind of sick that may mean that his years practicing may be cut short. He has cancer. I was devastated, but I was also determined. Finding this out hit me really hard. He’s not that much older than I am and I suddenly started to question my own mortality. I was determined that, no matter what happened to him, I would figure out a way to continue regular dental treatment. I’d felt for a long time that there was no way I could ever repay him for his patience and kindness. I knew that the best thing that I could ‘give’ him for all that he had done for me was that I would finally conquer this phobia that had taken hold and know that, if he’s no longer able to practice, I will find another dentist and continue to get regular dental care.
In the last six months, I’ve visited this forum nearly daily. I’ve tried to offer support to others, but I’ve also tried to figure out for myself how to manage the nearly crippling anxiety that would come leading up to dental appointments. I’ve had so much dental work in the last 7 years and most of it had going very smoothly. Despite this, I couldn’t seem to rid myself of the fear and anxiety. I often found that the anxiety was worse for 6-month cleaning appointments than it was for other appointments. I think part of it was that the hygienist has changed many times over the last 7 years, so I’ve had to try to learn to trust a number of different hygienists. I think another part of it was that those appointments usually come after a longer time away from ‘The Chair’ so part of me forgets that there’s no actual danger there. And then, there’s always the fear at those appointments that they’ll find something wrong and I’ll need additional dental work.
A little over a month ago I had a 6-month cleaning appointment. I kept expecting to get anxious, but amazingly I never did. I just kept telling myself, that going to the dentist is a ‘normal’ part of life and that whatever happened would be ok. The cleaning itself was totally ok. I found out that I need 2 or 3 fillings replaced and that, in the next year or so I will need one of my crowns replaced. When the dentist told me about needing the fillings replaced, he started to say it’s ‘no big deal’. Then, probably remembering how anxious I’ve been, started to backpedal. But even hearing this news, I was still totally ok. Really more annoyed and frustrated that my teeth continue to decay than anything else. I’m not even worried about having the crown replaced – again, just annoyed and frustrated that nothing that I do to take care of my teeth seems to be helping.
So maybe that’s it for me. Maybe I’m cured of my dental phobia? It almost seems too good to be true. My appointment for the fillings to be replaced is coming up and I’m feeling totally ok about it. I know that there are people on this forum who have found great dentists, but who still struggle with going to the dentist. I hope that this story can provide some hope that sometimes it just takes time. I appreciate everyone on this forum and all the support that people have given me. Now I hope that I can return the favor by giving back.