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A new and continued journey , challenges and blessings along the way.

FearfulInMA

FearfulInMA

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Ugh! Changes are so difficult to manage. I’ve been going to the same dentist for nearly 12 years and over that time there have been so many changes. It’s always jarring and unsettling. I think that, as time has gone by, I’ve learned to trust that, no matter what, I will be able to work with my dentist to get through whatever needs to get done. There is another dentist in the practice now, but I think most people working at the practice know that I would just walk out if they ever tried to pull a switcheroo. LOL! You have every right to ask for whichever assistant you’re most comfortable with and I really hope they’re willing to accommodate your request!!
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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@kitkat You are so right. for sure..especially for professionals in your personal space in the health field or as you mentioned beauty.. so I think choice and control and feeling comfortable with someone is really important.. and especially for us who have been through trauma and abuse. @FearfulInMA You know what.. I have a plan in place in my mind if the switcheroo ever happens here. I hope not.. but I feel a little more grounded and able to stand for what I need . I really hope they get back to me about this and reassure me. Actually the last several emails have gone unanswered and I've put myself out there in asking for needs and discussing my anxieties . So I'm really hoping for some reassurement here. I"m not sure what to think but my next surgery approaches as soon as I make the appt .
 
FearfulInMA

FearfulInMA

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That’s not cool that your emails haven’t been answered! It’s really an awful feeling to put yourself out there and then not get any response. At least for me, my brain tends to go to all the worst places when that happens. Hang in there!!
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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@FearfulInMA "At least for me, my brain tends to go to all the worst places when that happens. " Exactly.. trying to remain positive but no response is a powerful response.
 
kitkat

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@kitkat You are so right. for sure..especially for professionals in your personal space in the health field or as you mentioned beauty.. so I think choice and control and feeling comfortable with someone is really important.. and especially for us who have been through trauma and abuse. @FearfulInMA You know what.. I have a plan in place in my mind if the switcheroo ever happens here. I hope not.. but I feel a little more grounded and able to stand for what I need . I really hope they get back to me about this and reassure me. Actually the last several emails have gone unanswered and I've put myself out there in asking for needs and discussing my anxieties . So I'm really hoping for some reassurement here. I"m not sure what to think but my next surgery approaches as soon as I make the appt .
Is there any chance they aren’t getting your emails? With the office undergoing changes recently, their email address may have changed. It’s super hard to put yourself out there and own your anxiety...I admire people so much who can be honest and forthcoming about it..it’s such a major struggle for me even after all of these years. I’m trying so hard to psyche myself up to remind my dentist that I am nervous at the start of my next appointment in a week but the thought of saying it out loud just turns my stomach.
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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@kitkat Their email is definately the same and its on the website.. and I checked my sent folder a few times on each to make sure it was sent.. sure enough it was . Being in patient care I just can't imagine being so busy you can't at least send a quick empathy reply and I'll talk to the Dr or something. Yes, putting yourself out there is really really hard.. and I'm willing to take a chance I guess we can never guarantee people will repsond how we would like them to.. I sooo get that thought of putting that reminder out there and saying that aout your anxiety. it really is hard.. and you know regardless we are courageous ..
 
kitkat

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@kitkat Their email is definately the same and its on the website.. and I checked my sent folder a few times on each to make sure it was sent.. sure enough it was . Being in patient care I just can't imagine being so busy you can't at least send a quick empathy reply and I'll talk to the Dr or something. Yes, putting yourself out there is really really hard.. and I'm willing to take a chance I guess we can never guarantee people will repsond how we would like them to.. I sooo get that thought of putting that reminder out there and saying that aout your anxiety. it really is hard.. and you know regardless we are courageous ..
Well hopefully there is a good reason for the delay in response and you hear something soon...I can imagine the stress of anticipating a response and not getting anything back. It seems very out of character for them to be blowing you off though.

Yes, I feel like I need to remind her at this next appointment because I think she overestimated my level of confidence at the last appointment and it was fine because nothing major was happening but it can’t happen during an involved appointment for an actual procedure. It’s kind of ironic because initially my end goal was always to appear “normal” and be treated “normal” but now that I’ve gotten in reach of that, I don’t want it. It’s tough because I’m not as nervous as I used to be but that‘s because of the reassurance and I still need that to maintain my composure. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn‘t be anxious because I’ve been there so long and I’m so familiar with everything and I almost feel like maybe there is this expectation now from my dentist that I shouldn‘t be but I’m sure that’s just in my head. I think I just appear to be coping really well at times so she doesn’t always feel like the extra support is needed. I’m sort of making it a challenge for my own self-growth to do it...before every big appointment, I say I’m going to do it and I chicken out and I get mad at myself but at some point my dentist catches on as my fear becomes more evident and responds accordingly.
 
FearfulInMA

FearfulInMA

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@kitkat i have so been there. I had a new hygienist last week and had to give her the ‘I’m an anxious patient’ talk. Then it felt like she was overly careful and a little condescending... because it’s not that I need her to do anything different, I just need her to know. I’ve been going to the same dentist for nearly a dozen years and I have made a lot of progress - like I’m sure you have too - but I still need folks there to remember that, at times, I still need a little extra TLC. More often than not, I try to use humor to remind them - that’s one of my coping strategies - and this feels a little less vulnerable. So this time, when the new hygienist was telling me that the previous one had left notes for her about which teeth bothered me I joked and asked her if she also left a note about me being an anxious patient. Or, the last time I had to have a filling and my dentist just left me all the way back in the chair and left the room. When he came back I just made a joke about how maybe that wasn’t such a good plan for an anxious patient. I don’t know... everyone is different, but the humor is what seems to work best for me.
@krlovesherkids777 I really, really hope there’s some good explanation for why they haven’t gotten back to you... because you’re right, there’s absolutely no reason they’re too busy to send a short response.
 
kitkat

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@FearfulInMA I can very much relate to everything you wrote! I was actually thinking about making a joke to bring it up. I was thinking of saying something like “I’m nervous” and then ask the dentist if she’s nervous and then say something like “No? Just me? Okay.“ :giggle:
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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@kitkat @FearfulInMA

You both bring up such good points just really reminding them about the anxiety and putting it out there. as well as using humor... love it !

So I did get alot of answers today and grew even more respect for my dentist.. As I decided to go in and make a payment . as a step to kind of make myself move in that direction. well. I went in and the receptionist asked me about making an appt. I did let her know I had sent an email. She said she checked it but didn't see it so someone must have "taken care of it" so I didn't fully get an answer on that mystery of the email. but.. learned email may not be the best way to communicate here. She did tell me I could talk to the dr right then, he had time.

He asked what my concerns and questions were, answered every one of them and went over the plan. I will be getting 3 implants and 2 little sinus bumps internally , not having to make any separae incisions. and some grafting. It should take around 90 minuters uninterrupted time and he said it wouldn't be nearly as bad as the last procedure was in healing . Even joking he had time to do it right then. Said sorry not quite ready for that one.. He took me back and did a more current panoramic and I saw how the implants were really nicely placed and everything looked great. He showed me the plan of how he would put the implants .. and it all looked good. I also asked if I could have Aimee the assistant I"m used to help in my procedure and he said yes, I could as long as she was working. and she was on that day so that is good.. He was very kind and humble the entire time, I really went away feeling great about that interaction and it boosted my trust alot! NOW.. I"m ready for the next procedure...
 
kitkat

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You should be really proud of how brave and assertive you were. You went from barely feeling comfortable putting your concerns into an email to outright asking for them in person in the office. That is a huge step in your journey!
 
I

Ilovemydentistreally

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Yes, wow! krlovesherkids777, you do really confront things head on!
I would take ignored emails personally and brood about them, then duck away from stuff.
(Well, I did, early last year... ) :D

You're so brave. I do like reading about your journey. :)
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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@kitkat @Ilovemydentistreally .. well. really I went in with a mindframe of I will gently go out of my comfort zone by just heading over there with a payment then will hightail it out quick . But that didn't happen :). I didn't feel very assertive.. but I did feel very cared for.. that I'm thankful for.. he met me where I was at.. and .. yes.. believe me @Ilovemydentistreally my mind did go to.. "they think I'm annoying and just so annoying don't even want to answer my emails they probably sound so scattered".. well.. not exactly sure what the email story was but.. I think I"ll not email from now on so I don't have to worry and just call next time. though calling is extra challenging
 
S

Scared all the time

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@kitkat @Ilovemydentistreally .. well. really I went in with a mindframe of I will gently go out of my comfort zone by just heading over there with a payment then will hightail it out quick . But that didn't happen :). I didn't feel very assertive.. but I did feel very cared for.. that I'm thankful for.. he met me where I was at.. and .. yes.. believe me @Ilovemydentistreally my mind did go to.. "they think I'm annoying and just so annoying don't even want to answer my emails they probably sound so scattered".. well.. not exactly sure what the email story was but.. I think I"ll not email from now on so I don't have to worry and just call next time. though calling is extra challenging
I tend to do the email thing as well 😕 feels less intimidating to me I guess. But easier for them to just not answer my questions too. I need to do exactly like you did from now on 😊 way to take charge!
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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@Scared all the time . Yes.. me too email does feel less threatening.. I feel I can say more. and let out my fears I may not have the courage to say in person or on the phone... however, if I do write it down on paper and bring it with I take it out so I look like I have something and it sort of makes me accountable to myself to ask. Its REALLY hard to ask sometimes, and for me.. crazy as it sounds because I work on a patient care line for a medical clinic, but I myself have a hard time calling a dental clinic,, but... it really is a vulnerable thing. anyways. my dentist always encourages me to call and ask questions.. and I also know if he is available when I come in to drop a check he will answer, he's not always available but if I reach out to him he does meet me where I'm at eventually in a good way.. Thanks for the encouragement..
 
krlovesherkids777

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Well, its 2 days before my scheduled treatment day.. and actually I'm so nervous I'm physically sick to my stomach. I'm not usually like this.. but I got some courage up to put another email out there this one to him directly as he suggested. Well. 2 business days and no response. I'm really hoping that he is out of town or there is some reasonable explanation but it still burns to not have that empty space filled with the answers I'm seeking.. wishing there was some solid way of communication between appointments.. Sometimes email is easier to get something out of your mind that is more refined and doesn't sound confusing .. So.. because I don't have my answers and feeling extra nervous. I may postpone it until I get feel more settled ..
 
letsconnect

letsconnect

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So sorry to hear this, @krlovesherkids777 :(. Any chance that his personal email gets “taken care of” by whoever managed to lose your previous emails :unsure:?

It’s a big procedure and I think most people would want a treatment plan with explanations in writing beforehand, so they can read up on what’s involved. I don’t think asking for written answers would be at all unreasonable. As a layperson, it would be almost impossible to take in verbal explanations of such a complex procedure all at once!

So yeah, I think your plan to postpone the appointment until you are perfectly happy and clear about what’s happening is a good one:)!
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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Thanks @letsconnect for the validation. I do need to feel a peace , as if my body is in anxiety mode it will not heal as good and fight infection or anything of that sort as good. As well if my bp is up due to anxiety the anesthetic won't work as well for me .. sooo.. I'm calling tomorrow morning . I have to do whats best.. to get myself on solid ground.. and then once I get some answers again and reassurement I will reschedule. Not too sure the emails are really a mystery.. I think there is some kind of email black hole or something :unsure::unsure: ... I guess. not sure how that happens.. but that could be possible what you said
 
krlovesherkids777

krlovesherkids777

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So I went in today for a consult time with my dentist to answer some questions and relieve my anxiety a bit. He genuinely seems as if he didn't see my email for whatever reason, he did say he gets so busy he just doesn't get to it and didn't see it. He did see me tear up and I told him I feel like my questions are stupid anoying or offensive and that is why they weren't answered.. He reassured it is definately not that and no qeustions are and he welcomes all questions. He said that if I do email again to call the office before I send it to let him know its coming so he can watch out for it..He said it is much better if I can come in and ask face to face and if no to call . He seems to just not prefer email or written forms of communication and that is just his personality and style I'll have to accept that for the most part but seems he is willing to try if necessary. Because its hard on me to not know if I'll get anythig back that way I'm staying away from the email avenue for a while.

on another front.. He answered all my questions, showed me the answers very comprehensively, and was very thorough and kind and empathetic.. He also reassured me I would not be switched when I was there.. and that I should be scheduled with my favorite assistant is in my chart! So everything is great , I'm greatly relieved and feeling ready for the next phase. :).. He really came through..

It did take a ton of courgage to walk through that door, and ask, took a few deep breaths before walking through those doors.. but it was all worth it! I encourage anyone goin through questions and needing reassurance to ask what you need!! I am now scheduled for February 24.
 
I

Ilovemydentistreally

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Hi krlovesherkids777, I've been absent for a bit. I'm so glad to have read your recent post, after the uncertainties. You really do just grab life by the goolies. It is so impressive. :) Best of luck my inspirational hero.
 
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