- Mar 14, 2020
Hello, I'm brand new here. I finally have gotten the courage to even look online for this kind of support and information tonight. In the past I couldn't even type the words to make a search! How shameful I've felt over this phobia is truly debilitating and I didn't realize how far reaching it had become. My teeth are the worst now they've ever been (of course!) and it effects all my interactions with other people. It's interesting to see on this site the connection between PTSD, earlier childhood abuse and this condition. I'm just so sick of feeling like a disgusting, terrible person who is hiding a secret in my mouth, that feels like the PROOF of my inner unworthiness. Oh gosh, y'all are just going to tell me to go to therapy! Well, I do feel that even writing these words and looking head on at this issue is a huuuuuge step. I have had really terrible experiences with dentists in my life, where I was shamed and then actually hurt, with little regard, so I guess it's not sooooo crazy that I am here. It's become a sort of boundary; "I don't have to open my mouth to anyone I don't feel safe with" is what I am internally going through. But that kind of boundary is really a much bigger picture boundary, there for truly abusive people and I pray I could find a dentist that I felt safe with, that I could trust.. it could change so much in my life! I don't know what can be salvaged in my mouth, but at this point I am afraid to smile, and so anything seems better than a life afraid of smiling. Gosh I'm going to feel so vulnerable after I post this, but I guess I'm going to anyway, as a first step towards healing and courage.