• Dental Phobia Support

    Welcome! This is an online support group for anyone who is has a severe fear of the dentist or dental treatment. Please note that this is NOT a general dental problems or health anxiety forum! You can find a list of them here.

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Aaaagh, so scared!

J

Jeniflower

Junior member
Joined
Mar 14, 2020
Messages
2
Location
NY
Hello, I'm brand new here. I finally have gotten the courage to even look online for this kind of support and information tonight. In the past I couldn't even type the words to make a search! How shameful I've felt over this phobia is truly debilitating and I didn't realize how far reaching it had become. My teeth are the worst now they've ever been (of course!) and it effects all my interactions with other people. It's interesting to see on this site the connection between PTSD, earlier childhood abuse and this condition. I'm just so sick of feeling like a disgusting, terrible person who is hiding a secret in my mouth, that feels like the PROOF of my inner unworthiness. Oh gosh, y'all are just going to tell me to go to therapy! Well, I do feel that even writing these words and looking head on at this issue is a huuuuuge step. I have had really terrible experiences with dentists in my life, where I was shamed and then actually hurt, with little regard, so I guess it's not sooooo crazy that I am here. It's become a sort of boundary; "I don't have to open my mouth to anyone I don't feel safe with" is what I am internally going through. But that kind of boundary is really a much bigger picture boundary, there for truly abusive people and I pray I could find a dentist that I felt safe with, that I could trust.. it could change so much in my life! I don't know what can be salvaged in my mouth, but at this point I am afraid to smile, and so anything seems better than a life afraid of smiling. Gosh I'm going to feel so vulnerable after I post this, but I guess I'm going to anyway, as a first step towards healing and courage. ❤️
 
Hi Jeniflower :welcome:,

first of all, thank you for your courage and trust.. what a huge step and such a vulnerable place to be, but at the same time the first step in healing too. Many people who suffered trauma are not aware of the link there is to the ability of coping with dentists and it can be hugely freeing to see that it's not about you being crazy. Rest assured that nobody here will tell you to go to therapy (if things were that super easy with abuse, right?).
It looks like you are just at the beginning with your journey, sorting thoughts and looking around and that is a great start. Give yourself a pat on the back for it. We are here to support you as your journey will go on, with all the worries, ups and downs and emotions to detangle. For now keep in mind that there are kind caring dentists out there (who are aware of this link and how difficult things can be with a past of trauma). I like your boundary and I think only being ready to work with someone you feel safe with is a great approach.
Let us know your thoughts

All the best wishes
 
Hi Jeniflower :welcome:,

first of all, thank you for your courage and trust.. what a huge step and such a vulnerable place to be, but at the same time the first step in healing too. Many people who suffered trauma are not aware of the link there is to the ability of coping with dentists and it can be hugely freeing to see that it's not about you being crazy. Rest assured that nobody here will tell you to go to therapy (if things were that super easy with abuse, right?).
It looks like you are just at the beginning with your journey, sorting thoughts and looking around and that is a great start. Give yourself a pat on the back for it. We are here to support you as your journey will go on, with all the worries, ups and downs and emotions to detangle. For now keep in mind that there are kind caring dentists out there (who are aware of this link and how difficult things can be with a past of trauma). I like your boundary and I think only being ready to work with someone you feel safe with is a great approach.
Let us know your thoughts

All the best wishes
Thank you so much for the kind reply; it really means a lot to me!
 
Hi Jeniflower! Welcome to DFC! :grouphug:
Posting here is a huge step. I think many people lurk in the shadows for awhile reading posts before joining and posting so well done for getting this far! Dental phobia can be far more complex than many people realize and you are right, teeth can have such a huge effect on our self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. I think you will find that you are in good company on this forum as many members here have also had prior traumatic dental experiences as well as non-dental related forms of abuse. I know that when the time is right, you will find a dentist that you can trust who makes you feel safe and you will look back and read this post and see how far you’ve come. There are so many truly wonderful dentists out there who are willing to work hard to earn your trust but it can take a bit of searching before you find the right one that really clicks with you. Thanks to the internet, there are lots of opportunities for research and written correspondence with offices prior to ever picking up the phone or ever setting foot in the office. I think your boundary is a fair and valid one. It took me a really long time to realize that I was the one in control for dental appointments and I only made that realization after my dentist told me so; so congrats for coming to that conclusion on your own! Feel free to vent or ask questions or think aloud or just share updates. We are happy to support you along your journey!
 
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