B
bluepencil
Junior member
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2022
- Messages
- 3
- Location
- united states
hey all. so I don’t really know where to begin.
I have a bit of dental trauma from when I was a little kid and I’ve been a avoidant, though not completely (thankfully) of dentists, but I think I’m stressed enough now that I don’t even care and it seems stupid in hindsight.
This story really starts when i was a teenager. When I was like 17 I went to a dentist who said I needed a lot of fillings, like 14. I'd had braces and didn't take care of my teeth that well. I also have adhd and some mental health problems and I am not good at self advocacy, and tended to just follow my mother’s health advice, which was stupid of me. My mother is deeply mistrustful of dentists, and took me for a second opinion at a ‘hollistic’ / conservative office and they said I needed three fillings, one molar and one in each of my front teeth and we’d just watch the small ones/ soft spots. I’ve been with them since then and had another molar filled some time between now and then, all composite resin. My father also has a lot of fillings (like 10-15) and I didn't really think about it. I went for a cleaning probably once a year between 2016-2020 and I never went to the dentist in 2020 because I was scared of coronavirus but now I regret that.
In late summer 2021 (I was 24, 25 now) I went to see them and got bitewings done but not a panoramic which I regret a TONNE, I was due for it but I wasn’t covered by the insurance I had at the time (new insurance now switched in December). They didn’t offer a full mouth series, and I just learned about those. After I got the bitewings done, I learned I have another molar cavity that needs attention, but more importantly my large molar filling failed and developed more decay underneath, and I also had gingivitis and still a lot of ‘soft spots’. It took two months to get cleared with my insurance for an inlay/onlay or crown instead of just another filling, which my dentist said would probably fail or even break my tooth. I ended up losing half of that tooth AND paying out of pocket anyway. ☹
I wish I’d gotten the panoramic done to check on my front teeth and the filling done before the crown, because it has taken me 8 months after that x-ray I had and six months after finishing my crown to get my brain together enough to book an appointment after I moved at the end of last year. I’ve finally started wisening up about my oral health, but not quickly enough, and I wish I’d gone to see someone else sooner.
I’ve always brushed once a day but never consistently twice, I rinse my mouth out whenever I eat at least, and I don’t eat much sugar or drink any sugary drinks… but that’s me bargaining. I started flossing consistently last year and I didn’t know the proper technique until recently. My gums don’t bleed when I floss so I just hope that’s a good sign. My younger sibling has perfect oral hygiene. I wish I’d been like that as a teen and young adult, and I’m tearing myself up now with regret over all I’ve subjected my self to now and in the future with my own negligence of care first, and my misplaced trust second.
I have a full cleaning/new patient appointment scheduled 2+ weeks away at this point and I’m terrified of all the work I’m gonna probably need done. I’m so afraid of losing my front teeth. I’m so afraid that my gingivitis is worse than it was before, or worse to begin with than my dentist let on. I’m afraid that I’m gonna need a tonne of fillings or worse even though logically my ‘hollistic’ dentist is still a dentist and only said I needed one imminently from the bitewings.
I’m terrified that my front fillings are failing or they’re gonna fail. I shone a light between my teeth and I can see a space where it looks like part of my filling might have broken without my realizing it, or its just decay, or it’s just discoloured, and I experienced some paint between those teeth and the one next-door, but I don’t even know if it’s my teeth or if I was just going too hard with the floss. I’ve also noticed that I have a large hole/worn sport/dent in one of my front teeth’s enamel that I only noticed by shining a flashlight onto my teeth and seeing it didn’t reflect the same. I’m also worried about the molar that needs work still.
I ended up making a ‘problem focused’ appointment with another dentist who can see me this week, but now I’m feeling mistrustful of the focus on cosmetics on their website and the fact that they only use one type of resin that’s boasting how pretty it is (paranoid about form over function ig). I made another ‘problem focused’ appointment with another office that I feel more trusting towards than either of the others, but it’s only five days before my full exam with the first office, and I know I need a full exam asap. I’m acting unhinged. I don’t know what to do. I’m mortified and this is consuming me, I keep waking up with panic attacks. I wake up in the middle of the night and early morning thinking about this and unable to calm down. I want to calm down enough to wait for the appointment(s) with the dentists I feel a bit more optimistic about but I don’t even know what to do between the two of them. I want to get x-rayed as soon as possible, I want to get fillings as soon as possible, I am panicking over how long the wait times are in my area, ahhhhh.
On top of the mortal fear of what’s to come, I just regret everything. I already struggle with my self worth and existential despair, and now I’ve finally woken up to the horror of feeling like my mouth is ruined forever and I hate that I’m going to have to live with these mistakes for the rest of my life. I’ve barely been able to eat or sleep, or function. It’s eating me alive, and I have nowhere to turn.
Edit: Thanks if you read all the way through this mess. It's a lot.
I have a bit of dental trauma from when I was a little kid and I’ve been a avoidant, though not completely (thankfully) of dentists, but I think I’m stressed enough now that I don’t even care and it seems stupid in hindsight.
This story really starts when i was a teenager. When I was like 17 I went to a dentist who said I needed a lot of fillings, like 14. I'd had braces and didn't take care of my teeth that well. I also have adhd and some mental health problems and I am not good at self advocacy, and tended to just follow my mother’s health advice, which was stupid of me. My mother is deeply mistrustful of dentists, and took me for a second opinion at a ‘hollistic’ / conservative office and they said I needed three fillings, one molar and one in each of my front teeth and we’d just watch the small ones/ soft spots. I’ve been with them since then and had another molar filled some time between now and then, all composite resin. My father also has a lot of fillings (like 10-15) and I didn't really think about it. I went for a cleaning probably once a year between 2016-2020 and I never went to the dentist in 2020 because I was scared of coronavirus but now I regret that.
In late summer 2021 (I was 24, 25 now) I went to see them and got bitewings done but not a panoramic which I regret a TONNE, I was due for it but I wasn’t covered by the insurance I had at the time (new insurance now switched in December). They didn’t offer a full mouth series, and I just learned about those. After I got the bitewings done, I learned I have another molar cavity that needs attention, but more importantly my large molar filling failed and developed more decay underneath, and I also had gingivitis and still a lot of ‘soft spots’. It took two months to get cleared with my insurance for an inlay/onlay or crown instead of just another filling, which my dentist said would probably fail or even break my tooth. I ended up losing half of that tooth AND paying out of pocket anyway. ☹
I wish I’d gotten the panoramic done to check on my front teeth and the filling done before the crown, because it has taken me 8 months after that x-ray I had and six months after finishing my crown to get my brain together enough to book an appointment after I moved at the end of last year. I’ve finally started wisening up about my oral health, but not quickly enough, and I wish I’d gone to see someone else sooner.
I’ve always brushed once a day but never consistently twice, I rinse my mouth out whenever I eat at least, and I don’t eat much sugar or drink any sugary drinks… but that’s me bargaining. I started flossing consistently last year and I didn’t know the proper technique until recently. My gums don’t bleed when I floss so I just hope that’s a good sign. My younger sibling has perfect oral hygiene. I wish I’d been like that as a teen and young adult, and I’m tearing myself up now with regret over all I’ve subjected my self to now and in the future with my own negligence of care first, and my misplaced trust second.
I have a full cleaning/new patient appointment scheduled 2+ weeks away at this point and I’m terrified of all the work I’m gonna probably need done. I’m so afraid of losing my front teeth. I’m so afraid that my gingivitis is worse than it was before, or worse to begin with than my dentist let on. I’m afraid that I’m gonna need a tonne of fillings or worse even though logically my ‘hollistic’ dentist is still a dentist and only said I needed one imminently from the bitewings.
I’m terrified that my front fillings are failing or they’re gonna fail. I shone a light between my teeth and I can see a space where it looks like part of my filling might have broken without my realizing it, or its just decay, or it’s just discoloured, and I experienced some paint between those teeth and the one next-door, but I don’t even know if it’s my teeth or if I was just going too hard with the floss. I’ve also noticed that I have a large hole/worn sport/dent in one of my front teeth’s enamel that I only noticed by shining a flashlight onto my teeth and seeing it didn’t reflect the same. I’m also worried about the molar that needs work still.
I ended up making a ‘problem focused’ appointment with another dentist who can see me this week, but now I’m feeling mistrustful of the focus on cosmetics on their website and the fact that they only use one type of resin that’s boasting how pretty it is (paranoid about form over function ig). I made another ‘problem focused’ appointment with another office that I feel more trusting towards than either of the others, but it’s only five days before my full exam with the first office, and I know I need a full exam asap. I’m acting unhinged. I don’t know what to do. I’m mortified and this is consuming me, I keep waking up with panic attacks. I wake up in the middle of the night and early morning thinking about this and unable to calm down. I want to calm down enough to wait for the appointment(s) with the dentists I feel a bit more optimistic about but I don’t even know what to do between the two of them. I want to get x-rayed as soon as possible, I want to get fillings as soon as possible, I am panicking over how long the wait times are in my area, ahhhhh.
On top of the mortal fear of what’s to come, I just regret everything. I already struggle with my self worth and existential despair, and now I’ve finally woken up to the horror of feeling like my mouth is ruined forever and I hate that I’m going to have to live with these mistakes for the rest of my life. I’ve barely been able to eat or sleep, or function. It’s eating me alive, and I have nowhere to turn.
Edit: Thanks if you read all the way through this mess. It's a lot.
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to DFC! We are glad you are hear! Thanks for sharing your story. First let me give you alot of credit. It sounds like you have come long way from some bad experiences in the past. Sounds like it will take a bit to build up trust with the right dentist. but it is worth to find the right one and they are out there and want to help. Building trust one step at a time will go along way. Is there anything specific that led you to the dentists you are going to see? The good thing now is it is your choice who to see and you can do your research and find who you feel comfortable with. You can check them out before hand via social medial and websites and reviews and see how they are with nervous patients.. Its very common for that anxiety to build between the time you make the appt and the time you go. Write your questions and needs down . So you can can have when you go. I know if I don't write down I forget to ask.. anyways. we are here in the meantime and sure seems you have what it takes to get through this. I agree with champ to go easy on yourself.alot of times its not nearly as bad as we imagine . Let us know how it goes!
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Sounds like you did really well. I also love that you are seeing the red flags,, not that you have to or they have them but that you are diligent to know you are worth them taking care of you in a careful manner and putting your needs out there.. This is such a huge step. and following your gut and when you feel safe or not.. Sorry they didn't really follow a safe protocal for that , that can be concerning.. It sounds like you were very nice about it , but you also want to make sure they are taking care of you well because you are worth it! I know its a pain to look for another clinic if you have to.. but you did get some positive momentum flowing with knowing the good news.. so thats super! Do you think if you have a good chat about it with them they might mind that and pay closer attn? did you look at the reviews to see if there are possbly any similiar concerns with not being careful.. reviews can be interesting and telling and sometimes show patterns.. What is your next step.. So happy for you !! 
