Absolutely Petrified

[DLW]

So I finally did it! Made an appointment with a dentist.

Like many people on this forum I am petrified of the dentist and I haven't been for about 16 years I am so embarrassed

I still have nightmares from when I had to get a tooth extracted (still a baby tooth) when I was very young, the dentist he was a complete monster and since then I cannot have anyone lean over me or look in my mouth. My mom dragged me to the dentist when I was kid on a regular basis but as soon as I moved out of the house there was not a thing on earth that would get me to see a dentist.

So 16 years later I have 2 broken back molars, another 2 teeth missing on the bottom of either side of my mouth, a broken molar on the top right side, the other molar has a hole in it so big I can feel it with my tongue, 2 large cavities on my two teeth next to my front teeth and about 2 or 3 brown cavity spots on all my other teeth, how could I have let it get so bad . I always thought if I brushed my teeth twice a day, avoided sugary foods etc I would be spared a little bit

I am so embarrassed that I have not told a soul, not even my husband knows! the thought of him finding out is horrifying, I cant even imagine it.

After scouring the internet for any form of help, I came across a couple of post of people just as scared as me and kind souls replying to these terrified people encouraging them to make an appointment, about two years after that and visiting these sites on numerous occasions I finally got the courage to think about contacting a dentist, I spent days on the internet reading reviews of different dentists and finally came across a lady dentist whom I thought might be able to help me and not make me feel any worse than I do already. About a week afterwards I plucked up the courage walked into her offices and asked for her card, I could email her later for an appointment I thought, days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and with my teeth feeling as though they were getting worse by the seconds, I finally emailed today for an appointment.

What a surprise, the receptionist emailed me back within 5 minuets saying the first appointment they have available is in 2 weeks was I happy to accept it, I quickly emailed back yes before my brain could process what I had done

now I am freaking out and a million questions are running through my brain, how long will the first appointment be, what are they going to do in that first appointment, will they understand, how many teeth are they gonna have to take out, what are they going to do with my broken teeth, and oh my gosh how am I going to pay for all of this.

Does anyone have any advise on how to stay on track and actually get to the appointment. Should I take something before I see the dentist??? Does anyone know what usually happens in a first time appointment I know I should ask the dentist or the receptionist but I am worried if I do I will be to embarrassed to show up on the day.

 

[Scarlett88]

Hi there and welcome!
I am in a very very similar position, bad childhood memories, being dragged to the dentist by my parents, haven't visited or taken care of my teeth for about 10 years after I moved out. Ended up with a lot of broken, decayed molars, pre-molars and am currently going through recovery.

I think you have already done the biggest step! Making the decision and getting the appointment. It will only be better from here! There will be no more worries on what will happen, no more unanswered questions, sleepless nights, worst case scenario thought etc.



I went to my first appointment with my mom. It was hard because I never really told them how bad the situation was although they are helping me financially with this. But then my worst experiences were always linked with my parents bringing me. So for quiet a few appointments she just took me, but never came up so I won't be that stressed. But still having someone, family or friends coming with you can be a really good reassuring feeling. Afterwards it was such an emotional shock, the relief that I went there and it will be OK from now on.
So you can share with someone you trust. I also started telling a few of my closest friends. It made it easier to deal with stuff. Find a confidant and don't feel ashamed of anything! They could help you keeping track of the appointment, or go with you.
Many people take some king of relaxing drugs, xanax, such things. I couldn't do that because they are prescription drugs and I don't have prescription for them But if you can get something like that it can be really really helpful

I totally broke down shaking and crying on my first appointment. I didn't dare to look at my Xrays, I knew how bad my teeth were from feeling them and also from going through the feeling of loosing them. I also knew that the doc will look into my mouth and see the truth that I was hiding for so long. So I told them upfront that what they see I know it doesn't look nice, and that I was very scared of going to dentists and I know so much is bad and I am still very very scared but I had enough and I need their help. And then I cried a lot. Also after that the dentist was super nice and comforting. What happens is:
I suggest to speak up. Let them know your scares and worries beforehand. If you are scared of any type of thing they might do.
They take and Xray. This doesn't hurt or anything. They take it so they can see the full anatomy of your teeth and see very detailed what is wrong.
Then you go int he examining room, sit in the chair and they will casually examine your mouth. Basically with a little mirror and maybe one more tool. They are really not doing anything just looking. They might ask you questions about certain teeth if it hurts etc.
Sometimes they do vitality checks which might be a little painful for one or two seconds, really like a pinch. They WILL tell you that beforehand and they will explain to you. They do that to see if certain teeth are still alive and how to proceed with them. If it hurts it is usually a good sign ironically.
Then they will talk you through what they see the problems are and how they can cure your teeth. You and the doc should agree on a treatment and financial plan. What will be the procedures and how much will they cost. I kinda skipped some of this I was in shock so blocked out most of what the doc was saying and I was just like 'I don't care what you do, just do it don't tell me' Like an ostrich' head in the sand.

Most importantly: don't be ashamed and embarrassed. For many reasons. You have probably already suffered a bit while going through this, maybe physically and emotionally as well. That is not shameful. Right now in fact you are actually being very brave and strong even if it might not feel like that. But the action is. So don't be ashamed internally. Also don't be ashamed from the doctor's either. They should not judge or blame you. If they do change clinic. That is really unprofessional of them. Otherwise they are there to cure you. It is their profession. They have seen and treated worse or similar teeth then yours. They have studied and trained hard to actually deal with real teeth problems, like yours and not just minor teeth whitening stuff. So it will be all fine.

As for treatment, with my I had 9 teeth extracted for example. 3 of them were wisdom teeth, the rest were broken down till the gumline and dead. One was not broken but absolutely dead and trapped with a wisdom tooth worthless for saving. My 2 biggest fears were always extractions and sample taking. So I chose to do full on unconscious sedation, this way they also could take all 9 teeth. But this varies. Many many many many people go through extractions just like that. Without pain, without anything. Its all between you and the doc what he sees fit and what you are ok with.
I also had a lot of bad teeth so they are fixing some fillings, root canals etc. Nothing is really as scary or painful though as loosing them to begin with.
You doc will also probably talk to you about teeth replacement options. You can talk through that now or later on with him. Just be sure to ask a lot and make them explain everything. Ideally you would need an options that supports your health in the long run.

It will be only better from here on!!

 

[Chloe240751]

I know your fear, I get my appointment set in 2 days for E day......at 33 years old I have to get a full upper denture. I have been terrified, angry, scared and completely nauseous since the day the dentist told me. I suppose I am lucky in that my bottom teeth just need some "restoration" and they should be fine to keep. I have fought the top teeth literally as long as I can remember, I had my 4 front teeth root canaled all in one day at 11 years old and was in a dentist chair for 8 full hours.......I detested ever going back. My parents were both denture wearers since early 30's as was my granparents. I only have 10 teeth left on top (5 broken down to gumline) and have been fighting infections for pretty much 6 months. I should be happy to have these rotten, infected things gone but I am just horrified. I cant eat, I cant sleep for fear of what the future holds. I have an amazing loving supportive husband but I recoil at the even thought of him seeing me without teeth. I dont know how to get over this depressed hump of having to do this. I also will have a week off from work but I am already terrified of the thought of going back once its done. I dont want any co-workers to know whats going on and am having horrible anxiety that the teeth will look super fake or will fall while talking, or I still wont be speaking very well and everyone will know. I work in a very close quarters office and there isn't much getting around speaking to my co-workers upon my return not to mention I do interviews with the public daily. I like my co-workers fine, but I know they can be very judgy and clicky. Everyone eats lunch together every day since there are only 6 of us and I'm not sure if I will be able to much eating 7 days out. Someone please offer some comforting advice.

 

[Sevena]

As someone else already said, a first appointment is just to assess your teeth. They'll have a look round with a little mirror, take note of visible cavities, and then they'll give you an x-ray to check the roots. None of this should hurt at all, and this is a good chance to test the dentist on how good they are and how comfortable they make you feel. If they try chastise you, or make you feel uncomfortable, pressured, or ashamed, you don't have to go back. Hopefully they will be fine, and most dentists are, but just know that you do deserve compassionate treatment, so if you're not getting that, you don't have to stay. You don't have to agree to anything you're not comfortable with.

You will probably be very anxious, maybe emotional. I know I was on my first appointment in years. There were tears involved. But the dentist was very kind, and I'm sure they've seen plenty of crying patients in their time. Dental phobia is fairly common, after all.

I know your fear, I get my appointment set in 2 days for E day......at 33 years old I have to get a full upper denture. I have been terrified, angry, scared and completely nauseous since the day the dentist told me. I suppose I am lucky in that my bottom teeth just need some "restoration" and they should be fine to keep. I have fought the top teeth literally as long as I can remember, I had my 4 front teeth root canaled all in one day at 11 years old and was in a dentist chair for 8 full hours.......I detested ever going back. My parents were both denture wearers since early 30's as was my granparents. I only have 10 teeth left on top (5 broken down to gumline) and have been fighting infections for pretty much 6 months. I should be happy to have these rotten, infected things gone but I am just horrified. I cant eat, I cant sleep for fear of what the future holds. I have an amazing loving supportive husband but I recoil at the even thought of him seeing me without teeth. I dont know how to get over this depressed hump of having to do this. I also will have a week off from work but I am already terrified of the thought of going back once its done. I dont want any co-workers to know whats going on and am having horrible anxiety that the teeth will look super fake or will fall while talking, or I still wont be speaking very well and everyone will know. I work in a very close quarters office and there isn't much getting around speaking to my co-workers upon my return not to mention I do interviews with the public daily. I like my co-workers fine, but I know they can be very judgy and clicky. Everyone eats lunch together every day since there are only 6 of us and I'm not sure if I will be able to much eating 7 days out. Someone please offer some comforting advice.

I had all my teeth extracted at 25. It wasn't a picnic, but it wasn't the worst thing in my life either. People do not notice your teeth as much as you think they do. If you need an explanation, just say you had wisdom teeth out recently and you're a bit swollen, and still having to stick to soft food. Then you can stick to soup and whatever, and they won't think anything of it. As long as you practice talking with your new denture in during your week off, you should feel quite confident talking to people by the time you're back at work. If you notice any changes in your speech, remember that it's going to be much more noticeable to you than to anyone else! And again, something you could blame on wisdom tooth swelling. Though I doubt anyone will even ask. Also, decently fitting top dentures don't fall, because unlike bottom dentures, they get a lot of suction built up. If you want the added security you can buy some denture adhesive - that stuff is super sticky!

 

[Chloe240751]

@sevena

Thank you for the advice, I am really trying to make peace with what I have to do and trying not to drive myself crazy. I have had nightmares about teeth related stuff for the last 3 nights and am feeling really worn out. Do you know if its safe to sleep with a top denture in? My dentist also said they will be prescribing a pain reliever and steroid to help with pain and swelling. Any experience with those? I have times of not being so panicked about this change, but other times I am a total wreck and my nerves are shot.

 

[Sevena]

Thank you for the advice, I am really trying to make peace with what I have to do and trying not to drive myself crazy. I have had nightmares about teeth related stuff for the last 3 nights and am feeling really worn out. Do you know if its safe to sleep with a top denture in? My dentist also said they will be prescribing a pain reliever and steroid to help with pain and swelling. Any experience with those? I have times of not being so panicked about this change, but other times I am a total wreck and my nerves are shot.

I can't even tell you how many tooth-related nightmares I've had! It's never fun.

It's safe to sleep with one in yes, and for the first night after extractions it can help to do just that, as it protects the sockets a bit extra. But while it's safe, I don't recommend it. I've done it now and then when staying over somewhere, and it makes your gums feel funny the next day. I think they get a bit deprived of moisture/oxygen or something. And it may make it more likely to develop sore spots. Your gums need a rest sometimes!

Incidentally, when you get your immediate denture, it may chafe or not fit great right at the start. Don't panic! You should get a quick follow-up appointment so they can adjust it for you. It's easy for them to do so, they can just shave bits off the denture right there, and keep doing it until it's not chafing or whatever.

I don't know about steroids as I've never been prescribed those, just painkillers (codein, paracetamol, and ibuprofen were what I was given for after extractions). But according to the internet, corticosteroids to help inflammation and pain is a thing (these are different from the muscle building kind of steroids).

 

[Chloe240751]

How long did it take you to adjust to them as far as speech, eating and making sure they stay in when laughing, sneezing, talking ect....?

 

[Sevena]

How long did it take you to adjust to them as far as speech, eating and making sure they stay in when laughing, sneezing, talking ect....?

If they're fitting well and/or held in with adhesive, they aren't at risk from falling out while talking, laughing, or sneezing. As for adjusting, talking took a few days, and there was still the odd funny 's' for a while, but while I thought it must surely be really noticeable, my family said they hadn't noticed at all. Eating feels clumsy for a while, and you might be slower, but the healing is the thing that really holds that back.

 

[lauralou32]

Hi, I understand how you feel! After 26 yrs of suffering from shame and fear I went to the dentist! When I sat down in the examination chair I told them that I had a phobia of the dentist. They were very kind and understanding! Never asked me why I had not been or shamed me for my bad teeth. I now am on a journey of fixing the damage of yrs of neglect. But you know what? The fear is gone. I now am excited to get on with things and get my teeth fixed. I have not really smiled in at least 20 yrs. what a waste of a blessing! So my message to you is everything will be alright! Really I promise you the fear is far worse than what's on the other side of it which is a healthy mouth and a beautiful smile !! You Got this! Take care and let us know how you are doing!

 

[Chloe240751]

I am hanging in there so far, I am waiting for the call to have my appointment scheduled. I didn't sleep much last night just kept waking up. In the week and a half since my consultation I have lost 5lbs since my stomach is in turmoil with anxiety so I swung by and got some ensure and carnation breakfast essential drinks to try to keep any more weight on (I am already fairly petit) and I am terrible at eating when stressed. How does anyone feel about their top plate? I am worried about gagging on it as I don't have a great gag reflex. I am also worried about the extraction particularly on my front teeth since they are wittled away to nothing and barely visible. I keep having nightmare scenarios of the dentist not being able to get them out (even though he assures me it wont be a problem) along with nightmares about infection spreading once they pull them. How long did it take everyone to get the hang of talking with a full upper? I realized sleeping in them might not be as big of an issue as I thought since my husband is now working away from home 4 days at a time then home for 4 (oilfield life) so I was thinking maybe I could sleep in them when he is home and out when he is gone? Anyone have any experience with this? My husband is very kind and understanding and supportive but I am horrified at the thought of him seeing me without them.

 

[Chloe240751]

Also my dentist says he will place bone graft material in my empty sockets upon extraction so that in 6month-1year I can place implants if I choose, anyone have experience with that? Does it slow the healing time? I am also a smoker (I know its horrible and I am working on it but try telling a stressed out smoker to just drop the habit), does the 3 day rule still apply with bone graft placed?

 

[Chance]

@ Chloe, love I had 7 extractions yesterday morning and I was totally petrified myself.
3 of those were broken to the gumline stumps and they literally took seconds to come out without any discomfort at all.
One of the big molars on top turned out to be infected, so I had to have a couple of extra injections to numb it up and it took my dentist a good while to get that bad boy out.
I was more traumatised mentally than physically afterwards and I was craving a cigarette so badly after my ordeal.
In the end I gave in and had a ciggie about 2 hours after the op.
I keep checking my sockets with my tongue and so far everything appears normal.
I have zero facial swelling or bruisage (Yay!!!)but my jaws feel a wee bit tender (understandably so). That's about it really..
I haven't had bone replacement thingie offered, so I can't report on that.
Overall it wasn't as bad as I anticipated.
On second thoughts I'm rather disappointed with my dentist as I'm paying her quite a lot for everything (privately not on NHS) and I enquired about the possibility of having that stuff put in my sockets for bone preservation and she kind of dismissed it ?.
I hope all goes well for you on you big E day, I'm sure it will love! Keep us posted! Xx

 

[Chloe240751]

Yea it seems that alot of peoples dentist don't mention bone graft, which makes me wonder why mine pushed it from the gate? Did you also have an immediate denture placed? I am having 10 removed from top and immediate. I am actually not as worried about the pain from extractions as I've had 5 removed at once and while not fun, it's far better than a bad toothache. I am worried more so about adjusting to the denture, I work and don't want to really tell my co workers.

 

[lavender]

Hi there I have been where you are , like most of us here, the only thing I can say, that helped me.as I was still so scared of the whole procedure , I would sit in the chair and hear my heart beating so fast. I think my self is to build some sort of confidence with your dentist,and try and trust him or her I used rescue remedy. By doctor Bach , that got me in the door if you know what I mean. I have had bad experiences as a child with the dentist.. I brought someone in the room with me,and that helped . You will be alright. Let us know how you get on. I wish I knew the right words , I don't but if you explain to the dentist how you really feel, I am sure they will explain to you what they are doing and if have any questions just ask them. Good luck

 

[Chance]

Yea it seems that alot of peoples dentist don't mention bone graft, which makes me wonder why mine pushed it from the gate? Did you also have an immediate denture placed? I am having 10 removed from top and immediate. I am actually not as worried about the pain from extractions as I've had 5 removed at once and while not fun, it's far better than a bad toothache. I am worried more so about adjusting to the denture, I work and don't want to really tell my co workers.

I really wanted immediate partials, but as my extracted top teeth were right at the back, my dentist talked me out of it. Even though when I talk or smile there are visible gaps that I so hate... She said I should come back next Wednesday for the first denture impressions to be taken, then it will take another 3-4 weeks or so.?
Honestly I can't wait! I think you will be better off with immediate denture as it will at least keep your extraction sites protected, it will give you more time to get used to it before facing the world and work.
I told everyone I was having a complex root canal treatment done, so I got 3 days off work.
What type of denure are you getting? I asked for Valplast, but now I'm not even sure anymore, so much conflicting info everywhere...

 

[Chance]

Hi there I have been where you are , like most of us here, the only thing I can say, that helped me.as I was still so scared of the whole procedure , I would sit in the chair and hear my heart beating so fast. I think my self is to build some sort of confidence with your dentist,and try and trust him or her I used rescue remedy. By doctor Bach , that got me in the door if you know what I mean. I have had bad experiences as a child with the dentist.. I brought someone in the room with me,and that helped . You will be alright. Let us know how you get on. I wish I knew the right words , I don't but if you explain to the dentist how you really feel, I am sure they will explain to you what they are doing and if have any questions just ask them. Good luck

Ohhh Rescue Remedy! Why didn't I think of that before?! I have a little bottle in my make up bag somewhere! I'll try that next time I'm going dentist's.

 

[DLW]

I totally broke down shaking and crying on my first appointment. I didn't dare to look at my Xrays, I knew how bad my teeth were from feeling them and also from going through the feeling of loosing them. I also knew that the doc will look into my mouth and see the truth that I was hiding for so long. So I told them upfront that what they see I know it doesn't look nice, and that I was very scared of going to dentists and I know so much is bad and I am still very very scared but I had enough and I need their help. And then I cried a lot. Also after that the dentist was super nice and comforting. What happens is:
I suggest to speak up. Let them know your scares and worries beforehand. If you are scared of any type of thing they might do.
They take and Xray. This doesn't hurt or anything. They take it so they can see the full anatomy of your teeth and see very detailed what is wrong.
Then you go int he examining room, sit in the chair and they will casually examine your mouth. Basically with a little mirror and maybe one more tool. They are really not doing anything just looking. They might ask you questions about certain teeth if it hurts etc.
Sometimes they do vitality checks which might be a little painful for one or two seconds, really like a pinch. They WILL tell you that beforehand and they will explain to you. They do that to see if certain teeth are still alive and how to proceed with them. If it hurts it is usually a good sign ironically.
Then they will talk you through what they see the problems are and how they can cure your teeth. You and the doc should agree on a treatment and financial plan. What will be the procedures and how much will they cost. I kinda skipped some of this I was in shock so blocked out most of what the doc was saying and I was just like 'I don't care what you do, just do it don't tell me' Like an ostrich' head in the sand.

Most importantly: don't be ashamed and embarrassed. For many reasons. You have probably already suffered a bit while going through this, maybe physically and emotionally as well. That is not shameful. Right now in fact you are actually being very brave and strong even if it might not feel like that. But the action is. So don't be ashamed internally. Also don't be ashamed from the doctor's either. They should not judge or blame you. If they do change clinic. That is really unprofessional of them. Otherwise they are there to cure you. It is their profession. They have seen and treated worse or similar teeth then yours. They have studied and trained hard to actually deal with real teeth problems, like yours and not just minor teeth whitening stuff. So it will be all fine.

As for treatment, with my I had 9 teeth extracted for example. 3 of them were wisdom teeth, the rest were broken down till the gumline and dead. One was not broken but absolutely dead and trapped with a wisdom tooth worthless for saving. My 2 biggest fears were always extractions and sample taking. So I chose to do full on unconscious sedation, this way they also could take all 9 teeth. But this varies. Many many many many people go through extractions just like that. Without pain, without anything. Its all between you and the doc what he sees fit and what you are ok with.
I also had a lot of bad teeth so they are fixing some fillings, root canals etc. Nothing is really as scary or painful though as loosing them to begin with.
You doc will also probably talk to you about teeth replacement options. You can talk through that now or later on with him. Just be sure to ask a lot and make them explain everything. Ideally you would need an options that supports your health in the long run.

It will be only better from here on!!

Hi Scarlet

Thank You for all your advise and letting me know what the procedures are.

To be honest I am not sure if I am worried to much about the pain (I'm hoping the injection will take care of that for good but more about the possibility of tooth extractions, the embarrassment and the unknown.

Although I don't have any teeth that look broken when I smile, I am so worried that by the time I leave the dentist I will have all these gaps, and I have read that it takes so long to get replacements
Just thinking about my appointment makes my stomach turn and its still so long to go. My appointment is on Tuesday the 11th Oct and I constantly have to talk myself into making sure I go.

Unfortunately where I live you have to use a private dentist if you don't want to walk out without any teeth our state schools and state owned hospitals are absolutely appalling, the cost was also one of the million reasons I haven't gone for so long. Although I have medical aid (for about a year) they hardly pay for anything and I am sure when they find out how long it has been they will just deny the claim due to it being self provoked. As for doing it under sedation, that's out of the question the medical aid wont pay for that and never in a million years will I be able to afford that I just gotta suck it up and get the injection. I don't know if I i will even be able to afford all the stuff that needs to be done I guess I will only find that out when I go

How many fillings did you get? did they do any of them during your first appointment?

I have a tooth that is broken right down to the gum, are those easy to get out? the thought of having to cut through my gums is mortifying.

I am sure that I have to have my wisdom teeth removed at least on the one side I can fee it growing out the side trying to get out.

Reading what you wrote about feeling ashamed really helped me feel better I hope I can remember it when I am there in the chair.

Are you finished with your treatment? How long did it take?

 

[Chloe240751]

Sorry for the long delay in letting you all know what is happening. I decided to get a second opinion and look at other options and I am now booked, deposit paid with Dr. Golpa in Vegas to have the all on 4 procedure done on November 8th. I felt that this is my best option to have fixed teeth that do not come out and Dr. Golpa has performed this procedure over 6,000 times....more than anyone in the world. I will not need bone graphs or sinus lifts. Its expensive and will take my husband and I a while to pay it off, as well as our amazing family who has very generously helped us cover some of the cost. Does anyone has experience with this type of procedure? I am petrified, but also excited.....very strange mix. I was also told no smoking for at least 1 week before and 2 weeks after the procedure. I have cut cigarettes out all together now and am vaping at 6milligrams of nicotine which is almost the lowest you can go, and will have to cut it out totally within the next 3 weeks so that I am clear for 1 week before my procedure. My husband has been amazing and is also quitting with me so that my temptation will be less, and for that I am very grateful.