Agoraphobic wife and dentist

[CliffordKnows]

My wife is not only phobic about dentists she is also extremely agoraphobic and suffers from panic attacks.

She is agoraphobic sometimes to the degree she won't even leave the house, sometimes can walk in driveway, other times walk within a few hundred yards of house (we live somewhere quite remote), other times she can drive round block.

The last time she actually went anywhere was 8 years ago (last time she had to see dentist)

She now has quite a problem with her teeth, thinks she needs wisdom tooth out but just won't go to dentist.
The pain is getting worse, causing sinus problems, pain in face, but she still won't go.

She has it in her head now that a dentist will come out to her and do an initial appointment at home.

Is this possible? do dentists provide home visits to Agoraphobics if so, how do we find out more, if not what can we do?

She won't go to her own doctor, won't go to hospital, won't go anywhere

 

[letsconnect]

Hi there

The place to contact would be the community dental service. In Warwickshire, they provide domiciliary care, care for people with dental anxiety and phobia, and care for people with mental health issues.

In most areas of the UK, you will need a referral from a dentist or GP to access these services, but each area has slightly different requirements. The easiest way to find out might be to ring them and ask. Their dental booking office number is 01926 317778 and they're open Monday to Friday from 8:30 to 5pm.

You can find this and more information on their webpage:

Special Care Dental Service - Warwickshire

Has your wife has sought and/or been offered professional help with the agoraphobia and panic attacks? While it's possible to do some basic dental treatments in a home setting, it's fairly limited compared to what can be done at a dental practice.

 

[CliffordKnows]

Thank you.

I actually found that site just after I posted and have sent them an email

My wife has seen different people over the past 25 years, has had home meetings with community psychiatric nurses over the years, but the goal is always to get her to visit them and once it gets to that stage she reuses to see them again.

Unfortunately, she's always tried to keep under the radar of everybody so isn't technically registered as special needs although she really should be.

She never liked her doctor which didn't help, her new one is more sympathetic so may help more, I'll see if George Elliot reply and if she has to be referred, will try to speak to doctor.

Unfortunately (again) my wife thinks there is a miracle cure and a dentist will just come out in one visit, assess her then treat her there and then

 

[Enarete]

Hi CliffordKnows,

it sounds like you and your wife have quite a different ideas about how the treatment should look like. I could imagine this is not easy for you either, sounds like she has been agoraphobic for a while now... was tackling this her idea or is it more you trying to help?

 

[letsconnect]

I could imagine this is not easy for you either

Exactly what I was thinking - this must be very hard on you, too...

 

[CliffordKnows]

Hi CliffordKnows,

it sounds like you and your wife have quite a different ideas about how the treatment should look like. I could imagine this is not easy for you either, sounds like she has been agoraphobic for a while now... was tackling this her idea or is it more you trying to help?

In her mind,
I phone a dentist (has to be me because she doesn't want to know when appointments are), the dentist give her anti-biotics and valium, and then comes out to see her within next 24 hours,treats her on the spot there and then, and she is better.

Tackling it is her idea, but not really through choice, she is in pain now, thinks she has infection and that blood poisoning will kill her (she reads things online and always goes for the worst case scenario)

Things aren't helped by the fact I'm currently recovering from jaw cancer, had a mandibulectomy, neck dissection and she worries she may have the same.

We can't wait for anyone to get back to us so I've now booked her in for an appointment at dentist on Thursday and if I have to will have to drag her there

Her doctor won't prescribe anti-biotics and dentist say they can't prescribe until after they've seen her, the doctor has at least prescribed her some co-codamol and valium to take on day of appointment.

 

[Enarete]

Sorry to read what you have been through, CliffordKnows.. sounds like you have been through an extremely hard time, even without your wife's issues.

How are you guys doing now? I am trying to picture the atmosphere around the topic of dentist.. my feel is that having to drag her wife there won't be a pleasant thing for any of you. How are you going to go about this? I suppose she knows you will be going on Thursday?

 

[CliffordKnows]

Thanks,

she know it is soon, doesn't know which day though.

She never wants to know when things are happening, I basically just have to tell her about half hour before we set off, and persuade her.

It's the same with everything, even me going out.
I can never tell her about any appointments but just have to tell her I'm going out as I go through the door.

It's tough, but you get used to it.

 

[Enarete]

This sounds really tough - in this way you basically have the whole responsibility not only for scheduling, but to make her go. Must be tough.

Anyway, sending you well wishes and good thoughts for today. It will be certainly a difficult day for both of you, but I hope all goes well It's impressive how much you are helping, though it is hard. Hang in there and if you can let us know how it went today.

 

[CliffordKnows]

Good news and bad news

Good news - I managed to get her there and she was fine, the setting off was worst part but once we got there she was fine.

Bad new - the dentist we went to is 20 miles away, but reason she chose it, is because they advertise as being ultra modern, have specialist sedation people, specialist max-fax people, all mod-cons, etc.

After a 2 minute check-up, they then say she needs an x-ray, which they can't do there, and will have to be rereferred to the dentist about 2 miles from us which I've been trying to get her to go to all along

At least she now knows she has to go there and we have got things in motion.

 

[CliffordKnows]

A quick follow up

The dentist has phoned me to say they can provide a mobile scan/x-ray but that it uses excessive radiation.

Alternative is to see if our local dentist can do it but not sure yet if they will do people who are not registered with them.

They will hopefully know more and we have to let them know in the morning.

Are these mobile units safe?

 

[Enarete]

Thanks for the update and glad you managed to go. I wished for you a better outcome.

I don't know about safety, but radiation gets accumulated throughout the course of life so probably they just have to inform you so that you can make the decision of whether to try to get to that dentist or whether you are ok with the mobile unit. I am a bit surprised that a dental practice is not able to do an x-ray... was it a special practice?

What is your wife's opinion about this?

 

[CliffordKnows]

Hi,

they did the x-ray where they put something in her mouth and do it, but couldn't see enough so said she needed an OPG? one.

Reading more about them, I think it's just a case that they have to inform you to cover themselves.

It's hard talking to my wife as it means she knows what is happening, ignorance is bliss as far as she is concerned and doesn't want to know about things until literally half hour before they happen.

Didn't really have the choice this time as I can't really make the decision for her

She has agreed, but dentist was closed when I phoned back to confirm, hopefully speak to them in morning

Costs are mounting - £65 for todays check up, £200 for x-rays, and still don't know if dentist will be able to do the extraction

She's doing really well so far though

 

[Enarete]

Sounds like you are having a double stress for everything your wife decides not to know.. I wished she would be able to get help, for both of you. Is she getting any therapy?

200 for x-rays sounds like a lot and then still without knowing how the thing will go on

Fingers crossed for the call tomorrow

 

[CliffordKnows]

Quick update:

The mobile unit couldn't come for at least a fortnight but her dentist arranged for her to have it done at our local dentist which we did yesterday

It was really easy and she was fine, basically straight in, had the x-ray and back out again

Just got to wait now for her dentist to receive the x-rays, look at them and decide on the next stage.

She's coping really well, this coronavirus has actually helped, she's been out more in past few months than the last 20 years.

 

[letsconnect]

That is great news - glad to hear it went so smoothly!

 

[Enarete]

Thank you for the update! Sounds like she is doing great. Maybe you will be able to keep the progress even without covid and dental issues in the future? Hope all goes well with the treatment too.

 

[CliffordKnows]

Another update:

IT'S OUT

It took nearly 2 weeks from having her X-Ray done at our local dentist before we heard anything from the dentist doing the procedure, and the earliest they could do it was 20th October

She was in pain and getting so worried about another lockdown coming so I phoned dentist again on Thursday to say she would take any cancellation, they phoned back half hour later saying if she could get there in 2 hours they would do it.

She was so desperate to get the tooth out I had no problem getting her there

What this has shown her is she can go out, I'm going to try and help her get out more now.

Also hopefully, this will make her go for check-ups more frequently rather than waiting for problems to occur.

Thanks

 

[Enarete]

This is fantastic news, thank you so much for updating. I am keeping my fingers crossed for this episode being a stepping stone towards dealing with the other issues. Take care.. you both

 

[fearfulinvirginia]

Fellow agoraphobic here. Mind asking your wife what helped her go outside of the pain?

waiting for my post to be approved, but until then posting in the comments where the shoe fits my situation.