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Another horrible experience! Why are dentists like this?! (Long)



May 23, 2013
This will be a long one but I just have to get it out. I'm really not sure what to do with myself now because I feel like I'm worse off then before.

I first went to Dr. M in May of 2013. I went because I saw a black spot on atop tooth way in the back. I kind of stuck a piece of floss in there so I knew it was a cavity. I ended up going to him because my mother was at the time and one could get appointments pretty fast. Even the first appointment was very fishy. He kind of treated me like a child or just...strangly. He did not wear any gloves and he did not turn the overhead lights on. He just looked with a mirror and said nothing was wrong. No X-ray. He also did not wear any gloves to stuck his fingers into my mouth. It also seemed like he was being very rough compared to other dentists I have been to for exams but I thought maybe I was being hyper sensitive since the person who recommended him said he was very gentle.

My last x-ray was about five years ago and he did not even see that. I asked him "And what about that black spot?" he looked at it again and said it was just discolored. It seemed kind of hard to believe but hey someone is telling me nothing is wrong and he's a dentist, I'm not. I started wondering if maybe I imagined being able to stick the floss in there. I brought it up again though and he again insisted it's nothing but he can "write it down". So I figured maybe I'm wrong. When I came back out my mother was very surprised by how fast it went but we were both relieved that this seemed to be the end of it.

By fall/winter that year I kept having issues I now think came from that tooth. It seemed like my jaw hurt but I always blamed it on colds, chewing too much gum etc. and eventually it always went away so I assumed it was that. It thought that maybe I had TMJ. I turned 23 in October of 2013 and was cut off from my mothers insurance (long, complicated story really). I don't remember when exactly but sometime in 2014 I really did get a TOOTH ache.It seemed like I bit on something wrong. It wasn't nearly as excruciating as my tooth ache now but it seemed pretty bad.For some reason it felt to me like the bottom tooth below it was the one that hurt. So Dr. M looked only at the bottom tooth rather than the one on top. Dr. M said that there is nothing wrong with that tooth. He however did suggest to open/root canal the bottom tooth. Now I take my mother with me to all my dental appointments though I'm an adult. My mother became suspicious about that quick suggestion and questioned him...he then"saved" it by saying it was hypothetical "IF something were wrong" talk. Maybe my fear and my mother did save me from an unnecessary root canal there. In yes this needs to be repeated he still did not try to figure out if there was by taking an X-ray. Instead I left with pain pills and toothpaste for sensitive teeth. It eventually settled back down and though this seemed very suspect we thought that might have been it. I would still have the jaw pain issues occasionally and sometimes have tooth pain when I bit on something wrong but it would always go away within at least a day and I then believed it was sensitively like Dr. M said.

By November 2014, it felt like there was food stuck in that particular tooth and somehow it could not be removed. I had insurance again so an appointment with Dr. M was scheduled on December 1st. I was given medication which I originally thought did not work but It actually made me very compliant. Like I couldn't protest anything that was done to me though I wanted to flee. Well anyway Dr. M decided that there was a hole inside of that tooth because it was soft inside (yes, INSIDE. He did not refer to that big gaping hole on top. I now believe it rotted through) as well as one on front (which his assistant spotted). Dr. M did numb me and went straight to work on the back. Though I was given a shot I still did feel some pain and it smelled horribly. Very...rotten. It'shard to describe. Dr. M then proceeded to pull food out of the tooth which was beyond painful before filling it on the bottom and leaving the big gaping hole he claimed was just "discolored" on top(which I did not realize then obviously). Again never x-rayed before drilling. Then he suggested that I leave and come back another time to fix the other cavity. I at this point begged him to please do it now. I had been terrified all week and just thought of having to go through that all over again. Dr. M said that the shot he would have to give me there would numb my entire face so if I wanted it done today he would do no shot and I'd have to "be able to stand some pain". I really did want a shot because his statement made it rather clear that this would not be pain free but I was afraid to demand one because he clearly said that he would not do it that day if I wanted a shot. The filling was painful to say the least.

I did cry some during the appointment but somehow I managed to walk out relatively...fine. It kind of seemed like...I don't know, like I was telling myself that this was worse than it really was and that this is just how it is which is what he told me. In a way it seemed like this didn't really happen to ME too which is...it was just strange. As I told you believe I started becoming very panicky and agitated as it was wearing off. I thought it was a bad reaction but now it hit me that it was a belated response to what happened to me and I just really realized what happened to me.

My mother waited in the waiting room and I never told her or any of my friends or anyone I trust about what exactly had happened at the appointment. But I did have flashbacks of it until at least January of 2015. I just tried to forget about it and thought that it was done. I noticed that the gaping hole on top of my back tooth was still there and found it strange that Dr. M had left it. But it did not seem like food was permanently stuck in there anymore so I went on with my life. I was often feeling just generally unwell, tired and had lots of headaches which my friend who is a nurse said could very well come from that rotten tooth. I blamed it on winter, trouble at work, stress,daylights savings etc.

Well this month I noticed I cavity on my front tooth and stupid as I was I went for Dr. M again though I now realize that I was more terrified of him than the treatment. This time I spoke to my nurse friend first and she suggested valium rather than the other benzo which my doctor gave me. Now exactly the night before the appointment this Friday (I could not sleep and had the week from hell dreading this appointment), I suddenly end up in excruciating pain. In the morning I asked my mother if maybe I was imagining it because I had the appointment but really that was which wishful thinking. I do believe that the valium helped but the pain was so bad I knew I could not open my mouth very wide. Once we get there I went back with Dr. M's nurse who was talking to me/trying to calm me and I could see Dr. M in the little room next door and could tell that he was already annoyed with me. He came in, did NOT say hello, put on a glove, grabbed a mirror and tried to push my head down to get me to open my mouth. Now Dr. M has been pushing my head down several times before but this time it really bothered me. It seemed like the valium gave me a sense of standing up for myself in a way I couldn't have without pills or with the other ones. He did this several times. He never even let me explain that things changed I was in big pain. I guess my mom noticed that something wasn't going right (Dr. M's treatment room has no door!! Another red flag right there!!!) and came in. Dr. M stepped away, plopped down in his chair in a huff and basically yelled at my mom when she tried to explain what as going on. I eventually let his assistant/hygienist look at it really quick because I did not want Dr. M anywhere near my mouth. Now she is not a doctor but lets also say that she missed the big hole too but saw some swelling on the gums. Dr. M did not believe that I was in so much pain! He would say things like "But her face is not swollen" but luckily gave antibiotics and some crappy pain pills. Dr. M then made a comment about how I needed to be "put under general anesthesia". My mother pointed out that there is sedation and I had that before. He did not even know about any type of sedation including oral.

Now his assistant was very nice and ended up calling the sedation place where I had my wisdom teeth done back in the day for us and they said we could come that day for an assessment. God, was I relieved. Well, not for long. Back then I was seen by a nice young woman. The nurses were nice but I thought that I was not being respected because they all called me by my first name though I'm 24 and I heard them call everyone else by their last name. It was a bit patronizing. I don't remember if it was like that last time but last time I was not quite "used" to being an adult yet and probably didn't care. During all of this I'm also still in awful pain.

This time the boss himself Dr. Z, whom I disliked from the moment I saw him walked in. Then says"So First name, you have rotten teeth?" to which I quickly said "I wouldn't say that." Well, then I REALLY disliked Dr. Z but thought if I want sedation I have to get over myself and let him look. Well Dr. Z stuck his pick deep into the hole in my tooth which Dr. M kept saying doesn't exist. Needless to say, it hurt! Then Dr. Z tells me that tooth, which Dr. M first said was fine and worked on in December, needed to be pulled. I asked how that was possible if Dr. M worked on it just in December. He said well maybe it wasn't "like that" then. So I got a big fat hole that goes all the way to my nerve in 3 months?! I know for a fact that it was there two years ago!! I lost it. It just all came crashing down on me,the pain, what I went through with Dr. M for NOTHING, how Dr. Z was treating me, how I was not taken seriously, being around strangers all day trying to hold myself together when I'm in such bad pain. I could hardly breathe and was beside myself. The nurse tried to calm me but to no avail. Basically my mother walked in again and asked what was wrong but I could not tell her. Then Dr. Z proceeds to tell her that I need to be in an institution and they will not treat me here even under sedation, I need to go to a dental hospital. He shoved a list at her and basically kicked us out. On the way back, I was contemplating suicide and whatnot.

That night was awful. It already hurt enough when I was sitting up but laying down was unbearable. I have never been in so much pain before including when I had migraine headaches. Because at least migraine headaches would eventually let up. I stacked up several pillows so I could lay down.I had music on and when a particularly calm song came on I nearly did drift off a bit so at 4 am we burned a CD with just calm songs and I made myself focus on just the music and eventually slept. The next day I woke up again it was once again awful from having laid down.Today it is better but it still hurts and I know that it will until that tooth is gone.

Before I went to him because he had quick appointments and was cheap, my entire family was with a woman who was also an oral surgeon (yes everyone later went to Dr. M because of how cheap he was and how quick you could be seen there but we all spoke on Saturday...I learned that nobody else was too happy with him either. So many red flags. We are actually looking into seeing a lawyer to at least serve him. Needless to say I am angry at the person who recommended him and put me and everyone else through hell. I hope he did not do crap in my family's mouth too though he already did tell my grandma something was discolored and less than a month later that piece fell out of her mouth). Anyway that dentist was always very nice to me but never really did any work on me. My family all did have work done by her though and it has lasted 10/15 years and they all swear that they were never in any pain or treated like I was at Dr. M's. She had referred me before with my wisdom teeth because of how fearful I was and I pretty much insisted. So I wonder if maybe I should go there but after this I'm even more traumatized than before, or do the dental hospital. I know that it takes months to get treated at the dental hospital and a while to get seen too.Even with a painful tooth. It's also very far away and the though of making that journey at least twice, all those strangers and my summer being completely ruined because the fear, anticipation and having this painful tooth in my mouth. Everyone tells me to just have that tooth out as soon as possible and go from there but I don't know if I can even bring myself to go anywhere now. Though I do want it out and having it in there for weeks or months makes me suicidal. Dr's M and Z did insist that I needed to be knocked out but the last time I tried to do what I thought was right for my teeth and suffered so much anxiety and then Dr. M hurt me so much. Dr. M was always leaning so close and not wearing a mask so I could see his nose hair and it felt like both he and Dr. Z were dominating me, so I really want just a woman now. Not even a non threatening man could do anymore. Even if a big beefy man were really nice I could not have one in my mouth anymore after those two. Actually I'm at the point of no man at all but at the dental hospital you again cannot choose who does your initial assessment and I do know the woman here and I'd know for sure that I'd end up with a woman.

But at this point it feels like I can't do this but I can't do that either. Because I cannot stand this any longer but how can I go and let someone pull my mouth out now? It's a big tooth, all the way in the back, infected and apparently the roots are crooked too. But I know an oral surgeon could definitely handle it, but could I? I'm kicking myself over sticking with Dr. M after I was so uncomfortable and not remembering/taking into account the woman here because unless you are in pain it takes longer to get appointments and I did not want the wait anxiety. I just pushed away how I felt about Dr. M and just assumed that that's how it is. Yet when I was no longer pleased with a GP, I felt just like that. Gynecologist, the same. I just figured there are so many let's try another but I guess I kept fearing what if the next one is even worse and again forgot about that one dentist I knew already.
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What you went through sounds like nothing short of abuse to me. Physical and emotional. I wish I could seriously give you a hug right now, because I know the tooth pain you are dealing with. I went through it recently and had to have it pulled. It is perfectly ok to prefer a female dentist if that is what you are comfortable with at this point. Are you sure Dr. M is even a dentist!? Although you are afraid, the tooth needs to go (I had to tell myself that, too) maybe look into dentists in a nearby town if no one local can get you in soon? Is there a university nearby that has a dentistry program? Sometimes they have students do extractions and fillings under the supervision of a qualified dentist. Whomever you choose to go to, tell them ahead of time that you're past experiences were horrible and tell them your fears. Many dentists even specialize in anxious patients. I'm so so sorry you had to go through that. Oh yeah, I agree with contacting a lawyer, you are losing that tooth because of malpractice in my opinion.
Well I did call at the female dentist/oral surgeons office today and said that I had a very horrible experience. The nurse was very nice. She asked if I was on antibiotics and said they can get me in Thursday and that there is time to talk to her first and nothing HAS to be done that day. It sounds a lot better than Dr. M and honestly I'm not sure what I was even thinking. I guess I was so blinded by my fear and he started out telling me what I wanted to hear. I hope that this will work and that she is nicer and can pull it without pain.
Oh, good, I'm glad you found someone to take a look and who knows you didn't have a good experience with the past "Dentist" (I use that term loosely). Let us know how it goes!