Ashamed of my teeth

[Dianam512]

Hi everybody, I'm here for support

it's being 9 years since my last visit to a dentist I know that's a long time but i grew up being really poor and didn't qualified for insurance for some reasons I'm not going to explain ...now I'm married and thanks god my husband was able to put me in his dental insurance, from January 1st I will be able to go to the dentist and get care for my teeth but some of them are in pretty bad condition, I even have one molar (that had a root canal) that broke and came off pieces by pieces, now where that molar used to be I only have a little bit of tooth left and some extra gum growth ...I feel so bad about it and I'm ashamed of going into the dentist office and opening my mouth ...what are they going to think or say?

I wish i didn't have such bad teeth

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

Hi Dianam512,

I know it feels like you must have the worst, ugliest teeth in the world, because I thought that once too. And most of the people on this forum, as well. What I want you to know is that you're completely normal and not a terrible person, and your teeth can be fixed. Even better, most dentists these days are compassionate and gentle and can help you restore your smile without lecturing or judging you, and almost always without any pain at all.

When I went back to the dentist last year, after two decades away, I had multiple teeth in this shape: broken off bit by bit and basically nothing left but the part below the gum. My dentist didn't even flinch. She treated me like a normal person, and has since helped me fix my teeth back up, and never once has scolded or lectured me. I will tell you that the one tooth that was actually broken down to below the gumline and slightly covered over with gum was what worried me the most-- I thought the dentist would shriek in horror, and then have to do some complicated, painful surgery. But she actually didn't react to that at all, and it took five minutes to remove the tooth and it didn't hurt at all.

Despite the cultural image that we have of everyone having perfect, well-maintained teeth and seeing the dentist regularly, the statistics are that there are a LOT of people who avoid the dentist and don't take care of their teeth. Like you and I, they just hide it really well. So, dentists actually spend most of their days repairing damaged, decayed teeth. I know it's hard to believe, but the dentist has seen hundreds or thousands of teeth like yours or worse, and won't be the least bit bothered by them.

When you're ready to start, the first step will be finding a caring, compassionate dentist. There are some recommendations on the forum here, or you can Google for dentist reviews in your area and read what other patients say. Some dentists advertise "we cater to cowards" or specialize in nervous/phobic patients. But in my experience, most dentists are kind of also amateur psychologists and are pretty good at dealing with scared patients. Some people here have had luck writing down their story and their fears and emailing prospective dental practices. Not all dentists answer emails, but it can be a good way to "audition" dentists, and it also helps break the ice a little-- both you and the dentist know that you have a lot of fear and shame about your teeth, and the dentist can start with an extra bit of TLC and patience.

Most of us phobics find the first visit to be the hardest, even though no work is actually done on your teeth. I won't lie, it takes a ton of courage and strength to get yourself in the chair that first time. But, it gets much easier from there. The first visit the dentist will talk to you, and have a look in your mouth-- no poking or scraping or drilling, just looking-- and usually try to take some x-rays. Again, most dentists have learned that they keep more patients by being kind and respectful, and they won't be shocked by what you describe. To them, it's just work-- they see bad teeth every day. So you'll be surprised by how kind and calm the dentist is. You'll talk about what work needs to be done, and then you can go home and relax, and decide what you want to work on and when. The dentist also won't pressure you into doing anything right away. It took a long time for your teeth to wear down, and it will take some time to fix them, but there's very few "emergency" situations in dental work, if you're not in immediate pain.

There's no way to tell what will need to be done, but almost everyone is surprised at how much better the diagnosis is compared to what we expected. Most of us thought we would lose all our teeth. But modern dentistry can save, restore, or replace just about everything, and completely painlessly.

I know it feels completely impossible and unimaginable, but I'm very proud of you for getting on your husband's dental insurance, and for coming here to tell your story. That alone takes a lot of bravery and is a huge step. You will get through this, and I'll tell you, it feels so fantastic to shed all the fear and shame and start fixing your teeth. My teeth used to be my biggest embarrassment, and now they're not exactly pearly white, but they're the thing I'm most proud of.

I wish you love and strength and compassion and freedom in your journey. Hang in there, it gets much better.

Have a very Merry Christmas!

 

[tabhollywood]

I can't say anything better than what Steve has already said. You're on the path now go with it and I know its terrifying but know that they won't do anything that you don't want doing. The way I persuaded myself into that first visit was very much a if they tell me something I don't want to hear or want to remove all my teeth then I will just walk out and not return. Not particularly helpful I know but it got me into that chair and what followed was so, so much better than I ever imagined.
Lots of luck x

 

[Echostatic]

Yep, Steve put it wonderfully. I was really self conscious of my teeth too, I hadn't been in years. I had a molar break, and when I went, discovered I had about 11 cavities. The dentist never batted an eye. He was very encouraging, and we took everything one step at a time. Believe me, they won't care, and have almost definitely seen worse.

 

[Dianam512]

Thank you so much for the kind words ...it really make me feel better, my insurance card came in the mail today and says it will be effective on January 1st. I'm already looking for reviews and as soon as I decide on a dentist I'll be making my appt

 

[Steve In Cleveland]

Fantastic, good for you! Keep us posted on your progress, or even lack of progress. It's an exciting and difficult and scary thing to get started, so be patient with yourself, and we'll provide all the support we can.

 

[Dianam512]

Back with an update ...I got my insurance since January but I was too terrified to make an appointment and kept making excuses, 4 days ago one of my molars starting hurting, not too bad but enough to bother me, yesterday my husband without asking me made an emergency appt and didn't tell me anything, he came home and picked me up because we were going to "buy food" and next thing I knew we were outside the dentist office, I didn't have time to panic but I got mad at him lol ...the dentist was very nice, he said that since it was an emergency and they wre about to close he was going to take a look and see what was going on. He took X-rays and told me that the tooth that was in pain had a cavity, not too huge but not small but that there wasn't any infection, in fact he was very surprised when I told him it's been 9 years since my last visit to the dentist and said that for that amount of time things could be worse, he put a temporary filling with some medicine on and told me to come back in two weeks to see how the tooth reacts with that medicine and depending on that I'll need a root canal or not and that on that appt we will check my whole mouth and he will tell me everything I need to get done, and he prescribed something for the pain but since he put the filling I'm feeling better ...I'm really glad my husband did that, now I'm feeling much better about my teeth situation and really like the dentist he chose for me

 

[zabka]

That is so awesome...your husband rocks, and so do you! Hope everything goes well sorry, I don't have much more to say, but your post really made me smile!