brief intro

[Downwardly Mobile Doris]

Hi board. I would like to be called Doris, although it is not my real name.

I have advanced periodontal disease and am unable to seek conventional dental care at the present time. I am more concerned with my health than my appearance, although I am also interested in any help you can give me as far as making peace with my appearance and responding to judgement/negative stereotypes from other people.

My most pressing issue is intrusive thoughts.

This is my story:

I grew up in suburbia and loved going to the dentist. I always got prizes for not getting cavities. I was diagnosed with periodontal disease in my 20s, had gum surgery in my 30s, came in for regular cleanings every three months religiously during my 40s, brush, floss, irrigate, and oil pull three times a day (it takes between 30-60 minutes each session, so instead of a favourite hobby), do not eat sugar or processed foods, take megadoses of vitamin C and supplement traditional dental practices with holistic/alternative care, and at 50 a little girl my daughter's age jammed a bunch of sharp instruments in my mouth and proclaimed that she was going to "educate (me) that you did not have to let all of your teeth rot out just because you never brush them. You must remember to call your dentist every six months to make an appointment. You must remember not to eat yucky vegetables and not just yummy candy. You must remember where you put your toothbrush or else you will have to buy a new one. You did not have to let all of your teeth rot out. I am going to educate you that you do not have to let all of your teeth rot out."

When I tried to tell her that she didn't have to talk to me like that because English is not only my native language, but also what I chose to major in at college, she rolled her eyes, made a motion with her hand as if she was brushing away a pesky instrument, jammed her pick deeply into one of my size 7 pockets, and said, 'I am going to educate you that you did not have to let all of your teeth rot out just because you never brush them...."

I have intrusive thoughts daily about this, sometimes brought on by seeing the words "tooth" or "dentist" and sometimes for no apparent reason.

 

[Spike 1969]

Hi and Welcome

Sorry to hear about your bad experience, that isn't the way things should be or generally are with modern dentistry.

Hopefully you will find a good, caring professional dentist (or already have done so) to restore your faith in the profession.

Kind Regards

 

[Downwardly Mobile Doris]

Thank you, Spike; that means a lot.

 

[Linoge]

Well, you are not the only one who has suffered from such an experience. But as above poster said, it is not the way things should be. I'm also sure you'll find a good dentist (I kinda did, unless future experience proves me wrong). She even has the patience of explaining me medical stuff (and believe me, I'm better versed in dragon breeding than in medicine).

 

[Downwardly Mobile Doris]

Thank you, Limoge.

Have you had better luck with trying to redirect the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks or with sitting with them until they pass?

It has been over a year since this incident and I am still experiencing flashbacks daily.

I am not currently in therapy, although this may well be a higher priority than seeking a new dentist at this time.

I live in a rural area that is known for its poor quality of medical care. Most of my more well-heeled neighbours travel to a major city for doctor's appointments. There were no periodontists here when I moved from a major city, where I was having regular checkups with the same specialist who performed my flap surgery, but one has moved here since.

I was able to send her an email, which she replied to promptly and politely to inform me that she does accept self-pay patients, actually prefers us to dealing with insurance companies, and that I should call to make an appointment whenever I am ready.

I was also able to make an appointment via telephone call to an answering service with a regular dentist who has a half page ad in the yellow pages proclaiming in large capital letters "WE CATER TO COWARDS" although I had to cancel it later and was extremely grateful that I was able to do so via voicemail and did not have to speak to a person.

I am far better at asking people what a "prosthodontist" is than what "Mr. Happy Foo-foo" is, lol; nursery school language is more likely to send me into a fight-flight-or-freeze reaction, the "fight" being fighting with myself for months because I didn't pound the verbal abuser's pate into a pudding at the time.

The self talk mantras that help me is "You are not at the dentist's office right now. You are in the bathroom/bedroom/living room/kitchen, etc." and "You do not need to save the world." when I start feeling horrible about running away instead of trying to get that ignorant little twit's license revoked.

I'd love to hear more about other people's experiences and what helps them.

 

[The1701]

Hello Doris and welcome to the forum.

I too have had problems with flashbacks, the things I find helpful are to remind myself that the situation I am in is totally different to what happened previously and also stamping my feet on the ground is useful to bring me back to reality (a strange-sounding one but it works).

Glad to hear you cancelled the "WE CATER TO COWARDS" appointment, they sound awful - you are not a coward! The important thing to remember is that strength doesn't come from what you can do, it comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't do.

Hope that helps some

 

[Downwardly Mobile Doris]

Thank you, Linoge; that was very helpful as were Gordon's posts of the facts about periodontal disease, which were definitely worth the effort it took to dig for them and then to verify Gordon's credentials.

My little boy has explained that when he sees me in the middle of one of these flashbacks, he thinks that I am mad at him--and unfairly so!

The poor little tyke triggers me and I trigger him and it can turn into a vicious circle if we aren't careful. we're working on "code words" and sure-fire soothers right now, such as me offering to read him a well-loved picture book from my own childhood or him saying, "I don't care what you look like, mom, I love you for who you are."

It is hard to find a phobia forum on the internet that does not dismiss our issues as defective brains with self-inflicted pill deficiencies. I'm glad I found this one.

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